Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Clucks - sometimes words are just unecessary: I'm sitting here 'holding your hand' xx
Mmmm thai food and ginger and lemon water!
- Thread starter thetimeisright
- Start date
Isis
Ancient Egypt Nut!
When it's in your own time and the time is right, it all starts to fall into place
The best of wishes and support to you,
lacey
Isis
Ancient Egypt Nut!
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
Hmmm
Well I am 36, married, 2 kids & a dog.
My Dad's got bladder cancer & my mums just had a prolapsed bowl operated on - successfully but still worrys me a bit. My mum tries to help all she can but currently not allowed to do anything other than listen - but I can't tell her the real story, christ she's 70!
I am general manager for a company & have 40 staff report directly to me, majority men (big bloody babies) but also 4 girls from 20 - 36 who ALL have crisis after crisis that I deal with from car troubles to abortions! You name it they come to me for help!
In the past I have worked 18 hour days as I used to be soooo busy - this has now subsided but I do min 8 - 10 hours Mon - Fri. I am accountable for the predictions, budgets, service levels, & accountablility - that's without having to deal with the day to day operation issues - BUT I'M VERY VERY GOOD AT IT
I am also a business partner, which operates hand in hand with my managers position but am constantly worry about receiving monies in, contracts, what'll we do if it all goes wrong.
I am married - though wanted to leave about 6-9 months ago (thats another story) because I felt trapped and unahppy - not his fault really.... mine!
I've got 2 fantastic kids in the Autumn my daughter was the target of bullies, I don't do tears but went to work 3 days on the bounce & sobbed at my desk because I couldn't help her! My son can be very naughty - defiant & rude but so very loving, he drives my to the wine bottle sometimes.
I have a large ish salary, nice car & 3 bed house, good job, friends, not a bad size I'm a 14 - 16. I'm not ugly, always take care of hair, nails make up....
EVERYTHING on the OUTSIDE looks fantastic - like you people in general often compliment me telling me "i don't know how you do it" etc etc.
On the inside I'm crying out for help - no one knows that my house is dirty, the curtains poles have fallen down, the gardens a ****ing mess, I've got shitloads of ironing to do. My credit cards maxed out & guess what I've still got to get the weekly shop in - so while I'm there I'll fill half the trolley up with food & wine that I can stuff then puke - coz thats really really going to help me isn't it!...... The saddest thing is there's no one left for me to turn to, who's going to help a fat, greedy ***** that brings it all on herself?????
Well hun, there ya go - warts an all & do you know what that's the first time I've EVER told the world exaactly how I feel about my 'perfect life' thats far from it. I actually had a tear in my eye earlier - realising how really really unhappy I am xxx
I am so sorry I bailed and went to bed, had I known you were typing this I would have stayed up. I can relate to about 90% of what you said, in fact 90% of what you have said could have been written by me!
My daughter also got bullied, it was horrendous and I ended up moving the kids to another school, one of the hardest decisions of my life. I cried solidly for three weeks.
Maybe admitting these things is the first step on the road to changing our lives?
Like Debbie so wisely says we are here to hold your hand now every step of the way.
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
Many thanks. The morning after the night before and I am wondering what on earth I did last night. Too late now isn't it?
When it's in your own time and the time is right, it all starts to fall into place
The best of wishes and support to you,
lacey
Thanks Lacey. Not sure that I did the right thing last night but never mind, it is too late now and it is all out in the open.
kazz
Gold Member
Many thanks. The morning after the night before and I am wondering what on earth I did last night. Too late now isn't it?
Thanks Lacey. Not sure that I did the right thing last night but never mind, it is too late now and it is all out in the open.
hun, you never have to worry about the things you say here so dont be. If you hadnt posted wat you did you may not have realised that you are not completely alone in the things you are facing and that can b worth so so much.
I hope your feeling a bit better today and have a great day
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
Thank you Karen. You are of course completely right, it just feels wierd telling the world when my closest family don't know!!
I need to go get dressed now I have a new starter in the office today and need to be there to open up before she gets there!
Thanks again.
Isobel1965
Gold Member
In haste, as I'm about to dash out of the door, but I just wanted to say briefly that your posts really touched me, thetimeisright and clucks!!
BIG (((HUGS))) to both of you - I've been there and know (I think) how you are feeling and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Is it the curse of the modern working woman to feel inadequate because we really can't do everything to perfection? Something has to give?
Anyhoo - I just wanted you both to know that I'm thinking of you and holding your hands too - will reply in more detail when I've got a minute.
lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
BIG (((HUGS))) to both of you - I've been there and know (I think) how you are feeling and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Is it the curse of the modern working woman to feel inadequate because we really can't do everything to perfection? Something has to give?
Anyhoo - I just wanted you both to know that I'm thinking of you and holding your hands too - will reply in more detail when I've got a minute.
lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CLUCKS
Full Member
Morning TIR
Its like the morning after a night bang on the whatsit... You know you said thing, not sure even how you ended up doing it or why - but we BOTH did! I had a little cry, for us both really & I feel really really low this morning. I guess you have to reach a point where you can't get any lower before you start to pick yourself up?????
I'll try and do a thread on mine later but just can't deal with it yet.
Really hope you are ok today though!!!!
Luv & hugs
Clare xxxx
PS - thanks to everyone that has read this, commented, supported us both xxxx
Its like the morning after a night bang on the whatsit... You know you said thing, not sure even how you ended up doing it or why - but we BOTH did! I had a little cry, for us both really & I feel really really low this morning. I guess you have to reach a point where you can't get any lower before you start to pick yourself up?????
I'll try and do a thread on mine later but just can't deal with it yet.
Really hope you are ok today though!!!!
Luv & hugs
Clare xxxx
PS - thanks to everyone that has read this, commented, supported us both xxxx
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
Isobel, you have 100% hit the nail on the head, I do think it is the curse of the modern working woman. Sometimes I truly feel that I will meet myself coming backwards or worst still I will collapse in the playground sobbing my heart out lol!
And they say our mums and grandmas had it hard ...
Clare, sending you lots of hugs and hopefully this is the start of your healing.
I'm not sure where to go to from here, I have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do but I think I need to get this out in the open at home so that I can start to mend.
I'll try to catch up with you later today, I am struggling for time right now being in work.
Gen, thank you so much for your support, I'm really am hoping this is the start of my healing process.
I feel another long ramble coming on ... I just need to find five minutes to sit down and ramble lol!
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
Just sat and read through your thread and Clucks and think both of you are incredibly brave to open yourselves up like this ... and hopefully in doing so will get support from others on here plus your counsellors.
Good luck to you both in your journeys - and may I add my support too?
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
Hey Beverley, I can't speak for Clucks but I need all the help I can get so please please feel free!
Thank you for your reply.
CLUCKS
Full Member
Ramblings....
I too am not sure where to go from here, so I'll just sit here a while & think... Meaning that I'll stay abstaining as it brings control into my issue. Again, like you only strangers here know about my true problem - obviously I need to speak to my LLC & I'll arrange a one to one for that
I also FREQUENTLY meet myself coming - oh & often going too. Its the nasty out of control feelings I get from this that often make me turn to the fridge
I've re-read our thread & replies & its making me feel tearful - not hysterical just sad but calm.... Not sure what that means?????
I would again like to thank you all for you kind words, it has meant alot & yes it has been difficult but I really really do need help & obviously as I am usually the helper sometimes its difficult to accept - ???
Anyway I'll catch up with you all later & I prob wont post on my diary til tonight as I can feel a whole load of worms wriggling & as everyone has said perhaps this is the time when things are going to start coming out that we'd both not realised were affecting us.
Luv to you all
Clare xxx
I too am not sure where to go from here, so I'll just sit here a while & think... Meaning that I'll stay abstaining as it brings control into my issue. Again, like you only strangers here know about my true problem - obviously I need to speak to my LLC & I'll arrange a one to one for that
I also FREQUENTLY meet myself coming - oh & often going too. Its the nasty out of control feelings I get from this that often make me turn to the fridge
I've re-read our thread & replies & its making me feel tearful - not hysterical just sad but calm.... Not sure what that means?????
I would again like to thank you all for you kind words, it has meant alot & yes it has been difficult but I really really do need help & obviously as I am usually the helper sometimes its difficult to accept -
???Anyway I'll catch up with you all later & I prob wont post on my diary til tonight as I can feel a whole load of worms wriggling & as everyone has said perhaps this is the time when things are going to start coming out that we'd both not realised were affecting us.
Luv to you all
Clare xxx
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
OK I have just told my husband. Yes of course I got the "if I can do it you can too" lecture (his standard line - coming from someone who has never carried excess of half a stone in his life)!
However, he also made me realise that actually I need to speak to my LLC because if there is anyone that can help me, it is her.
He also said he felt that I was "running away" when I refused to go back to LL after Christmas because I was in a place where I didn't want help.
He also knew I was secret binging but didn't know about the laxatives but knew I was spending too much time on the loo and he thought it was because of the Husks I was adding to the shakes (I was up to adding 6 capsuals each meal as well as the laxitives).
So I have rung my counsellor and asked that she calls me back asap.
I am going to speak to her about this and about how I move forward.
The issue of travel is still a biggie, especially in this vile weather - there is no way on gods earth I am going to drive over the top in this weather.
So in a lot of ways it is all up in the air. I don't know what will happen from here until after I have spoken to her but I also feel slightly calmer that I will hopefully receive some support.
I'll update when I can.
However, he also made me realise that actually I need to speak to my LLC because if there is anyone that can help me, it is her.
He also said he felt that I was "running away" when I refused to go back to LL after Christmas because I was in a place where I didn't want help.
He also knew I was secret binging but didn't know about the laxatives but knew I was spending too much time on the loo and he thought it was because of the Husks I was adding to the shakes (I was up to adding 6 capsuals each meal as well as the laxitives).
So I have rung my counsellor and asked that she calls me back asap.
I am going to speak to her about this and about how I move forward.
The issue of travel is still a biggie, especially in this vile weather - there is no way on gods earth I am going to drive over the top in this weather.
So in a lot of ways it is all up in the air. I don't know what will happen from here until after I have spoken to her but I also feel slightly calmer that I will hopefully receive some support.
I'll update when I can.
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
Well done for speaking to your husband - that can't have been easy - and is another step forward - very positive. Keep posting. (((hugs)))
CLUCKS
Full Member
Well done - I really admire you for being able to discuss it! I still am def saying nothing yet - my OH would not be able to handle it at all. I am the strong one, the leader, I am not in a place capable of supporting him at the moment with the fact that I am currently weak - if that makes sence.
I remember after the birth of our first child, after nearly 24 hr labour, 27 stitches, mastitus (excuse spelling), she was a poor sleeper my boobs were like breeze blocks attached to my chest & I felt massively out of control, frightened. She wouldnt stop crying & I lost it after nearly 2 weeks with no sleep.
His response - you're crap, you can't handle it, you're f'ing useless.
The result - I went out with the pram & walked, I walked & I walked for about 6 hours until I couldn't walk anymore. On the walk home I decided - I'll show you how f**king useless I am & pulled MYSELF round....
So you can see, sharing my guilt wont help me at all xxx
I remember after the birth of our first child, after nearly 24 hr labour, 27 stitches, mastitus (excuse spelling), she was a poor sleeper my boobs were like breeze blocks attached to my chest & I felt massively out of control, frightened. She wouldnt stop crying & I lost it after nearly 2 weeks with no sleep.
His response - you're crap, you can't handle it, you're f'ing useless.
The result - I went out with the pram & walked, I walked & I walked for about 6 hours until I couldn't walk anymore. On the walk home I decided - I'll show you how f**king useless I am & pulled MYSELF round....
So you can see, sharing my guilt wont help me at all xxx
thetimeisright
To celebrate my losses!
Thanks Beverley, it wasn't easy but is done and is out there now.
