Izzy's Diary - which she WILL keep!!

[Pink!]

Just caught up on all that I've missed, loved the 'watch the calories die!' lol

Sounds like you ahve all of the important parts of the party sorted, fairy lights and games, good times

I'm glad you're doing so well and feeling so settled with it all, that's really great!
You just reminded me that I've got mini milks in the freezer *attaaaaackkkkk* yay.

I can imagine how pink this party is going to be, awesomeness, I watched beauty and the beat last night an it made my day, a whole party is bound to be awesssomme!

best wishes.

 

[izzywizz]

Aww, Beauty and the Beast is my favourite film of all time, I just love it. In my head, I'm Belle. Possibly just because we have the same coloured hair and similar names lol

Sooo, tomorrow is weigh day. I've broken one of my rules and weighed myself today, "just to see". I shouldn't do that really as over weighing leads to me pushing myself to "lose one more pound" everyday. BUT, I think it was a one off. I'm down 1lb so far, so It's looking fairly hopeful that it'll be 2 by the morning.

Once again, I'm amazed at how easy it is to lose weight ad not starve. Still, I won't go on about it, I keep bringing it up lol.

So, I still have food I'm scared of eating. Like panic attack inducing scared of. So my Psychologist and I went and bought one of those chocolate sundaes Tesco make - you know, the 500 cal ones with cream and brownie and syrup ALL over the place. We also got some fudge and a packet of Walkers big eat crisps. My challenge was to eat a bite of each, and I did it! Also, I didn't freak out too much after lol, only an extra 10 mins on the Wii fit last night. Actually, now I think of it, that could be why I weighed myself this morning. Wow, some of these behaviours are still ingrained

Anywaaaaaay, keeping my diary positive, so, I'm loving the sunshine atm, I may even have a tan for when I wear my dress

 

[Pink!]

aw hun, I'm glad you're working through your issues, there;s no use being affraid of certain foods, at the end of the day if you eat something abit naughty (and lets face it, amazngly tasty) then it's a treat and you just carry on with your healthy eating, it's when you scoff the naughty thing 4 times a day every day that you need to worry, lol. You're doing fine

I love Belle, she's a book geek like me, lol, I sooo want a library like the one Beast has! Omgosh, that's my life goal, lol.

When's the party again?

 

[minusfour]

You are doing really well, sweet girl!
I would love to have a party like that, but, as a middle aged dentist in a small country town, oh, I haven't got the right sort of friends for it. (Not that there is anything wrong with my friends, there isn't, they just aren't all that pink!) I am really enjoying hearing about you plans though.
Keep up the good work!

 

[izzywizz]

Urgh. Should not have weighed myself yesterday. I sts this week, which is even harder to deal with, knowing that yesterday I was down a lb.

How have I handled this? By binging. Both at breakfast and lunch. Heres the damage:
Massive bowl of special k, ww yoghurt, 4 club bars, grapes.
Lunch: Cronish pastY, 4 lemon cake slices, 2 packet of crisps, 2 more clubs.

Now i'm in the "eat till you die" frame of mind and I want chinese for dinner. WHY DO I DO THIS? I feel sick and full and yet I WANT to make it worse. It's a punishment for me. Serve me right for not losing weight. I know, the most illogical thing in the world right?

Argh! I hate myself right now for my textbook over-reaction, and yet I'm thinking about the magnums in the freezer and wondering how many I can eat before I have to go back to work.

Oohhh, there goes my control, I've been SO good. This had better not lead to a relapse, I hope I'm not that pathetic.

 

[izzywizz]

Oh, sorry, Pink and Minusfour, I'm very selfish I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. Thank you though x

 

[minusfour]

Izzy, if you were a pound down the night before, you must be retaining fluid. I'm not really worried about your weight though, (I am the sts queen!), I'm worried by how tough you are being on yourself. I know all about punishing yourself, shooting yourself in the foot, (I am also the master of hindsight, see what company you have been keeping!), and I know these behaviours are both destructive, and really unhelpful. Being incredibly hard on yourself for failing doesn't make it more likely that you will succeed.

Brush yourself off, mutter a bit, and start again.

"Not even God can change the past" Agathon.

 

[izzywizz]

Thank you, Minusfour I wish I had logged on to read your post yesterday. I'm ok now, but it does show that I'm still not "quite right in the head" as my OH said this morning (Don't worry, he said it fondly lol)

But, it's not been a great weekend. Yesterday all I ate was a punnet of strawberries. Friday night, I ate nothing, breakfast today I ate nothing. It took quite a talking to from both OH and Mum to pull me back round. "You'll gain weight again doing this, you know you can't maintain it. Do WW for one more week and if you've not lost anything we can reassess."

It's a sign of how far I've come that I got in my car, went to Mcdonalds and ate a happy meal (9 points) for lunch. Now I'm quite happy with my bag of mini flumps and some watermelon.

But God, I wish I didn't behave this way. I HATE doing it to myself, but I HATE doing it to THEM more. They worry, and I need to show them they don't need to, but if all it takes is an "off" week to send me spiralling, well, they do need to worry.

Hmmm, appointment with Psychologist tomorrow methinks, sort things out a bit.

Sorry I've been so negative, I'll get there sooner or later, I know I will.

 

[minusfour]

Good on you! Hope the appointment goes ok. I think lots of people are a tiny bit messed in the head about eating and body image!

 

[Pink!]

\Heya hun, lots of hugs your way!
The main thing is that you've realised what's happening now and you're trying to tackle it, that's a pretty important step in sprting yourself out.
Don't worry too much, you're doing fine, everyone muffs up every now and then.
Best wishes.

 

[izzywizz]

So, moving on and drawing a line under last week.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's the line

And now I don't have anything to say lol
Oh, yes I do! My Pinata arrived today for the party! Its a butterfly and I <3 it!
Thats all folks lol

 

[Pink!]

Sexy line, liking it, lol.

Pinata!! That's so cool! I've always wanted to have a bash (lol) at one of those
x

 

[izzywizz]

Aw, I love working with children
Its maths week atm, and the older children are running a Maths cafe in school, with cakes and cream teas, all home made by each class. So, we take pre school in this afternoon, all clutching their 50p. Theres LOADS of cake and biscuits, and what do they do? Every single one of them buys back the cake they decorated this morning! <3 Then they realized they had "pennies" left and could have a chocolate milkshake. You'd have thought it was Christmas from the looks on their little faces

Just made me smile lol

A good day today, apart from the staff tensions at work, but I just keep out of that. We all need a holiday, methinks!
I've had dinner and I've still got 4 points left, so I may have some Mikado later, or I may save them as my back is giving me trouble and I don't think exercise will do it a lot of good tonight.

I've been thinking about the food and drink for my party. I want to give everyone a pink drink on arrival, but not sure what to do. Sex on the beach is yummy, and pinkish or I could just mix some Rose and lemonade with a raspberry in the glass. Hmm, decisions. It will probably come down to what is cheapest!

Food wise though, its going to be a pink extravaganza! I've got biscuits with pink filling, strawberries dipped in white chocolate, Marshmallows, pick n mix and pink jelly. There will be a BBQ later, but hopefully THAT won't be pink lol

 

[minusfour]

Still smiling at the littlies choices! You party sounds like it will be just fantastic. I'm going to a five year old girls party on Sat, (child of a lady at work), so I'll have my eyes peeled for any good ideas!

 

[izzywizz]

Hehe, I love that the perfect place to find inspiration is a 5 year olds party! lol Let me know how it goes.

So last night I realized that 22 people have confirmed and I haven't even sent all the invites out yet, so I was spurred on to buy some more bits. (pay day )

I ordered some Disney princess balloons in purple and white to put up by the house (we're quite hard to find) I also found some brilliant things called scene setters. They are life sized Disney princesses which you stick to a wall. I paid £4 for 4 princesses, a bargain for sure Oh, and some pink table cloths. Only came to about £15 altogether, including postage. I love Amazon!

I do need to be careful with the cost though, I've been buying little pieces for months which means I haven't noticed how much I've spent on it, but I worked out the other day that its close to £100 WITHOUT food and drink. Bloody gazebos Still, at least its been sort of £20 a month, that makes it better. Not sure why lol.

So, this weekend, the garden is on my attack list. Its a state. It's gonna take a while. So PLEASE be sunny, I can get a tan at the same time If I'm organised, I may put up some before and after pics. That could be cool

 

[izzywizz]

1lb gone this week

urrgh, binged AGAIN today. It's like on weigh day I don't care what I eat, and then I just can't stop. I ate:
5 Rocky caramel bars
7 jaffa cakes
2 ice cream sandwiches
2 slices of toast with nutella
2 pots of chocolate custard

I've done a scary thing though. I calculated the SUGAR I have consumed.

162g.
Yup, that is 3 times the recommended daily intake. one hundred and SIXTY TWO grams of SUGAR.

It's a miracle I don't have diabetes.

So, from now on. BEFORE I embark on a binge, I will consider the sugar I am putting in to my body and the effects it will have on me. Like the exhaustion I now feel,the yucky feeling in my mouth, the headache, and the nausea.

What is WRONG with me?

Don't worry though, I'm not having a stress this week. It's done, I hope I've learnt my lesson this time, I shall start fresh tomorrow. Maybe on a low point intake to undo some of the damage.

I need to brush my teeth now.

 

[minusfour]

Hi Izzie,

Good on you for not stressing darling! We have a poster in our waiting room with little bags of sugar attached to it, indicating how much sugar is in various drinks- 22 teaspoons, in 2 bags for a can of coke etc, and it is really quite a stark picture!
Would it be worth having a day off each week? Giving yourself permission to eat anything, hoping that by "being allowed" you will keep it within reason?
The party this morning was good fun. Geez, five year old girls make a lot of noise when they are excited! They had fairy bread cut in star shapes, cup cakes with purple and pink icing, fruit squares on kebab sticks, sandwiches, and chocolate cake. (The cake was really nicely decorated, purple icing, with an angel rising out of the top)
They had some dress ups- old dresses-glamour ones, well past their used by date, and high heeled sparkly shoes- on a rack. I think these were just from an op shop-good for people not dressed appropriately for a princess party perhaps? They also had a little "beauty shop" corner, with wigs and nail polishes. (None of the girls at this party used this, thank goodness!)
Hope your day is getting better!

 

[izzywizz]

hehe, Minusfour, that IS my day off lol. It's all or nothing with me, so I may stop taking Fridays off, or I may change my Weigh day to Sunday, meaning I can't mess up over the weekend.

I LOVE the Fairy bread bread - I forgot all about that stuff, we used to have it as kids! I also Like the idea of a beauty shop, I was going to do face paints, but I'm now thinking a make up corner might be more fun.

Well, It took TWO days and £30 to sort out our patio area. I forgot to take the before pictures, but we cleared out SIX wheel barrows full of weeds, old bits of wood and random rubbish left over from old parties. Ew. Today we got some of that bark stuff you get in parks and we covered up the area next to the paving stones (its supposed to be a flower bed, but the flowers have LONG been dead.) We also got some plastic terracotta style pots and chucked in some equally cheap and colourful flowers. Dragged out the old patio table and chairs from the shed and cleaned up the BBQ. It's amazing!

THe thing is about our garden, is that its HUGE, and we're very lucky, but my family are in no way garden orientated. Dad just has these massive piles of logs everywhere, and mows it once a week. My OH is actually a gardener so over the last few years we've claimed back a couple of flower borders and the path to the front door, but stinging nettles are still slowly making their way across the lawn. I reckon we've lost a couple of meters right around the edge of the garden since moving in ten years ago. A shame really, but I'm giving it a good go myself. Next job - Reclaim the rockery which is hidden behind several feet of nettles and then make the six log piles into two OH will then strim back as much as he can for me and I can have my treasure hunt without being embarrassed.

I got a new Wii game today, its called dance on broadway and its cool. Hard work as well, I must have burnt a good few calories

 

[Pink!]

Wow all of that gardening must have burnt a load of calories as well.
The party sounds litk it's going to be awesome

 

[minusfour]

Oh Izzie, you are too funny! I didn't understand that it was an "allocated" day off. One of the women at work sticks to a strict plan six days a week, making a deal with herself that she can eat whatever she wants on the seventh, but she says she is usually pretty moderate on that day.
(This wouldn't work for me. I probably wouldn't go too overboard on the seventh day, but would find it really hard to start again on the eight!)
Gardening does burn up lots of calories by the way!