Lil K
Addicted to Minimins
OK - I am officially fed up with myself today! I just don't know what is happening but I find my self teetering on the edge of the slippery slope that we talked about before.
Last night I baked some WW cranberry muffins as I had the taste for something 'spongy'. Before I knew it 3 of them had gone (how did that happen??), consequently I was over my points.
Today I resisted taking one of the devil cranberry muffins to work with me as I knew it would set me off for the day. Managed to stick with my arranged b'fast (porridge & blueberries) and packed lunch (sandwich, fruit, salad) and felt pleased that I had stuck with things. Had to pop to the shop on the way home and pick up a couple of steaks for me & hubby for tea. Now I know 'popping to the shop' is a danger for me - the old me would have piled my basket high with junk and then take it home and proceed to work my way through the lot . I cannot say I was angelic in my shopping choices - far from it in fact, but not to the extent that the old me would have gone. Lets just say that several chocolate products came home with me that shouldn't have, and now they have dissappeared down my throat, followed by 3 of those damn muffins . What the hell is wrong with me??? I am so angry with myself.
I really like being slimmer, I like having a smaller face, no double chin, slimmer thighs, smaller hips and a flatter stomach - so why am I doing this to myself??
I've reached a few conclusions about myself at the moment, that I need to bear in mind on a regular basis:
1. I cannot make a batch of sweet goods (cakes/muffins etc) and have just one portion. Consequently I can only make sweet things when I know I've got people around so that I can share them out and end up with just one. (Savoury stuff is just not a problem)
2. I cannot at the moment have sweets/chocs in the house and have 'just one' and leave the rest for later - its as if it drives me to distraction to know that they are there.....so for now, I just won't buy them.
3. I cannot just 'pop to the shop' and buy the exact item that I went in for (yet suprisingly I can do a weekly shop in the supermarket and by pass the very foods that are my achilles heel )
I am so scared that I just don't have this thing under control, and right now feel as if I've learnt nothing from the last few months of dieting and losing weight. I just cannot put this weight back on - I cannot go back to what I once was.
I've decided that I am going to spend a bit of time working on getting back into focus. I've been keeping a diary since I started CD - I am going to re-read my entries to remind myself of that desperation I once felt and the joy I experienced as the weight came off.
I'm going to carry on with my self help book that I started - it really makes you stop and take a look within and makes a lot of sense - yet it fell by the wayside while I've been busy with other things for the last few weeks.
I have 'fat' photographs of myself that I just cannot bear to look at - well I am going to look at them, and keep on looking at them to (a) remind myself of how far I've come, and (b) Instill into my mind that there is no way I want to go back to that place again.
Sorry if this post brings you guys down - but I just had to get it out of my system. Will try to post in a better frame of mind next time :wave_cry:
Dawn: I could not agree more - this is definitely a very long road ahead. - and I need to find some discipline from somewhere, and sharpish!!
Speak later xx
Last night I baked some WW cranberry muffins as I had the taste for something 'spongy'. Before I knew it 3 of them had gone (how did that happen??), consequently I was over my points.
Today I resisted taking one of the devil cranberry muffins to work with me as I knew it would set me off for the day. Managed to stick with my arranged b'fast (porridge & blueberries) and packed lunch (sandwich, fruit, salad) and felt pleased that I had stuck with things. Had to pop to the shop on the way home and pick up a couple of steaks for me & hubby for tea. Now I know 'popping to the shop' is a danger for me - the old me would have piled my basket high with junk and then take it home and proceed to work my way through the lot . I cannot say I was angelic in my shopping choices - far from it in fact, but not to the extent that the old me would have gone. Lets just say that several chocolate products came home with me that shouldn't have, and now they have dissappeared down my throat, followed by 3 of those damn muffins . What the hell is wrong with me??? I am so angry with myself.
I really like being slimmer, I like having a smaller face, no double chin, slimmer thighs, smaller hips and a flatter stomach - so why am I doing this to myself??
I've reached a few conclusions about myself at the moment, that I need to bear in mind on a regular basis:
1. I cannot make a batch of sweet goods (cakes/muffins etc) and have just one portion. Consequently I can only make sweet things when I know I've got people around so that I can share them out and end up with just one. (Savoury stuff is just not a problem)
2. I cannot at the moment have sweets/chocs in the house and have 'just one' and leave the rest for later - its as if it drives me to distraction to know that they are there.....so for now, I just won't buy them.
3. I cannot just 'pop to the shop' and buy the exact item that I went in for (yet suprisingly I can do a weekly shop in the supermarket and by pass the very foods that are my achilles heel )
I am so scared that I just don't have this thing under control, and right now feel as if I've learnt nothing from the last few months of dieting and losing weight. I just cannot put this weight back on - I cannot go back to what I once was.
I've decided that I am going to spend a bit of time working on getting back into focus. I've been keeping a diary since I started CD - I am going to re-read my entries to remind myself of that desperation I once felt and the joy I experienced as the weight came off.
I'm going to carry on with my self help book that I started - it really makes you stop and take a look within and makes a lot of sense - yet it fell by the wayside while I've been busy with other things for the last few weeks.
I have 'fat' photographs of myself that I just cannot bear to look at - well I am going to look at them, and keep on looking at them to (a) remind myself of how far I've come, and (b) Instill into my mind that there is no way I want to go back to that place again.
Sorry if this post brings you guys down - but I just had to get it out of my system. Will try to post in a better frame of mind next time :wave_cry:
Dawn: I could not agree more - this is definitely a very long road ahead. - and I need to find some discipline from somewhere, and sharpish!!
Speak later xx