Big long thunking time

[KD]

this is possible because I fear maintenance so much Iam stabotaging myself yet again, simple answer, YES

.

Okay, ignore all we have said on this thread....I'll get my rubber

Maintenance is fab!!!!

I told my fella to hide the chocolate so I couldnt have it, but that it would still be there for christmas, so he eat it all, Iam so angry with him, again because he has ruined my plan to be on cd forever,lol.
Blah blah blah, basically, thanks for this thread, hope things improve.

LOL. Best laid plans eh You too will have to join us at some point. Sooner rather than later I hope! I'd love to see our Penny joining the maintenance club here

 

[penny35]

thanks for that my lovely one, wont be til the middle of next month, if I can stop being a twatt,lol.

 

[coley144]

Hey ladies this discussion really rang bells with me - but not about food but about smoking. I gave up fags a few years ago and I still want them sometimes. Usually the craving is non-existent, sometimes small and sometimes its HUGE but I rarely give in (about 4 times a year I have a fag). I don't give in because its not worth it. I don't want to get hooked again and the benefits, particularly for me as I am an asthmatic, well outway the downsides.

Thanks ladies because you've given me an insight into maintenance - and I can apply it to a battle I'm already fighting (and winning!).

 

[Isis]

Thankyou my Angel Lacey and everyone else who helped us rant on here

All toys now firmly thrown out of cot. 2 chocs missing from box and a bottle of wine still 2/3rd full :clap:

Until tomorrow evening...then once more into the fray and all that, but for now, the chaos gods are quietening

Glad to just see that the chaos gods shut up in the end xx

 

[penny35]

Hi again, just wanted to say thankyou for this thread again, its really made me think long and hard.
Today is the first time for a VERY long time that I havent weighed myself, its usually a morning and nightly event, I have eaten real foods and Iam ok with it.
KD you mentioned about wanting that really full feeling and its clear to me that, that is what I have been wanting too, and its not neccesary and the neutral feeling you spoke of will have to be enough,before starting cd its fair to say I had never felt physical hunger,emotional yes, and mistook that for needing food.
I have spent 2 years on and off of cd and a year before that trying to loose weight, so it stupid to think I havent got willpower, ok its taken longer than it should of , but its not a race, well not for me.
So I have a new mind set I have to get used to and accept and I wanted to say thankyou for helping me with that.
Its still one minute at a time,but it isnt about having a cheat day and eating as much as I can because I will have to be good tomorrow,and its not about saying there are foods I cant have, because that makes me want them even more.
Its about learning a new style of control that will allow me to maintain,and after all thats going to be the biggest challenge of my life, the dieting was the easy bit, but life should be about challenge, it makes it more interesting, not sure why it has to be so bloody hard sometimes, maybe its so the good stuff, feels really good.
Thanks again, have a wonderful christmas, better get ready for work.

 

[KD]

Sorry with the late reply Penny. Read it at the time though and agreed with so much.

enough,before starting cd its fair to say I had never felt physical hunger,emotional yes, and mistook that for needing food.

There's such a fine line between them isn't there. I know I often felt hungry before CD, but now know it wasn't physical hunger.

Even now I sometimes have to question. I know when I'm too hungry, I feel weak. That doesn't happen when it's emotional hunger, well...not in the same way. I try never to get too hungry though as it takes too long to satisfy and I can miss the signals.

Moderately hungry is good though. That's when I'm just past thinking about it being meal time but I can wait a bit longer.

That doesn't happen with emotional eating. You have to have food now.

but it isnt about having a cheat day and eating as much as I can because I will have to be good tomorrow,and its not about saying there are foods I cant have, because that makes me want them even more.

That's it...assuming your not on Cambridge, when all the rules change

There is no tomorrow. Always live in the present, not what has just happened. Every moment is a chance of doing it right.

not sure why it has to be so bloody hard sometimes, maybe its so the good stuff, feels really good.

Good way of thinking about it Sometimes it really does feel tough (like the day I started this thread), more often I'm in a place of acceptance now. It's not what I 'could' do, but what I actually 'do'. This is now me.

Doesn't always stop me from throwing a paddy, but it certainly gets easier and the paddys are getting less

 

[KD]

Well, managed the whole of 2008 without a binge!!

OMG...how fantastic do I feel doing that

Yes, there have been a few times when I've eaten a little more than I should, but that's normal...but no binges!

I still have 12 boxes of chocolates left too. We all picked at one of the boxes over Christmas.

As for these 12 boxes. Some might get given away, but for the right reasons. I didn't want to give them away because I was afraid of them, because they were the enemy.

I have no need to fight them. It's not a battle. This is the way of life I have chosen.

So whether I eat them all, give them away, share them with the family, makes no odds. It's just food after all, and I trust myself enough now to make the best choice for me

 

[misscheeky]

well done hun xxxx

 

[KD]

Thanks Becky

 

[Porgeous]

Well, managed the whole of 2008 without a binge!!

OMG...how fantastic do I feel doing that

Yes, there have been a few times when I've eaten a little more than I should, but that's normal...but no binges!

I still have 12 boxes of chocolates left too. We all picked at one of the boxes over Christmas.

As for these 12 boxes. Some might get given away, but for the right reasons. I didn't want to give them away because I was afraid of them, because they were the enemy.

I have no need to fight them. It's not a battle. This is the way of life I have chosen.

So whether I eat them all, give them away, share them with the family, makes no odds. It's just food after all, and I trust myself enough now to make the best choice for me

A HUGE achievement and well done doesn't seem enough.

I particularly like "this is the way of life I have CHOSEN" - the key to all of this me thinks.

x

 

[KD]

A HUGE achievement and well done doesn't seem enough.

I particularly like "this is the way of life I have CHOSEN" - the key to all of this me thinks.

x

Cheers Georgie. Not bad after coming up to 40 years of binging eh :clap:

It was almost daily, and certainly 3-4 times a week (except when I was being perfect on the diet )

Once in maintenance, it cut down, until it was once every 3-4 months. Then it stopped

Me is nearly normal!

 

[Porgeous]

Me is nearly normal!

Steady now, let's not get carried away!

Seriously though, although not a major issue for me, I do believe bingeing to be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome because it defies all rational thought. Me thinks you have reaped the reward of all the effort you have put into understanding your relationship with food.

 

[edibeedee]

This discussion has been so good for me. When I started opti I thought that maintenance would be the hard part but that abstinence would be hardest. I now know that not having to think about what to eat has been relatively easy once I really stuck to it. I was terrified at the thought of maintenance but now have begun to try to deal with those thoughts in an effort to try to make that part more bearable. I have come to a few realizations:
*This is somewhat like recovering from drugs etc in that you have to give them up in order to remain clean. The difference with us is that we have to have food to live so what I have to give up forever is what ever caused me to over eat in the first place. Finding that is the key and finding it has been difficult and I am still working out the full picture. I think of it as this box maybe the size of a shoe box that I put in the closet long years ago, just hide it away. I have been taking the box out over the years and peeking in and at times taking the contents out to look at but I always put them back tied with many strings in knots tied tight with all manner of tape and anything that would hold the contents in. Three summers ago, I took the box out but then I had to try to get in the box because there was so much string, tape and the box was all battered a bruised. With my scissors, hacksaws, my teeth, I opened that box and really examined the contents. I was tempted several times to shut all back up but that summer I lost 30lbs calorie counting. But gained it back. The next summer again lost about 20lbs doing the same but just couldn't get back into it like the summer before, gained it back. This summer I started this current journey, in the middle of it now and trying to work out how to deal with the future and maintenance. Thanks for this post KD, it really has got me to start working on a plan of action to be as content as I have been so far. I just want to get on with my life, I know you all do too. Thanks for the support, I have been able to carry on due in part to all of you and my family and friends.
Be kind to yourselves this year.
edi

 

[KD]

Steady now, let's not get carried away!

Yes, was a crazy thought

Seriously though, although not a major issue for me, I do believe bingeing to be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome because it defies all rational thought.

That's a really good way of describing it. Must remember that, and yes, it's been my biggest challenge.

I knew I could keep the weight down, despite the binges by dieting, but it's no way to live. It had to be different this time.

Actually, think I'll bump up one of my other posts on this thread. Must be running out of new material

 

[KD]

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

 

[Porgeous]

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

Another gem, haven't seen this before - it made me laugh cos it is so true!

 

[KD]

Oh, nearly missed this one!

*This is somewhat like recovering from drugs etc in that you have to give them up in order to remain clean. The difference with us is that we have to have food to live so what I have to give up forever is what ever caused me to over eat in the first place.

Exactly. I hear about the similarity with the addiction to drugs and how it doesn't apply to food because we always have to have food, but it does work.

I know we have to still face food, but food isn't the problem, it's the relationship with food and ourselves that's the problem.

I'm not trying to crack my food addiction, I'm trying to crack my addiction for using food inappropriately.

Where I went wrong before was trying to deal with the food...oh and the weight. Fine for dieting...but not maintenance.

Finding that is the key and finding it has been difficult and I am still working out the full picture. I think of it as this box maybe the size of a shoe box that I put in the closet long years ago, just hide it away. I have been taking the box out over the years and peeking in and at times taking the contents out to look at but I always put them back tied with many strings in knots tied tight with all manner of tape and anything that would hold the contents in. Three summers ago, I took the box out but then I had to try to get in the box because there was so much string, tape and the box was all battered a bruised. With my scissors, hacksaws, my teeth, I opened that box and really examined the contents. I was tempted several times to shut all back up but that summer I lost 30lbs calorie counting. But gained it back. The next summer again lost about 20lbs doing the same but just couldn't get back into it like the summer before, gained it back. This summer I started this current journey, in the middle of it now and trying to work out how to deal with the future and maintenance.

Great analogy. I opened my box bit by bit. Sometimes I opened took one thing out at a time...dealt with it, moved on. Sometimes I gave myself a pause.

Each thing when I was ready. Oh, and sometimes finding new stuff that I nearly added to the box . but I gradually had the confidence to face any new stuff, without hiding it away.

Not completely there yet, but certainly getting easier

 

[edibeedee]

Not completely there yet, but certainly getting easier

Thank the Lord for that!
edi

 

[KD]

Thank the Lord for that!
edi

yep, eyes down....focus....don't fail....then on year 6 it'll be easier

 

[KD]

Was thinking about the binging thing this evening. Wonder how it happened.

It's not as if I set myself a challenge not to binge for a year...I just didn't.

I think this is one of the biggest turning points for me ever. More than losing the weight. It's the thing that always held me back.

I knew the episodes were getting further and further apart, but each time one happened I wondered if I would ever crack it. In fact, could a binger ever really turn into a ex-binger...especially after all these years.

I suppose the next few years will tell.

I read somewhere that people with BED have larger stomachs than other people. Can't remember where I read it, but want to find the next paragraph to see whether the BED causes the larger stomach, or whether you're born with it.

Anyway...very chuffed tonight