tubbynomore
Gold Member
Hi Darcy how are things working out with your dad at home? Take care hun keep your strength up and rant away to us when you need to xx
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- Thread starter Darcy15
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Footie widow
Full Member
Thanks Darcy. No, no carers but obviously hubby helps when he's here. Trouble is he works 12 hour shifts so is out/asleep a lot. Sounds awful I know but she is my MIL and with the best will in the world I do not view her the same as I would if she were my mother. She has always been a difficult women to be around even when she was younger (not one member of her wider family will even speak to her now as she has been such a ***** to them over the years!) My husbands first wife died when she was 26 and her parents have told me that she used to regularly ring them up in tears because MIL had been so horrible to her. She has over the last 25 years tried the same with me but I am too strong a character for her to have got too far. This has increased with her senile dementia and some days are very hard to remain tolerant and not want to yell at her. She follows me around if I try to leave the room and yells for me if I go upstairs (where she can't get) so I feel very trapped.
Sorry for the whinging, but until she came to us I had a very responsible job and I now have no intelligent adult contact for days on end. It is very difficult. I know she is old and cannot help her dementia but I still can't help feeling like I am being held to ransom in order that she gets her wish not to go into residential care.
Right, moan over. How are things with you - any change with Dad? Do you have any help with him and are his issues just physical? (Sorry if you think these are private things I just wondered - feel free to tell me to mind my own).
Keep up the good work. XX
Sorry for the whinging, but until she came to us I had a very responsible job and I now have no intelligent adult contact for days on end. It is very difficult. I know she is old and cannot help her dementia but I still can't help feeling like I am being held to ransom in order that she gets her wish not to go into residential care.
Right, moan over. How are things with you - any change with Dad? Do you have any help with him and are his issues just physical? (Sorry if you think these are private things I just wondered - feel free to tell me to mind my own).
Keep up the good work. XX
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
Dad has gone into a respite bed, via social services.
I tried for a week, but it was a nightmare. Carers came in 4 times a day, but what about the rest of the time?
He was trapped in his bedroom as he can't do the stairs. A prison for both of us.
He has the bed for 6 weeks. Breathing space to find another solution.
Dad has all his marbles, but is just physically frail now and can just about manage a few steps. He just can't look after himself any more.
For what it is worth, you have my absolute understanding. I am a single woman, and simply can't give up work. Even if I did, I can't change the 4 flights of stairs in my house.
A complete nightmare.
Stay strong, and look after yourself.
Xxx
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Darcy15
I can and will do this!
Thanks Ali.
Have got him into a respite bed for 6 weeks. A breathing space to get something sorted.
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
tubbynomore
Gold Member
Darcy15 said:
Definitely the breathing space you need and for dad to realise you can't cope as you are. He will realise too that care homes aren't what they used to be
Footie widow
Full Member
Hi Darcy, glad you managed to get the breathing space and good luck with the new search for somewhere your Dad is more comfortable with. It must be very hard for you both when your Dad is like a lot of elderly folk and wants to hang on to his independence for as long as poss, even when everyone else can see they are not managing, they can't see it.
Most of the time MIL is perfectly lucid, and during these times she has no memory of what she has been doing or saying so cannot see why she can't live in her own house on her own. Her memories of when she was last there are from 15-20 years ago even tho it was only at xmas so she thinks she had this fantastic social life and was on committees and attending clubs! In reality she was sitting in a chair sleeping all day and not feeding herself properly or taking meds etc and had had several falls where the Police had to break in as she lived a long way from us. Not a day goes by when she doesn't make us feel awful about the fact she does not want to be at our house. It is very difficult to deal with.
Sorry for the moan but sometimes it just helps to get it out of my system.
Good luck. XX
Most of the time MIL is perfectly lucid, and during these times she has no memory of what she has been doing or saying so cannot see why she can't live in her own house on her own. Her memories of when she was last there are from 15-20 years ago even tho it was only at xmas so she thinks she had this fantastic social life and was on committees and attending clubs! In reality she was sitting in a chair sleeping all day and not feeding herself properly or taking meds etc and had had several falls where the Police had to break in as she lived a long way from us. Not a day goes by when she doesn't make us feel awful about the fact she does not want to be at our house. It is very difficult to deal with.
Sorry for the moan but sometimes it just helps to get it out of my system.
Good luck. XX
Midge67
Full Member
Oh no... Only just seen this. Hope you're both ok and things are settled/improving, or even just had a better day. Can't imagine how hard it must be for you. I spent time with my elderly nan today who's very forgetful and possibly slightly senile - it takes soooo much patience and I know I couldn't cope with it for any period of time so you should both feel really proud of what you've done so far.
Take care x
Take care x
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
Thank you for the support.
Trying to find somewhere suitable for my Dad - but it's not easy, and I am really woried about financing it.
I feel generally calmer, but every so often a wave of anxiety hits me - not a great time at the moment.
Footie widow
Full Member
Chin up Darcy and hope you find somewhere you are both happy with soon. Finances are such a worry I know, losing my income has hit us hard but just when you think things can't get any worse, in my case they have. My own Dad has just been admitted to Hospital and we have been told he has days/weeks to live (heart failure). I have been at the hosp with my Mum trying to support her as best I can as obviously we are all devastated. Meanwhile MIL still needs looking after and hubbie has had to take leave from work to look after her.
I have managed to stay 100 % TS thru this but have had daft thoughts about VLCD's as last time I did one my 18 yr old daughter died unexpectedly and now this!! All we can do is try to stay strong. Good luck. XX
I have managed to stay 100 % TS thru this but have had daft thoughts about VLCD's as last time I did one my 18 yr old daughter died unexpectedly and now this!! All we can do is try to stay strong. Good luck. XX
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
I am so sorry you are going through all this. Just dreadful.
My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.
Darcy x
evil weevil
Full Member
Welcome back :hug: such a lot on your plate at the moment, but I am glad that for now at least you have found head space for yourself again.
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
Ok, needed to be honest with myself so have updated my stats and my ticker.
Have gained 24 pounds in recent weeks. Scary how easy that was to do - comfort eating every evening, distraction from how I was feeling. The mad thing is it just added to my low mood in the end, as I could see myself getting big again.
Counselling is helping with my feelings about my Dad, and being back at work is good as it gives me company and conversation.
I want to thank everyone for their support, it has meant a lot to me.
Onwards and downwards I go
Have gained 24 pounds in recent weeks. Scary how easy that was to do - comfort eating every evening, distraction from how I was feeling. The mad thing is it just added to my low mood in the end, as I could see myself getting big again.
Counselling is helping with my feelings about my Dad, and being back at work is good as it gives me company and conversation.
I want to thank everyone for their support, it has meant a lot to me.
Onwards and downwards I go
tubbynomore
Gold Member
GREAT to see you back Darcy.
Darcy15
I can and will do this!
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