If he doesn't like you the way you are....what then?

[MsJMC]

Newlifeforme
Are you writing my life story here .... because in 2001 i was size 14 and i'm now 16/18 which he does say about losing some weight to help me , and now i've gave up CD and returning as i have left a message with my CDC today . But deep down i know he likes me the way i was when he first met me , crist he just came to the pc and said what you doing there anyway , lol .

 

[NewLife4Me]

OMG....I can't get over so many people in this situation!!!!!

Nymena-how do you cope with it?

Chika-have you seen that guy again?

MsJMC-Are you with this guy, how did you keep him?

I don't know now what to do.....tell him to take a running jump or to keep him in my life! Apart from "the size" matter he's a great guy. Decisions!!

 

[MsJMC]

Taalking about this subject did anyone see the sunday mag ? the one from news of the world . it was westlife , they asked them Q on all sorts of thing and one was , your girlfriend asked if she'd put on weight ? kian said i'd be honest and say you're not in as good shape as you were a month ago . nicky said , hes not joking either! Kian once said to Jodi, his girlfriend , What happened to the 19 year old i used to go out with ? Also another Q they asked was Body image , does a girl's size bother you ? Kian said A girl who is naturally slim is one thing , but a girl who starves herself to be skinny is awful , it doesn't look nice . Shane said Theres nothing worse than a girl who doesn't fill her jeans , Voluptuous is better . Another q was asked Would you mind if your girlefriend put on weight ? Nicky said yes-if she put on a lot i'd tell her . she'd know herself anyway, so you'd have to acknowledge it . Shane said thats harsh! so you'd divorce Georgina (nicky's wife) if she put on weight ? Nicky said of course not, because I love her unconditionally . But i'd have to say : listen love, you've put on 6st. Kian said I wouldn't be bothered if Jodi put on a few pounds . But is she was bursting out of all her clothes it would be different . Shane said if my wife Gillian did i'd suggest she might want to do something about it would;nt be a huge deal

 

[MsJMC]

Well ... deep down hes really nice and i know faithfull but deep down he would like me back to the me who he met , so he can see that really i'm not the person who he met either cod i do moan alot about weight and clothes , but i know he says about going back to dieting for us both i guess . Just have to really think what is going to make things right for you

 

[Shazpaz]

I must agree Sam that is exactly what I would say too. I've lost weight and everyone else has told me how fantastic I look, but my hubby has not even noticed......it works both ways. He never noticed when I put the weight on, but I'd love him to notice now

 

[julesrush]

Personally i wouldnt go near him with a barge pole, if you got down to a size 12 again got together and latter on had babies together and your weight went up you know that it is going to bother him.

I met my hubby when i was 18 stone, we got together not because of what i looked like (at 18 stone not that good lol) but because he knew my personality and liked it. I then had 6 children and my final weight was 20 stone 7, not once did he ever comment on my size or make me feel bad, now im 13 stone 9lbs and he has never known me to be this slim so quite a funny feeling on his behalf. He has put on a few stone since we have been together and i love him no matter what as i know his personality and his equalities that attracted me to him in the first place.

Dont ever lose weight for someone else as itwont work, get a place inyour head when u at to lseweigtf yourself and it will happen.

Goodluck with what ever you decide

julesrush

 

[MsJMC]

Thats men for you , they don't say ,,, i can see you have lost weight well done heres some flowers , they just don't give you any spur on treatment , i go to my mates and they say i really can see you've lost some . But i get do you want to try that diet again , so i know hes pushing for me to act on getting some weight off , and as i say for us both really

 

[Mrs V]

Hmmm, this is a tricky one.

When I first met Hubby, I was 10st 10 and looked great (I had lost weight to meet boys!!) - I was 15 and very fickle!!!
Anyway, over the years, both of us have gained masses of weight and we both still love each other.
Personally if he had said something along those lines, I would never forgive him. If we had just met after so many years and he came out with those words, then he wouldn't be standing!!
Firstly it is down right rude to come out and say those things to you!

At the end of the day, it's your decision as to what you do, but would you want to have a relationship with a man that could (potentially)find fault with everything you do?

 

[MsJMC]

They also asked WestlifeDo men worry about their weight as much as women . Kian said Totally. And we're in the public eye so we're scrutinised more than normal guys . Mark said often i'll see myself and think i look awful . Then i'll try to eat better and exercise more . Another Q was asked, if your girlefriend said you needed to lose weight, would you ? Nicky said, yes definitely. I'd be straight down the gym . Kian said : jodi says things like :come on fat boy to me all the time . I just laugh .
Another Q was asked would you mind if your girlefriend had a breast enlargement ? Kian said if its tastefully done , its fine . Nicky said But they need to be in proportion . Kian said Victoria Beckham's a perfect example . She stick thin but her boobs are up on top of her chest like two footballs . Mark said Look at kate Moss , she doesn't have the biggest boobs in the world, but shes still gorgeous and sexy .

 

[cmacca]

Dont even think about seeing him again, dump him, you cant live your life for him, sorry to be harsh but have some pride here, you can do much better ! xxx

 

[SoonToBeGorgeous]

OMG....I can't get over so many people in this situation!!!!!

Nymena-how do you cope with it?

Chika-have you seen that guy again?

MsJMC-Are you with this guy, how did you keep him?

I don't know now what to do.....tell him to take a running jump or to keep him in my life! Apart from "the size" matter he's a great guy. Decisions!!

No he is not a 'great guy', he is manipulative and controlling.

Fool you if you allow him to.

You deserve much better than that jerk.

Take your pride and kick him out of your life.

 

[Mrs V]

No he is not a 'great guy', he is manipulative and controlling.

Fool you if you allow him to.

You deserve much better than that jerk.

Take your pride and kick him out of your life.

:clap::clap: Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

 

[Helonicus]

It's a difficult one this...I think if it's true love it won't matter what size you are! but maybe you visualy don't look as attractive to him, that does'nt mean your not! beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I'd like to ask do you think your attractive? i think the answer to that question is more important.


Helen x

 

[KerrieW]

I think it is quite hard to judge really as like several people have pointed out, physical attraction is important in a good relationship. I am lucky with my boyfriend - he has been open and honest with me and while he loves me whatever size I am, before I started this diet we had a long chat about my size and he was deeply concerned about my health - and rightly so, my BMI was 47 and at 24 years old I was well on the way to cardiac disease and diabetes. He loved me enough to be honest about his feelings so I don't think it is always a bad thing for someone to admit they do have a problem with your size.

However it's difficult to start or renew a relationship with someone who is not happy with you purely for aesthetic reasons as that person is unlikely to be supportive of you and when the weight is gone, will there be a relationship anyway - losing a certain amount of weight doesn't guarantee a great relationship if the connection isn't there in the first place.

You need to think really hard about whether he is a great guy or not and whether you believe that if you were the shape he wanted the relationship would work - or would he just find something else that needs changing. You are making a huge committment with this diet and deserve a lot of respect for it and the people around you should recognise that.

Good luck with whatever you decide, Kx

 

[Fuzzys Angel]

I think that when we decided it's time to lose weight we have to do it for ourselves NO ONE ELSE!!!!

When i met my husband 6 years ago i was a size 14, over the years i gained weight & balloned to a size 22/24. My hubby loved me no matter was my size was, infact on our wedding day i was at my biggest!!! To be honest i couldn't see how he still fancied me at that size but HE DID! He told me that he loved me for the person i was!!!

I was very unhappy with my weight & last year as i was hitting forty it dawned on me that my worst nightmare had happened i was 'fat & forty' so i decided to lose weight for ME. I'm now a size 12 & my hubby still loves me the same as he did when i was a size 22/24, the only thing that has changed is that i am now happier with the way i look.

If any man told me to lose weight or the didn't fancy me anymore because i'd gained weight then it'll be p!ss off & they'd be out the door. Just like my first husband was....

Ladies please lose your weight for YOU not a MAN!.....xxx

 

[Sam25]

Great thread... I have no doubt that my husband loves me and I had always thought that he should fancy me whether I am fat or slim because inside I am the same person… Well actually… that is so not true…in fact it is complete and utter b******s…I become a completely different person when I am fatter.. more self conscious, less outgoing, putting myself down all the time, bemoaning the fact that I feel like crap, refusing to go out because I can’t find anything to wear that looks nice etc etc... The fact that I blame my husband for not finding me attractive is rubbish... it’s actually down to me..... The fat itself has very little to do with it!

 

[KerrieW]

I agree Sam, I thought that I was the same person fat or thin but actually what my boyfriend pointed out to me was how unhappy he was when I was severely depressed and introverted as a consequence of my size and that was partly why he was worried about me.

I am definately losing the way for me and my self-confidence but I love and respect my partner enough to listen to his point of view and not jump to the conclusion he just wants a thin girlfriend rather than being genuinly concerned about my welfare.

 

[Rayven]

I think if you're in a long term relationship and are 'in love' then going up or down in size shouldn't matter. Obviously if you've gone up in size quite a lot then your weight/shape may not be what your partner finds attractive but if he still loves you then saying that he's not going to have sex with you until you lose the weight is unacceptable and damn right rude! If my OH had said that to me i think i would have knocked his bloody head off! (i aint joking) and then, kids or no kids i would have kicked him out and told him to go and find someone else to put up with him, cos he aint exactly Brad Pitt!
If you meet someone for the first time and they don't fancy you because of your size then its really no biggy, their loss for being shallow losers!
My sex life has dwindled since i've started piling on the pounds but thats not because my OH doesn't fancy me anymore or doesn't want me, its because i don't feel all that comfortable parading round in sexy undies when i look like a sumo wrestler! Sumo wrestler in sexy undies - create the mental picture - its not nice is it?!
Any man who is 'in love' with you should be supporting you and helping you, not make you feel worse about yourself than you already do!
Rant over! lol

 

[Sambucca]

I agree Sam, I thought that I was the same person fat or thin but actually what my boyfriend pointed out to me was how unhappy he was when I was severely depressed and introverted as a consequence of my size and that was partly why he was worried about me.

I am definately losing the way for me and my self-confidence but I love and respect my partner enough to listen to his point of view and not jump to the conclusion he just wants a thin girlfriend rather than being genuinly concerned about my welfare.

Kerrie it sounds like your boyfriend is genuinely concerned for your health and state of mind and it also sounds like he was gentle and supportive when he encouraged you to lose weight. It sounds like you have a lovely fella and I really hope you succeed in your weight loss.

But the other lady who's hubby said he wont sleep with her anymore cause she's too fat and he doesnt fancy her anymore..... god that just about made my blood boil. I mean how dare he. Luckily she had already taken the decision to lose weight but the best thing she could do to lose 12stone overnight is kick that loser out.

You have to lose weight for yourself. If you try to do it for someone else you will end up resenting them and you will find it so much harder. You need the support of your loved ones and to be able to share your success with them, not to be worrying about losing your fella when your self esteem is already so low.

 

[KerrieW]

Oh I completely agree, if somebody who you are already in a relationship with is just being manipulative and unreasonable with only a concern for themselves then its hard to justify staying with them. I think that is a different situation to me and I know how lucky I am!

I definately have tried to lose weight for others in the past and always failed and also come to resent them for making my life harder. I am very lucky to be surrounded by a few very supportive people right now.