Begin at the Beginning

[Tilleymonster]

Come on skinny, I am going to shake pom poms back atcha! I'm taking a 2l bottle of fizzy water to work and getting through that by mid-afternoon. Then adding on coffee, a few more drinkies when I get home during the evening, and it seems to be working. Fizzy water is my saviour cos real water sucketh.

nzmegs - good point on veggie thing. My decision was regarding the treatment of animals and them being killed en masse. I don't hate meat, I don't worry about the environment too much in terms of that, it's just the idea of these poor creatures being slaughtered. Hmmm. It's going to be some real thinking. Because I'll admit that part of it was definitely 'Veggie = healthy, so even if I'm fat I can say I'm healthy because I don't eat meat". That wasn't all of it, but it was definitely part of the decision. Unfortunately though Italian cheese feasts don't have meat and sure aint healthy!

Today I am a little saddened by the first signs of oddness from people. I updated the pertinent people (slim best mate, a work colleague) on my loss last night and got the following responses, "oh good. not that much though considering you're literally staving yourself" (literally? Starving? Not so much), and also "I doubt you can count on those losses regularly, it's probably more to do with your cold that you had". Which of course makes no sense other than normally a cold stops you eating very much, so you lose weight, but I'm already not eating very much. If anything, this kind of rubbish makes me even more focused on doing what I'm doign with 100% dedication.

Still, I'm in my size 16 work trousers. I know my bum is very obvious in them (they haven't split yet), but I'm in them. Wearing them. Hurrah.

And yes - I'm in the 13 stones by a scrape. Wooowoooo! I can't quite believe this is real. It's been two weeks, I'm more than happy (except for the doubting in my evenings at times), and the next step will be into the 12s, I wonder how long i have to wait?!

Now just got to get over questioning my willpower. Talking with OH after session last night and i think it's because the counsellor said to a woman (who'd 'HAD' to eat due to being SO hungry) that that was fine. Because the amount of restriction placed on ourselves to do this diet is up to us. We don't have to do it 100%, if that doesn't suit us. Seemed like very odd advice, and I think she was trying to impart, if you put on make sure you come back because there is no judgement, but it came across very oddly. AND warped my mind. My mind that started to say 'oh, so, I could go back to my WW or SW ways and have a treat night tonight then? As long as I start again. Cos, it's up to me...' Definitely set me spinning. Luckily called OH as walking back to car from meeting and said all of this and he told me flatly to come home with absolutely no detours and stop being an idiot. Harsh but fair. And thank god he helped me on that near slip.

Stupid, stupid, brain.

 

[vee67]

Your OH gave sound advice there!

i think a lot of these diet people rely on us slipping up so we keeop going round in circles _ I've read a few diaries now where people have lost huge amounts of weight - 5 stone plus 3 or 4 times - I'm struggling (and not in a nasty way) to understand why you would do that - I just couldnt - i'm doing this vlcd once and thats it - this is far too hard to go through a number of times - sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.

I'm hoping this shock to my normality will help me learn more about myself and understand why I've overeaten for the last 20 odd years

then again I may just be back here in a years time doing it all again!

 

[Skinny girl]

Come on skinny, I am going to shake pom poms back atcha! I'm taking a 2l bottle of fizzy water to work and getting through that by mid-afternoon. Then adding on coffee, a few more drinkies when I get home during the evening, and it seems to be working. Fizzy water is my saviour cos real water sucketh.

nzmegs - good point on veggie thing. My decision was regarding the treatment of animals and them being killed en masse. I don't hate meat, I don't worry about the environment too much in terms of that, it's just the idea of these poor creatures being slaughtered. Hmmm. It's going to be some real thinking. Because I'll admit that part of it was definitely 'Veggie = healthy, so even if I'm fat I can say I'm healthy because I don't eat meat". That wasn't all of it, but it was definitely part of the decision. Unfortunately though Italian cheese feasts don't have meat and sure aint healthy!

Today I am a little saddened by the first signs of oddness from people. I updated the pertinent people (slim best mate, a work colleague) on my loss last night and got the following responses, "oh good. not that much though considering you're literally staving yourself" (literally? Starving? Not so much), and also "I doubt you can count on those losses regularly, it's probably more to do with your cold that you had". Which of course makes no sense other than normally a cold stops you eating very much, so you lose weight, but I'm already not eating very much. If anything, this kind of rubbish makes me even more focused on doing what I'm doign with 100% dedication.

Still, I'm in my size 16 work trousers. I know my bum is very obvious in them (they haven't split yet), but I'm in them. Wearing them. Hurrah.

And yes - I'm in the 13 stones by a scrape. Wooowoooo! I can't quite believe this is real. It's been two weeks, I'm more than happy (except for the doubting in my evenings at times), and the next step will be into the 12s, I wonder how long i have to wait?!

Now just got to get over questioning my willpower. Talking with OH after session last night and i think it's because the counsellor said to a woman (who'd 'HAD' to eat due to being SO hungry) that that was fine. Because the amount of restriction placed on ourselves to do this diet is up to us. We don't have to do it 100%, if that doesn't suit us. Seemed like very odd advice, and I think she was trying to impart, if you put on make sure you come back because there is no judgement, but it came across very oddly. AND warped my mind. My mind that started to say 'oh, so, I could go back to my WW or SW ways and have a treat night tonight then? As long as I start again. Cos, it's up to me...' Definitely set me spinning. Luckily called OH as walking back to car from meeting and said all of this and he told me flatly to come home with absolutely no detours and stop being an idiot. Harsh but fair. And thank god he helped me on that near slip.

Stupid, stupid, brain.

That sounds very odd advice from the counsellor. You know you do have the willpower to do this and you can do it. Ignore the nasty comments from your work colleague and best mate too, you are doing fantastically and before long you will be 12 stone something and how good will you feel then. I will be drinking my water more, hopefully that will help me in the bowel department too because has been a struggle since starting this diet. Could antibiotics make a difference to weight loss because I have been on antibiotics all this week?
I have not felt tempted once in nearly 4 weeks on this diet to stray and I am not giving up. Nobody but you lot and my OH know that I am doing this diet so am avoiding all social situations, going to be hard with house guests for 6 weeks and then I am away for a week staying at various relatives houses which is going to be very hard to hide this diet. Am not going away till the 16th January so am hoping that I will be a lot closer to goal then but if I haven't reached my goal by then I am certainly not going to want to give the diet up for a week.
I am constantly calculating when I can lose this weight by with various weekly weight loss numbers, is becoming a bit obsessive I think!

 

[Tilleymonster]

I am constantly calculating when I can lose this weight by with various weekly weight loss numbers, is becoming a bit obsessive I think!

I am with you on this one! Nearly every night I'm doodling a list of 'If I lose 4lbs, then 3, then maybe 5, oh and possibly a 6, then back to a 3 then by x date I'll equal BLAH weight. Honestly, I do it in big long lists of week per week with all the variations under the sun.

We will continue with this guilty pleasure because it's how we focus on our future slimmer selves, and it'll work.

I wish I was like you though, that you've never been tempted. I feel like I'm constantly tempting myself to test whether I mean it. I never give in, but I do allow myself to wallow and 'suffer' even though I'm perfectly content and happy. I just want to see signs of failure coming before they arrive, and so keep dipping my toe. I will continue to dip until I learn that it's not doing me any favours, and as long as I don't give in, well, that's fine. However, definitely going to mention it at my next meeting to see what LLc thinks.

 

[nzmegs]

I think your counsellor was trying to ensure that the lady who "cheated" would continue to come back. If you are told off, you are likely to walk and the door and never return. That said - I am a 100%er and beleive that you can't do LL without taking it seriously and being fully committed. That means that sometimes you will be hungry and at other times you will feel real cravings and temptations. learning how to deal with that is what LL is all about.

The fact is that no one ever died from feeling hungry (from starving, yes, but in this country we do not literally starve). As long as you are getting sufficient nutrients, you can easily survive on few calories, so it is a mind thing - not a physical thing. Overcoming that is how we all get to a place where this is a long term weight loss.

Continue to test yourself, but bear in mind that it is all pretend, because you are not going to give in no matter what!

 

[Skinny girl]

I am with you on this one! Nearly every night I'm doodling a list of 'If I lose 4lbs, then 3, then maybe 5, oh and possibly a 6, then back to a 3 then by x date I'll equal BLAH weight. Honestly, I do it in big long lists of week per week with all the variations under the sun.

Glad it is not just me that does this then!

Less than 24 hours to go until my weigh in and I don't think I will have a good loss this week, I will try and not get too upset about it and it will at least be a loss.

One thing I have found since starting this diet is that I feed everyone else more. My OH jokes that I am a feeder. Have been busy baking today for my youngest childs birthday party this weekend. I am not even tempted to test the cake/biscuits I have made because I know that I will beat myself up thinking that has ruined everything, so is easier for me to stay 100% because then I cannot blame a small loss on anything but just the way my body is, whereas if I had eaten something I would be blaming that.

Am chugging away at the water today more than normal.

 

[nzmegs]

Skinny - I love to bake too and was able to bake during my Lighter Life journey. However when I was maintaining I found it much harder. I ended up (on just one occasion) eating some oft he goodies I made. This was despite me promising myself I would never eat sugar again. When you are "in the zone" avoiding these foods is easy. But be very careful once you are eating normally again.

 

[Tilleymonster]

The reality is until you are prepared to commit fully to whatever diet plan then you can never hope to achieve lasting and long term weight loss benefits.

As for the foody thoughts I normally kill them off with 4 little words 'It's not an option' works for me

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is brilliant advice. I had a long hard chat with myself last night. Thinking and discussing what I was worrying about in regards to this temptation thing. Went to the lighterlife forum and found this, which really flicked a switch for me:
Choosing to lose weight is just the first step. You'll then need to do something about it. For success, it's essential to choose a weight-loss method that works for you, and of course it will only work if you choose to stick to it. Every day you will need to make choices that support your goal. If you make the wrong choices the results will be obvious - you simply won't lose weight. If you make the right choices the results will show in your health, the way you look, the way you feel and in your confidence.

It was a general part of the thread about choices, fear of making them and so forth. But this stood out for me. I am going to just grow up and enjoy this. Stop poking and testing and expecting failure and all this really self-centred wallowing. I'm going to remain self-centred, sure, but in the sense that I have made this choice, and will continue to do so day in and day out to get where I choose to be. Simple. End of. Enough whinging and worrying.

This has made a massive change to how I feel today. Weird huh. I feel like I'm flying

Skinny - you must tell us how you do! As long as you lose love, that's ALL that matters. And that you did it of course, which it sounds like you did. Chug chug chug (so with you on that!).

x

 

[Skinny girl]

Skinny - I love to bake too and was able to bake during my Lighter Life journey. However when I was maintaining I found it much harder. I ended up (on just one occasion) eating some oft he goodies I made. This was despite me promising myself I would never eat sugar again. When you are "in the zone" avoiding these foods is easy. But be very careful once you are eating normally again.

It is great to get such good advice from someone who the diet has worked for and who has mantained, thank you. Am sure as the months go by I will learn from you.

 

[Skinny girl]

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is brilliant advice. I had a long hard chat with myself last night. Thinking and discussing what I was worrying about in regards to this temptation thing. Went to the lighterlife forum and found this, which really flicked a switch for me:
Choosing to lose weight is just the first step. You'll then need to do something about it. For success, it's essential to choose a weight-loss method that works for you, and of course it will only work if you choose to stick to it. Every day you will need to make choices that support your goal. If you make the wrong choices the results will be obvious - you simply won't lose weight. If you make the right choices the results will show in your health, the way you look, the way you feel and in your confidence.

It was a general part of the thread about choices, fear of making them and so forth. But this stood out for me. I am going to just grow up and enjoy this. Stop poking and testing and expecting failure and all this really self-centred wallowing. I'm going to remain self-centred, sure, but in the sense that I have made this choice, and will continue to do so day in and day out to get where I choose to be. Simple. End of. Enough whinging and worrying.

This has made a massive change to how I feel today. Weird huh. I feel like I'm flying

Skinny - you must tell us how you do! As long as you lose love, that's ALL that matters. And that you did it of course, which it sounds like you did. Chug chug chug (so with you on that!).

x

I hope that feeling continues, you are doing so well. I will update after my weigh in, just 12 hours to go eek! I so better be in the 13st something catergory otherwise I might well weep.

 

[Skinny girl]

Well have just done the dreaded weigh in on Saturday morning and is just 2lb off, I know 2lb off is better than a gain but still I am disappointed. When you are totally committed and sticking to it 100% and putting your body through such an extreme diet I was just hoping for a bigger loss. I will continue upping my water intake and hopefully show a bigger loss next week. At least I made it into the 13 stone category!

 

[Tilleymonster]

Awww that is great. But I totally understand about the disappointment. So, get a 2l bottle of water and keep filling it up each day so u know exactly what you've had. Stay 100%, you're still in the 13s!!! We did. Shakadem pompoms! Happy weekend skinny x

 

[Skinny girl]

Thank you, sorry I feel I have gate crashed your diary thread with my updates! The water bottle is not leaving my side all day. So do you average about 2 litres of water a day plus hot drinks on top of that?

Have had 1 litre of water so far today and is only 11am!

It made me think of you earlier when I was working out my calculations of weight loss and if I only lost 2lb a week and then 2.5 and then 3lb etc.

Right off to fill my water bottle, have a good weekend x

 

[Skinny girl]

I really should take my measurements I keep meaning to do so. I wish that I could ditch the scales but I have weighed myself pretty much everyday for the past 20+ years and is a hard habit to break. Have drunk so much water today I have made endless trips to the bathroom! I will certainly be keeping up with the water intake.

 

[Skinny girl]

the more you drink the more you shrink lol!

I like that quote thank you will remember that x

 

[slim2013]

I hope you do keep posting I've been reading, smiling and nodding at all the bits that sound like your blogs could have been written by me. This is my first time on lighter life and I can't belive I've stuck to it, I think about food a lot which I hope will go away soon (I'm only in week 2) but I'm not actually hungry. I also spend most of my time counting down the hours until my next weigh in because I want to lose 3 stone in a week too!

Keep it up and keep thinking about the wedding remember the husband can be exchanged but those photos are for life lol. I had my 40th birthday this year and I've binned all my photos and untagged myself on every facebook photo because I look horrible which is such a shame as it was such a good day (

Good Luck
T

 

[slim2013]

I hope you do keep posting I've been reading, smiling and nodding at all the bits that sound like your blogs could have been written by me. This is my first time on lighter life and I can't belive I've stuck to it, I think about food a lot which I hope will go away soon (I'm only in week 2) but I'm not actually hungry. I also spend most of my time counting down the hours until my next weigh in because I want to lose 3 stone in a week too!

Keep it up and keep thinking about the wedding remember the husband can be exchanged but those photos are for life lol. I had my 40th birthday this year and I've binned all my photos and untagged myself on every facebook photo because I look horrible which is such a shame as it was such a good day.

Good Luck
T

 

[Tilleymonster]

Hi everyone, and Slim2013, I'm loving the idea that my diary is actually me and skinny and diem and nzmegs and WHOEVER wants to join in. It's exactly why I need to do this: to remember that others have been here, are here and that I'm not alone.

So day 19 - is that right? In any case it's 2 days till the third weigh in. All is going well. I have to say that lightbulb, courtesy of diem and the forum has stuck. I am not questioning, teasing, tempting, nothing - I am living, perfectly happy. In fact, I keep forgetting I'm doing anything 'abnormal', I'm not, I'm just going about my business and eating like an astronaut and feeling fine.

Things that have happened over the weekend: time of the month, it came, then went, then came back again. Kinda happy it's here because I was scared that that means facing the fact that a VLCD does impact you negatively. It hasn't and I'm fine. The OH and I are having a better relationship than ever now. We talk more, we do more together, instead of filling our faces with food in silence we're...DOING more...hint hint. Haven't had the confidence to do that properly and just enjoy myself in a long while. Spent yesterday cleaning out my wardrobe. By this I mean that I took every item of clothing and ordered it as -nearly there (size 14s and some 16s), as too big (size 18s - GOODBYE, into the charity bag) and too small (size 12s - all in the loft awaiting me). Done. Now every item in my drawers and wardrobe is something I can wear. I do not need to see it all I be scared of it - which I was in a weird way. Managed to get into my size 16 jeans - a pair of 'skinny' jeans (I wish!) and a normal pair of bootcut. So happy with that.

Going to try and do some swimming this week just to get moving. Not really up for body combat etc., not just yet. Don't want to push it and make myself tired or hungry, i'm liking this feeling of what I'm doign being normal and not ready to jeapordise that just yet.

Had lots of lovely muddy walks with the dogs. Lots of chatting with my OH and had his mother round, lovely times (I'm lucky enough to think she's great). They ate food and it really didn't bother me. In fact I jumped at the chance to cook for him last night. Felt I had missed it and it wasn't that i wanted any of it, just really fancied doing it. Is that a normal part of the process, to suddenly want to see the thing and do things with it but not indulge? Guess it was like viewing an abusive ex from afar and being content that it doesn't hold any power of me anymore!

Started doing some really odd things like jigsaw puzzles, wrapped up in the warm by the fire, and cross-stitching. I feel like I'm an old woman, but it's making me happy and content and filling up plenty of time. Not that i feels that way I may add. Up until last week it felt like I was desperate for things to do, now I'm just doing because I fancy it.

Last thing for today is that fact that I am a little sad to be faced with reality. Can't remember if I already said this but basically, I keep expecting to see myself in the mirror and be tiny already, and then I'm horrified by what I see. It's like the glasses that have allowed me to block out what I am doing to myself have been removed and I am aware that I am fat. It amuses me that I was 15 stone 5 only a few months ago and NOW at the top of the 13s I feel shocked by the amount of weight I've gained. I guess I just didn't want to see it before, didn't want to deal with it more like.

So yes, photos are forever (great point slim!) and as much as I tol d my Mum that I didn't have to lose weight because that would be 'fake' I think it's okay to realise that I should be the best I feel I can be. If that was 15 stone then cool, but it's not. And I haven't been happy. So this is exactly the right thing for me. Happy days.

Hope everyone is still glugging away. I know I am....

 

[Skinny girl]

Am still glugging away am drinking so much more than I was in the first few weeks, I probably average a minimum of 3 litres a day now, I so hope that it makes a difference at weigh in this week am feeling quite disheartened that I might only lose 2lb a week for the rest of this diet. Had my sons 4th birthday over the weekend and have been doing lots of baking for that but have not been tempted at all thank goodness, although a friend did notice I was not eating so I grabbed a plate of food and took it into the kitchen under the disguise of getting the cake ready and when I came back outside my plate was nearly empty but I did not eat a crumb of anything. I just don't want to tell people the diet that I am doing.
My size 16 trousers are falling down as I walk but still seem a long way off fitting into the 14's annoyingly so I guess I will just have to keep pulling up the trousers for a bit. I am still having issues in the toilet department and am doubled over in pain sometimes. I take a fibre supplement in the shakes and senokot but still not shifting much. Any other tips for that?

 

[Tilleymonster]

Day 20 - so glad the food thing is not just me. I am fascinated by it. I think I'm lucky as no kiddywinkles so haven't had to be around food at all. Really I'm embarrassed I made such a fuss over the first couple of weeks when I haven't had to go near it like you guys. Definitely enjoying the foody adverts for Xmas. Although most of it looks rank. I think I want food to be worthwhile and most of the Iceland stuff (for example) just makes me go - what a waste of calories, that looks rubbish!

Genius work skinny on the hopping it to the kitchen with your food. Nice one! Fair enough if you don't want to tell anyone. There seems to be a split in the group I'm in of totally secrecy versus tell everyone. I went for tell everyone. I don't know why really, didn't decide it but didn't want to have to make this any harder and felt that in the office with Xmas meals (that I've declined) and friends that want to go out for meals (which I've declined) I didn't want to be hiding anything. BUT if that's what you want to do then why not, and you sound like you're handling it well. As for the toilet situation - that's really annoying. I had it for a while. I probably go once every 2 - 3 days now. Certainly different to before. I did get an achey tum for a bit, but I find that I have a couple of black coffees in a row and walk the dogs and it sort of jiggles it out. (not on the walk...that would be awful). You could try a few pilates style moves if you get any privacy, just laying and twisting and moving - sometimes helps things along?! But for now, don't worry about it too much. You will go when you go, and even if you kept a 1lb on because of it, you'll lose it eventually. It's just the pain really - maybe cut out the senekot, that's always made me get pains rather than help anything come out!

Not much news. Started to leave my lunch pack until I get home. So I'm having a porridge about 10, then my soup about 4, then dinner pack at 7:30 and shake at 9. Seems to work out quite well for me. It also means I get more water down me. Sparkling water is an actual life saver. One more day till weigh in. My period went away again, so I'm not sure what's going on but I don't think it's worth worrying about. Sound awful, but if my hair starts to fall out I'll be devastated but I can cope with out periods

We're going to be talking about dealing with Xmas at this week's meeting. Quite intrigued. Most people plan to eat. I don't know, I don't know if it's worth it. Especially as nzmegs said, I'm on this, why come off it? There'll be other Xmas...hmmm. Also, got my cousin's wedding 14 December, away in London for it. Hoping that everyone will be too drunk to notice I'm not eating. But there's no way I'm breaking for it. No. Way.

Right...onwards...