every time I caught a glimpse of my reflection whilst shopping I found myself thinking what a state i am, how fat and disgusting i look, how I deserve to look so revolting because I have no self control, etc...
Stop catching a glimpse of yourself then
Look Barb. I'm going to put my mean hat on now. Watch out.
You read my messages, you say all the right answers, but you aren't absorbing it. You're not taking it in. You have got to stop beating yourself up for your choices in the past.
Its whats happening now that matters.
I wish I could shut myself up, but I don't seem able to.
Perhaps you could practice saying the right things to yourself. Maybe a mirror exercise would work well for you. I couldn't do it, but you might be able to. Look at yourself and what do you see? Someone fat and out of control? Is that the same as your DS sees? Your parents? Your friends? Bet it isn't
Are they all wrong then?
Look at yourself through their eyes.
Who would you want as a friend. Someone who was self absorbed about their weight and couldn't give tuppence for you, or sweet thoughtful Barb?
Oh yeah...I know...we all want to be slim, but you really, really, really, mustn't make that your main reason for dieting. Trust me on this. I've read the manual
It is unusual for me to feel quite so down on myself, but I really do.
Perhaps you are just going through a bad self hatred spell and will feel better tomorrow. Try to get a little bit of balance there. Accept that is how you feel today, but it's just the evil chatterbox talking. It's not the real Barb. It's the one that we are all brainwashed to think like. That size is of the utmost.
I feel like starving myself to teach myself a damn good lesson for being such a pig.
And you know that isn't the answer. You made some choices that perhaps took you up the wrong path. No big deal. They were your choices in one area of your life (food)...now you need to make some different ones (which you have done). That's good eh? Why punish yourself? Nothing to be gained.
No you don't. You can just be Barb. Someone who can look after themselves as well as they do others. You are doing yourself a huge great favour with this diet. You aren't depriving yourself, just looking after yourself.
So, how come even whilist i was writing that I could here myself saying, in my best sarcastic voice ' Yeah, right, only heard that about 100 times in the last 5 years'.
You've only got to do it once properly. Every diet that you have done has been a learning opportunity for you. You can look back and think you've failed at them all, or you can see that you have a huge manual of experiences. Ones that pertain to
you. Ones that will help you this time. Learn from your experiences.
Yipes, sorry to be such a misery guts, don't know where its come from.
I'm sure anyone reading my reply is thinking "OMG Karion is off on one". I feel sure that some people think I couldn't possibly understand the problem. Ohhh, but I do. Been there, done that.:sigh:
The only way I could get out of the mire was to completely turn my way of thinking around. I don't think you've done that yet. You are still believing that you are on that dieting ball and chain. You are thinking of it all in a negative light....but most importantly, I think you are still thinking short term. You are aiming to be slim, because you believe that will make you happy and your weight issues will disappear when the scales say the right numbers.
Love to you Barb. I think you're terrific. Please don't let any of this put you off saying how you feel. I'm not looking at your messages and thinking that your crazy, or stupid. You're just saying what I've said to myself so many times. I'm just hoping that if I write enough times someone is going to take some of it onboard and not lose so much of their precious lives walking into the walls
