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Pick your ego - Adult/ Parent/ Child

Laura Croft

Happily maintaining
#1
One of the things I needed to learn to do in order to be at peace with food was to accept responsibility for my actions.

A long time ago, I had some therapy and the therapist told me about transactional analysis which is all about us operating in one or more egos - parent child adult.

  • Parent is our 'Taught' concept of life
  • Adult is our 'Thought' concept of life
  • Child is our 'Felt' concept of life
  • http://www.businessballs.com/transact.htm

I needed to take responsibility for my actions and this T really helped me to think about what 'ego' I was in. Any of these comments sound familiar?

Child mode:
I want some (pick the reward food) so I will have it. That food is bad. I am so stupid. I'm helpless.

It can be easy to lapse into this mode when we want reassurance from others as it puts them in parent or sometimes adult mode.

Parent:
Critical mode - Makes judgements, thinks about what 'should' be done

Nuturing mode - Can be either positive or negative but can negatively protect ie you deserve this food, you've worked hard.

Adult:
Where we think and take action for ourselves, based on information that we receive. Good for keeping the Parent and Child under control :)

Please note I've really simplified this but when I read a lot of people lapsing and think about what ego they could be in, I thought this may help.

Here are two sites that give a bit more about Transactional Analysis and may be good starting points:

Facilitation skills - Google Books

TA Ego State Maps - Summary
 
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Sunshine Singer

Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic
S: 13st2lb C: 11st10lb G: 9st11lb BMI: 31 Loss: 1st6lb(10.87%)
#2
Good one hun...... can't believe you fell!!!! I read your thread but haven't posted there yet...poor you.

Thanks for these thoughts xxx
 

Thelma

Silver Member
S: 20st8lb C: 15st8lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 36.3 Loss: 5st0lb(24.31%)
#3
I think this is one of the problems we all have - not 'which ego rules?' but more, 'which ego am I today/at this particular moment?' I think this is such an ever changing tide for us that it can be hard to keep track if you're not used to looking at this type of thing.

I know that, for me, there are definitely times where I'm a child (me, me, me, me, me! lol), where I'm a parent (what a stupid thing to do!) and where I'm an adult (well, that was the wrong decision, but here's what I've learned from it and here's how I'm going to deal with a similar situation in future)!

I guess, for me, it's all about making sure the adult wins the balance. We'll never get rid of the child and parent, but the adult is the key. The trick is to maintain the energy so that we keep the adult at the forefront of our minds.

Excellent topic, Laura!
Thelma xx
 

Blingbabe

Back On Track!
S: 14st13lb C: 17st5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 43 Loss: -2st6lb(-16.27%)
#4
The TA comes up in Lighterlife although I had encountered it through work.
I am definitely a critical parent - and I need to remind myself to be kinder to me next time I find fault with myself.
Yes, thanks for this Laura, this is the kind of diet that we benefit from doing some straight talking to ourselves.
 

Laura Croft

Happily maintaining
#5
I think this is one of the problems we all have - not 'which ego rules?' but more, 'which ego am I today/at this particular moment?' I think this is such an ever changing tide for us that it can be hard to keep track if you're not used to looking at this type of thing.

I know that, for me, there are definitely times where I'm a child (me, me, me, me, me! lol), where I'm a parent (what a stupid thing to do!) and where I'm an adult (well, that was the wrong decision, but here's what I've learned from it and here's how I'm going to deal with a similar situation in future)!

I guess, for me, it's all about making sure the adult wins the balance. We'll never get rid of the child and parent, but the adult is the key. The trick is to maintain the energy so that we keep the adult at the forefront of our minds.

Excellent topic, Laura!
Thelma xx
So well said :), and thank you
 

cazmilligan

Happiness in a shake!
S: 17st4lb C: 15st9lb G: 11st6lb Loss: 1st9lb(9.5%)
#6
I used to be a mental health councellor and used TA a lot in practise, but have never found it easy to appy it to myself (physician heal thy self and all that!)
 

KD

Gone fishing
#7
I spend a lot of time in 'child' mode, but it goes "yummy cake...I want some...but I'd rather go out to play" :D
 

Laura Croft

Happily maintaining
#8
I spend a lot of time in 'child' mode, but it goes "yummy cake...I want some...but I'd rather go out to play" :D
That sounds like a responsible child. ;) Adding a new category to TA? Another good chapter for your book perhaps.
 

Katycakes

Stubborn tortoise
S: 14st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.2 Loss: 0st2lb(0.97%)
#9
Hmmm... have just spent a holiday in child-land (with bits of critical parent thrown in for good measure), edging now towards adult! Very interesting, wish my child-mode was more like KDs... if I craved skipping instead of bread and jam I wouldn't be in trouble now!

xxx
 

Laura Croft

Happily maintaining
#11
Bumping this for all those going through week seven, one of the toughest weeks, that half way point for many. In order to successfully maintain my weight, I really needed to change the way I thought about food and TA was one thing that really helped me. Hope it helps :)
 


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