Pick your ego - Adult/ Parent/ Child

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Laura Croft, 5 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    One of the things I needed to learn to do in order to be at peace with food was to accept responsibility for my actions.

    A long time ago, I had some therapy and the therapist told me about transactional analysis which is all about us operating in one or more egos - parent child adult.

    • Parent is our 'Taught' concept of life
    • Adult is our 'Thought' concept of life
    • Child is our 'Felt' concept of life
    • http://www.businessballs.com/transact.htm

    I needed to take responsibility for my actions and this T really helped me to think about what 'ego' I was in. Any of these comments sound familiar?

    Child mode:
    I want some (pick the reward food) so I will have it. That food is bad. I am so stupid. I'm helpless.

    It can be easy to lapse into this mode when we want reassurance from others as it puts them in parent or sometimes adult mode.

    Parent:
    Critical mode - Makes judgements, thinks about what 'should' be done

    Nuturing mode - Can be either positive or negative but can negatively protect ie you deserve this food, you've worked hard.

    Adult:
    Where we think and take action for ourselves, based on information that we receive. Good for keeping the Parent and Child under control :)

    Please note I've really simplified this but when I read a lot of people lapsing and think about what ego they could be in, I thought this may help.

    Here are two sites that give a bit more about Transactional Analysis and may be good starting points:

    Facilitation skills - Google Books

    TA Ego State Maps - Summary
     
    Last edited: 21 February 2010
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  3. Sunshine Singer

    Sunshine Singer Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic

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    Good one hun...... can't believe you fell!!!! I read your thread but haven't posted there yet...poor you.

    Thanks for these thoughts xxx
     
  4. Thelma

    Thelma Silver Member

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    I think this is one of the problems we all have - not 'which ego rules?' but more, 'which ego am I today/at this particular moment?' I think this is such an ever changing tide for us that it can be hard to keep track if you're not used to looking at this type of thing.

    I know that, for me, there are definitely times where I'm a child (me, me, me, me, me! lol), where I'm a parent (what a stupid thing to do!) and where I'm an adult (well, that was the wrong decision, but here's what I've learned from it and here's how I'm going to deal with a similar situation in future)!

    I guess, for me, it's all about making sure the adult wins the balance. We'll never get rid of the child and parent, but the adult is the key. The trick is to maintain the energy so that we keep the adult at the forefront of our minds.

    Excellent topic, Laura!
    Thelma xx
     
  5. Blingbabe

    Blingbabe Back On Track!

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    The TA comes up in Lighterlife although I had encountered it through work.
    I am definitely a critical parent - and I need to remind myself to be kinder to me next time I find fault with myself.
    Yes, thanks for this Laura, this is the kind of diet that we benefit from doing some straight talking to ourselves.
     
  6. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    So well said :), and thank you
     
  7. cazmilligan

    cazmilligan Happiness in a shake!

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    I used to be a mental health councellor and used TA a lot in practise, but have never found it easy to appy it to myself (physician heal thy self and all that!)
     
  8. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I spend a lot of time in 'child' mode, but it goes "yummy cake...I want some...but I'd rather go out to play" :D
     
  9. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    That sounds like a responsible child. ;) Adding a new category to TA? Another good chapter for your book perhaps.
     
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  10. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Hmmm... have just spent a holiday in child-land (with bits of critical parent thrown in for good measure), edging now towards adult! Very interesting, wish my child-mode was more like KDs... if I craved skipping instead of bread and jam I wouldn't be in trouble now!

    xxx
     
  11. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    Bumping this thread for a CDer. Hope it helps :)
     
  12. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    Bumping this for all those going through week seven, one of the toughest weeks, that half way point for many. In order to successfully maintain my weight, I really needed to change the way I thought about food and TA was one thing that really helped me. Hope it helps :)
     
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