Begin at the Beginning

[Skinny girl]

Woo hoo look at you lovely lady under 13 and a half stone how good does that feel, keep up the great work. Am so pleased you are sticking to it 100%

Gosh your group sounds a right negative bunch, I have to say I really don't think they should have spent that much time in a session talking about breaking off plan, it is just going to make you doubt yourself and is not particularly supportive or helpful. We can stick to this 100% over the Christmas period, what packs do you reckon you will eat on the day? I obviously don't have my new packs yet but think after nearly 6 weeks of the same thing everyday I will probably not have a vanilla or chocolate shake!! Think of the lovely loss we will have over Christmas when others might well gain and I imagine there will be a fair few that won't be able to get back on track after having the Christmas time off. You can succeed at this.

When is your wedding? I remember when I chose my wedding dress and told the lady I was planning on losing weight as no doubt many brides do but she said I had to order it in the size I was at the time so I did but come the last fitting not long before the wedding it had to be taken in so much, from an 18 to a 12 and then it was still baggy so I was probably more a 10 without realising it. I imagine I would have chosen a totally different dress if I had gone shopping when I was lighter to be honest and when I look at my wedding photos it just annoys me how much the top was gaping.

I smoked many years ago and I was one that just gave up cold turkey, it was not long after my now husband and I got together and he refused to kiss me, well I wasn't going to let him get away so I gave up just like that....it must have been love!

Anyway drum roll please and get those pom poms shaking..........................I have been...finally after was it 9 or 10 days I think. I hope that my body soon settles down into a more regular cycle.

 

[Tilleymonster]

Yes! Wooo woooooo for pooooooooooooooo! Lol! I'm so pleased! And you must be SOOOOOOO pleased!

Yeah, they were a bit negative, not massively, but in the sense that I want to be focused and so anything contrary to that is ridiculous in my mind at the moment! I am so happy to be under 13.7. Today I'm wear my size 16 skinny jeans and two tops PLUS my rain coat (before I had to be a a vest and the coat just get the thing done up. Feel so much better about myself and quite amazed at what a difference there is in 4 weeks!

Christmas day I was thinking to have apple and cinnamon porridge (I love it!), then a lunch of soup, at the moment the mushroom and spring onion is my favourite so we'll see when I get there. Then some broth (I can have two a day, so why not overload on a bit mug of it with my xmas meal to really fill me up), then either chilli or pasta carbonara for tea, and a choccy bar that night, all cut up into little dunking lovelyness. And another broth before that if I'm feeling sulky.

Wow - from an 18 to a 12, nearly 10! That's incredible. And yes, that's why I want to wait till i'm smaller, I know at the moment the kind of dress that will make the most of me may not be the same. I did go to one shop and it was horrific. They left it gaping, made comments about my size, wouldn't let me try on some that were too small but I liked and had a maximum size of a 14, which was way too small. i asked if they could add in some elastic so I could at least get the impression from the front and they said they couldn't do that. AND they made me change in the shop as they felt the changing room was too small. I was just standing looking at an open topped dress, stuck on my thighs, holding it on to cover my boobs up and trying to smile so they wouldn't know I hated them all! Is it wrong that I plan to go back there when I've hit 10 stone something and do it all again, see if they remember me, waste loads of time and buy nothing???? It'll be like Pretty Woman - BIG MISTAKE and off I'll saunter. lol.

I'm so glad you did cold turkey. I feel that that's the only real way, to oust the nicotine addiction and get on with it, not keep it there with patches and then inevitably end up smoking. The OH smoking is the real bane on it all though. But we're 'under discussion' on changing our lives together on this. Perhaps i just need to lead the way and hopefully he'll follow. Or not, but I can't blame him for me smoking, that's a cop out and I'm learning all about not copping out on this plan!

I can't wait for you to get more food. I cannot imagine the additional willpower it would take to do it with just those shakes. Amazing lass, you really are! As you'll see from the above, I have so much choice on LL, and I'm very lucky! Also, now addicted to Tabasco sauce on all the hot packs, just to give it some ZING! xx

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 30

No real news. Happy it's Friday. Feeling very positive. Had a comment today about looking slimmer already. Wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear for ages, all a bit loose.

Took ages to get to my packs last night - had one of the savoury broths and felt I'd had my soup, then realised about 4:30 I didn't actually have a lunch pack, due to the broth, had a shake instead so it wasn't all just hot water. Then dinner pack and a bar (lovely bar, only buying 2 a week to keep 'em special) about 9pm!!!!

So yeah, glug glug, yawn, glug.

 

[Skinny girl]

Just had my Saturday morning weigh in and another 3lb off taking me to 13st 6lb, our weights each week Tilley are so similar. Am pleased to have gone under 13 and a half stone and also am just 1lb short of a 2 stone loss. Am over halfway now on my weightless journey to a healthy BMI but would like to continue further once I get there. Am hopefully still on track to get to be 12 stone something for Christmas.

 

[Tilleymonster]

Yey! Well done love! I love that we're in tandem! Im with u on 12s for December, we can do it. Been very slow to eat for last couple days. Seems easy to fill my time with other things. Tonight im dying my hair, facepacking, painting nails, the works. Loving connecting with my body again rather than hiding from it! Need to up the water though, I keep forgetting and dont want to hinder weight loss.
X

 

[Skinny girl]

How was everyone's weekend? Hope you have upped the water Tilley. For some reason today I have been really hungry, have had my packs as normal so no reason why I should be, is it a sign of anything? Looks like my new food packs are held up at customs, I hope I am not going to get stung for paying any extra on them or maybe they are just examining them because it is powder, but I just want them now!

My nails have never looked better since starting this diet, they have grown so much and look fairly decent for me. Am painting them with hard as nails polish and they seem so strong. Took some photos of myself today just in my underwear so certainly not up for public viewing but just wanted to compare to nearly 2 stone ago to see if there is a difference!

Have been wishing today that I was at the end of the diet now, not that I want to give up but I just want to see the final result and know that it has worked and that I look smaller and am happier at that size. Am worried that already I have saggy skin, doesn't help that I have had 4 major surgeries on my abdomen so an unsightly overhang so even when I do get to goal I still won't be happy with my size. This is what happened last time I got to goal and I still felt that I had to wear baggy clothes to hide the overhang. I have had personal training, so many abdominal exercises but it won't ever go so feel the only option will be surgery to make me happy.

 

[Tilleymonster]

Hello love, yes been upping the water and had my first comments that I look smaller. Now fitting in to lots of clothes I couldn't and trying to make the most of the fact that okay, they are a bit tight, but feel very different already. So, I am feeling really positive at the difference now. I was 15 stone 5 before I lost some weight with WW (sllooooowly) so it's very noticeable in my face now and I'm determined to get down there to the 11 stones as the maximum weight for my height.

Definitely get those photos done. I did the same on the first night and haven't since, I'm almost scared. Scared to have to look at myself 4 weeks ago and realise what I have been for so long, and scared I'll not notice much difference. I am worried about the skin too, but then, i really need to get going with some exercise, been scared to do that in case I get faint but after Weds that's my aim. Failed to go swimming and I must do SOMETHING. I'm sorry to hear about the skin, you need to be easier on yourself - if you've had all that surgery then this isn't just a case of you being fat once and now having flaps, that's serious stuff that you had to have done. There's nothing to be ashamed in that. Although, I can understand you'd prefer it if you could get rid of it. Our counsellor told us to expect about 6 months where the skin isn't quite right but where it finds its elasticity again. I don't know if that's rubbish or not, but I aim to believe it. I know my thighs (I'm MASSIVELY pear shaped) are going to look terrible and it'll take time and effort to try and get them in a reasonable shape again.

How annoying about those shakes. If it continues then perhaps I'll have to start buying and sending you stuff before you die of boredom!!!! I went through a very similar thing, wish to be a few months from now, feeling it has worked, end of (not in the sense of end of, we'll have to do this forever, i get that) but just to know that it was all worth it. Also, had a few hunger pangs, though the ketosis sticks showed I am in ketosis. I think it might be my brain rebelling and trying to find out if it will get me to do anything about eating something. It must be massively confused.

Mum got me and the OH an advent calendar. turned mine down and gave it to my Dad. She said she didn't do it out of spite and knows i can't have it but didn't want tme to feel she didn't care. Bless her. But take that sugary badness and put it back in the cupboard woman!!! x

 

[nzmegs]

Christmas...it is a painful day if you are on LL - but the payoff is amazing. I asked my husband for lots a presents to make up for it. I wanted things to do, books to read, knitting kits. Anything which would keep me occupied. Plus a new outfit to wear on the day. By that time I was wearing a size 12 for the first time. it was a little tight, but I felt amazing.

On the day I had a shake with coffee for breakfast after the [present opening. This meant that it wasn't until about 11am. Then I avoided all the snacking by playing with the kids, helping out in the kitchen and watching telly. Mid afternoon lunch was a soup followed immediately by a shake whipped up with loads of ice. it was like icecream and i had it at the same time everyone else had their dessert. Having two packs together really helped.

Then in the evening when my husband was settling down with his evening snack session, i had my last pack. This was all supplemented by loads of fizzy water in a wine glass.

I didn't feel deprived. I felt great, knowing that I wouldn't put on weight.

Those in my group (everyone but me...) who did break the diet had so much trouble getting back on track. From that week on, many of them found that constant cheats became part of their LL journey. Whereas I stuck it out until i reached goal and then did maintenance correctly. And here I am still at my target weight (a bit below it actuallY). So my advice is to do it by the book and you can't go wrong.

 

[Tilleymonster]

nzmegs, I am so with you on this - I want to wake up on 26 December and feel just like that, that I made a promise to myself, and to my future self and I stuck with it. Knowing you've done it, that you've done well, and that you just did what it says on the tin to change ever since makes me feel so inspired and proud of myself I don't want that to stop. Thank you for saying this sort of thing. I am already planning to stay abstinate. Not because I am going to be suffering through, or because I am choosing to miss out but becuase this is what I eat now, until I've learned better. I won't learn better until I do the full Route to Management, and I'm not going to even risk dipping my toe in any other way of living until then. 26 December I have the in-laws buffet, and again, plan to just drink my fizzy water and eat my packs. I'm excited by the idea of it, and repulsed (weirdly) at the idea of eating any food. It wouldn't feel right. Just wish the people in my class weren't being weak as it makes me want to leave the group. I don't want to seem like I'm unsupportive of them, but it's hard when you're doing well and totally focused to sit and hear failure. hmmm.

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 34.

Suddenly I seem to have shed body size, quite significantly. My size 16 trousers that I was so excited to wear to work last week are massive. Utterly massive. They were honestly tight last week and this morning I assumed I'd go the wrong pair from the wardrobe. This is amazing, if very confusing! Feeling good though. That means that perhaps in the next couple of weeks I'll be able to squeeze into the 14s! Just madness. Had some nice compliments from a range of people noticing now. They mentioned my face, and seeing friends we hadn't seen for a couple of months last night they made me do a twirl and were really impressed. I felt a bit embarrassed, instead of fully revelling in the attention I just thought, god, if I'm in the 13 stones and my healthy weight would be a maximum of 11.1, then think just how big they must all have considered me for this to look so brilliant. However, they've already kicked in on the 'don't lose too much though'. Coming from a 5 foot, 7 stone woman! I guess that's part of people being happy for you but not wanting you to change so much that they have to adjust how they view you significantly. In any case, all is well and I'm still heading for the 10's. No question.

Weigh in tomorrow and I can't wait, I'm really hoping it'll be more than 2.5lbs, but given the size change I'll be more than happy if not as long as it's down - the clothes fitting my like this is currently worth way more than the numbers on the scale. I want to hit 'healthy' numbers, and will, but shaping up and getting my curves back where there have been tyres for so long is so much fun! Hope everyone else is okay! x

 

[Skinny girl]

That is fantastic about the trousers what a great feeling. I had someone comment today saying "you have lost shed loads of weight, oh you must feel so much better etc etc" she went on and on and I found it all quite embarrassing!

I did the boxing class at the gym this morning which was great really good fun and one of my favourite classes.
Still no food packs, on the tracking it last was showing inspection at customs on the 23rd, come on customs I want my food!

Am feeling positive that I can keep this up over the Christmas season, I just don't see the point of stopping. School holidays start here in a weeks time and then it is the 2 month long summer holidays. I am already thinking about when school starts back again I will hopefully be at goal or near my initial goal and that spurs me on that surely people will notice I have lost weight then. I have all these lovely skirts that I have not worn since my honeymoon 10 years so am hoping they will fit me when school returns,but the people might just be shocked that I am wearing a skirt rather than noticing the weight loss.

Our house guests arrive on Friday for 6 weeks but I will not break off plan for them.

Keep up the great work everyone x

 

[Skinny girl]

My packs have arrived, hooray they cleared customs. After a panic that someone had stolen the boxes because the tracking said it had been signed for and delivered yesterday, which is hadn't it literally an hour after me sending off an email panicking the post lady arrived with the goods today phew!

So what a lot of choice I have will be such a change after nearly 7 weeks of chocolate and vanilla shakes and 1 flavour bar. Am trying to decide what I shall have tomorrow and meal plan, think I might start the day with the oatmeal, gosh will be a novelty using a bowl and cutlery after all this time! I have my eye on the chilli pack for dinner too. Not sure what to do with regards to vegetables it says I can add 200g of certain veg but I need to check if I have to do that or if I can just carry on as I have been eating just 4 packs. Am a bit nervous that a change of plan might see a weight gain but hopefully not. Hmm maybe I should wait to start the packs on Saturday after my weigh in so I can see a true weigh in next Saturday after a week on a change of packs, what do you think?

I just hope I like these packs because I took the risk of buying 2 months worth to make it worth paying for the shipping. I am not a fussy eater and so hope that it will all be fine. Oh I must remember to plan my Christmas Day packs too, gosh can you tell I am excited about the variety. I have 56 bars but I am going to try and limit those to not everyday, maybe 2/3 a week depending on what I am up to.

Good luck for you weigh in today Tilley x

 

[Skinny girl]

How was weigh in Tilley?

 

[Tilleymonster]

Heya love!

So glad that you got your packs through - mmm mmmmm mmmmm! So how do they taste? Is it a taste sensation after so many weeks of the same old same old?

I lost 3.2lbs. Quite happy with that, although I wish that I would continue losing 4lbs every week. Still, it works out to 10kg in 5 weeks, which is 22.5lbs, and that's not to be sniffed at! I hope that next week I can just scrape into the 12 stones. i wonder if I should start more exercise or just keep going? I think it might be time to do something, just worried I'll make myself faint again. BUT this is my mini target for this week, to do 1 session of something, 1 swim or 1 class.

As a treat I went to buy some jeans. They are blue with tiger skin pattern (I have no idea why, but I liked them, not my normal choice), little skinnies in a size 16, and a jumper in a size 14. The 14 looks baggy (thank you Asda) but the jeans feel a little tight. Although, that may be because they are new, so I'm going to wear them at home and see if they loosen up. To be honest, it may be that I'm just not used to having anything too tight on anymore!

I had to get a few provisions for the OH last night, hence the supermarket sweep. It was weird. ***FOOD PORN COMING UP***

So, i got him a large freshly made pizza, some shortbread biscuits, some mars bars, yoghurts, and cereal. All I actually felt was this WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING TO MYSELF? AND WHY? Normally the shop would have meant getting myself a large pizza, a bag of chips, some biscuits, a cake, and some sugary treats, and then literally eating all of that in one evening. I did that nearly every other evening. If I didn't I got sad and would go out, in slippers sometimes, to collect these types of 'naughty' foods, and ram them all in. I couldn't watch TV without it, I'd tell myself. I absolutely HAD to have it, to make the evening worthwhile, to make the strain of work worthwhile. Now it strkes me as so sad, and bizarre, that I was hiding from something for so long. Whatever the something is I don't feel like I've suddenly uncovered it by not eating. So does that mean it's still under-wraps and liable to come back? The only thing I think I've uncovered is acceptance, and I hope that's enough. I accept that work has been horrid for a long time, I accept that I've lost good friends and it hurts, I accept that my best friend died, I accept that my Gran died after a protracted illness this time last year, I accept that my Dad had cancer, I accept that my cat got run over, I accept all of these bad things. And I also accept that feeling bad about myself does not keep those relationships or lost love ones alive, it just numbs me. i wonder if it was my version of wearing black to grieve, instead of just grieving. What I now accept is that the future is now more important, and in that future there is a home we own (doing well, despite the current money climate in the UK), a good job (despite the bad things and stress of it), we are financially secure, we have two lovely dogs, we have a wedding in August, i have a man that loves me with no question, I have good friends, just not the same ones, I have close family that are loving and want to be with me, I have a whole life ahead of me, and I don't need to be hidden under layers of fat to accept that. Sometimes I also wonder if I just don't want to seem too smug - like if I stay fat then I have an issue, and people won't be intimidated? I don't feel like it would be that, the grieving stuff rings more true, but it might be part of it, the woe is me, please love me effect. I certainly havent been a happy fatty at any time. There is so much more laughter now in my life.

So, another 19kg to go. Basically two more times the same again. I'm not afraid of that either. So another 2 sets of 6 - 7 weeks? I can do that! I can do this until I hit the goal I am after. I have full faith in that fact.

Many musings this morning, this is what happens when I don't write for ages! x

 

[Tilleymonster]

Here's the view of the desk next to mine... willpower!!!

 

[Tilleymonster]

Hahahaahahaha! very true!

 

[Skinny girl]

Woo hoo look at you go so close to the 12's now and over 10% of your body weight gone now. So we are totally matching in week 5 I had lost 1st 7lb too! Also like you I hope to nudge into the12's not this Saturday but the following Saturday.

I haven't started the food packs yet,I have organised them all though into categories so I know what I have and don't end up with 4 chilli packs a day but a variety of the different packs (soups, oatmeal, shakes, meals and bars) I have decided to start the packs on Saturday after I weigh in so that I have a full week on the new packs just incase it does make a difference.

I have decided I definitely want to get below 11st 9lb which is a healthy BMI for me, I don't see the point of stopping this diet until I get below 11 stone ideally. I do only have 2 months of packs but I can always go back to the ones I have been on for the past 7 weeks at the end of those, I have enough left over and hopefully I will be closer to goal by then.

Yet again I so relate to the comfort eating of the past, my triggers used to be if I had a tough day with my children then I would binge in secret, I got into the habit of buying naughty food every time I went to the supermarket, I wasn't hungry, I didn't need it, I just automatically did it.

Well I wrote the above a few days ago but forgot to post it. So it is now Saturday morning and have just had my weigh in and I have lost 3.5lb this week. I have just had my first pack of some oatmeal was a novelty to eat something with a spoon. Am looking forward to having a change in packs and sitting back with the family at meal times again because I don't like to do that with the shakes and bars but at least the oatmeal does not look that different to having porridge.

My trousers fell down as I was running along the pavement to the car with him yesterday I think I well and truly need to ditch my 16's and embrace the 14's for hopefully a short time. My tshirts are all so baggy to especially across the shoulders/chest area. Think I might have to invest in a few cheap tshirts to tide me over the coming weeks.

Hope everyone is staying on track, any nice plans for the weekend? Is super hot here so think I might spend a lot of time in our pool cooling off.

 

[Skinny girl]

Oh the change in packs oh what a delight I have such choice. Also having to use cutlery, well a spoon to eat what a novelty. Have to say I was not too keen on the oatmeal pack but will be fine, it was more the smell than anything else. The cottage pie and spaghetti packs were actually quite nice and the joy at having a different flavour of shake, I am spoilt for choice.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend, is so hot here was over 30 degrees today I am melting in this heat, hopefully it will sweat some fat away!

 

[Skinny girl]

Diem - thank you. You are so close to your goal how do you feel?

Is going to be even hotter tomorrow, think I will be spending the hottest part of the day in a nice air-con shopping centre to get the dreaded Christmas shopping done for the boys but at least I will not be hot!

I loved all the packs I had today mushroom soup, hazelnut shake, praline bar and chilli, that might well be what I plan for Christmas Day : )

 

[Skinny girl]

How is everyone's week going? Not heard from Tilley for a while, hope you are just busy and not falling off our wagon?? Still ticking along here, am embracing my new packs, all yummy so far. Have had to put the bars in the freezer because they are not coping in the heat 38 degrees plus! I hear parts of the UK have snow, please take care everyone out on the roads.

Where and when are you off on your holiday?