ProPoints Diary of Dreamings

[dreamings]

Right, so day... *counts* 4 back on plan is over (food wise, at least) and I've found it surprisingly easy! It's partially because I have time as we haven't started back yet, but that wasn't the case when placement ended. So something has clicked back into place and I'm very glad it has, if I'd let it get much worse I'd probably have just given up completely. Right now I probably could eat a lot if you stuck it in front of me, but not "hungry" enough to go hunting for it which is nice.

Also if anyone reads this and has an Android phone, the WWDiary app is awesome, especially if like me you're not actually subscribed to WW. Calculates and tracks in one place, unlike how I was doing it before, using the calculator and recording on the computer.

 

[dreamings]

Oh goody I have a sore throat... presume a full blown cold is on its way. Still, at least it means I won't eat a lot for a day or two haha!

 

[dreamings]

Lost 3lb this week! Good motivation to keep going

 

[dreamings]

Woohoo 3 more lb gone! Back where I was when i started to give up last time and no signs of doing so again!
...but I'm down a point too ruins your good mood a bit after a loss!

 

[andi]

Well done you! Keep at it you are doing so well. I'm still looking for the wagon never mind getting back on it!

 

[dreamings]

Thanks You'll be back with it before you know it, I'm sure! x

 

[dreamings]

So upset right now. I was observing a year 11 class and trying my best to help out (I'm a trainee teacher) and i noticed that a group of 3 girls were making jibes about my weight. Which is devastating as I just had my confidence back- I'm 5'8 and between 16-18 now so definitely felt like i was getting back to normal

Of course these girls arent aware that I've lost a lot of weight, and i still do look overweight because I am. and yes they are 16 and horrid. But they've really upset me. Ironically, the ringleader is most definitely overweight (not huge but obviously not a normal weight). So what right does she (or her 'mates') have? So wish i could have given her a reality check without getting chucked out!
Urgh

 

[Splodgergill]

Hugs,


Try not to let it get to you. teenage girls can be very *****y and if as you say the ringleader was carrying a few extra pounds she was probably doing it to mask her own insecurities.

 

[dreamings]

Thanks I've got a bit of perspective on it now- I'm probably going to get comments about some aspect of myself from teenage girls all my life, after all. They'll grow up one day. Well, most of them will.

Something else has annoyed me though- I went suit shopping yesterday afternoon, found a gorgeous suit in Next and I'm completely inbetween sizes! 18 looks just a bit *too* baggy and 16s are too tight. SO annoying. It was pretty much the same everywhere I went (or they just didn't have anything that would suit me) so I'm almost out of options. Trying Tesco today in the hope that their odd sizing works in my favour!

 

[dreamings]

Bought an 18 suit in the end. Both bad for my vanity and my bank balance as its bound to be redundant in a few weeks. Lets just hope it gets me the job!

 

[dreamings]

Over my weeklies now, oops. I'm in a hotel though, it happened before and I got back on the wagon straight away. Interview tomorrow, eek!

I can do damage limitation until WI on Weds if I don't get the job tomorrow, but if I do it's edible rewards ahoy on Tuesday (and possibly again on Friday when I see the other trainees again!) and I don't care. But I won't comiserate with food. Trying to stop the connection of bad stuff happening and food.

So for that reason do I want the job or not?? Hmm. Well, I do. But not for the food! I love this town (not naming it) already despite having been here around 6 hours and not having seen too much of it... just hope I like the school and they like me!

 

[dreamings]

Well, I didn't get the job. So I've bought some mini flapjacks to comiserate with. Going to see if I can resist them though until I get home, at which point I'll throw them away. But there's a train journey to get through yet...

I wish I could say I felt like crap because I didn't get the job. But it's not really that, it's more that they said my teaching let me down. Which is understandable as I'm training still. But it just brought up all these feelings of inadequacy "she knows what to do but can't actually go and do it", which has followed me all of my life and I can't shake it off

That, and I'm feeling rather lonely at the minute. I like to pretend I'm ok alone here (and most of the time I am) but I would kill to have someone be there when I get home later. I didn't tell my family I had the interview but wouldnt have confided in them about all this anyway.

Largely weight unrelated I know but needed to vent. Help?

 

[dreamings]

I had just 2 little pieces of flapjack, I'm not going to let them take all of my resolve!

 

[dreamings]

Well through some miracle I've lost 2lb. Not complaining!

 

[andi]

Good news about the 2 lbs! Sorry about the job, just take on board the feedback and wow them the next time.

 

[Splodgergill]

Well done on the loss, and on holding back on the flapjacks! eating your emotions is the worst thing, it never helps in the end.

onwards and upwards, the right job is out there for you.

 

[dreamings]

Thanks guys really helps to vent on here!

 

[dreamings]

Had a bad day at school. No idea if I'm making mountains out of molehills, though. Think I might be.

Sucks that the only people I could talk to are the ones I need to keep my cool in front of as they're the teachers I work with who are incredibly busy and have no time to listen to my moaning about potentially nothing! One of them, or my driving instructor, will be presented with a sobbing mess one day though, I can tell. I keep things inside too much and never let my emotions out like a normal person!

Completely weight-unrelated yet again, I know. But my moods do affect my weight a lot! Fortunately today isn't one of those days. I just really want to get home, do the bit of work I have to do, and go to sleep. I've even resisted all manner of nice foods at the train station!

 

[andi]

What about chatting to a mate or sympathetic tutor? Can you just ask for feedback? We all get bad days and days when you think everything you do is wrong, I know I do! Keep your chin up and well done resisting the comfort food.

 

[dreamings]

I get the feedback but still think like that haha! Anyway I'll live, I manage to every other time.

My rather excellent discovery this morning is that I now weigh less than 200lb! Never quite got there before my short stint off the wagon so very pleased with myself and just 2 or 3 lb to go before my BMI stops saying obese

I've decided too that I think I'm going to speak to those students who were making weight related comments if they do it again. Going to get them to pick up my rather heavy bag (made a post about this in the general section, me + v.heavy bag still doesn't equal my start weight!), imagine that multiplied by 2.5 and say that's how much weight I've lost, so they shouldn't comment on things without knowing somebody's full story. And hopefully that will shut them up. ...of course it could have the opposite effect, I'm not too sure exactly how nasty they are!