Nicola's Diary

well done with the jeans love xxx
 
Sorry all have not been very good at keepingup to date and saying thanks for all the comments! Pretty annoyed at the moment as still trying to find a job :-(

I lost four pounds this week-totalling 22 pounds in total, i can now feel such a difference particularly in the clothing department-u know what its like mind its like i am not half way there so cannot see it myself-others have noticed this week mind which is good for my confidence! I went to medical check and my blood pressure has gone down already so that is amazing! I am finding it all ok still but am really struggling with the whole water thing-really really need to drink more (said that for last two weeks mind!). I bought some of the St Clements and love it and made it into lollies but over the past few days i have noticed i am strugglin with my 'gallbladder' area-used to get it when i ate things like pastry and batter-worrying me now as it has affected my week because on two days i could only stomach two packets and then today i have felt really hungry and ended up eating five packs-arggghhhh-first time i have 'not been in control!'. Suppose i should be proud of myself for getting this far but those negative thoughts creep in don't they.

I was chuffed yesterday to find out i got 72% - a first! for my essay that i had stressed over-and i heard on the 'grapevine' that my file had excellent feedback (although haven't had it back yet!) so i am super chuffed as that means i have passed my degree-just waiting for final classification now! However, this once again posed a problem, what did i want to do after three years hard slog-go for a meal with my hubby to celebrate but this didn't happen (this was last night) i felt so disappointed and still want to celebrate - i know some would say why celebrate with food but i just feel i have done so well and deserve it, however, like i said to hubby even if i did celebrate with a meal out i would then be gutted if i put on weight so we just stayed in! Was annoying to see lots of my peer group on social network site saying that were in such and such a restaurant/pub celebrating. I just keep thinking to myself the food can wait but our place on the IVF register wont!

Went shopping again today and went to Monsoon tried on some dresses and i was amazed i could get into an 18 in some styles-its my brother's wedding in 5 weeks and i have a monsoon dress size 22 that i wore once (paid alot for it so wanted to wear it again as love it) however it has become too big!! Part of me is happy with that but then part is sad!! lol

Anyhow, if anyone can give me any advice on what happens now i have eaten five packs i would be grateful-should i just have three tomorrow or won't that work? Probably best to just 'get back on it' with water and four packs and forget all about my mishap just now!!!
 
Sorry to hear you are struggling with the packs, you really do need all 4 everydsy as it is such s low calorie intake, your body might think its being starved then hold onto water/ calories.
Put it behind you and start on 4 packs and lovely water with st clements in. I have struggled some days with the water, I now have a 750mil water bottle, i use st clements or the fruits of the forest with sparkling water, it goes down so much better.
Remember you also need the water to keep you healthy, and keep you in ketosis, your time will fly by and uou will be able to go out for meals, celebrate when you are on the IVF list! Trynot think of yourself as deprived because you could not go and eat to celebrate, how about a lovely romantic walk, or a nite at the pictures?
One of the things I have learned in yhe 10 weeks I have been on LLT is you can have fun and enjoy occassions without food.
Its a long journey, but you are worth ut, and for thr hopes and dreams you both have for your future, stick with it!
Jx
 
Dont miss a pack today, you will feel worse tomorrow. An extra pack when you are struggling is far better than eating crap.

Well done on the degree. Job next xx
 
Sorry to hear you are struggling with the packs, you really do need all 4 everydsy as it is such s low calorie intake, your body might think its being starved then hold onto water/ calories.
Put it behind you and start on 4 packs and lovely water with st clements in. I have struggled some days with the water, I now have a 750mil water bottle, i use st clements or the fruits of the forest with sparkling water, it goes down so much better.
Remember you also need the water to keep you healthy, and keep you in ketosis, your time will fly by and uou will be able to go out for meals, celebrate when you are on the IVF list! Trynot think of yourself as deprived because you could not go and eat to celebrate, how about a lovely romantic walk, or a nite at the pictures?
One of the things I have learned in yhe 10 weeks I have been on LLT is you can have fun and enjoy occassions without food.
Its a long journey, but you are worth ut, and for thr hopes and dreams you both have for your future, stick with it!
Jx

Thanks Julz, i have stuck to the packs and upped my water again-the st clements is working thankfully! Last night we went to a friend's BBQ i didn't miss the food at all in all fairness! I am struggling past week with gall bladder type pains, terrible gurgling and windy pops! Hoping it will subside! We are on the IVF list and are eligible from August if i have lost the weight,don't think i will have lost it by then as have another 3 stone to go but hopefully won't be too long after! Thanks for the support!
 
Dont miss a pack today, you will feel worse tomorrow. An extra pack when you are struggling is far better than eating crap.

Well done on the degree. Job next xx

Thanks Clara! Just awaiting the actual classification but that won't be too long now! As for the job it is really getting me down :-( Oh well sure that will come in good time! Hope u are well x
 
The gurgling etc will settle, I gave up water flavourings fie a few dats and ut stopped, only I dont like warer so went back and now luve wurh it, its worth it to me as my water cinsumption was not good without them!
Its a balance and choice, keep us posted on your results!
I need to lose anither 3 stone also, and want to by end of august, its possible!
Good luck and stay foccused, you have a great goal and reward to look forward too!
Jx
 
Thanks Julz-always good to read encouraging words and be inspired by others!

Well today it is Thursday and my LLC told me i need to write down more as this past week has been a stressful one-don't really want to write it on here mind. Anyhow, i had food thoughts past few days and on Sunday made a bad choice, ate the smallest (only about size of 2p piece) roast potato then on Monday night liked a spoon that i was dishing up curry with! Oh dear, what is happening! However, i am proud that i reigned it and and didn't lapse completely as what i would usually do, i explained this to my counsellor as i got on the scales and was dreading the results-i also told her i feel so fat this week. Anyhow i lost four pounds so again that has given me the inspiration i need. I have lot 26 pounds in the past six weeks and am loving the comments i am getting, one today was 'You look so much younger!' that is a good one as i always get mistaken for younger than my 32 years so i must now look 22!!! LOLS. Anyhow, i have just mowed the lawns thats my weekly exercise as its bloody hard work, before i got a man to do them (hubby doesn't do them-bit of a lazy daisy!!) the man used to charge £15 so we are also saving that-i actually think since being on LLT i am saving money! When i used to attempt the lawn it would nearly kill me but with nearly two stone gone i am like a whippet doing them-so much so hubby asked last time, 'Have u done back aswell!' because i was superfast!!!! Anyhow, i shall get thinner whilst my hubby sits down and he shall no doubtget bigger, i love him to bits and he has issues with his weight but he is not ready to deal with it right now. I was nagging him constantly but then discussed it in group and realised that i only started losing when i was ready and i am sure he will lose when he feels he is ready (however, does worry me as he has high blood pressure and gets very stressed/high anxiety levels).

We did the 'Perception' booklet - 1st session which made me realise a few things-i find the counselling is really supporting me to come to terms with how i deal with my stress and how much of a failure i actually felt about everything, now i don't i just turn those negative thoughts around and look towards the future :) :) :)

Sorry if i am a bit crap at replying and posting to others-very selfish of me i know. Good luck all and thank u all for all your comments and your diaries that keep me inspired!
 
Message to Clara-where do i find your online diary hun????
 
It's the seizing the day whatever that may bring thread

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Your doing brill hun. Keep it up, I remember reading about you cutting the grass in the early pasrt of your diary and how exhausted and red in the face you were ...great to hear your now like a whippet - fantastic!!

Thanks GracieLou-yeah me the whippet! lol
 
Again its taken me an age to catch up - must do more often as writing things down often helps! Have had a fairly good week, lost two pounds-wasn't over happy but wasn't disappointed as a loss is a loss hey. I have my period, well sort off-i usually take a few days to come on but its now Saturday (four days later) and its not really 'happening' if u know what i mean-has anyone else experienced a difference to their cycle? I assumed that was why the lower weight loss but what it now means is that i will probably be on for next week's weigh in aswell! Oh well at least i am losing i suppose!

I have been having a fiar few food thoughts past two weeks, some seriously annoying ones that last ages and others that pass quickly! I have also found myself picking at things-the smallest amount in terms of size-not even worth having really but why???? I think i am missing the taste of regular food!

We did a good class last week and it was about how we perceive LL - do we see it as empowering or do we see it like we are imprisoned and being denied-well i have to say on occasions i feel both if i'm honest but for the majority of time i feel empwered as i am losing and looking, feeling better and healthier. I went for 2nd medical this week and was so disappointed that my blood pressure was as high as when i started- i do get 'white coat' mind but hope LL medical team don't pull me up on this! It is supposed to be going down not up!!! Last medical it had gone down so don't understand! ???

I'm not sure if i have written about my dilemma with the whole holiday thing but we have now decided not to go away, lack of funds and total wrong timing really-such a shame as hubby has to book his dates a year or so in advance. I struck a deal with hubby that i would give him a % of what we had saved for a hol in return for staying home, he can use the money for footy matches and away games and that why i don't get to go off track whilst away! Some may say it is drastic but it is what is right for me at this point in the diet. I read so many diaries and how hard it is to get back on track when coming off abstinance-my problem is my willpower is awful so didn't want to put myself in that position. However, i am gutted that we don't get to go abroad this year :-( particularly with the weather at the moment!
We are going to Dublin with friends so that will be a nice break away and we have two weddings-which i now feel happy that i can go in a nice dress! I have bought my dress but think it will need taking in as wedding is in 3 weeks-love love love the dress mind! The initial monsoon one is way too big now-nice in one way not in another! (additional cost).

People have started commenting more this week, i a now 14 stone 8 pounds-started at 16s 8, i can feel it in my clothes but again my own perception is i have not lost alot! I still don't like looking in mirrors and think my face is fat but i'm sure in time this will subside. We discussed this in class this week as we are doing the perception booklet, i said i find it hard to adjust when shopping and always opt for the bigger clothes for some reason.

Anyhow, bit of good news today-well fantastic news! I found out i got a 2.1 for my degree-was super super chuffed! Part of the new me, one that feels like an achiever not a failure. I commened to my Mum earlier that LL had changed my perception on life as i no longer feel like a failure-its not just to do with the weight as i had so many other 'issues' going on that made me feel like crap- i don't feel like that anymore :)

I wish i could go celebrating with food and drink but not right now-needs must and i am determined to see this through to the end. I hope to have lost the weight by mid September and then do RTM in preparation to have IVF at the end of the year.

For tonight we are going out for drinks, i shall be brining my pots of sunrise orange and st clements for some fizz and will pretend it is champagne-the celebration dinner can wait for now! Good luck everyone for a good week!
 
Congrats on your degree result, that's fantastic news! :D Well done you!
 
Well done Nicola the Graduate!!! :talk017: xx
 
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