New Life, New Journey, New ME- New Goal !

[Tessieg1]

Hello Farmgirl, just checking in to see how you're doing. Had a quick read of your last few diary entries. Gosh, you have such a lot on your plate, but you're doing so well! Congrats on your great weightloss.
Hope everything goes well for you and that you have a good evening. x

 

[Cookie77]

Yes Tess is right, you have SO much to deal with and well done on your loss. 20 pounds is awesome!xx

 

[farmgirl]

Learnt something about myself yesterday....I cannot be trusted with food !!!
I have been wanting to eat some roast chicken for a while now so instead of saying I can't, I told myself I could but I had to wait until I REALLY wanted it. Saying this on a daily basis I managed to put it off for 2 weeks before giving in.
Yesterday I bought a free range chicken and roasted it (no extras ) and ate lots YUMMY ! I really enjoyed it and stopped before I was stuffed but the trouble started when I had finished.
I always feel the urge to eat something sweet IMMEDIATELY after a savoury meal, but, as I had not suffered a single sugar withdrawal, or sweet craving since I started this diet I suppose I , stupidly, thought my sweet tooth had been tamed.
HA !!!!!:17729:
I don't even know what happened until I was tucking into Baklava (left as bait by my evil ex ).
I did manage to sort of control the quantity but I def struggled.
This has always been a problem for me and I suppose it was silly to think 4 weeks on cd would magically cure me.
In some ways this SS stage is the easy one and the hard work will come later when I move up the stages back to some sort of normality.
I will have to NEVER buy really naughty things, but make sure I have semi-naughty alternatives at hand so my cravings can be satisfied before they get chance to grow into monsters.
I know I will be out of ketosis but hopefully will get back into it soon. I am fine getting back on cd and no urges to cheat, but I do hope this hasn't made too much difference to next wednesdays loss
xxx

 

[Cookie77]

I wouldn't worry, it seems like you know what you need to do and I think you are a really strong person to go through what you are, so I think it will be easy to control yourself from now. Does that make sense? I know what I am trying to say!! Tired! I do know what you mean about SS being the easiest bit and the harder bits being the next stages. I am a little worried about the next stage for the same reason - what if I dont want just 2oz of chicken?!?! Dont beat yourself up too muchx

 

[farmgirl]

Thanks Cookie, your support is very welcome.
Life is just so weird at the moment
Took my little patterdale terrier to a rehoming kennel yesterday and it nearly broke my heart. I now have my last image of her in her cage crying and scrabbling at the wire trying desoerately to reach me. I feel awful but I work away at least 2 weeks every month (prob more now as I am broke and need to earn).
My brother helped me move some furniture last night and I pulled my already sore back and today it has been threatening to spasm in 3 dif places.
Bad timing as I have to move out by thursday and still haven't quite finished decorating !! There is nothing I can do but take lots of painkillers and plod on.
I am sort of ok with CD but had some corned beef last night. Don't know why as I was not hungry. I just needed something. It didn't even taste that nice.
Haven't been on the scales but am all bunged up and a bit dehydrated so prob not going that well.
Weigh in is wed 9am so I will try and do better with drinking etc as a loss will make me feel better.
Sorry my posts are all a bit miserable at the moment but I am having such a hard time and no one to talk to about it all so you lot get it
All I have to do is get to Thursday and my life will become more my own again, and I can settle into my new cottage nice and slowly, and relax a bit before I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks.
It will be good to get away from my Ex as he stresses me out. He is working abroad and I am here sorting through our things and I am being honourable and fair, making sure I don't take anything of his etc only to find the cheeky bugger has hidden my bow. We took up archery and I had a lovely shiny red compound bow that is perfectly set up for my strength and arm length and I love it.
It is nowhere to be found so I texted him and he said he put it somewhere safe as the house was empty so much. Damn Liar !!! I have been home (looking after his UK business) since February.
He said he will bring it over when he gets back but I don't believe him (and don't want to see him if possible).
Anyway, he was so busy hiding my bow that he left out his spare bow (worth more than mine) so, if he won't tell me where he has hidden it I will tell him I'm taking his bow to sell so I can replace mine !!!
He has always been difficult but, for 11 yrs I have put up with him, tried to help him, made excuses for him, forgiven him, put up with the critisism/put downs/bad temper etc and made do with the scraps of affection that seem to be all he could manage.
Now it is like I am seeing him properly and can see he is self obsessed, ruthless, cold, manipulative, devious, dishonest with no compassion and no conscience.
I am sick that I have wasted so much of my life, love, energy and money on him, but I suppose at least I will be free soon :sigh:
I promise I will manage some happy posts soon

 

[farmgirl]

Feeling better today. I only have 3 more days till my move is finished and i have alot to do but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thursday night will be my first in my new cottage, and the first night of my new single life and, thanks to CD I will not be starting it as a fatty
I will be visiting my parents next week and they don't know I have been dieting so they will get a nice surprise and hopefully I will get a compliment or two (though I might also get a lecture on 'sensible weight loss' )
I am still feeling like nibbling meat but I want the weight loss more so am back to being good.
When I move I will not be taking any food except my CD stuff, my aged balsamic vinegar and 8 tins of salmon (they were a bargain !!) so there will be no temptation which should help me get back in the zone.
I have dumped all my clothes in bin bags for the move and will spend the next 2 weeks sorting them out. I will try things on and put them away in order of size.
I have done this before but always with a depressing sense of hopelesness. This time it will be with a real sense of hope and purpose and I'm looking forward to rediscovering some lovely clothes.
I love reading everyones diaries, so please keep posting. You keep me inspired and on the straight and narrow
Good luck everyone xxx

 

[farmgirl]

Just had my week 5 weigh-in and I've lost 2lbs which I am very happy with considering I was naughty for 2 days, didn't drink much water and got terribly bunged up It brings me down to 11.2 so I am getting near my next big threshold of 11 st. I can't wait to be 10 st something (hopefully next week).
I have learnt that cheating is def not an option for me as once I start I find it hard to stop.
Also, when I do CD properly it works great and the weight comes off. When I muck about with it I feel out of control, unhealthy, and don't lose as much and I really like seeing the weight coming off so....I'm going to be a good girl and get gorgeous for christmas
The bad news is that Sky won't connect my broadband at new cottage for 2 WEEKS !!!!! I move tomorrow so NO MINIMINS for 2 weeks !!
What am I going to do ?????
I love reading about how everyone is doing, and getting support.
Oh well, I'll have to be a good girl, be patient and update you when Sky get their act together.
xx

 

[leeds123]

oh no! will miss hearing from you!

good luck with the move and well done on the loss!

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi Farmgirl,
Sorry I haven't been around for a while. Have just been catching up on your diary, and you are doing really well. I hope the move goes well, and look forward to hearing from you once your broadband has been connected again.
Take care. x

 

[Cookie77]

Good luck for the next few weeks! Keep strong!x

 

[Elie]

I subscribe to this diary

I can't wait for you to come back on here, with your brand new Sky connection, a wonderful weight loss and a cute, clean, stylish little cottage to boot

 

[farmgirl]

Hello Folks, I'm back ! Broadband is sorted and I can catch up on all your progress and adventures.
I am now safely in my lovely cottage and VERY happily single. My ex came home from abroad 2 days early and made things very awkward but its all over with now and there is no reason ever to see him again.
I feel fantastic There is no one to control, manipulate, critisize or punish, I am starting to find the real me again, and the real me is HAPPY
I have to admit that, after being under so much pressure and stress for so long, once I got moved in I went flop (emotionally and physically) and have been eating for the last 2 weeks. It was just too hard to keep up CD and felt better eating so I am not being hard on myself, just getting back on the wagon now I have access to internet again for support.
Sometimes I ate healthy and sometimes I didn't, and sometimes I had tummy ache and terrible indigestion but my weight has stayed the same so pretty happy.
I will catch up on all your diaries in the next couple of days. It was surprising how much I relied on minimins to keep up my efforts, and how quickly I forgot certain things, like the buzz of seeing the scales going down.
I did nice that White Tulip has gone on her holiday and I really wish my internet had been sorted earlier as I'd have liked to wish her well before she went. She has done so well so I hope she gets the wonderful holiday she deserves.
Got to go now as I am typing this from in my nice comfy bed and my non-working days start with me getting up and driving 8 mins to see my lovely horses on their new yard to give foaly her breakfast and cuddles so I had better get myself into gear !!!
It is def harder getting out of bed now it is colder and darker
Lots more news so speak later. Missed you all terribly xxxxx

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi Farmgirl! Welcome back! So glad you the move went slow and you're ready to restart your CD journey. It sounds like you needed a break from Cambridge to get yourself organised. Sounds like you're in a good place now and I look forward to your continued journey. Give your horsies a stroke from me.
Catch up soon.
ps: We missed you too!

 

[Cookie77]

Hey you're back! Glad youre ok and it all went well. Wierd about the indigestion tho - Im getting it too. Putting me off eating! Hope your horses enjoy their new yard! Take carex

 

[determinator]

welcome back and well done on not gaining any weight , it must be great to know that you are able to maintain once you have finished CD
I hope your life can now become your own again and I am sure it wont be long before you settle into your new life
I hope you are doing ok getting back onto CD , some people find it harder and some people find it easier 2nd time round , I hope you are doing ok

 

[farmgirl]

Thanks Tessie and Cookie, its nice to be back. I did think that when I started eating again I would put all the weight back on so its good to know it is possible to keep it off (at least for a short time).
Determinator - I am actually struggling to get back on track and yet found it so easy first time round. I do fine all day but start thinking about food in the evenings. For some reason I am fixated on baked beans ?????
I am going to London to work tomorrow which means working with a 4 week old baby, in the families own home (like a nanny),night and day, for 2 weeks.
I normally buy my own food and try to eat healthily but often find it difficult as there is usually lots of naughty food around to tempt me (one of the reasons I got fat in the first place !).
This will be the first time I have tried CD whilst working and have absolutely no idea how it will work. I have already told the client I am on a meal replacement diet so she needn't worry about feeding me.
The first few days are always very busy so I am hoping that will carry me over the hardest few days and get me back in ketosis. It will be a real experiment.
I have been having such a great time settling into my new cottage and sorting out my new life for the last 2 weeks that I am NOT wanting to go back to work
I want to win the lottery !!!!!!!!!!!!
I will be taking my laptop so will be able to keep popping in here for my daily dose of support and inspiration.
Take care all xxx

 

[farmgirl]

Arrived in London and the family I am working for are lovely and now I'm here I don't mind too much (I really do love the babies ).
They don't have wifi yet so have managed to log on to an unsecured site so I can keep up with you all.
Have been so busy I haven't even noticed not eating food and hope that continues.
I have just realised that there are no scales in the house and I was so looking forward to seeing the weight loss. I am too self conscious to use the scales in Boots etc so will just have to try and be good, and look forward to a big loss when I get home (2 weeks).
I am sitting writing this whilst wearing a pair of size 12 jeans that I had forgotten I had as its been so long since I could wear them Admittedly, they are a generous 12, but they fit well and are very flattering so am very happy.
Take care everyone xx

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi Farmgirl, nice to hear from you again. Sounds like you're doing really well. I'm sure you'll have a pleasant surprise at your next weigh in. Sounds lovely what you're doing. Are you actually a nanny then? Have a good evening. Chat soon.

 

[farmgirl]

Thanks Tessie, job title is maternity nurse I'm a baby nanny, but yes, I'm a baby nanny (no medical training).
Still busy so finding CD pretty easy.
I've brought all my sachets etc with me for the next 2 weeks but wish I'd got more tetras and bars as there are times when it is just not possible or practical to make soups shakes or porridge.
I wonder if I could try and find a temporary CDC in central London to buy supplies from ?
I really like watching the scales go down. I may be here for another 5 weeks so am tempted just to go buy some scales and give them to a charity shop when I leave (bit heavy to carry but not impossible I suppose).
My boss is being great about it all. I offered to check her supper wasn't burning and she refused, saying 'its not fair to send you to look at food when you can't eat it' How nice is that ?

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi Farmgirl, your boss sounds lovely. Since you're going to be there for approx 5 weeks, it may be a good idea to find a temporary CDC in that area. That way you can get weighed too.
Have a good evening. x