FaeFaeFiFi
Full Member
I AM STARTING TODAY!!!!!
I've 'started' again loads of times for a couple of days and I get so far, and I am not even struggling with hunger or headaches but I just get tempted and think 'i'll start tomorrow'. I find this a really frustrating cycle but I am going to stop it, because its purely psychological and emotional. I've lost over a month and a half in time in theory, but I have sat between 96 and 98 kg in that time while floundering so that should me motivation for maintaining maybe at the end to not have gained another stone!! I started at 124kg so it's a huge achievement and I am proud.
Also the Dr doesn't think I have POTS, he thinks I have something else to do with blood pressure so it's not a concern to lose more weight. I think that a big wobble started when I noticed my heart rate and calories burning being so high and it unnerved me in a way that dredged up some medical fears from the past. I read back over this diary and they all sound like excuses. I get stuck between how much of a break I need to give myself and when I need to pressure myself more. I respond both positively and negatively to each at varying times.
So start weight is 15 stone 6/ 216lb. End goal is adjusted a little to 165lb/11st11. End date has been pushed back a month to 26th October from September and I feel EXCITED, but I think that may be the end date of exante 800 rather than full stop, because I will need to stop doing VLCD at 12st7/175lbs because my bmi will just fall under 25 then. So my goal date on the left bar is a stone short of my actual goal.
All the things that felt like scary changes in my life feel less scary now, I understand the process I am going through more and however many times I have to try to get going again, I will get going completely. I have to work with, not against myself. My new rule to myself is that if I feel compelled to stop following plan, I must wait at least two hours before I can do so and contemplate all the pros and cons of doing so, read the posts i've made and think of how good things will feel to have finished. Now more impulse sabotage. Ready, steady go!!
And I am going to try and remember to update every evening and be accountable to myself!!
Dear Diary, I will succeed!
I've 'started' again loads of times for a couple of days and I get so far, and I am not even struggling with hunger or headaches but I just get tempted and think 'i'll start tomorrow'. I find this a really frustrating cycle but I am going to stop it, because its purely psychological and emotional. I've lost over a month and a half in time in theory, but I have sat between 96 and 98 kg in that time while floundering so that should me motivation for maintaining maybe at the end to not have gained another stone!! I started at 124kg so it's a huge achievement and I am proud.
Also the Dr doesn't think I have POTS, he thinks I have something else to do with blood pressure so it's not a concern to lose more weight. I think that a big wobble started when I noticed my heart rate and calories burning being so high and it unnerved me in a way that dredged up some medical fears from the past. I read back over this diary and they all sound like excuses. I get stuck between how much of a break I need to give myself and when I need to pressure myself more. I respond both positively and negatively to each at varying times.
So start weight is 15 stone 6/ 216lb. End goal is adjusted a little to 165lb/11st11. End date has been pushed back a month to 26th October from September and I feel EXCITED, but I think that may be the end date of exante 800 rather than full stop, because I will need to stop doing VLCD at 12st7/175lbs because my bmi will just fall under 25 then. So my goal date on the left bar is a stone short of my actual goal.
All the things that felt like scary changes in my life feel less scary now, I understand the process I am going through more and however many times I have to try to get going again, I will get going completely. I have to work with, not against myself. My new rule to myself is that if I feel compelled to stop following plan, I must wait at least two hours before I can do so and contemplate all the pros and cons of doing so, read the posts i've made and think of how good things will feel to have finished. Now more impulse sabotage. Ready, steady go!!
And I am going to try and remember to update every evening and be accountable to myself!!
Dear Diary, I will succeed!
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