I'm really bad at finding titles that people will want to read! :)

[Elie]

The day is almost over and I am glad to be able to go to bed and sleep. I'm exhausted, and it has nothing to do with the diet. I just can't sleep at the mo, too many things on my mind.

The weather was gorgeous today, so I managed to do 3 washing loads and all but one are dry. I am still behind with the laundry but it dries so slowly when it's inside (not to mention it makes the flat humid).

I did all my work today, but I thought I could do a little bit more. I was too distracted by minimins I also cooked a nice mince meat pie for my beloved oh. As for me, I've just finished my porridge and I'm sipping my rooibos tea. It is so lush, and I know it won't keep me awake: it's caffein free

It's another 100% day, but no exercise today. I don't count hanging the clothes to dry

Tomorrow, I have to go to campus, so from 8am till 7.30pm I'll only have my water. It'll be hard, but I won't bring my money so I can't buy food while in the library

I'm so impatient for it to be Friday!!!! I can't wait to change my tickers! x

 

[Elie]

It was really hard to leave my warm comfy bed this morning. I was that close to stay and work from home but it wouldn't have been sensible. I don't know why I am so tired. I didn't even woke up last night, so I must be really late in my sleep

So here I am, with my litre of fizzy water and my thermos of rooibos tea. And my fake sugar. And my books and computer. It is really hard to focus, so I exiled myself in a dusty quiet corner, away from the foyer and its delicious vending machines and food stand

It is funny. From the window next to the cubicle, I can see other people working in the office in the building next door. Some people spend a lot of time on Facebook While some others spend a lot of time on minimins...... I think I deserve my time on minimins though, it is my spiritual food replacement

I don't know how long I need to wait before I try on the clothes I have in my closet that are too tight. A month? Or two months? I am very impatient There is nothing better than this elating feeling you have when you try on smaller clothes, thinking they won't fit but they do. That's silly but that's what keeps me going.

I was looking at some pictures of me when I first met my fiancé, and I can't believe I used to think I was fat back then! I could fit in a Primark size 14 And my ball gown was a size 12 from a French shop (and sizes are smaller there). What have I done to my poor body I know I am taking measures now to take care of it properly, but it makes you wonder.

When I go back home to France for the holidays, I don't dare go out in case I bump into an old school friend and they see what I have become. Even my family sometimes can hurt me, although I know they are only trying to help. They are just very clumsy with it. But it means that even now I'm apprehensive everytime I go and see them. Add to that the fact that I am also paranoid about everything related to dieting...... Yes, everytime someone mentions something about weight/dieting/obesity, etc, I always think it is indirectly directed at me I just have to realise that I'm not the centre of the universe I can't wait for them to see me at Christmas though If I win my Christmas challenge, I should have a BMI of around 35 There is no reason why I can't do this And that'll be a very nice Christmas present to my close relatives who are really worried about my health. I try to be in their shoes, and if my sister was so dangerously overweight, of course I'd want her to lose weight and be healthier. This is not a problem though, my sister is tall and slender, a size 10 at most and not even skinny looking She just knows instinctively how to moderate her food intake. maybe I should ask her to take me on as a intern when I'm maintaining

 

[Elie]

Day 5

Today was incredibly difficult. I was freezing in the library and the radiator next to me barely gave out any heat. My thermos is somewhat broken so didn't have any hot tea (and of course everything leaked in my bag ). I had to go and pee every 10 minutes and was paranoid about leaving my computer in the cubicle (although there is never anyone in this part of the library) and I was feeling really weak because I only had a shake in the morning. I really need to remember to buy tetras next time so I can have a bit of energy before starting the afternoon.

Because I was feeling so weak, I could barely focus and I am even more late with my work than I was before So today, it's moan moan moan moan

Once at home, I pounced on my soup and my porridge and drank another pint of water. So today is going to be another in my signature but I was feeling pretty miserable all day. I think what really got to me is that I probably won't be able to eat for another 6 months at the very least and when you're already feeling bad, it doesn't help Hopefully my energy boost will come back soon and I can be my joyous self again.

I'm in bed now, shivering under the duvet. I cuddled with my little bunny for a while and she was so warm!!!! But of course affection doesn't last long with rabbits so now I'm on my own again Maybe the hot water bottle would like a cuddle?

Tomorrow is another day on campus. I wonder if I can bring my fleecy blanket with little fairies on it It's my security blanket, I love having it around me while couch potato-ing.

I remember from before that the first few weeks are always the hardest. The first time I did CD, it was hard for about a month and then I sailed through the WIs. I hope the same will happen this time. But there is something that bothers me...... I know it sounds silly but sometimes, for maybe a quarter of a second, I think that I won't be able to lose any weight even if I stick to the diet a 100%. Or that I'll only lose a lb here and there like on WW. I know it is silly, but I have this fear that my body is going to tell me "you did this to me once, now I'm prepared, I won't give in any fat" (I'd like to add that I don't usually hear my body talk to me )

So to cheer me up, I'm going to start looking at some pairs of skinny jeans that I could wear in a year's time. It is my dream to be able to wear a pair of skinny jeans and actually look elegant in them. Size 14 would be really nice I saw some very cheap ones on ebay. If I have any money left over by the end of the month, I may see if I can acquire one. Also, I'm trying to put money aside to buy myself a nice pair of jeans (levi or other) for when I'm slim As you can see, I love my jeans. A nice summer skirt/dress would be nice too. I haven't worn a dress/skirt in ages because of my thighs

I cheated and had a peak at the scales (found the batteries ) but I shouldn't have because it wasn't really encouraging. It seems I won't get the big losses other people usually have on their first WI but hey, oh, any loss is a good loss.

Moaning me is off reading other diaries and then writing emails to family. Night night gorgeous ladies

 

[Surfhunny]

I know how you feel about being scared of not losing weight!! I've got WI tomorrow, I'm terrified! I've had so many weeks where my losses were low and I really don't want that to happen again this time. I don't have the time left for small losses. I need 4's and 5's 3's at the very least. I've been 100% so fingers and toes crossed!!!!

 

[DisneyParis]

Good luck with your CD journey, stick with it, you'll look fab on your wedding day.

 

[Elie]

I know how you feel about being scared of not losing weight!! I've got WI tomorrow, I'm terrified! I've had so many weeks where my losses were low and I really don't want that to happen again this time. I don't have the time left for small losses. I need 4's and 5's 3's at the very least. I've been 100% so fingers and toes crossed!!!!

I know what you mean about small losses. I know that it would go even more slowly on a conventional diet like WW, but it is so hard to remain on SS that I need my big loss to cheer me on First time I did CD, I had very regular losses between 4 and 6 lbs. But now I also seem to be really impatient

Good luck with your CD journey, stick with it, you'll look fab on your wedding day.

Thanks Disney I hope my future husband will find me to his taste in my wedding dress. If I find the courage one day, I'll post a picture of me when I first tried my dress (far too small) in the shop and another one of me in the proper dress during my fittings

 

[Elie]

Day 6

It's Wed. already I'll have a 8 day week this week diet wise as I want to weight every Friday morning. Fridays are my "days-off", where I don't go to uni but still go to work (for money this time!) in the morning/early afternoon. It also means I have the rest of the day to stay at home and........do the housework

Let's go back to today. Today is Day 6 and I'm feeling OK this morning. I'm panicking a bit about my thesis work, but diet-wise, I'm ok. I drank my chocolate shakes this morning and I feel really full. I have my bottle of water with me but would like to drink more than 4 pints today.

Unfortunately, I can't exile myself away from the library foyer today, as I need the university computers (they have a software I need) and they right next to the food stand AND I found a box of butter cookies in my bag today But I will not cheat, I'll just give them to someone or to OH this evening. When I think of all the junk I used to eat while working!!! Sometimes, my thesis can be really boring and repetitive, so I'd eat to occupy my mind I know, I bet you wonder how using my mouth to chew helps me occupy my mind..... I have no idea either, and once I'm off CD, it'll be something I have to watch very closely.

I am not so cold today, the sun is shining (I wish I could have stayed home to do some more laundry!) and the foyer is much brighter than my cubicle was yesterday. It's amazing what a bit of sunshine can do to your state of mind!

I have to brace myself before climbing two flights of stairs to see my supervisor today (if he ever gets back to me). It is something I'm really looking forward to. being to climb stairs without feeling like I'll pass out! At the moment, I always make sure I arrive 5 minutes early and I hide in a quiet corridor near his office to steady my breadth The silly things you do when you're obese

I don't know if I'll remain this bright and happy till the evening, but I will make sure I don't drown myself in self-pity today

 

[louby]

Hey chick, you're doing really well! Keep up the good work! I'm a restarter - hopefully we can spur each other on x

 

[Elie]

Day 7

Hello everyone! It is very quiet on the CD boards this morning

Right, I'm going to 'fess up right now: I weighed myself again It is not a question of hiding the batteries anymore, but a question of actually asking OH to take the scales with him in the car!!!!! My WI is tomorrow and now I know I'll be wondering all day how much I'll have lost tomorrow, etc, etc, and end up disappointed. I don't know why I do that. I guess I just need to check that the weight is coming off, as I'm terrified it won't. And again, I don't understand whyI have such a fear. I'm not going to lose a lot of weight every week like some girls on here, but I am going to lose weight nonetheless. But still, I'm obsessed with the scales.....

I'm at home all day today. I'll try to do one washing load, but the weather does not look very nice. I have plenty of ohter things to keep me occupied though: housework, uni work, cooking (for OH)... So I won't have the time to get bored.

I'm trying to up my water. I drink 4 pints a day, and usually have finished them before going back home from campus, so in theory, I could drink another two pints when I'm home. Or so you would think..... But no, for some reason, I settle for my shakes and a cup of tea and that's all! I guess I'm just afraid I'll have to get up several times during the night to go to the loo. Anyway, 4 pints is not enough, I'll aim at 6 now, I'm sure it'll help me feel better too.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I don't feel so bloated now. I haven't had a period for over 2 months though, and it's not pregnancy, I checked. Before starting CD the first time, I had not had a period in 5 months and my GP said it was because of the weight. Sure enough, as soon as my bmi hit 35, I had them almost regularly. So I'm hoping it'll be same this time.

I'm going to laze around in bed for just a little bit and then, Arbeit!

 

[Elie]

I'm about to eat my porridge right now, and I feel like I really deserved it I spent the whole day doing housework (and going on minimins ), but didn't find the courage to do any studying. After 3 days spent at the library feeling hungry and miserable, it was nice to stay home and get up at 8 instead of 6

Tomorrow, I am actually working. And it is also my WI day!!! The first one, and I hope it's good I will use my scales' weight, as they're pretty accurate and it means I can weight myself at the same time every week.

I can't wait to see my CDC though, and get some more chocolate shakes

Well, that's it for today

 

[Elie]

Day 8 First WI

The day started really badly. OH forgot his wallet at home so I had to drive all the way to the train station to bring it to him. While there, we decided to buy some petrol for the car. And...... it turned out I didn't bring his wallet but his business card thingy!!!!!

Of course, we had to pay for petrol, but they must be quite used to situations like this because they just made us fill in a form and they let us drive back home to get the money. Once everything was solved, I got back home with the car full of petrol, ready for my Friday WI

But then I thought I should brush my hair and..... OUCH!!!!! My shoulder!!!! I think I trapped a nerve! But it wasn't too bad then, weighed myself and I had lost 9.4lbs, and I'm extatic!!!! I took the time to update my signature and my challenges and then......

I tried to stretch my shoulder and now I can barely move!!!!! I heard a little cracking noise, don't know if it was the shoulder or the vertebrae, but it sure hurts So I can't work today, as it involves lifting things and bending down, which I can't do We so need the money though

So here I am, 9.4lbs lighter but with a blocked shoulder I put a hot water bottle on, and when I find the courage and feel a bit better I'll get the heating/vibrating pad from the garage. And if really it doesn't go away, I'll see if I can face a trip to the pharmacy. I know I won't get an appt with a nurse or GP at my practice, so it's my last resort.

I shouldn't forget to celebrate though 9.4lbs!!! I know it's the first week so it'll slow down, but I'm really happy nonetheless

 

[DisneyParis]

wow! Great first week loss, well done. Hope your shoulder is better soon.

 

[Elie]

Thanks Disney Now that I am not in so much pain and that I managed (barely) to wash, I'm feeling even happier I spent the whole morning and early afternoon in bed: thank God for paracetamol and my special memory foam pillow.

The should is still painful, but I know which movements I can and can't do now, and the pain is not as bad It takes more than that to stop an Ellie

Unfortunately, it looks like the garage will have to wait before being cleared out. There is no way I'm going to let OH "tidy" anything (we don't seem to have the same standard ) and I don't feel like sitting on a chair in the garage telling him what to do all day! We'll get to it eventually.

It's nice to be lying on the sofa now, instead of the bed. I am just not hungry at all and find it hard to drink (yes, lifting the glass hurts!) so I have asked OH to buy straws after work today, so I can sip my water and my tea

I called my mum today and told her my weightloss and she told me she would probably not recognise me at Christmas But I had to tell her than 9 lbs was for the first week, and that I won't have such large losses every week But still, if I win my Christmas challenge, my BMI will be in the 35s on Christmas Day, I'm sure people will notice

Last time I did the diet, I noticed that the fatter I was, the less people would notice any weightloss but that my BMI would go down really fast. And then, at some point, yoour BMI doesn't go down very fast but the few lbs I manage to lose show A LOT. Hope it'll be the same this time!

 

[DisneyParis]

Thanks Disney Now that I am not in so much pain and that I managed (barely) to wash, I'm feeling even happier

Glad the pain has eased a bit now. I've had back pain before and know how delibitating it can be.

It takes more than that to stop an Ellie

:clap:

There is no way I'm going to let OH "tidy" anything (we don't seem to have the same standard )

I have one of those OH's too. I guess we should be grateful that they try, l think!!, sometimes it is more trying than try though, lol.

Stick with the diet and there will be a big change by Christmas, you'll be so proud of yourself.

 

[kopcat]

Well done - fab loss

Hope the shoulder eases soon!

 

[Elie]

Thanks Dysney and Kopcat

Definitely so true about the "trying" bit But as you said, at least, they'll do it. I just feel like I'm constantly nagging though

My shoulder is much better. When I was in Boots this afternoon, I heard something pop and I could move my shoulder without gritting my teeth! Don't really know what happened, but it relieved the pain!

I still can't do anything heavy, so I'm going to sort out the paperwork tomorrow I'm full of energy, so I might as well use it or it'll go to waste.

I'm so happy about my weight loss. I can already feel it in some clothes. For example, I have a sleeveless coat I bought from Asda just before the diet. It was a little bit on the tight side but now it is perfect!

Apparently, my neck area looks slimmer. I'm actually kind of happy that I'm losing from the top first as this is what people are going to see in my wedding dress The fat behind will be hidden

I'm off to bed. Tomorrow I have to get up early

 

[Delicious-Jax]

Well done on that loss, Elie.
I have had the same problem with the shoulder cracking noise...then lack of mobility in the joint. So, I sympathise!
I am one day behind you, so will be with you all the way.!

 

[Elie]

Well done on that loss, Elie.
I have had the same problem with the shoulder cracking noise...then lack of mobility in the joint. So, I sympathise!
I am one day behind you, so will be with you all the way.!

Thanks Delicious-Jax And we almost have the same initial weight

Today was brilliant. It was nice and sunny and we went out to browse the shops. We didn't buy anything (unless you count buying detergent and fabric softener as shopping....) but we have a lovely time. My shoulder is almost back to normal so we did a deep clean of the lounge and it looks brand new now: I wonder how long it'll last!

I surprised my OH with an English breakfast in bed this morning: he is liking this diet! I can't stop cooking

Another day 100% CD, but the water is on the low side. How do you all manage during the weekend? I always drink a lot while working, but as soon as I'm at home, I forget

I think I'll be working on campus tomorrow, to get on with my work, and then on Tuesday I should meet up with a fellow Phd student for a tea and nothing else.

I'm off to bed now ladies. I have a nice book to read and I'm quite tired. But I have the feeling that my mind will be on overdrive tonight again..... It always is on a Sunday

 

[Surfhunny]

I struggle with water on a weekend too, I find it hard to keep track of how much I've had. I think I'm going to have to keep a note pad next to the water jug. I seem to need the toilet more when I'm at home too but I think it's because I'm drinking more in one go than I do at work where I'm constantly drinking. The water consumption does get easier when you get into a routine with it though.

 

[Elie]

Day 11

I'm starting Day 11 already, 11 days without food and only my evening porridge to chew on. I'm pretty amazed if you ask me I am so determined right now that I hope it'll last. I have such a long weightloss journey to make that I prefer taking one day at a time

Back on campus today, with an almost normal shoulder And because I'm working today, I know I'll drink more than 4 pints of water Surfhunny, I do that too, I end up drinking a lot of water in one go when I stay home, just to reach the 4 pints of water. And yet, I know that the best way is to drink a little bit an often, as this is the best way for the body to make the most of the water. Do I do it when I'm home? Of course not..... I'm always ever so busy at home, there is always something to do. Yet, when I'm working, I'm really busy too, but that is somewhat different. I'm sitting at my desk all day, and drinking water is like a mini-break between tasks. So I have to go and work 24/7 now

I tried on some old jeans and I can report that I can put on my size 22 Evans jeans now They are a bit tight, so I'll have to wait a week or two before I can really wear them, but it will be nice to have so many jeans to wear! I put on a lot of weight lately, and yet didn't want to buy any size 24 clothes, so I only got 2 pairs of size 24 jeans from Asda: one blue, one black. And it means I have to be careful when I wash them or I could find myself without any trousers to wear

Back to work now. I have a mountain of things to do today!