Getting my mojo back!

[Spanglymum]

Really badly wanted to cheat today. Even bought snacks! But can you believe I didn't actually open them? I'm so impressed with myself. This is a huge thing for me. I just reasoned with myself that breaking my diet wasn't going to make a stressful and annoying day any better, which is quite true, isn't it?! It sounds so simple, but at the time all I wanted was the carb comfort.

Thing is, I'm really not very happy at work at the moment. On paper it was my 'dream job' but in reality I have the weird combination of a lot of responsibility (29 staff and a multi-million budget) coupled with almost total lack of autonomy. It's very frustrating. I am trying to tackle it head on as much as I can, but find it exhausting. What I really want is to have my cake and eat it I guess (pun intentional!). On the one hand I want the material things that my job allows me to provide for my family, but on the other I want to go back to being creative, drawing and painting and writing. Sigh. Typical midlife crisis fodder, eh?!

And somehow reaching goal a couple of years back felt like I'd 'made it'. But in fact what I'd done was expose a whole load of difficult truths about my career: having listened to others rather than my heart and ended up in a completely non-creative role. I have achieved a lot, after all I remember feeling so dissatisfied years ago in my first job after university... And I've made this career, I've created it. But it's not 'me'. Not really. The corporate politics and so on is really getting me down.

Oh well. Reality check! I have a mortgage to pay after all... Best get up early and start writing some more of the 'great British novel' as my Mum calls it.

 

[slim_and_happy]

Omg legend! Buying treats and NOT eating them. This will not happen to me. Ever! You're showing a great deal of control Hun despite what you might think.
Just keep going. Day, hour, minute at a time. It will get easier and you know it!

Proud of you

 

[Spanglymum]

So pleased I didn't succumb last night. Rewarded with a (slightly) looser waistband this morning, for the first time in months. I've been sucking in my tummy for ages and it's nice that these size 14s are starting to fit properly - does that mean I'm actually a 16? Gah! Whatever... onward! I am picturing myself in the summer in my sleeveless tops (when I'm slim I'm quite vain about my upper arms ) with slim fit trousers and some high heel sandals... And when I get there (yes - WHEN - I am sooo set on this!) I will post a photo here.

Amazing how much carbs affect my mood. They really are drug-like and addictive for me. I can feel the "brain fog" starting to clear, which is wonderful. It's going to make my job more manageable too, not having (a) the fog from sugar/flour and (b) the depression re being overweight again. Positive mental attitude! I definitely want to be a 10/12 by my birthday, which is 6 July. I think I have enough time to achieve this.

Then it's a matter of taking a long look at maintenance (again)...

 

[Spanglymum]

Day three dawns... Feeling much better in general, like I can and will do this. Lost that nagging sense of failure about my weight.

Hubby has a minor operation (MS-related) today. I have the day off so I can take him to hospital. I'm also taking my mum some low carb/nutritious lunch as she isn't eating properly at the moment (she's 84 and has a tendency towards anorexia).

Got so much work on. I feel overwhelmed by it and a bit down about it. Have tried talking to my boss but he doesn't listen. I don't want to sound like a whinge, either... So I don't want to go on about it...

 

[Spanglymum]

Had weird wobble today. Found myself in Tesco craving comfort food, after I'd dropped my hubby at the hospital. Came away with some herbs in pots and some chicken breast - the latter I ate. I guess as 'binges' go it wasn't major and protein shouldn't affect ketosis and I could have bought nuts or sweets or chocolate and didn't actually want to, which is good. But I still feel sad about doing it.

I feel a bit lost and alone sometimes. My hubby is wonderful, but I get tired of carrying the MS. It isn't fair!

Life's not fair though. It is what it is. There is plenty of good stuff if you just look for it... Like the fruit trees and bushes we had planted in our garden today. And I must get some runner bean seeds...

 

[Spanglymum]

Back on track today. No wobbles. Got so much work to do but am reminding myself that tackling my weight head on is much more useful when I'm under pressure than mainlining carbs, as it at least means one part of my life is under control!

Knackered. Will have an early night and turn in soonish I think. Started work today at 7:30 so it's been a long day.

 

[slim_and_happy]

I will answer properly when I get a minute but I just wanted to say that I think you're amazing and you're doing so well!
Inspiring woman!

 

[biggusburdus]

Back on track today. No wobbles. Got so much work to do but am reminding myself that tackling my weight head on is much more useful when I'm under pressure than mainlining carbs, as it at least means one part of my life is under control!

Knackered. Will have an early night and turn in soonish I think. Started work today at 7:30 so it's been a long day.

Good going, you did really well to only have chicken instead of anything else.
Take it a stage at a time, don't put extra pressure on yourself.

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks. That's something I find difficult to do: not to stress myself out about things and be kind to myself. I keep hoping I'll learn eventually! Anyway, another day down. Pleased with myself about that. And a nice long weekend ahead! Although because I still, even after all I learned on LL, see food and drink as 'treats' or 'rewards' it may be a taxing weekend sticking to the plan... Watch this space and wish me luck!

 

[miss vlcd38]

Good luck keep busy and have a fab weekend

 

[Spanglymum]

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have posted on my thread with encouragement thus far. I really appreciate your support. Thank you!

 

[Spanglymum]

Well, I had a fab-u-lous Bank Holiday weekend but didn't stay on plan. I low-carbed about 90% of the time and then, because I'd made carrot and coriander soup from scratch, had some bread with it... also had bananas in a fruit salad, and raisins in some muesli, and (gasp) a few small slices of thin-crust pizza (!) with a green salad. So nothing too extreme - just more carbs than usual and definitely not pack-tastic!

Back on packs again today. Feeling very contented and at one with the world though. Perhaps because the sun is still out? Just feel calm and kind-of centred. Long may it continue!

 

[biggusburdus]

Well, I had a fab-u-lous Bank Holiday weekend but didn't stay on plan. I low-carbed about 90% of the time and then, because I'd made carrot and coriander soup from scratch, had some bread with it... also had bananas in a fruit salad, and raisins in some muesli, and (gasp) a few small slices of thin-crust pizza (!) with a green salad. So nothing too extreme - just more carbs than usual and definitely not pack-tastic!

Back on packs again today. Feeling very contented and at one with the world though. Perhaps because the sun is still out? Just feel calm and kind-of centred. Long may it continue!

Don't fret, as you know it's a journey not just a destination.. Glad you had a fab bank holiday it sounds lovely!

 

[Spanglymum]

Wise words, biggusburdus!

Well, still pretty calm and centred. It's great! I feel on top of things, in control, and comfortable in myself. I think part of it is getting away from the emotional side of the carb rollercoaster - the swooping highs and crashing lows. It's exhausting. I'm concentrating on taking one day at a time, reminding myself I'm good at my job when I have my moments of low confidence, and GETTING PLENTY OF SLEEP!

 

[biggusburdus]

Wise words, biggusburdus!

Well, still pretty calm and centred. It's great! I feel on top of things, in control, and comfortable in myself. I think part of it is getting away from the emotional side of the carb rollercoaster - the swooping highs and crashing lows. It's exhausting. I'm concentrating on taking one day at a time, reminding myself I'm good at my job when I have my moments of low confidence, and GETTING PLENTY OF SLEEP!

You are a spangly super person who sprinkles glitter, so be nice to yourself and take it easy. Lol..
Carb highs and lows can be hell, good luck with getting over that as its always a struggle for me!

 

[Spanglymum]

Up and down a little this morning. Feeling positive at home, and got that Friday feeling , but then caught sight of myself in a mirror and realised how far I still have to come to get back to where I want to be. Baby steps!

 

[biggusburdus]

Up and down a little this morning. Feeling positive at home, and got that Friday feeling , but then caught sight of myself in a mirror and realised how far I still have to come to get back to where I want to be. Baby steps!

Friday feeling! Hope it was a good one and have a great weekend.

 

[Debbi8489]

Morning Spangly, how was your weekend?

I am sick of this messing around. Not sticking to the packs, nibbling on little bits that I shouldnt have *sigh* So refocus time.

 

[Spanglymum]

Yes I know what you mean. I'm trying something a bit different: packs five days a week and then the weekend relaxing a bit. I'm not sure if it will be enough to tip the balance back towards losing though... although not gaining would be progress! I'm also doing this to try to stop "triggering" binge-type behaviour. My theory is that if I know I'm "allowed" anything (just maybe not today) I will be less inclined to go mental.

Can't help feeling sad though. I'm on Prozac (have been for a few years) so I'd have thought my depression was under control - but I feel quite down on myself at times about (a) being bigger than I want to be (b) feeling like a failure and (c) my job. I wish I wish I wish... etc. Why am I so moody?! lol. Up and down and up and down. It's awful, because I know how it probably sounds, but sometimes I envy my husband not having to work. I know the MS is dreadful, and wouldn't wish that on anybody, but I get jealous of him being his own boss. I kind of expected to be in charge by this stage in my career but have quite a micro-managing boss, which is getting me down.

I sometimes think I live in a wee fantasy world of sorts. Like the food problems were masking my real feelings. Then I lost the weight - and felt as though everything was going to be ok ("all or nothing" thinking, anyone?!) but in fact I'm just as dissatisfied as ever. I fantasise about opening an avant garde clothing and jewellery boutique (mental to think of opening a shop in a recession), or doing more with my art and drawing (never make any money at it though - which is why Mum and Dad advised me to give up art at O level and get a "proper" job), or writing... but it's all castles in the air.

I wish I'd taken a creative turn - but now it's too late. I'm stuck in this corporate job that isn't really "me" and I struggle with it every day. It's what I wished for and worked for though, and I pay the mortgage - so I have to do it. Ugh.

 

[biggusburdus]

Yes I know what you mean. I'm trying something a bit different: packs five days a week and then the weekend relaxing a bit. I'm not sure if it will be enough to tip the balance back towards losing though... although not gaining would be progress! I'm also doing this to try to stop "triggering" binge-type behaviour. My theory is that if I know I'm "allowed" anything (just maybe not today) I will be less inclined to go mental.

Can't help feeling sad though. I'm on Prozac (have been for a few years) so I'd have thought my depression was under control - but I feel quite down on myself at times about (a) being bigger than I want to be (b) feeling like a failure and (c) my job. I wish I wish I wish... etc. Why am I so moody?! lol. Up and down and up and down. It's awful, because I know how it probably sounds, but sometimes I envy my husband not having to work. I know the MS is dreadful, and wouldn't wish that on anybody, but I get jealous of him being his own boss. I kind of expected to be in charge by this stage in my career but have quite a micro-managing boss, which is getting me down.

I sometimes think I live in a wee fantasy world of sorts. Like the food problems were masking my real feelings. Then I lost the weight - and felt as though everything was going to be ok ("all or nothing" thinking, anyone?!) but in fact I'm just as dissatisfied as ever. I fantasise about opening an avant garde clothing and jewellery boutique (mental to think of opening a shop in a recession), or doing more with my art and drawing (never make any money at it though - which is why Mum and Dad advised me to give up art at O level and get a "proper" job), or writing... but it's all castles in the air.

I wish I'd taken a creative turn - but now it's too late. I'm stuck in this corporate job that isn't really "me" and I struggle with it every day. It's what I wished for and worked for though, and I pay the mortgage - so I have to do it. Ugh.

Spangly! Have you been taking multivitamins? Vit d and b might be something you are missing.. Just a thought. Have a look at some websites and see what might help?

You are coping with such a lot, I like the 5:2 idea on the diet, I did the juddd and I maintained my weight all the way from August to Christmas so its my fallback after I finish S&S.

Some of the best shops opened in the last 2 recessions. Sometimes that's the best time to do it!
Cheaper rent, cheaper stock etc..
Just don't pack in the day job first! Lol..
Have you thought about letting out your creativity in other ways?
I know people that make cards and sell them online via Facebook or eBay etc. other people crystallise shoes and phone covers etc. some make and sell jewellery this way as well..
Carboot sales and market stalls would be a good tester outlet for your ideas. Not an avant grade clothing shop you desire but good to get feedback from the locals and get your ideas out there before you take a bigger plunge?
It also gives you an outlet for your ideas so you can refine them before moving on to your multi million pound stores!
That's how innocent smoothies did it, they went around the festivals..

You always have options, its just finding out how it works for you.
Good luck!

Your micro managing boss sounds like fun!