Getting my mojo back!

[Spanglymum]

Well, I haven't quite pulled myself together yet. I've had a really fun week or two, it has to be said. Sometimes letting one's hair down is worth it! But now thinking it's time to get back to normal again as I feel wobbly. Amazing how quickly I can gain/lose. Hmm. I find myself wondering occasionally whether I was actually healthier at 16 stone because my weight was stable. The past two years have been a bit of a rollercoaster - 18lb on, 18lb off etc etc. Mad!

I guess I'm learning - but there are some behaviours I really need to sort out if I'm going to stay a size 10/12 in perpetuity. It would be so easy to give up and just "accept" being a 14... but that's how I got so big in the first place.

The thing is sometimes it IS nice to have some chocolate, and sometimes it IS nice to have a biscuit and sometimes it IS nice to have a glass of wine. It's making sure that doesn't trigger two weeks of "off road" eating that I haven't quite worked out yet.

The past few weeks I've been tackling some assertiveness/office politics issues head on, which has been quite draining and tiring. This isn't necessarily a valid reason for overdoing the carbs - but it is a bit of an explanation for why I've found it harder than usual to stay on track. Old behaviours do stick a bit!

 

[Spanglymum]

Right! Day 1 of a three-week block of packs. Then switching to 4:3 or possibly 5:2 IF, mixed with low carb/80% Paleo, for the time I'm travelling in India for work. Then either back on packs for a couple of weeks or more IF if it's going well. I already feel a bit better for having taken control again. I may have these blips but I think I recover from them sooner each time. It's a work in progress: getting to the stage where "normal" means no blips!

Struggling at work at the moment: sheer workload and some projects getting me down. I'll survive - I always do - but I'm not very happy at the moment. I've been trying to address issues directly where they come up, and to a large extent have been succeeding, but it goes against the grain and really tires me out having to push back all the time.

 

[Minerva]

I'm sorry work is getting you down and stressed Spangly It does suck, but well done on keeping on top of things - especially being strong and facing those issues head on! It can be hard - especially with the other issue of balancing this whole weight issue. Don't stress over it all too much, you're doing brilliantly. You're planning ahead and you know what you need to do.

Blips are nothing more than little stumbles, we're all only human!! We make mistakes, but the true wisdom lies in learning from them, which you are doing very well. You're inspirational, keep doing what you're doing - this is what maintenance is! Damage limitation and recovery.

x

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, Minerva, for your kind words. Feeling really down on myself today but getting through. I've set my sights on a family get together that's happening in late May. I want to be back to feeling like me again by then, as there are family members I don't get to see very often and would hate to see them right now as I'd feel like such a failure.

I meant that to be more positive than it came out! It's not meant to be a negative goal. It's meant to be a positive spur!

Just wondering why I am so addicted to carbs? I just can't seem to moderate once I have sugar or white flour. It's incredible, really. A least I do know that if I watch refined carbs I can maintain really well. So I know what to target. Just feels rubbish having to go through this all over again. I feel like such an idiot.

 

[nzmegs]

Adrian - agree with you partially. Pasta is nice - but only with the sauce, potatoes are nice but only with butter. We wouldn't necessarily eat so many carbs if we didn't add the sweetness and fatty sauces to them. We need to think about how foods are presented to us in nature. You would never get fat and carbs together in one natural product. Only we have worked out that these two things are nice when we put them together. Fat and sweet are also never together in nature. eat as nature prescribed and we would all be fine.

For some of us total abstinence is the only way forward when it comes to carbs. we can count calories all we like, avoiding the calorie laden fats and still end up craving the carbs like anything. Control then goes out the window.

I eat fat with gay abandon - but only in the total absence of carbs. if I mix and match I end up having huge issues and problems and have to go through that withdrawal all over again.

I am not an advocate of a balanced diet (in the usual sense) as i don't believe that we need carbs at all - other than those we find in fruits and veg. I believe in unprocessed, good food as nature prepared it for us. High fat meats, dairy products which have not had the fat removed, all fruits and veg (in season) and some basic pulses (not grains). if only I could always stick to this plan

 

[Spanglymum]

Hello from India! I'm travelling for work at the moment. I will be out here until Friday, when I travel back in time for my elder daughter"s birthday at the weekend. I have a LOT of meetings this week. I'm travelling with a colleague from the US, who is good company, which is making it a less stressful trip than last year when I was out here on my own for most of the week (and it was the first time I'd visited India as well).

I want to be back to a comfortable weight before the family party in May. I think that packs are adding to my stress levels though, and cortisol doesn't help! I've been finding myself bingeing on carbs the past few weeks and I think part of the trigger has been feelings of deprivation because of trying to do packs 100%. I'm going to do 4:3 when I get back so I always know I can have foods if I want them, but perhaps tomorrow not today etc.

I realise what a strange mixture I am of senior job with lots of responsibility and at times complete lack of confidence!? I keep hearing my Mum saying to me (when I told her I'd got the job) 'you must have the gift of the gab!' And sounding really surprised I got it...

I'm 42. Why does my mother's lack of approval/cynicism still matter so much to me?!

 

[biggusburdus]

I'm 42. Why does my mother's lack of approval/cynicism still matter so much to me?!

I have one just like that! My Mum is well versed in the art of backhanded compliment's..
I can't understand why I look for her approval, but when I lost 4 stone all she could say was I looked better and needed to lose another 3!

I just rise above it, my daughters try take her to task and she gets offended. At 82 I don't think it will ever change!

 

[nzmegs]

aaah Mum's. Mine died a few years ago and she was still commenting on my weight (and hers) from her literal death bed... I realised it was just hangups from the way society expects us to look. I couldn't blame her - it was no worse than I said to myself. Women in that age bracket simply don't believe that women can or should get jobs with high responsibility. She couldn't possibly imagine that a woman could do it better than a man. it is just a generational thing. Thanks goodness for the 1970's....

Glad to hear you are getting back in time for your daughters BD. She must be close to mine. it is my 40th on Friday...eeek. I bet you have picked up loads of lovely presents for her from far off places. How exciting for her.

Going 4/3 is a great idea. it is easy to stick to something for one day knowing that tomorrow you can have a day off. In fact you could go one on one day off indefinitely. it is a great strategy for maintenance. despite my hopes i have failed to lose any more weight this week. I am hanging around at 10st 10 and can't seem to shift any more. I am waiting for the decent weather and term time to get back into walking. No point in stressing. I am still a nice size 12 and shouldn't complain.

Enjoy India if you can and get out in the sun. Build up your reserves of vit.D before you come back to horrible nasty UK weather!

 

[Debbi8489]

Hi Spangly

Is that you back home?

Happy birthday megs xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Yes, I'm back! I got back on Friday, and then took three days off this week, so only just back to work today.

I AM OFFICIALLY SPHERICAL! Have started on sns packs today - doing 4:3. I will be on packs today and tomorrow. Then Saturday low carb. Sunday packs, Monday packs - then away for work next week Tues/Weds so low-carbing. I hope I can get my carb cravings back under control. That's my first goal, leaving aside the vast amounts of weight I need to lose - again!

Once I've got the carb monster tamed I think I will start to feel more like "me" again. It's been an amazing time though. India wouldn't have been India without the fabulous food, so no regrets.

 

[Debbi8489]

I'm sure you're not spherical!

Are you into the swing of things yet? I've been back on the packs for 2 weeks now. Feels weird that I did it for so long before and now every day is a struggle. Never mind, every day is a step closer to goal. How are you feeling?

 

[slim_and_happy]

Hi spangly! I remember you from a few years ago! I was here doing LL but had a different handle magiclove. Had to sign up again as for some reason they wouldn't let me retrieve my old account. How are you?!
I see you've managed to get your dream job and doing lots of travelling.
Good luck with restarting. I'm back after a disaster of a year too!
You've been my inspiration last time I was doing this so I'm glad you're here

 

[Spanglymum]

Well maybe ovoid or pear-shaped then... ;-)

Thanks, both, for your kind messages. I am not yet back in the "zone"... I debated starting packs today but because I'm travelling for work tomorrow/Weds I think it will be more straightforward (no explaining at mealtimes etc) to start on Thursday - and then it's straight through to goal. I'm going to do 100% as I know where I am with that and know it works. I won't be at goal by the party in May so will stay on packs that weekend. It will be worth it I am determined to get back to goal well in advance of my birthday in July! Watch this space!

Having a BIG meeting at work today about roles/responsibilities. This is with the company CEO and my boss. I called the meeting myself as things just aren't working properly at the moment. Major step for me to be so assertive - but necessary. I'm quite proud of myself although now the day has dawned I'm super nervous. I've prepped some handouts for discussion so I feel reasonably ready... aargh. Wish me luck!

 

[Minerva]

Good luck Spangly, don't stress out too much about the diet and weight - it's really not the most important thing in the world. You are dealing with your (by the sounds of it) stressful work really well, you're approaching it with a lot of forethought and dedication. It is very admirable.

Hope your meeting and trips go smoothly.

x

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, the meeting was very constructive. I'm really glad I was brave enough to call it! I also managed to resist a gin and slimline tonic last night (my downfall). I may sound like a lush - but sometimes a gin (or three) really hits the spot when I'm stressed. Only problem is it usually leads to snacking - of a carb-heavy kind. I made myself a decaff coffee and got an early night instead. Bravo!

Up bright and early today (and it's a beautiful day out there) for this work trip. Just in the UK overnight this time - so not quite as exciting as India! Feel pleased with myself for choosing to go to bed early last night, looking after myself. It's been a while. I've been (as the old-fashioned saying goes) "letting myself go" a bit, which is great fun at the time but not so good longer-term. It's nice to know I can still respect myself (despite feeling less than positive about my weight at the moment). Might not sound like much but it's still quite a big thing for me to think I deserve looking after, whatever my size/weight.

 

[Spanglymum]

Right! I am doing this. I was soooo moody last night. All the rebellious child stuff yadda yadda. I was so grumpy. Not sure who or what I was angry with really. Possibly myself, for being back again.

So today wasn't easy but I got through it. I will do this. Can't believe I was within a gnat's whisker of goal in October!! Well beating myself up isn't going to help. I need to get this weight OFF!

 

[slim_and_happy]

You can do this spangly one! You've done it before and you can do it again! You are one of the strongest and most determined ladies on here I've had a pleasure of talking to!

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks so much, slim how are things going with you?

I must catch up on other people's diaries. Do you have one? I've found it really helps me keep this in perspective and stay positive if I (a) see I'm not alone and (b) follow other people's successes. otherwise I have a tendency to spiral down into an 'I'm so rubbish' vortex...

Well, day two dawns and I'm already feeling a bit like the carb rollercoaster nightmare may be fading a bit, which is a huge relief. I've been dithering for so long. I need a bit of focus! Weird how I can know on the one hand that refined carbs and alcohol are my Achilles heel but still succumb when times are stressful (which they will be from time to time, let's face it).

Onward! I have an interim goal of a family 60th birthday party at the end of May (I've already decided to stay 100% on packs that weekend) and then a more reasonable goal of getting back into my jeans for my birthday at the start of July. I can do this!

When I do it (get me, with the 'when'!) I will post some up to date 'after' pics. Realistically, although I feel spherical, I'm nowhere near the size I was at the start of LL in 2010 (size 22, 16st). I'm a size 14 at the moment. But after two years of being a 10/12 I got used to it and really want to be back there again, for good!

 

[biggusburdus]

Thanks so much, slim how are things going with you?

I must catch up on other people's diaries. Do you have one? I've found it really helps me keep this in perspective and stay positive if I (a) see I'm not alone and (b) follow other people's successes. otherwise I have a tendency to spiral down into an 'I'm so rubbish' vortex...

Well, day two dawns and I'm already feeling a bit like the carb rollercoaster nightmare may be fading a bit, which is a huge relief. I've been dithering for so long. I need a bit of focus! Weird how I can know on the one hand that refined carbs and alcohol are my Achilles heel but still succumb when times are stressful (which they will be from time to time, let's face it).

Onward! I have an interim goal of a family 60th birthday party at the end of May (I've already decided to stay 100% on packs that weekend) and then a more reasonable goal of getting back into my jeans for my birthday at the start of July. I can do this!

When I do it (get me, with the 'when'!) I will post some up to date 'after' pics. Realistically, although I feel spherical, I'm nowhere near the size I was at the start of LL in 2010 (size 22, 16st). I'm a size 14 at the moment. But after two years of being a 10/12 I got used to it and really want to be back there again, for good!

Wow, you have done so well. I always love catching up with other diaries, other people help to put all the diet trials and tribulations into perspective.
Don't be so hard to yourself, remember ho w well you have done and that it been great to keep most of it at bay. It's that last bit that will take some time but will be so worth it!

 

[Spanglymum]

Struggled today but got through. Had some tea with unsweetened soya milk (find it's the last thing to go every time!) but otherwise stayed on plan. Feeling v sorry for myself but also got inklings of energy... Mowed grass front and back, potted on some plants, tidied downstairs of house (no mean feat), went to church, put loads of laundry away, cleaned two kitchen cupboards...

Ketosis on its way maybe? I just can't wait to start feeling my clothes getting looser again. Bits I really can't wait to be rid of are:

Jowls on face (make me really feel my age)
Bingo wings (especially when tops feel tight on my arms and shoulders. Ugh)
Wobbly tummy spilling over underwear
Bra cups overflowing
Back fat bulging in jersey tops

And come back thigh gap!!!

I can do this. I can I can I can. I will be slim again for the summer...

I put loads of clothes in the attic a couple of weeks ago because they were all too tight :-(. Really depressing after the joy and excitement of getting slimmer a couple of years ago. I will be getting them back down again in early July. I will!