hi ladies
i will start my diary from the day weight became a issue ....
22nd sept 1990 aged 22 i had my first child daniel (6lb 10oz),i actually only put a stone on then afterwards went straight down to 8 1/2 st and has life moves on i started to put a bit of weight on ending up at about 11 stone ,i tried WW a few times,then was pregnant with my second child aged 30 on 31st july 1998 (jordan 8lb 12oz),i actually put 2 stone on in this pregnancy so i eneded up 13 st,but lost the later when i had him so i stood at 12st 3lb and i decided i need to lose some weight i got a job ,bought a house then embarked on a diet WW i lost 3st 3lb on this and kept it off for 6 1/2 years ,then came the blow that was to tear my world apart my son was diagnosed with bone cancer,so i tried to embark on a new life trying to look after my son ,keep my weight down and look after the household ,i managed to do this until november but before this my son had been told his cancer was terminal and then i was just trying to do anything that made him happy ,so food was dan's happiness and i was doing wot made him happy takeaways more r less every other day because we was in and out of hospital most of 2009,then came a second blow dan's cancer had started to move really quick and the doc's where just trying to get him through xmas ,its now 17th december and dan is paralised from the waist downwards and is also catherterised ,and having to make the biggest decsion of his life, that does he come home are go in to a hospice ,so he decided to go into the EAST LANCSHIRE HOSPICE in blackburn ,he was so so worried that i would be upset but i was so proud of him deciding to go to the hospice and not home ,so he was settled into the hospice i was dying to see him he looked really well and so happy to be bak near home ,then xmas was ere and we had a great day having our xmas lunch in the hospice just dan,me and jordan and also a few visitor's during the day ,then before we knew it new years eve was ere and we all spent it at the hospice with dan playing board games.
before dan went in the hospice i had been chatting to a man on a dating site (i just needed a place to go away from all that was going on ) we got on so well so after a few month's we decided to meet he knew all about dan and didnt try to run a mile he has helped me a lot with dan and even know ),so it's 1st jan and i decide to get all dan's mate's togehter there was about 15 OMG and they all had a good day playing on the x box and eating pizza and chips ,then about 9 oclock we had to ask them to leave has they had been getting a bit rowdy they where not bothered (dan was though)i think he was enjoying himself that much he didnt want it to end, its now saturday the 2nd jan and i walked up from my house to be with dan coz the snow was still bad ere ,and it was this day that it dawned on dan that he was dying ,we cried for a while i hugged him so so tight but he wanted question's answered like want is going to happen to him ,is he going to be buried are cremated (i dont what went through his mind when he was asking this ) my brave boy ,so he decided he would like to be cremated ,so has the day went on he needed to be spoon fed of me that was strange and hard for both of us ,so has the day progressed i needed to call some family to come and see dan so a lot of our family turned up then a wasnt aware that dan's friend's had been called and thay all turned up to talk to him and to tell him they are going to miss him it was so so emotional,all the lad's broke there heart's that night and one girl was there too is beloved natalie (not his girlfriend,he had let her go at the start of there relationship unable to want her to suffer like he was ,he was so brave ),that night he asked for 2 sleeping tablet's he knew and he never woke up again has the night went on he was talking to someone saying he didnt know what the wanted him to do and also moved himself in a way that he had been unable to do since the 17th of december i was amazed at his strength but all this was done while asleep ,its 6.15 and dan's has taken his final breath's ,i miss my boy so so much but know he isnt in any pain ,then having to leave him alone in the hospice when i just wanted him to come home eventually i got him home and the funeral started from his home,that day was hard for everybody ,dan's mate's had wanted to carry his coffin and thay did ,the reading's where very emtional and then we all moved on to his beloved BLACKBURN ROVER'S FOOTBALL CLUB(where he has a stone laid in his memory),we had 19 blue and white ballons and we let them go on the pitch ,he will have loved that.....
so its's june and i decide i need to get this weight off once and for all , so 22nd of june i start on my dukan diet and to date i have lost 1 stone !!
i also like to thank JAQY'S for giving me a litte push in this direction !! thank you xxx
and also to all the lovley ladies who have given me there time !! thank you xxx
so ere starts my diary ........... there will be more to follow !!!!!!!!!!!................