DIARY

[Scotsmist]

But, cutting out fruit!!! This is what is worrying me the most as I used to eat loads of fruit, but my weight loss has always been slow with having an under active thyroid too....I am hoping that once I get into a good routine weekly with aerobics/resistance exercises, etc,,,my body will just change and I will be able to eat "normal".

I find it more restrictive than LT to be honest...hahha

 

[JanD]

Hi Tanya

Carbs!!! OH, I know I shouldnt knock out a food group, but since I started LT I have a fear of them. I know it is all in my head but really, I look at all the labels, etc...forget fat, etc...it is carbs I look at which, incidentally is almost everything!!!!!!! It is driving me absolutely insane.

I know I have a problem with carbs. As soon as I have a very small bowl of cereal I feel as though I have had a 3 course meal and I feel horrible....not just since LT, I have felt this for years.

But, it has got to the stage where I am petrified even to eat fruit, and tomatoes!!!!!!

I need to sort this out, so need all the "slapping of wrists" as much as possible. I just fear putting the weight back on and this is my way of control again, but it is an un-natural way...oh, I know it. I need to get to grips!

I re-read my post and no wonder you posted what you did! I DONT WANT TO GO BACK ON THE SHAKES,,,normal or maintenance; but the stress i go through every night thinking what am i going to have for breakfast and then getting up and thinking I need to eat..I hate egg, bacon, etc in the morning..it is so alien. I used to love meusli/yoghurt and fruit!! But, no I am petrified to have it.

Oh dear...another "one of those posts".

Yes, I was livid with the pharmacy....I may phone Michelle as she has given me her home no and say I wont come back again..my scales at home said 67.2 and the pharmacy said 67.5, so they are not far off what the pharmacies are, and to be honest my scales are far superior than theirs and less people stepping on them!!So, I bet my scales are more accurate.

Anyway, I will keep you posted....but, thanks for the wrist slapping; it has really made me start to think I am going down a route similar to my eating disorder, just in a different direction! Time to do a bit of soul searching

Iris Iris Iris!!! The Liverpool Lass in me wants to say CAAAAAAAALM DOWN GERL!!!!!

Slapping wrists???? Bend over and let's do a proper job :whoopass::whoopass::whoopass:!!!

You CAN'T cut out a food group ... You CAN'T stop eating fruit and tomatoes (yes okay I know that's a fruit too!) It's the amount you have that's key. You ate the carbs on refeed .... ??!!
It seems to me you seem to have some sort of issue with breakfast - not carbs as such. Might it be wheat you have the issue with? How do you feel when you have porridge? (Sorry if you've said this elsewhere but I'm of an age where I don't remember everything and I don't want to go back to read older posts and lose this reply -- sorry)

What about having berries and ff from frais or vlf natural yoghurt for breakie? But even if you had choc whip every morning for the rest of your life .... so what? Rather expensive perhaps but nutritionally - why not? Why fight maintenace products? That's exactly what they're for. I don't see anything wrong with using them myself, I can see me always having some in and using them.

There seems to be some sort of negative mindset about 'relying' on products instead of 'normal' food. Why does it matter? It's convenient - and if it works ...... ??

Stop beating yourself up girl! You seem to have some sort of idea of how you 'should' be and what you 'should' be eating or not eating etc.

We are not like everybody else, we could not control our intake and had to resort to extreme measures to shift all our excess weight. We've done that and are now trying to find the way that works for us to maintain what we've achieved.
If this is also 'different' to the way other people manage to maintain ..... so what???

You're waaaaaay too hard on yourself and imho are expecting too much of yourself too. Read your own posts and think what you'd say if any of the rest of us had posted them instead. It's still very early days!

Now behave yourself .... or ELSE!!!! xxxx

 

[summergurl]

:giggle: You have been warned iris!!!!

 

[JanD]

*****whispers "do you think I was a bit harsh??"***** x

 

[summergurl]

No not at all!!!!! Its a very wise post! You always know exactly what to say Jan!
I said consider yerself told cuz you said "now behave or else" .... :giggle:

 

[Scotsmist]

Oh Jan...I am so offended!!!!! :cry::break_diet:



Only winding you up

Oh, I am pleased both you and Tanya gave me a ticking off..well, just a "come on girl, get to grips"

Yes, a real issue with breakfast but it is all stemming from these bloody carbs! So, I am going to make a huge effort to stop this right now. I actually had a slice of bread for breakfast actually What a good girl am I.

Need to do a little experiment...one day have porage and then the next muesli and see how I feel. But, I am sure it is all in my head, although I do know I struggle with that horrible full feeling!

I know it is not WISE in the least to knock out a food group and really, I am going to try and stop this mind game, because that is what it is.

I have ordered some samples, and I understand what you are saying; what does it matter if it helps me to maintain....I feel I should always be doing the right thing! I enjoyed the shakes....although, I may hate them now as I have the choice of food!! So, I will let you know, but if I know I have the option, like you say (have some in the cupboard), then I can have them if I feel like it!

So, thanks girlies!! I really do appreciate all the input.

Like you say, Jan, it is still early days and my body is still adjusting I realise.

 

[Scotsmist]

Friday 16 October

Well I forgot to mention about my hair appt...you will all laugh!! It wasnt last night, it is next week...so, here was me all ready and looking forward to getting my hair done, then going to the Turkish shop to find I was going home instead ;-)

So, I had a smoked salmon ommlette, or frittata if you like with salad.

Now, I am really proud of myself BECAUSE I had to pop into Thorntons as the girl that manages the building I work in is leaving, so I wanted to buy her a big box of choccies.....now, Choc is my big trigger point...I was so tempted to buy a big bag of chocs and eat them, BUT I DIDNT!! I was so proud of myself. I even bought my OH a bar of Organic white choc (oh, my favourite).....

Anyway, food for today! As I digressed! (sp)!!

BREKKIE - slice wholemeal bread and 2 x turkey rashers. (carbs)!!!

SNACK - apple !!!!! (carbs)!!!

LUNCH - Tuna salad/olives/lite feta cheese

Think I will have chicken tonight as I cooked a big chicken in the oven last night...will maybe do a chicken stir fry.

At yoga tonight and then sauna/jacuzzi.

Going to Buxton Food Fair tomorrow with my friend, so I am sure there will be lots of food tasting, and I am really looking forward to it!

 

[summergurl]

Ooooh i'd love to go to a food fair - we have nothing like that in plymouth! Well ... actually around christmas time we get the foreign market which does lots of foreign christmasy food and gifts ... german, french etc ... but still, no trying before we buy! :giggle:

And thorntons! Oh dont get me started!!!!!!! :drool: You ever had them butter sugar cubes? They are pure calories but oh so good!!! :drool: LOL

 

[JanD]

Mmmmmmmmm Viennese Truffles for me!!

PHEW Iris - I'm glad you weren't offended. We're all as bad as each other aren't we really! We're just so much better at giving advice than taking our own

TFR was so much easier

HaHa ... how disappointing about your hair etc - still, at least now you still have to to look forward to instead of it being all over! xx

 

[Scotsmist]

Ooooh i'd love to go to a food fair - we have nothing like that in plymouth! Well ... actually around christmas time we get the foreign market which does lots of foreign christmasy food and gifts ... german, french etc ... but still, no trying before we buy! :giggle:

And thorntons! Oh dont get me started!!!!!!! :drool: You ever had them butter sugar cubes? They are pure calories but oh so good!!! :drool: LOL

Oh Tanya, you need to come up to Derbyshire,,there are several food fairs all year....There will be a good Christmas one in Nov/Dec which I am looking forward to.

Oh, I have never tried the butter cube things,,,,,cause I just go for the chocs...in my bad stages, I would go to Thorntons when I am in the office (near the office), and buy 2-3 bags of chocs, with 4 bars of the chocolate and EAT THEM ALL!!!! Within a few hours! Seriously....BAD, BAD, BAD : -)

 

[Scotsmist]

Mmmmmmmmm Viennese Truffles for me!!

PHEW Iris - I'm glad you weren't offended. We're all as bad as each other aren't we really! We're just so much better at giving advice than taking our own

TFR was so much easier

HaHa ... how disappointing about your hair etc - still, at least now you still have to to look forward to instead of it being all over! xx

Oh dont Jan,,,,truffles...oh, yummy, yummy, yummy...I can see them!!!!!!! I am sure I will be dreaming about them now

Yes, TFR was so much easier as you just knew you couldnt have anything so didnt put yourself through torture, but now, it is so hard! But, we are getting there and we have bad days and then good days but at least we are still hanging in there!

Oh, would never get offended......because what you/Tanya say is only for my good; and I find that really nice and reassuring actually ;-) You at least know and understand where I am coming from!

Yes, got my hair appt to look forward to next week ;-)!!!

 

[nicolas]

great post jan, makes so much sense

have a great weekend all

 

[JanD]

Hey Iris! You must be having a good weekend!

Hope all's well.

I might not be around much this week with going away so have a good'n xx

 

[Scotsmist]

Hi Jan

I was hoping to get on over the weekend to wish you a lovely time this week, but it just didnt materialise!!!! SORRY!!!

If you are reading this whilst away, I do hope you are having a great time...if not, and it is next week, How did it go ))))

I am,,,,,,well, I will wait and tell you.
Not had a good weekend food wise. struggled with that demon again and it has frightened me a little.....need to get a grip (which I did today), but during week ok it is weekends I go mad! But this weekend was really bad as the old eating disorder came back with a bit of a vengence......so, lots of soul searching going on!

Not going to record what I had at weekend, too embarrased..but today

MONDAY 19 October
BREKKIE - porage, made with water/milk
LUNCH - Tuna/egg salad
DINNER - few slices chicken

I know, very bad and not many calories, but i have to make up for the extra consumed this week!

Did 1 hr coreball tonight, and sauna/jacuzzi and 5 mins on my hulahoop!!!!!

Trying to do about 10 mins (if poss) a day on hula as well (at the office) and doing aerobics Wed and Yoga and gym Friday and on a walk Saturday and will do gym Sunday!
All good, but just need to get my head and food together again this week.

 

[summergurl]

I think youve got the exercising malarky done iris - its the weekends aint it. I am the exact same. I think something triggers within us that we kinda think oh its the weekend ill have a little treat which in turn leads to being extremely bad ... :sigh: if only it was as easy as being on TFR!

It will take a while for us to be able to really get a grip and get rid of old eating habits but i have faith that if anyone can do it you can girl xxx

Oh, p.s ... nothing to be embarrassed about on here! hehe x

 

[Scotsmist]

Thanks Tanya

I know........and yet I was really busy as well, but I just cant explain how the control slips....it isnt even as though it is stuff I particularly enjoy or like!!!!!!! I just have to stuff it in and let it out and oh I am getting annoyed now!!! But, it kinda frightened me, so I have really stayed quite stable the past few days, albiet STARVING to say the least!!

I will just have to keep a steady eye over the weekend, although on an organised walk Saturday so that will keep me busy and at the gym, etc Sunday, so will ensure I am no where near the kitchen too much

TUESDAY 20TH

BREKKIE - porage with milk/water
LUNCH - chicken/ham salad with olives and balsamic vinegar (rocket, green pepper, cucumber)!
DINNER - probably home made burgers (grilled) and yoghurt/cucumber and dill dip.

Not going to gym tonight, having a bit of a lazy night, although will be ironing !!!

 

[summergurl]

Just make sure you arent eating too little on your days where you are reigning it in

How do you make your porridge iris? Just for future reference, like how many grams oats to how much water/milk? xx

 

[Scotsmist]

Hi Tanya

I am ashamed to say that this time round I bought the microwave porage, but it is the real Scotts Porage Oats, but for speed (in the mornings), so 1 x sachet of oats, which is about 40gm with around 30ml water/milk. Most people use all water, but I do prefer it with mostly water. I sometimes do top up a bit with milk if it is looking too thick.

now, the best way is really on the hob, again, 40gr of porage, and then the water/milk combo and cook it over a slow heat...it is best (I feel) to cook slowly,,and when I use the box (not micro) oats, I put in a pinch of salt as well - but that is the Scot in me!!!!

I dont have any sugar/sweetner in it but I know some people like that...or I used to pour some natural yoghurt over it with some dried fruit too.

I have really cut down this week, but that is not really typical; it is just because I had to gain control again, which I have done and from the scales this morning, I am almost there at the point I was last Friday - so happy with that - just have to keep going this time and not get sidetracked over the weekend!!!!!

Are you getting excited about re-feed?????

 

[summergurl]

Oooooh cool - i have some of them packet ones too - think they are the oatsosimple ones though, original and apple and blueberry flavour. My brother didnt want them so i have them stashed away for when im having breakfast again and it says to make them up with 180ml semi-skimmed milk Cant wait for one lol

So really though making it yerself is just trial and error about how thick etc you want it? But say 40g oats yeah then however much milk/water you like. Can you add both milk and water to cut down on calories?

Consider your weekend a challenge!!! You can do it. You may have a blip this weekend, but just try not to make it as big as last weekend. If each weekend you are cutting back you will get there in the end And dont beat yourself up over it! :hug99:

Yep, cant wait for refeed! Actually, im more excited about going shopping and cooking for myself on monday more than eating! haha

 

[JanD]

Now then Missis! Embarrassement (sp?) and shame have no place here. We have to be able to come and bear our souls. You mustn't be ashamed about doing that or we could feel we should also be inhibited!!!

At the same time you don't have to share anything you don't want to. I don't mean to sound like a tyrant or a dictator - there's been times when I've not confessed all but please don't feel ashamed about it. It's part of who we are - why we're here, and while we may slap virtual wrists (virtually slap wrists??) occasionally, bottom line is we're here to and for support.

You are doing a fantastic job Iris - please don't lose sight of the bigger picture.

I'm having a lovely time thank you. I LOVE this place. I spent 5&1/2 hrs yesterday writing (typing) about my Dad ... lot of tissues used up but I really feel as though I've moved on .... lots more to do though!

I'm 'allowing' DH to come and join me for a night on friday it's so wonderful here I want to share it.... but only briefly xx