Begin at the Beginning

Well I survived the weekend I snuck into an IKEA as we were passing and made my oatmeal in the microwave there. Was amazed at the junk people were tucking into at 9am I didn't even know that they did breakfast there. Was hard eating melted bars and warm water shakes but I did it. Not sure what else we can do when away and not staying at places that have a kettle/microwave. We are off camping just after Christmas I do hope they have the basics for me.

Hope everyone has had a good weekend.
 
Skinny, you are doing so amazingly. I think the answer to when, is going to be very very soon. You certainly deserve it love!

I want to be upfront with you - I'm putting pause on LL for two weeks. I have a lot of adult reasons behind this, as follows:
- I'm finding it hard to do it right with so much family around (I feel stupid saying that given how amazingly you're sticking in there, but nevermind, trying to be honest)
- My counsellor is away over Xmas and I've decided that I'm going to get past this and then back on.

This is not a sign of me disappearing forever, I can assure you. But I need this little break, so I can start again when it is easier. Not because I need it to be EASY, but I don't want to keep questioning/failing/questioning, so this is the decision I'm making. I still fully believe in LL, and will go back to it the moment my counsellor is back and the group's on. I've got enough packets to see me through the days, and I'm goinig to have to take the weight gain - there's no way not to even if I eat better than I ever have, and I'm not sure i will. I just know that I am happy to get stuck back in for months after Xmas, but I can't do it now, for all these reasons/excuses. I guess I have the absolute knowledge that I have to lose all this weight for August, due to the wedding. So it's not going to be a case that I disappear forever, and I'd like you to keep posting here so I can follow you're progress till I'm back properly on 2nd Jan. In fact, I'm giving you my diary so you can keep tellng me how you are, if you want to??

I don't feel disappointed, I know Diem will probably sigh and roll eyes at me. This is not the end, or the beginning of me putting it back on. This is just a holiday before the final phase begins for that lovely wedding dress and so I can keep feeling as good as I have done, when i'm still overweight.

Forgive me!
xx
 
I totally understand why you are doing this. I think you need this break to rethink and recharge ready for the next stage in your weight loss journey. I will be looking forward to your return on the 2nd January, I will still be here plodding on hopefully a few pounds lighter than now. It must be so hard with the counsellor away to stay on track, is this due to her father ill in Canada was it?

From the 15th January I am away for a week staying at various peoples houses and I just cannot see how I am going to keep having 4 packs secret and it is far too complicated with this particular lot of people to say what I am doing. So I am wondering if I could do 3 packs and a protein meal/veg that week instead so am considering having a trial of doing that before I go just to check I have no odd reaction to having food all of a sudden. I have to stay on track though I have not got time on my side to stop this journey now. Something huge is happening in May-ish time, this is too public a forum for me to say what but I need to be at goal and stable by then at the very least.

I still am really struggling toilet wise despite having the Linseed regularly so am wondering if introducing the 200 grams of allowed vegetables might help in that department.

I like your words of this is a holiday, and that is a great attitude to have a holiday before the final hurdle. Just don't go too crazy and go back to where you started because you know come the 2nd January that you will have a bigger struggle.

Thank you for being honest with us, we are all in this weight loss journey for our own personal reasons and I know that you will be joining me back on this wagon soon, I will keep your seat warm : )

I would love to keep your diary going if that is okay? I never did start my own, although I probably should have done because I very much hijacked your one! Would love it if you still popped on to keep a check on me though please : )

xx
 
Please do keep writing, I like that we have our joint diary, although I'm letting the side down a bit here, I'm still checking in for news on how it's going and also, because the diet isn't far from my mind. I'm wearing my tightest trousers so that I can keep track of what I'm eating. Still fine with 3 packs a day, but yesterday I had a small amount of pasta for dinner and some chicken. I've stopped doing the veggie thing so that I can have proteins that I really enjoy. I find I get full up VERY quickly, so I'm hoping I won't do too much damage - I can't bear the idea of 'giving up', just a holiday :)

Thank you for being so supportive. I feel really bad. I've been googling on other people who stayed strong over Xmas - I mean, that was my plan so I'm not sure how it's gone awry. I think it might be my counsellor heading off, it makes it feel less special not to go to the group and be amongst the others and get that weigh in. I am definitely scared about putting weight on. But then, obviously not scared enough to keep battlnig through at Xmas.

I think you'll be fine if you need to have no-carb meals with friends. You don't even need to mention it, just push the carby bits around your plate and don't eat them! The way I think of it is that I'm trialling self-correction at the midway point, before soldiering on down the next 2 stone. I weirdly can't wait to get back to it come 2nd Jan and be on the journey through the next bit. I have my first wedding dress shop on the 12th Jan so I'm hoping i'll be able to remain at 12.13 for then. The great thing is that I know this diet will get me there, as long as i do it, so I feel less scared about 'failure'.

I'm sad that you're still having toilet issues! Poor dove. I can only assume you need every last bit of what you're taking in? To be 'too much info' about it, since returning to chewable foods things have changed significantly, I'd go maybe once every 2 - 3 days and now it's a daily urge again. urgh, sorry, that might be too much for you, but I think it's part and parcel of the low intake is all. Although it hurting you isn't great at all.

So yes, you can keep the seat warm please, I'm just in the back having a nap, but not left you! xx
 
Happy to report, weirdly, I've put on half a lb. Figure that with eating evening meal and milk that's not bad. Now to keep walking the dogs and wearing too tight clothes for next two weeks break! X
 
That is a tiny gain so that is good. Don't feel bad at all we are all in the same boat to get to our goals, sometimes there are diversions along the way which makes the journey a bit rockier. I have every faith in you that you will be 100% back on this journey with me in 2 weeks time. Will you be doing 4 packs or 3 packs on your return?

You will be relieved, as am I, and far too much information but I finally properly went to the toilet again today thank goodness. Is only the third time of properly going in the whole time I have been on this diet.

Eek only 2 sleeps to go until my final weigh in before Christmas I would love to get as close to 12st 7lb as possible but know that is a big ask!
 
Yes, if i can do this and put on 3lbs or less then I can deal with that. Anymore and I'll be really cross with myself! Keeping my eye on the ever-so-slightly-further-away prize!

As you've been, I'm hoping you'll easily get down into the mid-12s...I'm going to have some real catching up to do to stay with you on this!

I'll be going back to 4 packs, total abstinance. If I can do it for 6 weeks and lose 2 stone, then have this break, I feel confident about continuing for another 6 - 8 weeks until I've got the next two off. I probably will take longer though, as I assume the closer we get to target the less will come off each week, so I suppose it may be more than 8 weeks, but I'm really looking forward to the ease of it again - already - it's keeping it fresh for me and I'm so ADHD about these things I need it to stay 'unique'!!! xx
 
Wow, just had my Saturday morning weigh in and am shocked to see I am 12st 7lb which is a massive 4.5lb loss this week. The only things I have done differently this week is not go to the gym (normally I go to at least 3 classes a week) and also I have gone to the toilet not just once but twice, normally I struggle to go once a fortnight on this diet!
 
Yeeeeeeeeeesssss!!!! WELL DONE!!! Im so happy, you did it! Awwww, merry Christmas clever girl! 8lbs more and you'll be an 11 stoner :) :) xxx
 
[FONT=Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Aww thank you. 11 stone something is certainly in my sights. It really has helped having these different food packs and will miss them when I have to go back to the other ones of just same shakes and bar. I just can't risk ordering more stuff to be sent because with the international shipping costs and also I got stung by customs : ( I didn't even know that customs had charged me until a letter got sent this week charging me : ( and it makes me want to stick to the diet even more because of the extra cost - ouch! I have enough S&S products to last till the end of January but might start mixing up packs soon so that the variety lasts longer although need to check the carb/contents first to check that will work.

I am looking forward to seeing if anyone notices the weight loss when school resumes at the end of January and other Mums won't have seen me for 2 months. Still only had the one comment, oh no I did get another comment actually but considering I have lost 18kg/nearly 3 stone I don't think people have realised.

Have done my calculations again, is such a regular habit...

3lb a week = approx 9th Feb 2013
2.5lb a week = approx 23rd Feb 2013
2lb a week = approx 9th March 2013

Hope you are having a nice weekend xx[/FONT]
 
Ive just read my entire diary from start in October to now and I'm panicking. I was already panicking which is what prompted me to read it. Basically, I'm cross and regretful that I didn't stick to my abstinence like I'd planned and discussed all those weeks ago. I know I decided to break but I found myself bingeing today while OH was out at work. I cannot list what I ate, it was disgusting. My tummy hurts and has swollen up. Now, the worrying part is that 10 minutes before OH left the house I started crying. There was no reason, tears just started falling and I felt sad. Yesterday I bought some size 14 tops and decided on my outfits for xmas, so I'd be able to pack, I was over the moon with how I look. Then out of nowhere today I just suddenly felt sad. He left. I ate and ate. I don't know if it's finally finishing work which is stressful and just a release? Or if its because someone at work sent an email out to tell the floor they were holding the buffet elsewhere because of me ( not a biggy but I'd told only my closest colleagues and I could've melded in but instead felt I had to sit at my desk whilst everyone else had food and drink. There were so many people that now know and they gave my full name in this email I didn't feel confident to go and take the questions). Or am I just cross and making myself upset.

Blah blah blah. Plan to succeed and not wallow: packets, straightaway, immediate affect. No more. What have I done?! Idiot girl.
 
Tilley - I have rubbish internet at present as am away and I typed a long reply but lost it but wanted to say not ignoring you and will respond once home. You are not an idiot darling and you can get back on track very soon. Thinking of you I know how hard it is xx
 
Oh bless you! Thanks. Hope it's all going okay and youre having fun. Fb didnt recognise u :-( stupid thing x
 
Just had my post Christmas weigh in, a day later than normal due to being away and forgetting to take my scales and am pleased to report a 3.5lb loss which I am delighted with. Just 4 more pounds and I will be in the 11 stone something catergory! I really need to get my thinking hat on and start preparing for life after packs, am terrified by the prospect, I feel safe on the packs and I just want to make sure I get the refeed right. I know I won't need to do it till February time but that is not that long away really.
 
Coooeee Tilley where are you.......it is the 2nd and I cannot see you........come back, come back you know you want to.
 
I'm here and I've awoken from my bearlike hibernation, up next to you on the wagon, eyes front, fizzy water and black coffee in hand :)

This is quite fun as feels like novelty again. Had my porridge and choc shake and it all seems normally and strangely relaxing compared to the eating malarky. I may b whimpering and whining in a day but I currently feel quite grown up and lile before, just time to get on with it and achieve what I want. I have the tools and the support and I want this so where's the negative? There is none.

I have learned:
I can eat better but im a fool to think I'm in anyway cured of the binges. Of course, the aim is to be slim, size more than weight, but I am looking forward to the clear run of the coming months to delve into why I run to food as a cure-all and how im going to change that aspect of my psyche.
I didn't stick to my original plan of abstaining BUT it's not a failure or a sign the plan doesnt work, it's just part of this for me.
I am stronger than I thought, in a weird way ( mean me says, 'yeah? Why'd you eat then?') but the fact I'm back with no indecision on the day I set is a good feeling.

So, birthday on Saturday. OH and I are going to head to the epic that is the hobbit and the real celebration will be in the summer, to make the treat of goal worthwhile with a big adventure in my finest size 12s :)

Not attending the group tonight though. Most prominent reason that I can't bear to have a gain recorded in ink on my book or a season of us all discussing our muck ups. Perhaps its cowardice but it smacks too much of every other diet I've done to see peaks and troughs and I just want losses on this one. So ive put on 6lbs by home scales and hope by doing total through to next week with remaining packs I can weigh same or less. ( glances to week 1 8lb loss and prays).

Skinny you are a legend you know that? The focus you've had amidst all your tummy troubles and hosting and visiting and then losing...by gods you deserve lucky 11s soon. Now how on earth can I catch up? Dont want the wagon to tip over if I'm weighing down one side do we?! Lol! Fantastic work lady!

Xxx
 
Hooray you made it. I am so like you on that front about the gain being recorded in ink....many a time I have avoided a meeting for fear of having a gain written down. You are going to do brilliantly again for this phase of the diet and get back into your 4 packs and glug glug glug the water.

My weight loss surely has to slow down soon, I have had 2 weeks of good losses and getting closer to goal that cannot continue I don't think although I don't seem to do anything different. Someone asked me today if I had lost weight, they have put it down to the stress of us having extended stay house guests lol. Don't think my scales will be showing 11 something this week but hopefully the following week. Think I might keep my weigh in day on Sunday now, was Saturday but missed the Saturday last week and it makes me nervous to have a weigh in after only 6 days.

So is your birthday on Saturday? Is my sons birthday tomorrow so have just been making him a cake, even more goodies in the house, luckily nothing ever tempts me. Have just been sorting out all the Christmas goodies and checking dates on them but not even any of that stuff is tempting me.....this is so odd. I have been under so much stress over the past year or so and have turned to food on so many occasions and am still all stressed and confused now but for some reason I just have not been tempted once to even binge etc. I don't even think about "oh when I am at goal I can have that" like I have done in the past, it is as if I have totally shut down any thoughts/feelings about food.

Hope day 2 back on plan goes well xx
 
I am amazed you are like that, in a really awestruck way. But then, u survived weeks on the most dull shakes ever and stuck to it, this must just be your time when its clicked and you know you need to change and your willpower is cast iron. Perhaps it's exactly because youve had so much stress and eaten and you've realised that taking the food away and suffering the stress is just as stressful?! In some ways I like knowing that with everything that may befall me at least I can control one thing. There was a definite sense that I felt the turmoil inside was reflected outside when I got fat. I not only felt I couldn't cope but felt everyone else knew it too and was pitying me. Pretty soon I just pitied myself. But NO MORE!

Actually I do feel a bit sad today, im hungry. Day 2 bound to happen and I just have to keep this up through to Saturday so I am ketosis and the pangs go away. Glug glug glug. Very tedious warring with my urges to go and eat. Will be happy when they disappear. But this is physical not mental, for once, which is much easier for me to override!

In happier news I weighed myself-I'm going to all week this week I hold my hands up now- and already dropped 3lbs! Fully clothed weigh in, promise. Pleeeeeaase body, please let it go by nxt weds!

I know I shouldnt tempt fate but I really hope you have another good loss, it makes it all worthwhile when youre faultless! Xx
 
Well. A bit of a muck up today, my birthday! Still, straight behind me it goes, good thing is there is no excuse for the next few months so I hope to be a more exemplary Llifer from this point on.
 
Well just a mini 1.5lb loss today, is the smallest loss I have had in nearly 3 months doing this diet 100%. Am a tad disappointed by a small loss but I have to remind myself that the last 2 weeks in particular were bigger losses. I am feeling a bit disheartened that I have potentially another 11 weeks on this diet and that is if I lose 1.5lb a week. I was really hoping to be done on having packs by mid February. Anyway will carry on as usual. Have started mixing up my different packs because I was worried about the S&S packs finishing at the end of January and that I would then be going back to just the same shakes and bars that I did for all that time. So I am having 2 of S&S and 2 of the other ones, of course that is what I am blaming on my small loss this week. Am only a week away from most likely having to have a week of a protein meal and 3 packs and that terrifies me but I just cannot see how I am going to get away with just packs unless I come clean but I will be staying with people and I don't know them that well (well it is a complicated story!)
At a BBQ yesterday I just put food on my plate and pushed it around the plate and off loaded it onto my husband and childrens plates when the hostess was not looking. This is pretty much what I have done in social situations so far!
Was sorting out the food cupboard today and I can tell I have been super good with the amount of stuff that is still intact on the shelves!

Tilley - I hope you had a good birthday and are fully on board now to keep going xx
 
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