Nicci's journal

[wanna_be_thin]

lol i know hate when that happens

 

[parisbeach]

Nicci - i with you on the depreesion i have suffered for years, And that vicious cycle of if you eat feel guilt, punish yourself and then just do it more, it is breaking that cycle and i have tried and failed so many times before. Now i have my shakes etc to fit my day. I only had my soup about 90 mins ago, and then i not having anything else til back from class tonight so i feel i being abit naughty when i know i aint. But if i have got desperate for food i have subsituted a shake for a plate of chicken salad.

 

[wanna_be_thin]

The thing thats keeping me going is that 3 weeks ago i felt on top of the world after being on cd for 8 days, but my brain tricked me into thinking it would be okay to come off diet and onto a normal persons diet that obviously didnt bloody work cos i went back to my bingeing. I KNOW that i can get back to there. It wasnt event the weightloss cos id only been on it a week it was the sense of achievement of doing it and being able to refrain from eating everything in sight. I need to get the control back in my life. I truly believe that this is my last chance at weightloss because after 22 years of my depression ive realised it isnt miraculously going to go away whatever pill, counselling etc i do which means my willpower isnt going to get any better the bigger and bigger i become. I need to get the weight off now and get on with my life. Im back at college in january and i want to be at goal if possible and be able to look forward to it. Theres no way in hell i could go back to college right now if i had to as o just wouldnt have the confidence to go, i hate going out the house at the minute and my panic attacks are starting to come back aswell. I just keep thinking of where i could be in a weeks time if i stick to it.

Nicci x

 

[wanna_be_thin]

i should really learn to put commas in my posts lol.

 

[parisbeach]

Lol Nicci, i understood it, I felt like that a while back and i would walk into a supermarket fill trolley and then walk out as i felt everyone was looking at what i was buying, But in july I went to see a hypnotherapist and she really sorted my head out, As i told her i felt everyone was watching me, walking , eating etc. I couldnt eat fruit if it had a blemish or anything, She sorted that out. Maybe it could be an idea for you, as they sort out a range of probs, and i definately think that is what has helped me stick to this diet so well.

 

[flowey]

Nicci - you are really struggling at the moment hey. I completly understand everything you have said. I got the 'just need something' which I knew really wasn't food. I can do SW to loose rest - of course didn't work.
With CD if you can stay focussed for a week or so you get into a rythum, and yes you feel in control. Maybe it is the control thing. If you are 100% ss'ing then you are in control of your weight and future life.
When I felt a bit like this on my last 'fall of wagon' it was lots of things and not just diet. Needed to get on top of work, house, our job, diet, excersise plan, that was changing, this wasn't sorted.
My advise - for what its worth... take a deep breath. There is a lot going on at the mo. (reading prior posts). There is a lot that is still uncertain, unsorted and unfinished. Lots of this is out of your control so just have to take each hour as it comes and ditch worry about anything that will be forgotten in a month (eg haven't cleaned the bathroom, ironing).
Now all un-neccessaries ditched and riding the stuff you can't control anyway - there just leaves you. You can control this and move yourself where you want to be. Take a deep breath and ask yourself how much you really want this.
Now you've read this, go searching all your fav. clothes stores and look at all the nice clothes you could wear to college.
Don't let the little monster 'can't do this' beat you. Think positive, I have done this and I can again. 1 week, 1 day down already!!!
Picture yourself in that coat in six weeks time, make picture big and bright with sounds and live that picture for a whole minute everytime you wobble.
We will still be here in 5 weeks at the finishing line, I have faith in you, but you must have faith in you also.

 

[~sophie~]

hi guys long time no speak!!
just remember
'you dont fail till you stop trying, only when you stop trying you fail'
I had my weigh in on friday and lost 2lb which i was over the moon with as i had cheated do much but did swim 2 hours a day to make up for it, and as always i havnt learnt by my mistakes and have donr exactly the same and am therefore back at the pool in the morning so fingers crossed i have a loss on friday!!!!!!!
hope everyones doing good and dont have too much fun now

http://www.TickerFactory.com/exercise/wrkcV3F/http://www.TickerFactory.com/exercise/wrkcV3F/

 

[parisbeach]

A loss is a loss sophie welldone for it and all that exercise too, you will be toning up as you go.

I went to SW and had a loss last night so i hoping when i see my CDC on thursday evening i have a good loss there too, I away one day next week for anniversary, so i will be eating and the next day is weigh in day, so if i get a maintain next week i would be chuffed.

i craved a packet of crisps after gym session this morning but i resisted but i did tell hubby i having a SS+ day today so i have a nice chicken salad to look forward to later.

 

[flowey]

Sofie, congrats on the loss, well done. Can I ask why you are at sw and on cd - I've missed too many posts faffing around on and off with this diet!
Paris - wonder if the craving of the crisps after gym is really a craving for salt - exercise and all that. Helping your body rehydrate itself? maybe a teeny tiny pinch of salt in a glass of water would sort out any cravings and help your body use the water you are drinking effectively? Just a thought? I've a friend who loves running and never adds salt to meals etc... She had same cravings for peanuts, this worked a treat for her.
Well I'm still plodding along and slowly getting there. Am going to be checking in quite frequently I think!
Hope nicci is ok.

 

[wanna_be_thin]

day one (again again lol)

hi guys

fell off the wagon yesterday, cant say it was unexpected! back on today and even though im not feeling 100% i feel a world away from yesterday thanks for all your support it means alot to me and probably what has given me the strength to get back on it today when i still feel crap.

Good for you on your loss soph .

Just finished my first pack of the day (choc) and gonna go wrap up in my duvet on settee cos im absolutely freezing. Was out in rain earlier and it was only light but i was out in it so long i got soaked and im freezing all the way to the bone brr!

Will check back in later guys

Nicci x

 

[parisbeach]

Flowey - it me at SW and on CD , as i help out at SW each week and have so many friends there i didnt want to stop going and as i only doing CD thil i lose what the hospital require i will then be returning to SW plans, i will have to try the salt idea.
glad you still plodding along, each day is another one less.

 

[wanna_be_thin]

im not sure why i go to WW im just daft as a brush i suppose lol. im going to be on avidlite once i run out of my cd packs so its nice to have an official weigh in i suppose

Nobody asked me i just thought ide say lol.

Nicci x

 

[flowey]

Sorry Paris - so much going on today I'm not paying attention.

I don't think it matters about extra meetings in the diet side of things. It'll help keep the diet focus throughout the week. I have weekly weigh-ins and meets with my friends here who are all on different diets. We weigh measure and do a DVD each Tues and it really does help. I so quickly loose focus if I don't come on here and chat or go to the Tues meets.

Well done you both.

 

[flowey]

Nicci - just seen your first post. Forget yesturday, the thing is you keep trying....well done.
Stay focussed what you want and it will happen. Don't keep beating yourself. If you count how many days from the begining of this journey you've been good (whatever plan) and how many times you've fallen, bet the good days still outway the bad.
Keep going - you're doing well.

 

[flowey]

So how are we all today? Am here to inspire myself as my little demon is back saying 'don't know if I can do this', but I can and will.

So checking in and going to find some positive threads about how good the diet is and how wonderful everyone is feeling with the weight dropping off.

 

[parisbeach]

well another weigh in today but as running late i had to wait an hour and a half before CDC could see me, so i sat drinking tea, not good before weigh in, but still a little loss for me this week 2lb. could have been more if i hadnt had the fluid.

 

[flowey]

Paris, well done on 2lbs and you may have a pattern starting. 2lbs this week, 6lbs the next week. Be good this week and all that tea and extra weight will fall off for next weigh-in.
2lbs is still cool, thats 1st 10lbs already!! Bet you'll hit the 2stone mark next, well done, what control!

 

[flowey]

I'm usually a daily weigher, but had a weigh-in with a friend Tues am who is ww'ing (no classes in France for cd or ww so we make our own). So am trying to be really determined not to weigh until next Tues am at our 'class' again.
It's really hard because I want to peak for the motivation. I've got this little thing in my head that say only my scales work and our class ones won't show a real loss - how stupid is that!
Well I must get on with some more housework!! And find everyones hats, gloves etc... up as it if freezing here now, -2c in the mornings!
Fire is roaring but I get so cold on this diet, I just want to be curled up under a duvet!
Hope everyone is well and I'll come chat again later, well done again Paris.

 

[~sophie~]

hi guys, not had my weigh in tonight, my car was written off yesterday, i am therefore eating what i want and i really dont care, i have had such a **** couple of days and am not feeling quilty at all i will be back the diet monday. All i am concentrating on at the moment is trying to feel better as i have woken up this morning and literally feel as though i have been ran over by a bus twice!! hope you guys are doing good, and you can do it nicci!!! think of the pajamas!!!

 

[parisbeach]

sophie- sorry to hear about your car, no wonder you feel like eating everything, Hope you ok and not hurt.

Flowey- yes i feel fab with losses, i went to my hairdresser today and even she commented and asked if i had lost alot of weight she said at next appointment i will be totally different again, we shall see.