My spangly low carb odyssey

[Spanglymum]

Wise words indeed!

I'm still here. Still plugging away. I've been off-road more than on of late, carbs-wise, but am being kind to myself and getting through the days (hours!) until I'm on holiday. I can feel the pressure lifting already - although I still have masses to finish before the end of the day. As long as I can still fit in most of my clothes, I'm not stressing at the moment about the skinny jeans (not a hope of getting them past my knees at present). This is about lifestyle, isn't it, not dieting? Balance.

Play is a good point. I work sooooooo hard, and then rush rush rush around doing all the chores at home. I'm frazzled most of the time.

So - next week is going to be about taking things slowly. We have one or two things planned (not going away - having a "staycation") but I'm not letting my diary fill up too much.

(and... breathe...)

 

[Spanglymum]

How much do I hate hospital appointments? The obligatory weigh in in a corridor really annoys me. My health issues have nothing to do with my weight!!

And yes, I'm cross with myself because my weight isn't ideal right now

 

[Spanglymum]

What a pot of negativity, eh?! Am perking up. So much so that I haven't been posting. On holllleeeeedaaaaayyyyyy!

 

[Spanglymum]

Have pulled self together! (hurrah!) Doing two weeks of packs from Tuesday, to get back in ketosis/de-carb, then strict Paleo until get to goal weight. I will do this before Christmas! (watch this space) In the meantime not going (completely) mental, but enjoying some carbs.

 

[Rednicola]

That's such a great thing to read Hun ...glad your feeling positive ...you can and will do this xxx

 

[Spanglymum]

Got a dog!!!! <3

 

[Spanglymum]

Yes indeed! But what a cure for narcissism and self-pity! Haven't felt this relaxed and happy in years! Simple things. Running in the park with him this afternoon. Playing fetch. And seeing my husband forget his MS for a while and get caught up in the sloppy dribbly ball throwing. Fab fab fab! Magic!

 

[Spanglymum]

Right! Back to work today after a week and a half off. And back on sns packs for two weeks in order to de-carb and get rid of the munchies. Then low carb/paleo - or more sns if I'm in the zone and it isn't making me crave or have urges to binge.

Bit nervous, but also excited, as the carb addiction rollercoaster is knackering. I'n massively craving carbs at the moment and need the madness to stop!

On another note I saw a lupus specialist yesterday, who thinks I probably do have lupus, but an atypical form. She was very understanding. She prescribed me some very strong painkillers for everyday and some muscle relaxants to help me sleep. (I haven't taken the latter yet as they can make you woozy in the morning unless you time them right and I need to be sharp to drive my 55 miles to work!). I'll take one on Friday night and see if it helps. She also suggested Pilates might help with strengthening muscles and reducing the joint pain.

She also thinks my depression may be worsening and advised discussing my Prozac with the GP when I have my next check up.

It was brilliant to feel understood, but I do feel a bit rubbish to be in such poor physical abd mental shape! At least I'm getting help though, rather than battling on regardless.

Had a brilliant holiday ... Will post more anon!

 

[Spanglymum]

Oops. Might need to start over tomorrow. Doh! All going well until I remembered the half bar of chocolate in the car...

Still... onwards and downwards (or something like that).

 

[Spanglymum]

Tomorrow is another day, as they say! How much do I want this? More than sugar?

 

[Mis-behave]

Hi I find when craving sugar, that snacking on nuts/ seeds really helps to over come the serious cravings, any time I had a craving a had a few nuts, ok I admit that it took 2-3 days before the sugar cravings went, and I ate loads of nuts, but cutting back the nuts was easier than dealing with the sugar cravings day 4 I had got over the sugar cravings

 

[Spanglymum]

Ah yes... nuts. But I can go (completely) nuts with nuts! You wouldn't believe the quantity I can hoover up once I start . It's truly astonishing. I see your point though, about it being a useful way of weaning myself off carbs... but do I dare?

Trying to take one day at a time, but I'm not very good at it...

(and that's ok)

(revelation!)

Who says I have to try to be good at everything? Try to excel at everything? Sometimes it's enough JUST TO TRY. And sometimes it's ok to be tired, and rest, and leave trying until another day, when it all gets too much.

How I wrestle with my inner child. I was sooooooo disproportionately pleased the other day, because I'd done some oil painting (I've just started playing with it really) and showed my Mum (of all people I totally wilt under her criticism and really want her to approve of me) and she said the paintings were great!!

So I do all this "pretending to be a grownup" stuff, like the big job, and being a Mum and a wife, and a homeowner and a car driver and all that... but deep down, the thing that matters most, is getting my Mum's seal of approval (which isn't easily won).

I'm going to get some decent-sized canvases and do some bigger work...

And I've been writing for the past year too... so glimmers of the real me are still there, fighting through the recurrent depression and self-criticism. I was 10 st 7lb before and will be again!!

 

[Spanglymum]

Yes, we're very alike. We discovered a few years ago that we're both 'INTJ's on the Myers-Briggs personality test, which was a revelation to me as I'd always thought we were very different. Explained a lot!

Thing is, I'm more touchy-feely and emotionally demonstrative than her. But compared to the general population I'd still probably count as very reserved/introverted. We also have very different political views. But otherwise I guess we're quite alike: driven, determined, creative, self-critical...

 

[Spanglymum]

Day one done (after a fashion). Onward!

 

[Spanglymum]

Mid-year appraisal today. Am glad it's Friday!

Done ok so far. Resisted soya milk in my morning tea, which is quite something for me! On my way...

I was asked yesterday at work if I would be able to eat porridge at a breakfast meeting next week and said I'm on a strict regime post-holiday so will just have coffee. The PA (who is lovely anyway) made some teasing comment about how there's 'nothing of you anyway', which was lovely to hear as I've been convinced for months now at I'm huge. I'm still over 50lb lighter than I used to be but because I'm not at goal my brain decides I'm enormous. Need to learn to be less all or nothing I think!

 

[Spanglymum]

Wow!

Are you a professional psychologist?!

Wow... (pondering)

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, you hit a few nails on the head there. Blimey!

Had a bit of an unusual day yesterday, from the psychology perspective, as both you and a colleague both came out unexpectedly with unbelievably perspicacious things about me and my life lol. Much food for thought!

It was a good day though. My appraisal went v well. I was exhausted by the end of the day though and fell asleep on the train home (was in London yesterday so not driving). I've got soooooo much work to do in the next couple of weeks/months/year. But at least I know my boss thinks I'm performing well, which is a big reassurance (given how much I criticise myself...)

I actually stopped criticising myself while I was on lighter life. It was nice. Why did I start again? Because it's familiar? Habit?

 

[Spanglymum]

You're right in so many ways but old habits die hard! Well this week I will try to be mindful of my self-criticism and switch it to positive affirmation when I notice it.

Day three of packs done yesterday and I had a bit of a 'buzz' of energy and did lots of stuff around the house (without my usual martyrish resentment, I might add!). So maybe ketosis is on its way?

Joints are as bad as ever, if not worse, despite the new painkiller the lupus consultant put me on. Only thing is the addition of amitriptyline for bedtime does seem to help with sleep, which is wonderful. I will try to be patient (me?! Patient?!! As if!!) and persevere, because the deeper sleep alone is a huge plus.

Martyrish resentment. Hmm. That is WAY too familiar. And unhelpful... (ponders)

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks! This time I'm not bending the rules at all: so no unsweetened soya milk. Helps to remind me to stay on track every time I have a tea or coffee. Not even having water flavourings as I think they're a bit of a trigger for me. So just black tea and coffee, tap water and carbonated water, and four packs a day. I am sooooo determined!

I sorted out my wardrobe earlier - moved the 'don't fit at the moment' things out of there so they don't make me depressed every time I open the door. Everything in there at the moment fits me, which is a much more positive state of affairs!

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks!

Haven't crumbled, but oh how I've realised how many feelings I (still) usually suppress with food. I get so annoyed with my husband. It's not his fault he has MS but I'm knackered too. He went off to bed earlier. I wish there was a way I could go part time and still be able to pay the mortgage. I'm so tired. Just hope I get another burst of ketosis energy soon!