Blimp to Bombshell: RawrGirl's Weight Loss Diary

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by RawrGirl, 6 September 2012 Social URL.

  1. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Once upon a time, there was a young girl who wished she was a boy. After all, boys had all the fun; boys went on adventures; boys saved the day. So she climbed trees, and played with cars, guns, and swords, and kept her hair shoved up in hats. Then one day, this girl became a teenager. Suddenly she liked being a girl. She wanted to be pretty. But her father was against her being beautiful lest she attract the attention of boys and even criticized her weight. He enforced baggy clothes and forbade makeup. Her mother never wore makeup or jewelry or even painted her nails. And she was schooled at home lest she make friends who would lead her astray. Prohibited from reading fashion magazines or watching TV, she grew up with no idea on how to be, look, or feel feminine. Afflicted with extreme acne, she secretly experimented with makeup, but looked like clown and was teased. She dreamed of the day when she would be thin and beautiful...but food became a source of comfort, easing the turmoil within. As an adult, she gave up on makeup, and followed in her mother's footsteps of being a chronic yo-yo dieter and dressing in sweats.

    Years later, after several failed relationships, she met Prince Charming and is currently living her happily ever after...except for that elusive dream of being thin and feeling beautiful.

    So now she has founded the Bombshell School of Beauty, so that while on her weight loss journey, she will learn all the secrets of being a girl, on makeup, hair and skin care, of posture and grace and elegance and on developing the feminine mystique. She knows that if she completes this now, what others take for granted and have known since their teen years, she will have mastered by the time she reaches her goal.


    Bombshell [bom-shel]: Someone having a sudden and sensational effect; a head turner; stunningly attractive; devastatingly beautiful.

    RawrGirl [roar-gurl]: An invisible entity hidden behind baggy clothes and rumpled hair; a clutz; chunky pumpkin; pudgy frump.
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
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  3. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    RawrGirl's Stats

    Height: 5'5
    Weight: Probably around 150
    Build: Medium
    Size: US 12 (Old Navy)

    Heaviest Weight: 172 (have yo-yo'd from 172 -- 145 for the last 2 1/2 years)
    Thinnest Weight: 138 (when I was 20)

    Goal Weight: 126lb/9st (and never any heavier than 135lb/9st.8lb)
    Goal Size: ???

    Largest Known Measurements (in inches):
    Waist: 34
    Navel: 41
    Hip: ???
    Thigh: 25
    Arm: 13 1/4

    Current Measurements:
    Waist: 31
    Navel: 36 1/2
    Hip: 40 3/4
    Thigh: 24 1/2
    Arm: 13

    Goal Measurements:
    Waist: At least under 30, 27 or 28 would be nice
    Hip: 37
    Thigh: 22 would be lovely
    Arm: 11 would be satisfactory
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  4. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Scale Addiction

    RawrGirl is a scale addict. She would visit demon scale everyday even though her official weigh-in was Friday mornings. Without fail, if she didn't lose or lost less than a pound, she would end up eating all weekend to console myself. Or, if the demon scale showed a loss she was happy with, she would often celebrate by ordering pizza and treating herself to a decadent slice of triple chocolate cake.

    She has a difficult time losing weight. Even when she is good for weeks on end and exercises like crazy, she often sees very little losses. She did Weight Watchers awhile back, and stuck to her points religiously, and jogged up to 3 miles 3-5 times a week, but would only see losses like .2 pounds or .4 pounds.

    She got so depressed, she stopped going and tried Atkins. After an initial loss in the first 2 weeks, almost nothing. She basically hovered around 146-152 pounds for 2 years, (whether she did induction or WOE) sacrificing carbs, staying in Ketosis for weeks on end. For she never got under 148.

    Every Friday after she weighed in, she would get very depressed. So finally her Prince Charming battled the demon scale and banished it from our domain (about a month or two ago). This horrified RawrGirl. She must know what she weighed! How could she plan her day? How could she know what kind of mood she was in?

    Now, with my new 12-Week Plan, she is actually glad it’s gone. She doesn’t want it to dictate her mood. She doesn’t want it to trigger a binge. She is going to stay faithful to her plan for 12 straight weeks (no holidays in sight). She may be going to her mother-in-laws for Thanksgiving weekend, and wishes to wear a magical gown when she meets Prince Charming's extended family for the first time (who've only seen chunky pics of her).

    So for her 12-Week Plan, she is going by measurements only. With the goal of fitting into her old skinny jeans (and maybe even swimming in them). She hopes to feel completely confident in how she looks at the end of 12 weeks, and hopes that whatever the demon scale says at the end will be her goal weight.
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  5. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Binge Eating

    RawrGirl has an all-or-nothing mentality. If her calories are over by 500, they may as well be over by 1500. If she is out of Ketosis, she may as well eat every carbolicious thing in sight. If she's already gone over her points by 10, she may as well enjoy herself and make it 100.

    She has jogged off and on for 20 years. She yo-yo's because whenever she gets too heavy, this overwhelming shame overtakes her and she runs off the weight until she can fit back into reasonable clothes (about 15-20 pounds short of her ultimate goal). But then she lets up on the exercise, and allows herself to eat pizza and such again. Over and over. Year after year.

    It ends now.

    She will figure out how not to binge. She will understand that there is a difference between going over her calories by 500 versus 1500. She will treat every day like a "healthy" day, not an on-diet day and an off-diet day. Some days (mainly weekends) will be healthy at higher calories, but she will NEVER have a binge day/weekend/week.

    (She put on 20 pounds in one week in April after visiting her mother-in-law. She was on holiday. She could eat whatever. And so she stuffed herself silly meal and meal until she felt like she would burst...and she still kept eating.

    Never again.

    She will NOT binge. Ever.

    She has occasionally put this into practice. Last weekend is an example. On Friday, she decided to allow herself pizza for dinner, but that was the treat...not pizza and wings and dessert. Just the pizza. Sunday night was also pizza (she was away all weekend with family). This time, she allowed herself a dessert, so she choose a 3-pack cream-filled cupcake which ironically had the lowest amount of carbs compared to everything else. She ate one. It wasn't as good as she remembered, so she gave the other two to her niece and nephew. She also did a mini-workout. This is unheard of for her. She never works out on off-diet days. Why bother?

    But this time she did. Why? Because now, every day is a healthy day. Eating pizza now and then (especially on a mini-holiday) is acceptable. Not binging is healthy. Living life includes eating yummy food and desert on occasion, at social gatherings, etc. Earlier that same day, she had gone to a barbecue. She ate her burger without a bun. She had 5 chips. She had no soda/pop. She ate one bite of a brownie, it wasn't as good as she wanted, so she gave the rest to her Prince Charming (who was reaching for his third anyway). Again, this is unheard of. Knowing she was out of Ketosis, knowing that she was going to have pizza for dinner, she normally would have had her burger on a bun, ate handfuls of chips, and at least 3 brownies, and would have drank root beer. But she didn't. This is a good step in the right direction.

    Treat is good. Binge is bad.

    She MUST keep this mentality, or she will never maintain her goal weight (when she reaches it).
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  6. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

    Jeez young really are setting yourself up to fail big time!!!
    You have put in soo much effort in detailing all the stuff about yourself and how this is THE last time you will binge etc. etc... Please do try to relax and get a better view of yourself! do need to lose weight..and yes,.. it's good to set a target but don't put the obstacles of thinking you are never ever going to be detered from your chosen path 'cos it just ain't gonna happen m'dear!
    Much better to take it day by day, accept that a "failure" (I prefer the term ..Blip) is going to creep in now and again..after all that's just human nature..right?!
    I do hope that you are able to prove me wrong but in the meantime..all the very best to you... :)
  7. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Hi Emmaline, thanks for stopping by.

    RawrGirl plans her binges. It's never an accident. If she decides to have pizza on the upcoming Friday night, she goes to the store and buys chocolate cake, crackers, snacks, cookies...she makes herself bigger portions at every meal all weekend long and eats until she is stuffed. She "treats" herself to fried foods, milkshakes, etc. This is what she means by she will not binge again. She doesn't mean she will never eat more than intended, or I will never slip up. She just means that she isl not going to look at any day/weekend/week as a binge day/weekend/week. She will occasionally treat herself to less than healthy food, but that doesn't mean she will stuff herself silly with that food. She can learn that having one "treat" meal in a day does not mean that every other meal that day must also be heavily calorie-laden. She has literally not eaten a healthy breakfast because she knew supper would be high-calorie/fat/carb, and instead "treats" herself to stacks of french toast or loads of surgery cereal or muffins and donuts. In her mind, to eat a healthy meal on an "off-diet" day was a waste of healthy food that should have been saved for a "diet" day. To exercise on an "off-diet" day was a complete waste of time. So now, she no longer wants to look at days or meals with that all-or-nothing approach; she wants a more balanced view...She doesn't think that type of mind frame is setting herself up for failure. Does that make sense?
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  8. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    RawrGirl's 12-Week Plan: The Diet

    Breakfast: Protein Shake
    Lunch: Protein Shake
    Supper: Chicken, veggies, cheese, low-carb wrap

    Breakfast: Protein Shake
    Lunch: Protein Shake
    Supper: Lean Beef, cheese, jalapeno ranch, wrap

    Breakfast: 2 Eggs, cheese, bacon bits
    Lunch: ???
    Supper: Lean Beef, cheese, jalapeno ranch, low-carb wrap

    Breakfast: 2 Eggs, cheese, bacon bits
    Lunch: ???
    Supper: ???

    RawrGirl hasn't completely figured out her weekend plan yet, but on average, Mon thru Thursday will be around 850 calories, Friday and Saturday just under 1500, and Sunday about 1200. This is loosely based on Jillian Michaels' (Biggest Loser) advice to eat light a few times a week, and a little heavier the other days. She believes it's supposed to be more alternate, but that is not realistic for her, as she always tends to eat more on the weekends.

    Supplements: Multi-vitamin, Calcium, Potassium

    Water: Heaps

    RawrGril has normal everything -- blood pressure, cholesterol levels, etc. Her RHR is that of an athlete (go figure; it must be from running several months out of the year for the past 20 years)
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  9. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    RawrGirl's 12-Week Plan: The Workout

    Mon, Wed, Fri:

    Upper Body
    Weeks 1-5 -- 2 Sets / 8-12 reps
    Weeks 6-8 -- 3 Sets / 8-12 reps
    Weeks 9-12 -- 4 Sets / 8-12 reps

    Tues, Thurs, Sat:

    Lower Body
    Weeks 1-5 -- 2 Sets / 8-12 reps
    Weeks 6-8 -- 3 Sets / 8-12 reps
    Weeks 9-12 -- 4 Sets / 8-12 reps

    The above routine is based on a study involving people on VLCD's who did Cardio only, versus those that did Strength Training only. While both groups lost approximately 30 pounds in 12 weeks, the Cardio only people lost an average of 21 pounds of fat and 9 pounds of muscle (which lowers metabolism and makes it difficult to maintain weight loss after resuming a normal diet). The Strength Training group lost 29 pounds of fat and only 1 pound of muscle. RawrGirl has tried every diet under the sun except one that goes under 1200 calories due to the dreaded "starvation mode" and the "you will gain it all back plus more" warnings, so she is quite excited to have this study, and is very optimistic that she will finally reach her goal.

    90 minutes Figure Skating*

    After goal weight is reached, RawrGirl will probably need to add jogging back into her routine as she will wish to eat more whilst maintaining her weight.

    *RawrGirl is supposed to figure skate Mon-Fri, but usually she only makes it 1 - 2 times a week as her life has been rather hectic of late. But now things have settled down, and she hopes to start going 4-5x a week.


    20+ minute Stretch Routine: RawGirl designed this herself based on which of her muscles need the most increase in flexibility, as well as poses needed for advanced figure skating moves, and others she finds really cool.

    Though she lifted weights and jogged/ran since her teens, she NEVER stretched, and is now paying for it. Her hamstrings in particular are a mess -- she cannot touch my toes, lean forward without bending my knees, or raise one leg to a 90 degree angle (while lying on my back) without bending the other knee.
    :eek: However, just in the few weeks since she has started, she has gotten better. Her ultimate goal is to do a split (needed for some figure skating moves). :p
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  10. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    RawrGirl's Thinspiration

    RawrGirl wants to be thin/fit so that...

    she looks good in photos
    she's confident in bed with Prince Charming
    she enjoys clothes shopping for the first time in her life
    she loves attending socials with friends and feels great in her outfit
    she feels and looks feminine and graceful
    she can enjoy watching movies without feeling self-conscious of skinny actresses
    she can buy/wear stunning dresses and outfits
    she feels confident and beautiful
    she can enjoy the summer without hiding in pants
    she can enjoy pool parties and going to the beach
    she feels beautiful, elegant, and graceful when figure skating, esp performing a routine

    What RawrGirl hates most about being chunky:

    The way she looks in pictures
    Feeling shame while watching movies
    Hiding under the sheets or in the dark
    Cringing when she discovers she's been tagged in a photo
    Avoiding socials because she either looked like a blimp in loose fitting clothes or a squashed sausage in fitted clothes
    Feeling awkward and clumsy
    Feeling self-conscious and full of shame
    Avoiding malls, dressing rooms, shopping, and mirrors in general
    Avoiding any situation that puts her in a bathing suit
    Passing a mirror and realizing she looked like a sloppy blob
    Only buying clothes from Walmart of Goodwill
    Feeling like a blob on the ice
    Dreading family gatherings and wishing she could hide

    RawrGirl's Rewards for reaching her goal:

    A new dress for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas
    Getting a boudoir photo shoot for her Prince Charming
    Building an amazing wardrobe (as finances permit)
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  11. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    It's Me Or The Jeans: RawrGirl's Halloween Challenge

    RawrGirl has joined the Halloween Challenge, and since she doesn't have a demon scale, she has decided her goal is to fit into her Jay Jacobs jeans. RawrGirl loves Jay Jacobs. RawrGirl misses Jay Jacobs. RawrGirl wishes Jay Jacobs would come here!!! :mad: Alas, RawrGirl digresses...

    RawrGirl's Jay Jacobs jeans fit her once upon time (14 years ago, 9 months AFTER she had her son, when she had lost 62 pounds (200lbs to 138lbs). She fit into those jeans for about 2 months (she gained 12 pounds almost instantly after a 4000-mile move). Anyway, that was RawrGirl's lowest adult weight (s
    he hovered between 130-150 in her teens). But because she wasn't at goal yet...there are no pics. :mad:

    So... RawrGirl thought it would be a hoot to post "before" pics of her in these jeans, i.e. at her current weight.

    As you can clearly see, she can't quite get them over her hips, and she won't mention the 7-inch gap between button and button hole. :eek: 14 years these jeans have been her weight loss goal. And now she is hoping to get into them in 2 months. RawrGirl questions how realistic this is, except to say it would be approx 12 pounds in 8 weeks which is less than 2 pounds per week, which is supposedly's just hard for her to imagine reaching something in 2 months that she hasn't been able to do for 14 years. And on top of that, her ultimate goal now is 126lb (though RawrGirl admits that if she fits into those jeans and her body refuses to lose more, she will be content.)

    Anyway, RawrGirl hopes that by Halloween she will be posting pics where they fit perfect. Maybe she will post pics even if they don't quite fit. One thing is: She will never give up. After 14 years, it's personal.

    Attached Files:

    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  12. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    RawrGirl's Diet/Fitness Entry

    So today, RawrGirl had a protein shake for breakfast and lunch, and for dinner, she had chicken with spinach and cream cheese sauce in a grilled low-carb wrap, with a side of asparagus smothered in hollandaise sauce. RawrGirl never tasted hollandaise sauce before, and found it to be quite yummy! :D

    As far her workout went...not so good.

    Apparently, RawrGirl overestimated the strength of her bum, as it is quite sore today from yesterday's workout...too sore to go figure skating. Plus, her shoulders are still sore from the push ups she performed on Tuesday's workout, so she was also forced to forgo her upper body workout. But...she did do her total body stretch routine. Hopefully tomorrow nothing will ache and she will be back on track. :)
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  13. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

    All going really well Rawrgirl, well done.
    Photos are a revelation... the way you were talking about yourself I had imagined someone twice your size.. :D !
    Love the idea of the figure skating, something I would have loved to be able to do.
  14. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Thank you.

    RawrGirl is currently at the weight of her evil avatar picture, which was taken in March of this year. In April, after a 1-week holiday, she put on 15-20 pounds. (She is not exactly sure as to how much she gained, as she was too afraid to visit the demon scale till after a few weeks of dieting). She came back from said holiday to find none of her clothes fit (as she had listened to diet experts and thrown away all her larger clothes, thus she spent the summer in sweats refusing to buy bigger sizes. :mad:

    And now, finally, she is back down to the weight in the evil Avatar pic. Yesterday, she tried on the jeans she's wearing in the evil Avatar pic (size 10 Old Nayy) and she can just barely button them, and has major muffin top hanging over. Last summer she was running alot, and those jeans fit perfect. :mad: She is hoping they fit perfect again by the end of September...and then maybe...just maybe...her Jay Jacob jeans (from the thumbnail pics) will fit by Halloween.

    RawrGirl has a hard time knowing what she *really* looks like. She def thinks she looks better in the mirror than in pics, but they say one can mentally distort the image in the mirror and that pics don't lie. Some days RawrGirl thinks she looks huge...other days she thinks she looks alright. But she always hates pics. She was away last weekend with family, and her mum took a group pic and she looked bloody huge. Alas, just when RawrGirl thinks she looks cute in an outfit that she thought flattered her, someone has to go and take a pic and make her realize she is still a blimp. :( Perhaps RawrGirl will post the newest evil pic from last weekend whenever her mum uploads it...probably in a few days.
    Last edited: 7 September 2012
  15. Faith_111

    Faith_111 Silver Member

    You'll get there hun as you don't have too much to lose. Your thinspiration really made me think about how I feel about myself and I'm going to do a list too. Btw, love the title of your thread! Here to support hunny x
  16. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    RawrGirl thanks you for your support and encouragement, and looks forward to seeing your list! RawrGirl loves lists. :D
  17. Faith_111

    Faith_111 Silver Member

    :D Hope you're having a great day x
  18. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Diet/Fitness Entry: Friday Night

    RawrGirl succeeded in her first low-calorie Friday night. :D

    Even though RawrGirl had less than her allotted amount of Vodka, she still got major munchy she grilled up some veggies and smothered them in warm low-calorie spinach cream cheese sauce. Soooo yummy. Rawrgirl thinks she can get used to "binging" on vegetables.

    Total Calories for Friday: 1350

    She thinks this be the first time in her life.

    RawrGirl's bum was still too sore to figure skate, but she did do her upper body workout. :)
  19. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Bombshell School of Beauty: Eyebrows

    RawrGirl has bushy eyebrows. :(

    In the past, she has tried plucking, shaving, tweezing, self-waxing, and even salon waxing. But RawrGirl's eyebrows never looked like she wanted...trim, yes. Non-bushy, yes. But never Hollywood elegant. Recently RawrGirl discovered a set of eyebrow cut outs, and realized that she and salon peoples have always given her the classic shape when what she wanted was the glamourous shape.

    RawrGirl considered going to the salon with the cutout, but is quite low on funds (plus the salon wax makes her skin above and below her brow breakout--not very sexy). So RawrGirl decided to do a wax/tweeze combo herself, then smothered her skin in benzol peroxide. Voila! Glamourous and break-out free! :D

    RawrGirl's Before:

    2012-09-07 15.18.14.jpg

    RawrGirl's After:

    2012-09-07 15.45.32_Newark_Delaware_US.jpg

    RawrGirl's After With Eye Makeup:

    2012-09-07 15.57.21_Newark_Delaware_US.jpg

    RawrGirl is quite pleased, and her brows passed the ultimate natural/subtle test: Prince Charming never noticed a difference. :p
  20. Faith_111

    Faith_111 Silver Member

    Gorgeous eyebrows x I tend to either pluck them from underneath and use a gentle wax on top if I do them at home. Salon wax makes me breakout too so at the salon I like to get them threaded. A little painful but no breakouts!
  21. RawrGirl

    RawrGirl Regained. :(

    Thanks! :) RawrGirl heard threading was VERY painful, and RawrGirl does not like pain. RawrGirl waxed underneath, then plucked what was still left. This is the arch she always wanted, so she is pleased. :D

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