Jezebella's Journal

RTM Day 19 (Week 3)

Finally it's the weekend. Although I am having a fabulous time at work currently, I have been so unbelievably busy that the days off will be brilliant. Have an early morning hairdressers appointment tomorrow, so looking forward to that, then a bit of time in Ikea (shudder but it must be done) then off to the pet warehouse to stock up on kitty food and find some treats for the pregnant lady. She really has quite a tum on her now, hoping she doesn't have 6 or 7 kittens in there!!! She is however very peaceful and loving which is bliss.

Foodwise today was good, quite low on the cals, and now I am stuck with a dilemma. Do I have more because I should - still need my second LL pack today or do I skip it because I am not hungry?? What is the more adult choice, is having something because you are supposed to not more adapted child?

Breakfast was a muller light mandarin yoghurt with a small clementine and half a peach chopped up really full of breakfasty goodness. Felt quite satisfied after that (had it at about 10:15 am)

Was hungry for lunch from about 1pm onwards, and was planning my LL tomato soup- finally got around to it at nearly 3pm. Was a bit cross, but I had so many orders to place and had to get them in by certain times, so didn't make time for myself by taking 5 minutes to make my lunch. Drank the soup quite fast and got stuck into work again. Dinner tonight was at Trinity House, but I was supposed to be having a meeting there re new menus with my boss 1 hour prior to starting the job. I realised there was no way I could make it what with all the work I had to do. Left an hour late, got there at 5pm - traffic was diabolical. Luckily we re-scheduled the meeting for tonight after the event. Had a jelly at about 5:30 as was a bit nibblish by then. Event was small and very prestigious, and the food was phenomenal if I say so myself - my little raspberry plate with raspberry mousse, raspberry sorbet with clear sugar shards and my even more delicious white chocolate creme brulee set ontop of a raspberry jelly with fresh raspberries! Woohoo amazing stuff. Did not get a chance to eat until 9pm and had torush it when I did get to eat but it was delicious all the same.

Tonights selection was Thai Chili prawns on Salad with lemon and chilli yoghurt. Marinated the black tigers (peeled and deveined) in some sweet chili, loads of garlic, coriander and lemon juice - flashed them very quickly in a very hot oven and had those over a nice selection of mixed leaves, plum tomato, celery and cucumber.

Had another jelly about an hour ago, and I know I should have something else, but still not sure if I will. I would probably be more the happy with a cup of coffee.

I am also a bit concerned because yesterday I probably ate more than I should have calorie wise. So wondering if I have intentionally cut it back today, or if this is called finding balance - having too much then balancing it out??

Anyway my lovelies, I do promise a proper lengthy blog tomorrow, just falling asleep here now.

Jez
xx
 
my mouth is watering at the raspberries......i want that ...NOW!!!
daisy x
 
Jez - I've waited all my life for someone like you to really inspire me to fabulous cooking. And you really, really do!

Thanks hon.
 
I would say that choosing not to eat that last pack of the day because you are just not hungry is an 'adult' decision.

If, however, you chose not to eat it because you didn't want to eat the extra calories, then that is not a healthy choice and is possibly the critical parent?

Relax my dear, you sound like you are doing all the right things. xx
 
Hi Jez

Sounds to me like you are really getting on fine with RTM. Making yourself some fresh and zingy dishes (and inspiring others too) even while you are working hard.
I bet in previous times you would have worked hard, not eaten anything for hours and then binged on "tasters" from what you had been preparing for your events.
I'm sure you are sub consciously balancing your calorie intake from one day to the next if you know it was a bit up. So great, well done you, that is whatt it will be all about from now on. That's what slim people do automatically.
I'm convinced it will never be automatic for me, but it is quite do-able if you keep your eye on the ball.
Beware the grape!
I fell for them too when I first introduced fruit.and bananas too. Now I ration myself with the high sugar ones. I have loads of apples, oranges, kiwi. Tonight my desert was hot baked figs and nectarines with orange juice, a teaspoon of Manuka honey and some cinnamon with a big dollop of the ubiquitous 0% fat yeo valley natural yogurt.Filling and delicious.
 
RTM Day 20 (Week 3)

Finally a chance to really catch up on this. It has been a very busy week and today was pretty busy too - albeit doing things I wanted to do.

Thank you so much for your comments, they are invaluable to me. I did end up having the shake last night at about 1am, because by that point I realised I was hungry. Really enjoyed it too - nice icy strawberry.
SB thank you so much for your comments too, they really resonate with me, and you are absolutely right in saying I am taking a lot more care of myself these days - all I would have done previously would be to have snacked on tasters at work and probably shovelled some stuff down later. I could never be bothered to cook for myself - obviously I had very little respect for my body or health - it seems a waste to cut into any precious off time by doing something I did for work when I finally escaped work for the day!!

I am really enjoying the cooking for me now and am finding all the experimentation very enjoyable - my own little mystery basket competition every day and I have not yet had the same meal twice!!!

After my chat with LLC this week I realised I was being very controlling about RTM so have eased up on myself a lot - feeling less pressured about it as a result. On the negative side, I have not been as good at recording my food and mood diary- it has been busy and the hours have been long, but the positive is my food and moods are pretty much recorded here and can be transcribed later into my book.

I am trying to worry less about the cals, it is still quite a big thing for me though. I think what I have been doing this week is a little self experimentation. For the first 2 weeks I was very strict and lost weight which is fantastic. I am now at the right weight, so would be happy with a few more lbs off, but not too many. Just as a further buffer for when I have to do the trigger weeks. But if I could end up where I am now I would be more than happy. I was thinking about all this boundry pushing earlier in the bath. Thought about it in terms of a thought record. And realised this. I have no "experience" in eating healthily until now and no "experience" in eating and not putting on weight. So it is somewhat of a revelation to be able to eat a lovely meal, feel really satisfied, realise it is healthy, low cal and will not affect my weight - well hopefully it wont but the scales on Tuesday will tell all. So I think I am trying to have these small experiments with how I eat in a day and how much to see the results and try and gain "experience" so to speak. Which will hopefully stand me in good stead for life following RTM. Most days I have had between 700 and 800 cals. One day 2 days ago I was much higher up to 900. Now on that day I was hungry, I probably should not have had the extra fromage frais - I guess I was pushing to see what would happen. The day after ie yesterday I had much less, not purposefully it just happened that way. So hopefully SB you are right and I am subconsciously balancing. Today has been a good day food wise too.

Rushed out the door very early to get to the hairdressers. Treated myself to a small skinny late at Starbucks (I bow to the Starbucks gods!!! Their coffee rocks) My first since starting LL. It was such a treat and I loved it, with it's little sprinklings of nutmeg and cinnamon. Usually it would have been a grande or a venti, but I figured a small would be good for now. It works out at 120 cal so figured that was good enough for breakfast. Did some serious shopping after the hairdresser. Picked up some fab belts and a gorgeous purple clutchbag at Primark. Also a few pairs of funky tights, the cutest little jersey vest for a £5 and my first ever pair of skinny jeans but for £8 you cannot go wrong and they make my legs look amazing. Love some of the Primark bits, but some of it is trash, also hate the fact it is so heavingly busy and the queues go on for miles. Still totally worth it. Headed for Ikea there after and was hungry en route in the car (1pm by now) so nibbled on my cranberry bar. All was good until a bit went down the wrong way and I started choking!!! I was on the hands free to my Mom at the time and she got into a real panic!! Still I am alive to tell the tale! Ikea was busy but fairy painless although I did not find half of the things I went in to get as they were out of stock - hahaha ended up with other bits though because ooh that's how Ikea works. Was planning on heading to the Pets at Home, but was sick of Croydon by then and still needed to go to Sainsburys so headed in that direction. It was the busiest I have ever seen it. Totally mad for some reason. I did find my bargain of the winter thus far though. I am a big fan of the Sainsburys clothing range for cheap and cheery/basics. I had spotted in there earlier in the week some leather boots for £50, 2 types ones with heels and flats. Lucky for me it was 25% off today so they were down to £35 each - I used this as a fab justification to buy both pairs. £70 for 2 pairs of leather boots is awesome!! Also nabbed some lovely winter jammies now that it is getting very autumnal and I have thrown away my old sets. Am trying to buy some nice accessories so the clothes I have can be accessorise and look different. Not something I ever used to bother with.

Got home at about 5 and humped all the shopping from the car to the lift then up and into the flat! A calorie burning excercise in itself!!! Did the housework and settled down with a black coffee. At about 6pm I realised I was peckish and debated a piece of fruit- which would have been fine. I was expecting my sister home from work for about 7pm so thought I would leave the fruit out because we were cooking dinner when she got in. She actually only arrived at 8:30 so probably should have eaten, but dinner was all the nicer for having a bit of hunger. Hunger is the best seasoning they say!

Dinner tonight was as follows:

Salmon fillet (approx) 130g rubbed with spices and lemon and grilled in the oven. Salad to accompany it was some shredded white cabbage, mixed leaves, 5 cherry tomatoes, 10g of crayfish,some cucumber and celery. Drizzled a little fat free french dressing on the leaves and had a spoon of my fat free tzatziki and a spoon of Em's tomato salsa. Very very nice indeed. Cannot belive how much I am loving eating fish these days. I have eaten more in the 3 weeks of RTM than I ate in the last 3 years!!!

Pud will be a jelly with some yoghurt and a peach (tinned in grape juice) Not sure why I want a tinned peach when I have fresh but am craving it! Looking so much forward to having a baked apple next week and have some of the Sainsburys BGTY fat free custard to go with it. It is going to be heaven!

SB I am quite wary of the grapes, apples too. I have not had any more than the 5 the other morning. Will try them again tomorrow or Monday to see how I react. I certainly feel healthy, and very joyous when I see what delicious healthy food I am eating. Bring on some cooked vegetables though because it is chilly and I have a sudden craving for ratatoullie or grilled aubregine, grilled mushies, slow roasted tomato, roasted shallots. Am absolutely planning a steak with mushrooms, tomato and shallots next week. Also a gorgeous fresh tomato and basil sauce to go with something. Maybe do a tomato and cumin to go with some fish.

Heading to Westfield tomorrow after taking my sis to look at a car. So dying to go back into the Levi shop and try them on again. Also going to try and find a decent long winter coat and some bras - they are a little thin on the ground in my underwear drawer atm.

So the grand food experiment continues - pud then a hot chocolate to put me nicely to sleep.
 
Quick question to those in the know re Salmon. Tonight I had about 130g which is not an excessive portion. Calorie wise though it is really high - probably because salmon is such a fatty fish! Should I cut the portions down on salmon or is the fat from it ok? Should mostly be omega 3's and good things. I think someone answered this somewhere before regarding smoked mackrel, but can't seem to find the thread it was in.

The jelly with the peaches and yoghurt was awesome like a fat free trifle! woohoo

Jez
xx
 
Have a great day at Westfield! :) Wish I could have joined you lovely ladies - my dad cancelled on me, but I'm getting stuck into some proper reading for my course; I don't particularly want to do it - but it makes me feel more accomplished and less stressful... which I suppose is good in itself.

I see little dangers here and there in your logs - you seem quite controlling in nature, quite regimented in structure. Because you enjoy sitting down and experimenting with a meal (a passion which I also developed in RTM) this may cause more problems, because you may get stuck into a way of doing things and the need to have that space - if you don't have it - you may choose not to eat and keep being a busy bee. ... let's put it this way... lets learn from my mistakes and not go down the way of over-analysis and being too tough on yourself. Take it gently, as it comes your way.

:hug99:

As a little word of warning - up until you start exceeding around 850 calories you will still be in a soft state of ketosis and won't be hungry. Once you start going up beyond the 850-900 mark on a more daily basis, your body will wake up and come out of the 'starvation-mode'. You *will* feel more hungry - and in those first few weeks after the 'waking up' - you may very well experience a sort of 'desperation' for food.
So perhaps start assessing food intake on a more 'time based' scale (i.e. always think back to when you last had a meal - anything before 2 hours is most probably not going to be real hunger). Emotional hunger pangs will start to come in; and resurfacing of old 'habits' from pre-LL. In abstinence you learned to cope without food in the equation; however, now that it's back - it's very easy for the mind and body to start craving in those instances again.
 
Ta Hun

Glad to see I am not the only night owl!! Enjoy the studies and I shall definitely hook up with you at Westfield soon!!

Good luck with the reading for tomorrow.

Jez
xx
 
Hi Jez


Wowee lady! You are really something! :D

About Salmon, and Omega 3's - they are one fat I do not worry about getting too much of. Reasonably speaking of course. DOn;t need to cut down on portions. In my opinion, too much OMega 3 is much better then not enough. I find they really help me with my arthritic troubles too.

You are doing fantastic lady!! Keep it up!! ANd your food all sounds gorgeous!
 
I am looking forward to eating poached salmon more than anything else which is interesting given that I have never tried it nor have I ever been a lover of fish and I am allergic to shell fish.

I am hoping I have cleansed my palet enough to be able to introduce fish and enjoy it.

Kat xx
 
Hey Kat

I was never really a fish eater before now, weird isn't it. I can't get enough of the stuff at the moment. Still don't think I will be a massive lover of white fish but time will tel. Probably when I have a few more ingredients I will venture forth with it. Just got in from a very long day with my sister - I didn't buy anything but she came home with a new car!!! Was in Westfield for a very brief hour but will go back tomorrow afternoon. Saw a few bits and bobs that are absolutely worth considerationg including the most amazing winter coat!!! bit pricey but I think in the long run good value for money as it is brilliant quality.

Will be back to post the days culinary excitements shortly, have some dinner to make!

Jez
xx
 
RTM Day 21 (Week 3)

What a huge run around today, did not get to rest at all but glad that at the end of the day my sister came away with her new car! She is sooo excited. Woke up at 9 and headed to the car place, had a look , had a test drive, did paperwork and more paperwork and then more paperwork. Had been hoping to be done there in 2 hours max but no it was not to be. Only had the shortest time to pop into the mighty Westfield, saw a few bits which caught my eye, then had to rush back to the car place to pick up said new car - which took yet another hour and a half!!! - There went Sunday! Still going to leave work early tomorrow and head to Westfield again to actually buy what I saw. It is fascinating to me how much my clothing tastes are changing - I even tried on a bodycon dress in spangly purple seqins!!! Never, ever ever, thought I would see the day - and miraculously it looked great on. Won't be buying it but good to know it fitted and a bit of seqins is a must for this season's winter wardrobe - probably just a little more subtle.

Food wise, today was as follows, lovely cup of milky tea this morning - a real treat as it used to be my early morning wake up staple. A black coffee at about 1pm and then thank goodness I had a bar in my bag because I was actually hungry by 2:30pm so nibbled on that. Whilst waiting for the second time at the car place I had my little apple- really delicious, but did not seem to satisfy me for too long - either it is as everyone said - apples make you hungry or it is just the fact that my body needed some food. I am still not sure which???

Driving home was a total mare!!! Traffic deluxe and we were stuck in it for an hour and a half. Thank goodness my sister had packed a peach for each of us which we ate on the drive.

Finally got home about half eight. Poor Miss Lily and the parrot, a very loney Sunday for them, when they usually have company. Feel somewhat guilty about it, but my sister really needed me for the moral support. It is stressful spending that amount of money!!

Dinner was decided on the drive home and omg omg omg, absolutely divine, divine, divine!!!

A small piece of grilled lean gammon - we cut it ourselves and cut all the fat off, with an egg fried fat free in a non stick pan and a lovely simple salad of lettuce, tomato, cucumber, a bit of pepper and spring onion. Spooned a dollop of our Mustard and Parsley fat free dip onto the salad and a tsb of fat free honey mustard dressing. Words cannot describe just how good it was!! And actually did not even think about the chips I usually would have eaten with this food before. Calorie wise it was quite low too.
Pud is the usual jelly - raspberry tonight and a muller light cranberry and raspberry, which I am about to tuck into now.

I did not end up having the last foodpack last night - just felt too full, had a cup of tea instead. I will have the pack tonight because my cals are a bit low and I feel I need it. Lol also I am suppose to have 2 packs a day!!!!

Very excited about cooking veg tomorrow, so about to plan a menu for it, also might cook some pears or apples ad have them with the toffee muller light I have been saving.

So much to look forward to, onions are going to be a revelation. Am absolutely looking foward to artichokes, and some asparagus this week, and will have a meal of steak, with grilled tomato, onion a roast shallot and fresh asparagus at some point. Woohoo!! Might actually do the shallot in balsamic vinegar and slow roast or slice and fry in the balsamic.

Have had a peek ahead at week 5 and wow, starchy things!! Brilliant timing since the weather is getting chilly. I am going to make a few batches of soup to keep in the freezer to take into work. I suppose I am also excited/nervous in equal amounts about having a glass of wine. This was my really bad habit - my nightly glass. So would like to see how I react to it now. It is probably not going to be as lovely as I think it is. I have a very lovely bottle of Chenin Blanc set aside for my little taste next Monday.

Have a great week all :) May your Monday be Magnificent!!!

Jez
xx
 
I can't believe you are three weeks in already!! WOw, times flies!

Enjoy your cooked veg. That was a very happy day for me! :D

I had a pile of rast veg last night - sprouts, carrots, peppers, corn on the cob - lots of garlic and rosemary and olive oil. HEaven.

Enjoy!!!

XXX
 
Brillant
your doing great
x
 
RTM Day22 (Week 4)

Ok time really is going way too fast!! How can I be into my fourth week already?? Seems like only the other day I started LL, and not that long ago I was trying to work out when to start RTM and how to do it all and now I am 4 weeks into it all :)

The food is still a novelty entirely and each week brings new excitement and new tastes - the one thing that is completely different about RTM to abstinence - each week a new treat a new taste a new sensation. I still do sort of miss the safety of abstinence, sometimes I feel I am in freefall here, and hope the parachute opens when I need it too, but the support from everyone is invaluable and really helps me along my journey.

Will get to the next shopping part of the journey shortly but first to the food!!!

Today we got to add cooked vegetables and fruit and a few new additions on the veggie list. I was slightly undecided about what to have as there is now so much choice and it will take at least a week, if not more to work through all the flavours on my list this week. Still last night I had a nice "lightbulb" moment which was the fact that I don't have to try it all this week, it is all there for the rest of my life!!! I suppose it is really something I learnt in abstinence - the wine/food whatever will still be there, it is just making a choice of when to have it. It seems some lessons are sinking in. Feel quite proud of myself for this.

The usual black coffee this morning and another at work - I knew I would be near a starbucks later so decided to save up my milk for that. I am trying to still drink the majority of my coffee black as it saves cals for other food experimentation and it also stops me from being back in the habit of having loads of milky coffee throughout the day. Breakfast was my earliest yet - 9am!! Reason being I had to go to a meeting in town and knew I would not get a chance to eat until after 1pm. Breakfast was my standard at the moment. Strawberry Muller Light, fruit in that today was 3/4 of a small pear and 6 grapes cut in half. The pear - my first was sweet and very juicy, just at that perfect point of ripeness. The grapes are still indiscribably sweet. I really will have to make a point of limiting them in the future - although I have only ahd about 12 grapes thus far on my RTM journey. So far so good.

Had another meeting at 1:30pm with another chef who did not recognise me :)and had a coffee with a small amount of skimmed milk. Was freezing and it really warmed me up. Lunch at 2:30 of my scrummy LL Chicken Soup then off to Westfield to finish what I started yesterday <EFG>

Much nicer experience today, more time and far less people, also 2 hours free parking!! So, we hit the shops - never have I enjoyed it so much - not feeling shitty in every single changeroom, not wanting to not look at myself in the mirror or blaming the lights!!! Now I look at me and feel proud of what I see. Still cannot equate this thin person staring back. Is it really me??? The mirror says yes, but I swear it still doesn't feel real some days :) So the shopping was as follows - one divine set undies from La Senza - black and quite plain but does major things for my now tiny little boobs!! On sale so the whole set was only £15!! They wrapped them up in pretty pink tissue paper, put scented beads in the bag and sealed it all with a little sticker.

In New Look I found the cutest little knitted black dress with a cute little pattern across the boobs - lol makes them look a bit bigger - it is totally figure hugging a first for me. In good old DP I found the sexiest ever black high heels with a satin bow - very Belle Du Jour! A stuning boyfriend type blouse in a magenta/purple silk and something I really couldn't resist, a black sequin skirt in a size 8!!!! I tried on the 10 and it was way too big!! But it looks gorgeous on, so I really have 2 things to do now - go out and dance the night away in my new gear and take some pics for my album on here - still have the rest of the clothes from the good old charity shop to show off too!! My shopping bug is starting to worry me - I also ordered a winter coat from Wallis - they did not have the right size in store - shocker it's a winter coat that is not black, it is purple!!!! Colour is obviously making an appearance in my wardrobe too!! Grabbed a skinny latte on the way home and it was fabulous!! Makes me feel quite urbane walking round with my little starbucks coffee.

Dinner was a very nice stirfry with 5 spice chicken breast. Chicken breast cut into very thin strips, marinated in 5 spice, lemon and soy with 1/2 tsp sweet chili, some fresh chili, ginger and garlic. Fried this off in a non stick pan and set aside. Then did the veg, broccoli, chinese cabbage, pepper, mange tout, spring onion, celery, courgette, bok choy, beansprouts,onion, more chili and garlic, and fresh corriander added at the end. Also did this in a non stick pan with a splash of soy and some water. Stirred in 5ml of sweet chili at the end. Topped it off with the reheated chicken and totally enjoyed it in my chinese bowls with some chopsticks!

Something I have realised after dinner tonight is that cooked veg does not provide the satiety of raw veg. I was satisfied and had had enough but it was a different kind of feeling. Too tired and too late to make the baked apple I had planned, so another jelly with some toffee muller light :) Will do the baked apple tomorrow. Have a pack to fit in still and quite full - should I be skipping packs or not?

Tomorrow will experiment with some fish :)

Have a tremendous Tuesday all!

Jez
xx
 
Ooh forgot to mention, have been very lax with my food and mood diary this week - is it because I have really been too busy or is it my rebellious child coming out after last week?

Jez
xx
 
yeah im starting RTM come weekend :)
looking forward to it
and ill be sure to get before and after pix up as soon as
 
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