Emotional Eaters... Any Advice?

[KD]

Hi KD

I think from what I remember, Smiley had said it was like she watched someone else do it and she'd already stopped herself 3 times before actually doing the deed, so it wasn't because the food was there or because one thing led to another.

But that could be because the food was there and because one thing led to another. I did that hundreds of times until I perfected the technique.

Sometimes I couldn't do that pause at all. Sometimes I couldn't do it for the right amount of time. Sometimes I couldn't be bothered. Sometimes I couldn't care less whether I put the 8 stone back on or not

Most of these times I couldn't find an emotional cause.

BTW, I've just dug out my Gillian Riley book "Goodbye to overeating"

She says

MYTH: Overeating is the result of unresolved emotional issues: Yet many people overeat when they're happy and enjoying themselves. It can be liberating to discover a way to overcome overeating without delving into your past.

I'm not 100% with her on that, but I do think people go searching for something that they probably will never find, because the problem wasn't there in the first place.

 

[LellyCD]

ooh this is a fascinating thread everyone, don't have anything to add particuarly but am very interested in all the ideas on the subject.

xx

 

[Serena A]

But that could be because the food was there and because one thing led to another. I did that hundreds of times until I perfected the technique.

Sometimes I couldn't do that pause at all. Sometimes I couldn't do it for the right amount of time. Sometimes I couldn't be bothered. Sometimes I couldn't care less whether I put the 8 stone back on or not

Most of these times I couldn't find an emotional cause.

BTW, I've just dug out my Gillian Riley book "Goodbye to overeating"

She says

MYTH: Overeating is the result of unresolved emotional issues: Yet many people overeat when they're happy and enjoying themselves. It can be liberating to discover a way to overcome overeating without delving into your past.

I'm not 100% with her on that, but I do think people go searching for something that they probably will never find, because the problem wasn't there in the first place.

I'll have to go away and think about that one

 

[Smiley_Cat]

I'm not too sure I go along with that. I've had it out with someone else long time back...and still not convinced that all overeating is driven by how we feel emotionally.

I totally agree that it isn't always the case, but I'm certain it was emotional eating in my case.

Serena - what a memory!! So it was you who told me off eh?? lol Yes, it was as though I was watching myself - and I actually pulled my left hand away from the phone with my right hand until I'd zoned out so much that the order was placed. From that point...I was a zombie. Up until I'd sunk right into the all too familiar 'beat myself up mode'

Fact is, I wasn't hungry, and it wasn't for the pleasure of it - I got no pleasure at all except the 'comfort' of being in the familiar 'I'm so awful, I hate myself' zone. It was pure self-destruct mode.

As I said previously, I have gone through periods when things were going well in my life and I'd eat really well - I love cooking and baking and really enjoyed entertaining people. But it was so easy when something went wrong to slip.

The fact that I could binge eat like I did when I was feeling in control - when there was _no_ other reason for eating, is what was highlighted for me by CD. And it has shown me that I can't let my guard down at all. I need to always ask why I feel the desire to binge. Too often I think the reason is that I just don't care about myself enough.

But I'm working on that And I'm looking forward to when I can enjoy cooking and baking again, comfortable in my new skin and with myself so as not to let myself get out of control.

Cx

 

[Katycakes]

Smiley, as you say some of us know for sure we are emotional eaters & crazy though it seems there can be a comfort in going back to the self-hate/shame zone we are so familiar with. Not as familiar with feeling proud of our achievements or in control where food is concerned, and for me there are often self-destruct messages zapping around my unconscious mind.
You nailed it when you said it comes down to not valuing ourselves enough, and needing to feel comfortable in our own skins. Well, we clearly don't, and that's why we are here and trying to lose weight... I guess the bigger challenge is to learn to respect/love ourselves, not in any smug or vain way, just accepting ourselves and not being so hard on ourselves. Giving ourselves the support we try to give each other on this site, really!

 

[KD]

And I'm looking forward to when I can enjoy cooking and baking again,

It's an amazing feeling. Sometimes I would put off making goodies because I just knew I'd eat them all before anyone came home.

And that's if cake mixture even made it to the oven

 

[Smiley_Cat]

And that's if cake mixture even made it to the oven

Ewwww! That's just nuts!

And here I thought _I_ was the mad one!

Just kidding sweetie - nice to know we all have our weaknesses!!

Cx

 

[Porgeous]

Ewwww! That's just nuts!

And here I thought _I_ was the mad one!

Just kidding sweetie - nice to know we all have our weaknesses!!

Cx

Raw cake mixture - pure class!

 

[KD]

Raw cake mixture? Doesn't every do that

 

[KD]

Smiley, as you say some of us know for sure we are emotional eaters & crazy though it seems there can be a comfort in going back to the self-hate/shame zone we are so familiar with.

I think that's great in a way. Great that you are sure that is, because now you can deal with it.

I always envied emotional eaters. Yes really!

 

[Smiley_Cat]

<Faint!>

Omigod don't tell me there's something I've been missing out on! That'll be the end of me...I'll need to go try it now!!

(And here I thought my days of licking cake mix off spoons went away with my Easy-Bake-Oven!!)

<Faint!>

 

[Smiley_Cat]

I think that's great in a way. Great that you are sure that is, because now you can deal with it.

I always envied emotional eaters. Yes really!

Well I was sure...now I'll be dreaming of raw cake mix! lol

Nah, there is some sense of relief - not that it makes it easier, but at least I know the problem. Surely emotional eating isn't something to envy - trust me, mad binge eating is not a sight to behold! It ain't pretty

 

[Diddums]

Thankyou all for this thread, it has really given me something to ponder about and think i may be coming to some realisation. Thanks so much ladies

 

[KD]

Surely emotional eating isn't something to envy - trust me, mad binge eating is not a sight to behold! It ain't pretty

Oh god yes. I binged! Binged big time. But not necessarily when I was emotional.

Okay, so I know it's skewed thinking, but I used to always say that if I just ate when I was emotional, then I could cut back at other times, but my problem was that I didn't need to be emotional to eat too much. As I said I ate too much at any time.

If you are a purely emotional eater, then you must have some relief when you are feeling 'normal'. Assuming you aren't acutely emotional all that time

 

[KD]

Okay, so right now, you probably think I'm being difficult

I suppose I really want everyone to be so very sure that they are looking in the right place.

Okay if you are, but you can waste an awful lot of time labelling yourself, finding out all the answers to that problem, just to find emotional eating wasn't the problem in the first place.

I'm not 100% with her on that, but I do think people go searching for something that they probably will never find, because the problem wasn't there in the first place.

I'll have to go away and think about that one

Assume you mean think about the quote I've just snipped?

I've seen people go off to therapy, drag all their background problems up, spent months doing it...become extremely depressed about the whole thing, only to find that they weren't totally emotional eaters.

 

[Katycakes]

KD, I know you are the expert here but surely when we binge we are not eating for the pleasure of eating, or because we just love food? Many of us who binge are eating to satisfy a different kind of hunger, and you may not label that 'emotional eating' but it sure isn't healthy, normal eating either!
I wanted to point out that you don't always feel 'emotional' when you head into a binge. Often, it's just the opposite - you may zone out or detatch yourself from what you are about to do, and act in a very calm and trance-like way until the binge is over and then feelings of shame and disgust flood in. Because I often didn't feel especially 'emotional' when I ate in an out-of-control way, it took me a very long time to realize what was happening, but now that the penny has dropped I know I am an emotional eater, and so many things that baffled me before now make sense. I may not know what to do with the knowledge, but at least I am making progress of sorts! Not sure anyone would envy me, all the same!!!
I think food addiction and an inability to know when to stop can be about trying to fill a hole inside of you, an emptiness that can be confused for hunger but is actually about something else? The same can be said for those who abuse alcohol or drugs... they are just different ways of trying to fix that emptiness. It may be different for 'compulsive' eaters but it has to be linked in some way, surely? Why eat until you are sickened by the food, or until your health suffers, or you feel shame, unless something is wrong?
I have exactly the same fears & doubts about therapy as you do, it feels like it could be opening a can of worms. But so many people do find that when they get the right kind of support they gain real insight into the way they have been behaving. I don't think at all that all people who over-eat have been abused in some way, for example, the problems may not be that extreme, but many of us do evolve ways of dealing with difficult stuff that seem to work when we are younger but, in the long run, harm us.
Hmmm. Think I have gone way off the point, whatever the point was, sorry! I am definitely not trying to argue that every kind of compulsive eating has an emotional link, but surely it is light years away from eating for the pleasure of it? Otherwise, why would we want to stop?

 

[KD]

KD, I know you are the expert here but surely when we binge we are not eating for the pleasure of eating, or because we just love food?

Absolutely not. I didn't enjoy binging and certainly get more pleasure out of food than I ever did when I was weighed down with overeating. I am an ex-binger BTW. Started binging 'professionally' at about age 13. Got some control at age 49. Now not had a binge for over a year :clap:

Many of us who binge are eating to satisfy a different kind of hunger, and you may not label that 'emotional eating' but it sure isn't healthy, normal eating either!

Nope. Not healthy, not normal, but doesn't mean it starts and continues because you are feeling emotional.

I wanted to point out that you don't always feel 'emotional' when you head into a binge. Often, it's just the opposite - you may zone out or detatch yourself from what you are about to do, and act in a very calm and trance-like way until the binge is over and then feelings of shame and disgust flood in.

That's how I felt, but I didn't class it as emotional. It would rarely start zoned out. Often it was just that I wanted to eat something...then something else...then the dopamine and norephinephrine would put me in that trance like state.

It may be different for 'compulsive' eaters but it has to be linked in some way, surely?

Yes, I'm sure there is a link between emotional eaters, compulsive eaters, BED and food addiction.

All the above can become food addicts.

Just pointing out here that compulsive eating and BED etc are equally distressing and nothing to do with a love of food and pleasure of eating.

 

[Katycakes]

That makes a lot of sense, thanks. Just trying to work things out in my head, and make sense of what is quite a new 'discovery' for me. I think I zone out as a way of ensuring the binge goes ahead - if I don't zone out, I might 'talk' myself down from the impulse, and I need it to happen too badly for that. I think zoning out is my head tricking my body, if that makes any sense?
Very interesting about the dopamine etc, I never thought of that. Scary.
What is BED?

 

[KD]

Very interesting about the dopamine etc, I never thought of that.

Yes, there's all sorts of different chemicals that come into play with BED. Various opioids though I don't remember all there names. Got it down in me notes somewhere!

What is BED?

Binge Eating Disorder.

 

[welshwench]

i'm not really an emotional eater, I just LOVE food! :17729: