Crazys "No Binging Allowed" Diary...

[crazylilblondie]

I've wanted to reply for a few days but my own head just wasn't in the right place, but it is now, so here goes. Well done for resisting the binge the other night, how did you distract yourself?

I honestly dont know how I did it.. I was in such a mess, over nothing really! I find sitting online helps.. as time flies so quickly when im surfing and doing nothing! Also I got into my PJs and took off my makeup, so if I DID want to binge Id have to get dressed again which seemed like an effort. Hope your head is in a better place today

If the doctor gives you some tablets, they'll most likely be something called SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) which have little abuse potential, ie. you can't really get addicted to them. That was one thing I was worried about when admitting I was depressed- needing them to survive. Provided you come off them gradually as directed by your doctor, you should have no problems. SSRI's are quite often prescribed (along with other treatments) for various mild eating disorders too, so they may be brill for you. As you may have guessed, I did about of background reading before I went to the doc back then, so I'll stop rambling now, but if you ever want to chat about it, just PM me hun.

Thanks for explaining about those. I dont know when Im going to doctors.. hopefully I can get an early morning one on Thursday as Im working at a conference all day tomorrow. I was on anti depressants several years ago after the love of my life broke my heart and I was a complete mess. However it was a two week trial pack and I never went back for more which I probably should of done... will let you know how I get on. Thanks xxx

Oh yes, and Ive had my 3 shakes today.. havent quite had the urge to binge tonight, though the morning, early afternoon was quite bad. Just a few hours to go and into day 3 wahooo!!!

 

[crazylilblondie]

Wednesday 17th June 2009
Day 7
Goal: 8 Stone 7lbs
Weight: 9 Stone 2.4
Daily Change: +0.8
Weekly Change: -4.6
Till Goal: 9.4lbs
Plans: Working 14hours!

Well todays pissed me off.. the last 2 days have been harder than ever to remain 100% and fight the urges to binge. Yet I stuck with it... and how have I been rewarded? By putting ON 0.8lbs each day instead. Perhaps Im eating in my sleep?? Anyways after today I was feeling so negative I have decided not to weigh myself till my birthday on july 12th. That way I will have a nice surprise on the scales for that day yes?? Damn daily weighing!!!!

 

[lisalulu]

Well done on sticking at it, those early days are so hard aren't they. Have you had any luck getting to the docs yet?

 

[crazylilblondie]

I tried again today but they told me to ring back at 8am tomorrow.. grrr no lie in for me...

I am on another forum at the moment reading some motivational quotes and this one made me laugh so much...

"I’ve come too far to take orders from a cookie"

 

[Katycakes]

Love that quote! Have been in the clutches of the evil choc bar all of my life... hee hee. Good luck with appointment today, think it's mean they won't let you book in ahead! Hang on honey, some days are sent to try us, but keep arguing back to the cookie demon and you'll get through. Hugs.

xxx

 

[Julie Williams]

Good luck today I love that quote it just made me smile xxx

 

[jacci]

Just had to say crazy you look beautiful,Im on prozac,have been for 4 yrs since I lost 2 people very closely together,if you need any advice,just let me know.

xx

 

[crazylilblondie]

Thankyou very much guys xxxx

Well, I got my doctors appointment! Ive been put on Fluoxetine. Duno if that's good or bad? Gona do my research on it in a min. Have to go back in three weeks to see how im doing. Doctor suggested councelling as well but we will see. I said I cant really afford it at the mo without a job :s

Anyways Ive not weighed myself today as like I said before - want a suprise on my bday.. gona see if perhaps the daily weighing wasnt for me afterall! Been to the gym and did a good work out and toning up as feel quite flabby. Im working on some quiz show this afternoon and im leaving my purse at home and only taking my shakes (spare one in case I get asked to work evening like yday) so no excuses to fail!!

Quote for the day

Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

 

[Chelsea Lou]

Quote for the day

Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

That's a good 'un, I like that a lot. Hope you are ok sweetie. I am sure you will do well on your meds. xx

 

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Hey Natalie
Im glad GP has prescribed Fluoxetine. It wont work instantly will take about 3 wks to kick in so dont expect instant miracles.

I love your motivational quotes and unfortunately had to nick one for my siggy to STOP me from picking!

Hope work okay let us know how you are either on here or PM
sending you hugs
xxx

 

[lisalulu]

I'm pretty sure Fluoxetine is an SSRI, that sounds just what you need. Well done for going hun, and if you ever want to chat/scream/shout/rant or rave... just gimme a PM.

 

[crazylilblondie]

Thanks alot xx

Well the day was going well... had my two shakes.. came home from work and told mum what Ive been prescribed and as usual gave me no support and just criticised. "pills wont make you feel better - your problems will still be there" I was like yes YOU will still be there. She just thinks Im being overdramatic and doesnt realise how much her constant criticism and nagging affects me. When i told her it will hopefully even out my moods so im not binging and purging she was just like "well when your teeth rot youll only have yourself to blame!"

AARRRGGGHHHHH

 

[crazylilblondie]

I'm pretty sure Fluoxetine is an SSRI, that sounds just what you need. Well done for going hun, and if you ever want to chat/scream/shout/rant or rave... just gimme a PM.

I looked it up online and it said

"Fluoxetine (trade name Prozac) is an antidepressant of the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) class. Fluoxetine is approved for the treatment of major depression , obsessive-compulsive disorder , bulimia nervosa, anorexia nervosa, panic disorder and premenstrual dysphoric disorder."

 

[Katycakes]

Sounds like what you need honey. Big hugs... mad mums, tell me about them... it hurts, I know.

xxx

 

[lisalulu]

I'm going through the same thing with my Mum Nat, its blooming hard cause she was one of my best friends before I started CD. She lost her own Mum a while back and hasn't been right since, she has been on and off Citalopram and I've finally persuaded her to go back onto them and stick at it, so hopefully she'll become 'Nice Mum' instead of 'Menopausal, moody, negative Mum' I hate to admit it though, I really think the main reason she objects to CD is jealousy because she hates that I'm now slimmer than her.

 

[crazylilblondie]

I really think the main reason she objects to CD is jealousy because she hates that I'm now slimmer than her.

I think my mum is too. All the problems between us have mainly arrisen since I started CD. She used to always call me fat and make digs at how big I was.. but now Im slimmer if I am having an off day and I eat she makes all these nasty comments about what im eating and telling me how to lose weight by eating healthily when she is obese herself. Then makes sure she buys all my fave things and leaves them lying round the house to taunt me.

 

[jacci]

I know about Prozac and Mums, just keep going the tabs will help, if I could advise regarding your Ma Id be able to sort my own out and Im 48!!
Take care,

xx

 

[crazylilblondie]

So, apparently Im only on anti depressants as emotional blackmail to my mum *sigh*

Anyways i wont let her affect me! 100% yday, 100% today!! Been tot he gym, about to have my first shake, then off to the BBC for a few hours. I can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Think higher of yourself, you're too good to put that in your body.

 

[Katycakes]

Don't get me started... emotional blackmail? Er, right. The only emotional blackmail going on around here is NOT coming from you. Really sympathize honey, and again, shades of my own situation. (Just 15-ish years on). Time to cut loose and do what is right for YOU.

xxx

 

[crazylilblondie]

Time to cut loose and do what is right for YOU.

Unfortunately I know what is right for me.. I just am not able to do it even though I am more than ready for it! I'm 24 years old and i am so desperate to move out. I really feel prepared to live on my own, be responsible, pay bills ect. The only problem is the lack of a job... I have my BBC work but that is only part time and Im lucky to get 15-20 hours a week! The moment I get a permanent contract I am out the door!! I long for the day I have a fridge stocked with HEALTHY foods and not all this crap that torments me.

I really am obsessed with food, it's all i think about 24/7 - i cant seem to focus on anything else.

I've also been reassessing my goals and how I want to continue with this diet. Originally I wanted to be 8 stone 11 - giving me a BMI exactly in the middle. Then I shifted it down to 8 stone 7. However for 2 months now I have been playing with the same 7lbs yo yo-ing up and down between 9 stone and 9 stone 7. I'm beginning to think I need to just get my life in order and perhaps maintaining at 9 stone is whats right for me at the moment. Im a size 8 on top and size 10 bottoms. Maybe once ive got my eating/binging/job/house/life in order I can concentrate on loosing that half a stone, but for now I feel like I cant devote myself to this much longer with my head being in such a confusing place.

Hmm I just dont know what to do! One thing I do know is that I need to start living my life again? Any advise would be great.....

Don't eat anything today that you'll regret tomorrow