My FIL - RANT!!

Oh Jim - that's crap!!!! It annoys me that after all that has happened they can still put him back into a place where he is at risk - I hope you have stood out for a hefty package of care and put the onus on the authorities to manage the risk.

Make it clear that you can physically only do SO much and that by putting back into his own home THEY are responsible for what happens to him. Ask about "Just Checking" so that you can check on his movements.

My mum had carers coming in 3 times a day plus "Just Checking", plus a cleaning lady once a week and it was still not enough. MIL has a wash and breakfast lady in the morning and a tea time lady plus the cleaning lady once a week but she has all her faculties, mobility being the biggest problem for her as she has to walk with a walker and is very unstable on her feet otherwise x
 
The package is 4 carer visits a day Gem the District Nurse every other day as he has bed sores now and a regular assessment by the mental health team, that's the promise anyway, we have found in the past they are good at promising, not so good in the execution.
 
Keep an eye on the paperwork and make sure that all the visits tally up and that they're doing what it says on the tin. Make it absolutely clear that THEY are the carers and not you or Colleen. What you do is totally up to you but they cannot rely on 2 people who work and live a distance away. The care package is either enough or it isn't. If making it work hinges on you topping up then it is not enough.

I made it clear that I would visit and do Mum's shopping but that I was a "daughter", a "full-time worker" and that I definitely was NOT a "carer". They tried to rope me into all kinds of things I had no time, energy or ability to do but each time I repeated the above. I felt awful at times but it was a self-preservation thing - at the end I was still run ragged so it was obviously the right thing to do x
 
we got some good advice from the District Nurse Ge, we have set shelves up in the sitting room all clearly marked i.e. pyjamas, sheets, incontinence mattress covers, duvet covers etc, as they kept claiming they couldn't find stuff. we have marked all the cupboards and containers you know, porridge in here, etc. And we have set out a daily schedule of what we expect them to do on each visit. Because of the bed sores the District Nurse told us they must get him out of bed on each visit and get him seated, also they must make more effort to get him to eat and drink. It won't happen I suspect but the social worker was impressed when we met yesterday.
 
Thats a great idea Jim. still dont think he should be at home though :(
 
Well done Jim - you have done everything you can do. Mum wouldn't have anything done like that - she even ripped down a couple of notices I put up both as a job for her memory and for the carers. She said it was HER HOME, not some sort of care establishment but she didn't realise the importance of it all or that her memory was as bad as it was x
 
I don't suspect Jack will care somehow, bit we have decide we need to be stricter with the carers and document every thing.
 
Very wise - and if they know they are being checked up on it is likely they will do what is expected of them. It is difficult with carers because they are mostly a dedicated bunch of people on very low wages but there are a few that haven't a clue or just don't care. It is often the luck of the draw which ones you get. I think most of the people who came into mum were the good ones and MIL has a few that come in, most of which are great and love coming to her too x
 
Jim! (reports indeed!) Im so sorry to hear you are having problems. The services should all work together and resolve the problem but as you have worked out there is a severe communication issue.
In my experience you cant rely on any of the and you need to constantly phone and nag. This seems the only way to sort anything. My only advice to you is to check on the carers as much as you can. Only last week i went out to a 99yr old lady that had fallen. Social services care line (a buzzer worn around the neck to alert ss when person needs help) were there and clearly stated that the lady was still dressed in her own clothes. We think she had a fall whilst trying to get ready for bed. I had a look through the carers blue book and it stated she had been washed and dressed for bed, put into bed and left safe. Total lies so i had to report the whole incident as the poor love had really badly hurt herself.
Its tough when you have stubborn relatives that wont do whats best for them but can you blame them? Im sure given the choice we would want to stay in our own homes. Stay strong, all 3 of you. Im here if you need to ask anything or pointing in the right direction at all.
xxxx
 
God that's terrible, Cheryl - why do people lie like that! Poor old soul, she's the victim in all of this, with SS making it so much worse :( it makes me quite depressed about getting old.
 
No hun ss were really helpful. It was the domicilary care company that were the problem. I see it all the time. Lol. It doesnt stop there either. I know i have a bug bare about drunks wasting our time but when the hospital security wheel one out into the snow half dressed and dump him in the middle of a field for me to find him frozen he was hypothermic then they are really over stepping the mark and we put in complaints everywhere possible. The men in question are still working there and as far as i know nothing has happened yet. it really upsets me to think that if i hadnt told my service i was going to look for him he would have died over night. How can these people do their jobs and not have an ounce of compassion for anyone. It really makes my blood boil.
Sorry jim hyjacked again!
 
That is truly awful treatment - I am sure that folks forget they are actually dealing with human beings! Grrrrrrrrrr

Jim, sending you love and hugs because there is very little else I can do xx
 
Lol i think they forget they are human themselves and not some sort of robocop!
Jim i mean it hun anything i can advise on give me a shout. If im not here then the girls have my number.
xx
 
Thanks Cheryl,

There have been a number of occasions when he carers have been worried about Jack and have called out the para medics, however he resolutely refused to go to hospital and they say they can't take him then as he has to agree or be to confused to not agree if that makes sense?
 
We can take him under incapacity. I would find a way to say hes incapable of making that decision if its what better for him. Try talking to the medics and see. If you find nice ones they will go out of their way to help you and do whats best
 
cheryl you need to go up there!
 
Thanks Cheryl, I bet you would love. The other problem is 2 different health authorities, that get's so confusing, Jack comes under Solihull, but if the ambulance is from Birmingham then he goes to Heartlands in Birmingham instead of Solihull general.
 
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