Begin at the Beginning

Hello everyone!

No, not fallen off, you'll be pleased to hear. Massively busy at work and then just been pootling along. Finally found some time to get back online. So nice to see that everyone is doing really well and the packs sound tremendous by comparison.

Tonight is WI night, so will report back tomorrow. Hoping for a good one. WE'll see. Have now started wearing size 14 trousers and jackets again, all my lovely old things are coming back out of the loft and it's so good to see them again. Twirling in front of the mirror time.

I'm considering moving to Lite tonight, which I want to discuss with my counsellor. It's for those under 30 BMI which I am now, and gives you a meal in the evening - a very specific weight of protein and vegetables. I've had massive cravings for food again this week. The broth has kept that under control but I'm starting to find that I have no energy rather than loads. Having to walk our dogs in the ice in the morning at 5:45am before starting work at 7:30am and then home by 4pm and another hour and a bit walk. I love my dogs, and they need that exercise which is something that I acknowledged when we got them, but I'm feeling very sleepy very early. Not a massive issue but i did nearly fall asleep at 6 in the bath yesterday and I fancy trying something different, if only for a week, and then interspersing it with packets maybe. Not sure at all, but I'd rather keep it interesting and gain a little energy back than give in, and I've had some close calls I can tell you.

What else has happened? Trying for a new job, but no response yet. Lots of meetings, friends moving away and moving houses, lots and lots of socialising, which is so much more fun when you don't feel disgusting. Although, I still look in the mirror of an evening and hate what I see - I figure that's good becuase otherwise I might fall prey to thinking I'm okay, and I'm not, I'm still 2 stone overweight and I'm not stopping just because i'm OKAY. OKAY is not acceptable.

Errrrm, so yes, the Xmas tree is up, the presents are to be bought this weekend. I've been to the dentist and got my teeth cleaned so they look nice and pearly white again. I've started looking after my skin using facepacks, and painting my nails, lots of me time (when I'm not walking lol!).

Just wish I had some more energy. I had none when I was bigger, then I've had loads so the sudden dip has really made me a bit sad. Think it's probably all part of the winter blues that I always get too. Hence I want to chat with counsellor because if it' snot a good idea to mix things up just yet then I won't do it, I just need to work it out with her to guide me.

Hope everyone is well still, it sounds like it's all going good in the far-flung other countries we'll all in - how cool is that?! xxx
 
Still in my class but had to update: another 4lbs off, into the 12 stones hurrah! X
 
Tilley - yay into the 12's how cool is that am so pleased for you. Hope you get to chat about changing to Lite to see if that improves your energy.

Have just come out of my early morning Body Combat class which I loved. The day has begun and home for a swim in the pool to cool down and it is only 6.45am.
 
Thank you! :)

Well, she kinda convinced me to try doing it only days when I'm desperate, rather than everyday. So I have the right number of packs for Total, but I know I'm 'allowed' to plan for certain meals, perhaps a Saturday and Monday when I feel at my most tempted, I'll plan things from my Lite recipe book for those days, but try and stick to just packs at other times. Tbh, just knowing I can if I want already makes me feel quite determined to stay on the packs. Feeling this happy at 12stone 13 and then seeing in my stats that I have another 2stone 6lbs to go makes me not want to jeapordise good losses. And having such a good one last night really spurred me on. No idea what I did differently - the extra walking, makes sense I suppose, burn more, lose more.

I think the key thing we discussed was that last time I started LL I did light because I was 12 stone 9lbs. And in 7 weeks I got down to 10.12. The key thing is that this is in my head, big time, and that secondly, I mustn't use this as a way to just stop again. I have to go on to management, I can't just stop again. I don't feel that is something I'll do this time. but then, a week ago I didn't feel I wanted food. So if you see me come on here and decide to may be just 'carry on alone' please god give me the biggest slap on the wrist ever. I need to see this fully all the way through to the end.

Right, onwards I go. 2 big meetings today and lots in the inbox - already desperate for my two weeks off at Xmas...come on! xx
 
I can't go to food.

I was supposed to try it out last night and all did was eat things I shouldn't. Felt sick, sad, very cross with myself. Straight back to the packs at all times. So glad I got the full amount of packs to do Total this week. How sad, I really can't trust myself, and I know that that's exactly why I'm doing this and the counselling, but it was a harsh lesson to see myself fail when confronted with the option to still be happy. I'm not ready at all.
 
Do not beat yourself up about this little blip, that is what it is a blip and you can get back on the wagon today and continue with the positive attitude you have had until now. Get back onto your 4 packs, avoid food until you are feeling in the right head space and the councelling that you need. Please don't write off the rest of the week as a fail you have time to still have a loss next week. We are in this journey together and I am not having you jump ship yet so cling on tight and carry on. Big hugs lovely because it sounds like you need them.

I certainly don't feel strong enough to face food yet and although I am now on S&S products where you can have 200g of certain veg a day and also the option of just 3 packs and a protein meal I just don't feel I can do it. I feel safe on my 4 packs a day and now with the new variety at least I have choice and something different everyday. I feel if I start adding food before I am ready it will all go pear shaped.

I am cross with myself for having a sneaky weigh in before weigh in day tomorrow and I have only lost 1lb so far this week and I was really hoping to get into the 12's this week : ( Will be cross if there is not more of a loss by the morning.
 
Thank you Skinny and Diem - what would I do without you. I wrote that quick update in a meeting, there's so much more I could say and want to say but the overwhelming thing at the moment in my head is STOP. As in, whatever, it's fine, STOP questioning why you did it, don't look into it, just carry on as before. (Not STOP the plan, in case you worry).

I do actually feel weirdly empowered by the slip up. At the time it was awful but today I am just so relieved that it's over and done with and I am focused 100% with no feelings about the plan other than - get me those 4 packets and let's get on it. I really do feel great that this is the case. Although you may hear more from me as I'm now going to have to go through ketosis again. Worryingly I wonder if i love the idea of 'punishing' myself. Having tried it I can now go - HA HA, KNEW IT, GET ON WITH IT. Anyway, as I said STOP, it's not worth worrying about or questioning, I know the answer and it's to stay on the packs. As you say, I still have the rest ofthe week, and the weeks ahead of me and I'm NOT off this wagon, I'm really not. You're stuck with me :)

Thanks again, currently supping my yummy porridge and thinking about how happy I'll be to lose next week or the week after, however it falls out, because that's my adult choice now.

Don't sneaky peek! Lol! I did it last week and thought I'd have only lose 1lb, then had that really good loss. So it's not even helpful darling! xx
 
Am pleased to report I am in the 12's, only just but it still counts. I was wondering if I should count it really because I was exactly 13 stone before I went to the gym this morning for my Body Attack class but then at home before my shower it is saying 12st13.5lb and I think mentally I need to record that as my weight. I know that might mean a smaller weight loss on the scales for next week but I think recording it as in the 12's helps my brain. Sorry that is rambling and I don't expect anyone else to understand it.

Just noticed it has been exactly 2 months today since I started this weight loss journey this time round and with 1 week on Dukan and then the rest of the weeks on food packs I have lost a total of 2st 5.5lb. Am so glad I finally got around to doing this and I just have to focus on keeping it off this time.

When around at someone's house yesterday for a playdate with my children I was thinking people probably think I have had a gastric band or something because I refuse all food. The host made lunch and I explained I had my own and she was totally fine about it but I felt they were probably thinking why is she drinking a cup of soup in this heat while we have a healthy rice/lentil salad dish and a glass of wine!

I don't miss food at all, I have not craved anything and I am surrounded by food having to cook for my family and our house guests everyday. Also making all the yummy homemade goodies for gifts. I just seem detached from it all and am scared that I will never be able to return to a life of eating and not gaining weight.

Tilley - post away we are all here to support you, hope getting back into ketosis isn't too horrid. Remember lots of water. Stay strong and focus on the wonderful end goal. How great will we feel when we get there.
 
Skinny! We will take that 12 stone number, hooray hooray hooray! You're doing so well love!

Good on YA for sticking fast amongst all those eaters! Who cares what they think! I'm so happy for you.

Well, think im nearly back in ketosis now. Massive headache yesterday. But I managed a night out on the town w fizzy water for a friends birthday wearing a new size 14 dress. Lots of compliments, definitely spurred me on.

Xxx
 
How wonderful a new dress and in a 14 that is totally brilliant. Hope the headache goes soon.

I am down to one pair of cropped trousers to wear, the 16's, the ones that fall down when I run are now well and truly redundant but apart from this one pair of 14's I just cannot fit into my other 14's : ( I really am reluctant to go and buy more clothes because I so hope to be in these ones soon and I have lots of them. I still get such a shock when I see my reflection and realise how much more weight it looks like I need to lose. My tummy really is my problem area, hence these other trousers just not doing up. I just want to cut my tummy off because the bit above that is looking much smaller in comparison from my bra to my tummy button is fine.

Went to my Grit gym class this morning, just a 30 minute really hardcore weights class, I do love it but am worrying about the whole exercise and it preventing me losing more weight. It is all exercise classes that I was doing before the VLCD and I still feel fine energy wise but am just worried that it is going to stall things. Also what about when I finally get to goal, will I be able to keep the weight off when having a sensible diet and doing the same amount of exercise? I feel like I will have to stay on packs for the rest of my life because it is the safest option.

Also I have a confession, I just can't keep my scales hidden away, I have tried but I just cannot do it.
 
Diem - wise words, thank you. The exercise thing was concerning me just because I was I'll and didn't exercise for over a month while on this VLCD so was worried now that I am increasing my exercise back up to my normal level will cause it to stall. You are so right I need to think of my food life after VLCD. When I lost 3 stone before my wedding 10 years ago I did it in a relatively short space of time, was 3 stone in 5 months totally with weight watchers and gym going and also not owning a car so cycling everywhere including to work and back which at times was a 16 mile round trip. This was pre children though when I had a lot more time on my hands. I feel safe with WW but I do feel with the new points system it just allows for too much food for me. I will look into low carb, do you follow a particular plan or have you made it up. Could you give me a rough plan of what you would eat in a day please. When doing low carb do you follow that when you go to other peoples for dinner/eating out? I really have to do my research because I am terrified of life after this and eating agin.
Thank you for your advice.
 
Right...gods help me. I have messed up. I ate again last night and the night before. I am thinking that I need to look at these few days as a break, and now start the 'next 6 weeks'. Because that's what's scared me and perhaps why I'm being stupid:

1) So happy to hit 12 stones, but then realised I have so much further to go, scared
2) Counsellor in canada seeing dying father, no class this week - excuses, excuses
3) Treat - I've still not found a way to feel good about my achievements without resorting to food
4) Christmas? I hate to say it, but it's been really hard in the cold when everyone else is tucking in.

So, I've weighed myself and gone back up to 13.05lbs, enough I think don't you? I have enough packs to be doing this, and not enough money to waste these. The OH has been less than supportive citing 'it's Christmas' at every turn. i need to ignore him, this is for me.

So now I'm in a quandary. Our counsellor has been turning away possible new starters saying that they should wait till January, so as not to make it hard for themselves. Should I do the same, go to the group but stop the diet? That sounds silly. I think I should probably actually and definitely realise what I'm admitting to here - I've gone off plan, a plan is a plan, and get back on it. Not find ways to 'wait' and then have to deal with being larger again.

Sorry, this is a really lame post, because I was doing so well. I don't want this to be the way my diary goes, with gradual admissions of 'failure'. This is all about learning though so I hope you'll be kind, as well as telling me off, and drag me back on. It needs to happy today, now, while it's first thing in the morning. I need to buy back in to feeling good about myself, and already I feel like I'm 2 stone heavier again. The guilt and disappiontment is unbelieveable. Sorry all. xx
 
Tilley don't you dare leave an empty space behind me on this diet wagon, I am clinging tightly to your ankles in hope that you stay with us. Christmas is a terribly tough time to get through with all the events/tempting food etc around everywhere you turn. You need to think about this as one Christmas for the rest of your life that you cannot join in with the festivities. Yes although we will probably always have to be aware of what we are eating and not return to our bad habits by next Christmas we will easily be at goal and have maintained at goal and will be having a true slim Christmas. If you hop off the wagon for a break now how will you feel if you rejoin it after Christmas and are potentially a stone heavier and then you will have that to lose again. Think about the lovely new size 14 dress you wore out at the weekend, how good did you feel, just think the next size is a 12 and that is not that long away, do you want to delay that?

I wish I was closer so I could meet up with you and help you with this journey. Am happy to call you for support if you want to message me your number? Or do you have Whats App on your phone then we can text message each other for free.

Stay strong, wipe the slate clean and hop back up beside me xx
 
Thinking about this more how about trying the Light option so that you can have some food, you mentioned before that you were considering it. That might tide you over this trickier time and then you could either stick with that or go back to Total in January, what do you think of that?

Although I am not ready to add food yet I might well be adding the vegetable allowance into my plan as of this Saturday as a trial because my bowels are still a nightmare despite taking Linseed and Senekot I just don't go : ( so was hoping that veggies might help get things moving.
 
Come on Tilley you can do this, you want to do this. We are all here to help and support you as much as we can.
 
Tilley - your diary shows great insight into yourself and you're learning as you go through this journey! Dont beat yourself up - pick yourself up and stay with us - you've done so well and going backwards isnt an option - re read your diary

take Care Vee x
 
Hi everyone,

Thank you so much, I have read all your comments and I'm honoured by you paying attention to me as I flail about. You'll be pleased to hear that I'm back on it - clear day yesterday, and again so far today. :) I will try and read everything through and also write more. Work is mental in the run up to Xmas so I keep going home and not wanting to type any more! (I'm a deskbound office bod!).

Also - interesting, work gets hard and the food starts to be considered again. Anyone sense a theme?!

MAssively thank you xxx sorry i'm so rushed xxx
 
diembroadhurst said:
Basically I looked at all the foods I enjoyed eating - I love veg - but have never been a big fan of the starch filled ones, I love fruit - but really only berries - I adore meat and fish, love cream and cheeses and nuts so when I recognized what it was I actually wanted to eat low carbing seemed the perfect fit. I'm not a big fan of bread - but sometimes enjoyed cake - so found low carb alternatives to cake through using almond flour instead. My fav dessert was pavlova (meringue, fruit and cream) but actually on reflection I actually think I ate it for the fruit and cream and haven't missed the meringue bit at all. I find actually low carbing in the perfect fit for eating out and about, with friends and family or in restaurants. In restaurants I swap out servings of potatoes or rice for green salads, at friends houses I eat the protein and veg and refuse dessert and starchy options in the meal. In all my time of following low cal I ALWAYS felt deprived and found it difficult to translate the diet to eating out - where as I've never had that problem on low carb. The atkins forum on here is pretty useful as a starting point - not everyone is following atkins but support anyone on low carb as the principles are similar, you can look into Paleo eating as well.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for spending the time to reply with what you do, I really want to prepare myself for life after VLCD so lots of reading to do.

Tilley - Phew you are back was a bit worried there thinking you had abandoned us xx
 
How is the rest of the week going Tilley? Hope you are staying on track x
 
Last edited:
Just a 2lb loss for me this week. Am away for the weekend and no access to a kettle or a microwave so am having shakes just with water and shaken (I normally blend them with loads of ice)am not liking them without. Just tomorrow to get through like that on 3 warm and shaken shakes and 1 bar a day then back to normality on Monday - phew!

Even though I am over halfway on this journey I just wish someone could tell me when I will be at goal.

Hopee everyone is having a good weekend.
 
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