Hi again diary.
Well like I said I lost the weight and went down to size 12 and was so pleased and basked in all the compliments etc ... but I hadn't really learnt my lesson properly and as soon as things go wrong in my life I reward myself with food - which is what I did this time AGAIN.
I was always very slim size 10/12 and could eat what I wanted. I wasn't particularly active, but obviously I was eating too much c***. I met and married my ex husband in a fairy-tale love story ... we met on an 18/30's holiday (not as risque as they are now!!!) and he was from Belfast and I was living in Tunbridge Wells. We fell in love, got engaged after 6weeks and he moved across to Kent. We went on to get married and have 3children. When we had our first baby we moved up to Cheshire with his work. I started to realise that he had a serious drinking problem after we got married and it steadily got worse. The more out of control he got with his drinking and I turned to food as a comfort. We tried AA, doctors, detox, counselling etc etc Eventually we split up 7yrs ago and have stayed relatively amicable although he has serious health issues and is on his way to ruining his health through alcohol abuse.
I have brought up the children on my own and continued to "treat" myself with food. Then last yr I saw holiday photos of me in shorts and t-shirt and that was IT!!!! I saw an advert for LL and went along and started it. 15.3 was my first weigh in and i was size 20/22. I kept to it and soon the weight was coming off .... 1 stone, 1 and half stone .... down to size 18 now then another stone and last half stone before Xmas last year took me down to 12.3 and size 16. I was so pleased and looked and felt much better. I cam off SS for Xmas and on New Yrs day went straight back on it and lost my last stone taking me down to 11.3 and size 12/14.
I was so impressed and went and did my training to become a CDC, determined that this was now it! .............. and I genuinely thought it was - during that time I'd had various problems, not lease my boyfriend at the time and i splitting up .. but hey life went on and I didn't put any weight on.
I went on to meet my partner I am with now, fall in love and he moved in with me. We went off on that holiday to Sharm el Sheikh Egypt and I put on quite a bit of weight, so my size 12 clothes definately didn't fit anymore!
Then my brother was sent to prison ... it's still too raw and personal to go into all the details here but it was enough to send me back to my comfort zone. Then as a result of what happened to my brother my mum went down with shingles and has been getting worse and worse as the weeks go by. She has been bed ridden for 9weeks now and is so painfully slipping away that I don't know what to do.
Lastly and no more or less a reason, we've had problems and confrontation with my partners 9 yr old daughter. We were having her every weekend from Fri to Sun and as the weekends were fraught and unhappy times i tended to reward myself as soon as she'd gone home - not her fault, MINE!
So that all takes me to now - I've re-evaluated my life, what i want from it and hence my diary - to try and keep myself on track. I'm now back up to 13.2 as of this mornings weigh in - a very tight size 14 probably should be in size 16 and want to lose at least 2stone and get back into my size 12's for Xmas - but more importantly learn from it this time and not have to do this journey again.
On the emotional front: my future step daughter is now only coming to us every other weekend and I'm determined those visits will be good for both of us..... so hopefully the pressure is off there. My brother has a release date at the end of November, although he is going to need lots of help as his marriage has collapsed whilst he's been in prison. And my mum - well I'll keep on hoping, praying etc that she gets better - although at the moment she is declining at an alarming rate. I'm going back down to visit her and my dad (they live 250 miles away) in 2 weeks time and as well as being in daily contact with my dad, I'm now also in contact with my mums doctor (who was my doctor when I was having my first baby!)
So will come on here to post ... and hopefully I'll soon start to see a change in my weight, behaviour, my relationship with my step-daughter, and most of all my mum.
Thanks if you have read to the end of this long ramble - it's so useful to have this blank screen to unburden to - and i feel more positive and better.