Nikkis diary

[NikkiH]

Wow Marie - she is walking already!!!!!! isnt she fantastic!! you must have your work cut out for you!!

We really hope to have one more... but we really want to be married and have our house built (We currently own a tiny cottage, fine for the 3 of us but no room for more - have FINALLY received planning permission after TWO years of trying for our site) - we're just beginning to build now. Would love another baby - sometimes I am sooooooooooo broody (especially with dd being out of her "baby" stage) but we really have so much going on at the minute - my little "career" is just beginning to really take off, OH works full time and is studying for his degree in the evenings (at home) plus we really want to enjoy this time with our little girl at the moment!!!!! we plan to start trying (without any pressure, see how it goes) after the wedding (so in about 15 months time) .............

Do you plan to have anymore?

 

[NikkiH]

I do get get a bit ahead of myself sometimes though, I lose all sense of sense and decide I want one NOW, hehe! I have to be sensible though...don't I (quick, tell me I need to be sensible before I flush my contraceptive pills down the toilet! Hahaha!).

Oh Marie - I COMPLETELY know what you mean! I do this. Your so right though - to ideally wait until LO in 3ish - "experts" recommend a 3 to 4 year age gap (ideally) between children - still near enough in age to relate to eachother and form a proper bond and still far enough in age to receive enough individual attention (so they say anyway )

I know this is such an awful, awful thing to say (please dont think bad of me) - but you know how overwhelmed with love you become when you have a baby! - I cannot believe how much I absolutely adore dd - she is my whole life - I can safely say that I didnt have a clue that this kind of love even existed until she was born...................... (this is terrible) but sometimes - I cant imagine ever feeling the same way about ANYONE as I feel about her - I sometimes worry that if I had another - would I love them as much? - do you know what I mean? - this is probably silly because I would assume that of course I would and anyone I know (well most anyway) with more than 1 child loves them exactly the same. Im rambling now and that probably sounds so, so stupid but it is something that I sometimes worry about...LOL!

About building the house - well, we are in Ireland so im not sure of the property or land prices in the UK (but from Ive heard, Ireland is way more expensive) but over here, it is soooooooooooooooooooooo much cheaper to build! - The average site costs 70k - 100k (I did get mine for a little cheaper as I bought a few years ago), for an average sized house - a contracter will cost about 180k or if you do it by direct labour it will cost about 120k (all in euro)
To complete our house we estimate it will cost around 200k (euro) to complete (including site price) (its a 4 bed with the option of eventually converting it to a 5 bed) - if we were to buy around where we are building a 3 bed would cost around 350k - also having to take into consideration that we would probably have to put more money into it to suit it too our tastes.....and it would be older. At least this way, we have decided exactly the way we want it - we designed it together - put unusual windows etc... put rooms where we wanted them!!! thats what I love about it --- its exactly the way we want it. Huge garden too (1.5 acre)
The downside to it is you would need buckets and buckets of patience!!! - as I said, it has taken two years to get planning permission, we have to prepare the site and if we're lucky we might be in it for Christmas - If we bought we could walk into it immediately - ah well, c'est la vie - cant have it all

Seriously though, if you are in the position, it really is something to look in to and consider!

God.. im really long winded tonight... sorry!!

Hope you are all doing well xx

 

[Starlight]

I know this is such an awful, awful thing to say (please dont think bad of me) - but you know how overwhelmed with love you become when you have a baby! - I cannot believe how much I absolutely adore dd - she is my whole life - I can safely say that I didnt have a clue that this kind of love even existed until she was born...................... (this is terrible) but sometimes - I cant imagine ever feeling the same way about ANYONE as I feel about her - I sometimes worry that if I had another - would I love them as much? - do you know what I mean? - this is probably silly because I would assume that of course I would and anyone I know (well most anyway) with more than 1 child loves them exactly the same. Im rambling now and that probably sounds so, so stupid but it is something that I sometimes worry about...LOL!

Thats amazing you saying that. As you know I absolutely adore my niece Emma. I cant imagine life without her and I just feel totally overwhelmed with love for her. My colleagues at work think its hilarious the amount of time I spend after shifts seeing her when I desperately need sleep, or I should be doing overtime. I even drive to my parents in my dinner breaks if shes there, bearing in mind its 20 mins travelling each way so I have a whole 20 mins with her. But its worth it I could just talk about her for hours lol And this is me just as a doting auntie, not her mummy. But then she is the closest Ill have to my own

When my sister in law was pregnant I spoke to my mum about the very thing you worry about. I just feel so much love for Emma I couldnt imagine feeling the same about the baby. When Ciara was born I didnt feel the same immediate rush of love for her that I felt with Emma but the first time I spent time with her without Emma there I felt a total bond with her and now adore her just as much as her big sister.

Im very lucky I have to absolutely gorgeous nieces that I
love very very much and in equal amounts.

Theyre one of my main inspirations for losing weight. I want to be part of their lives for a long long time to come.

 

[NikkiH]

Starlight - you sound like such a lovely, lovely aunt to have!!!!

Marie - don't be sorry - I LOVE talking about "mammy" things - once I can get someone to listen to me!! LOL

Oh im so delighted that you feel the same! (us pair of weirdos ) just thought I was been ridiculous but then I couldnt help how I feel!. You really really would wonder what you did before they arrived!!

Thanks girls xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[NikkiH]

Hi folks! hope you are all keeping well!

Well weigh day tomorrow.. Im really nervous this time for some reason!! - although though I have ridgidly stuck to my points I just dont feel that I have done as well this week for some reason.... - I know im counting my chickens before they hatch, but just really not confident about this weigh in at all!!
I have done literally no exercise this week - well with the exception of tonight (did a 3 mile walk but that has been it ALL week) - I dont mean to make excuses but have found it difficult to find the time with my mam in hospital. Have promised myself to get back on the exercising track in the week to come.

Does anyone know if Bethany has been about? I havent seen her post lately which is unusual! - just hope shes ok.

 

[Starlight]

Youll be fine *HUGS* I bet you have a great result tomorrow, be sure and let us know

Bethany has been away for the weekend, I expect she'll be posting again soon

 

[Pinkdiamond]

*Sends positive vibes for tomorrow* Im sure you will have done really well Cant wait to see how you get on xxx

 

[NikkiH]

Hello everyone!,

Thank you all for your lovely messages xxx

Well, I am down 2 pounds this week

Being quite neglectful with my exercise again to be honest - but I will get started again soon.

My little girl is sick she has a little cold, so have been up with her the past few nights. The poor little pet. My mam is still in hospital but she is in really good form!!. Hoping to have her out before the weekend.

Im off to have a nose around.................... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[kati]

well done on your 2 pound loss thats great. And 1 3 mile walk is better than nothing at all so be proud of yourself that you did that much

 

[NikkiH]

thank you chick xx

(I really LOVE your name how beautiful )

 

[Starlight]

Well done you *S* 2lbs is a great result

 

[NikkiH]

thanks Marie - exactly - you know exactly how it feels.. the poor little pet... Id rather have it x100 myself!! - She really wasnt the best Monday night - so I took her into our bed to let her sleep with us - she stretched out between the two of us - held both her hands out and commanded (while dosing off) "hold hands!!" We slept all night each of us holding each of her hands - the queen bee - huh!?

She seems a bit better today though - thank God.

It worked out well though, as her daddy was off yesterday and today and I have tomorrow booked off for weeks now - would hate to send her to CM sick (even though CM is my aunt, who I lived with when I was small, most fabulous childminder EVER, adores Shannon and Shannon adores her (calls her gran-gran), looks at her as her own grandchild PLUS she is a childcare professional all her life - but still, you know how it is - when you are small & sick you want your mammy or daddy around)
so, it worked out well in that respect.

If she is anyway better tomorrow, im thinking of wrapping her up and taking her to toy store to get something to cheer her up. (shes missing her granny too.. obviously we wouldnt bring LO into hospital to visit)

How is your little woman keeping? she is so, so beautiful (from that picture)

Pizza? ......... what pizza?

 

[NikkiH]

I can't imagine leaving my little one with a childminder at any time, let alone when she's poorly. You're lucky that you have someone so close that you can leave her with - I couldn't bare the idea of leaving Jasmine with a childminder I didn't know.

My mum's been talking about leaving work so she can be a 'full time grandma'. It's a nice idea, but it'd mean me going back to work - NO THANKS lol

awww, I know exactly what you mean pet - its such a tough one.

When I was nearing the end of my maternity leave I was devastated! - if anyone mentioned anything about my return to work I would embarrass them and myself by bursting out crying!!! - it was awful! - but to be honest, I didnt really see it as a choice not to go back (but one year on - it was the best decision I ever made)..... although OH has what would be considered a "good job" (hes a military musician - nice, cushy, well paid government job - good pension etc..) it still wouldnt be enough to give us, particulary Shannon the life we want her to have. I mean, yeah, we probably could survive on his wage alone but survive being the word - we wanted the nice house (if I didnt work we could never, ever afford it - would prob end up stuck in this tiny, 2 bed cottage forever), we wanted to show Shannon the world - I believe travel is one of the best forms of education (seeing different cultures, climates, races etc...) and we hope to bring her to a different country every year (brought her to Prague last year - I know she was really small but you wouldnt believe the stimulation she got from it!!), we wouldnt be able to afford both cars (id feel I was loosing my independance), we are putting money by for college (should she choose to go) now (cost on average 50k to send a student to college for 4 years in this country)

I know this is such a morbid, negative thing to say but realistically - things happen, I am madly in love but who can tell what the future brings? we could possibley break up, or OH lost his job or became to sick to work? God forbid, forbid, forbid - something happened to him? - we all think that it will never happen to us, but it happens to many - I suppose I have peace in the knowledge that, should anything awful happen to our little family, I can financially support my little girl on my own. She would never go without.

I know I probably sound so, so materialistic but I suppose its because my father was an awful man and me and my mam left England when I was 3 - we had nothing and to be honest life was very hard, didnt have what everyone else had, I always knew my mother was worried sick about money and from a very very young age I took that worry on too.. Im determined Shannon will never have to even think about things like that - want to keep her young and carefree for as long as possible.

It really is such a hard choice for women. Even in this day and age, this decision or pressure rarely lies on the mans shoulder.

This is really on my mind lately because my poor cousin is going through this at the minute - her first day back today!! I feel so sorry for her - shes in bits.. but I know it will get easier. Shes a bank manager so is the main wage earner in the house - too vital to their financial security to give it up!!

you are so, so lucky to be in the position to be able to stay at home pet. Its lovely that your happy

Enough with the life story!! you must be asleep by now! sorry for rambling!!!

about your little princess tonight - awww the little pet, (go on - admit you were feeling smug ) she was just in a real "mummy mood" - I have to admit it is lovely when they cant get enough of you! your poor dh though... he must have felt awful!

 

[NikkiH]

Hi folks,

Nothing too interesting to report.. quite an uneventful day

Have a cold - must have got it from my little one and its totm (sorry to much information), have two meetings I have to go to and a hectic day planned in work for tomorrow, poor little woman is still under the weather (but is way better than she was), my mam had an angiogram today but isnt getting out until the results come back, we have just found out another stupid thing we have to submit to the council before we can start building so once again the house is delayed (just for an extra week or so) and I dont know how but the washing seems to have PILED up over night - seriously! - ive done FOUR washes today and have something like TWO full baskets left to do!! how the hell did that happen?! (moan, moan.....) so in a whole, im feeling really, really sorry for myself. (in a childish, stomp my feet sort of way )

Havent done any exercise whatsoever again today - but I did clean the whole house from top to bottom for 4 and a half hours - so would that count??

Not having any problems food wise (bet Ive just jinxed myself there), really getting into the "routine" of eating the WW way (how corny does that sound?) so everythings fine!!

Hope you are all having a fabulous week and enjoying the beautiful weather!!!!!!!!! (Thank God for Bank Holidays )
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Starlight]

Glad everything is going well And no it doesnt sound corny - I know exactly what you mean

 

[NikkiH]

I'm sorry you're not feeling very well, but it's your own fault...and I quote..."the poor little pet... Id rather have it x100 myself!!", hahahaha!!! Won't be making that mistake again will you! Lol!!!x

I never thought of that! lol!

Thanks chick xx

 

[sonkie]

I can't imagine leaving my little one with a childminder at any time, let alone when she's poorly. You're lucky that you have someone so close that you can leave her with - I couldn't bare the idea of leaving Jasmine with a childminder I didn't know.

I know how you feel....this is why I became a childminder myself.....I didnt want to leave the most precious things in my life with a stranger.....even though all registered childminders are inspected and have to have first aid and insurance etc....its just the thought of my boys being with someone else...!
Even now they are both at school I will always be at home for them when they are ill or off school...for half term.
If you need to work but dont fancy leaving your child have you thought about becoming a childminder yourself....?

Dont worry we are not ogres....lol.

 

[sonkie]

Contact your local childrens information service.....or local childminding association.....mine is Devon childminding association.....!
I think I looked up online how to become a childminder....but cant really remember who I contacted.

 

[Sparkle]

Aww Nikki, sorry you're not feeling too great at the moment, hope you feel better soon.

Four and a hlaf hours cleaning the house?? Definate bonus points there I think! lol

Make sure you relax and enjoy yourself this weekend, with everything that's been going on you deserve it.

Don't forget to update us with your mums test results, I hope her health can start improving soon as well. :hug99:

 

[NikkiH]

awww, Sparkle and Marie, thank you so much for your concern girls :thankyou:

No, she isnt home yet, she will hopefully receive the results of the angiogram early next week, her doctor also wants to send her for an mri on her heart. She could be in for a while yet. She has been in really good spirits though, but obviously im worried about her and....God, this is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo selfish of me, but im wrecked from going in and out of hospital, running her errands, paying bills, doing washing, cleaning her house..................... God, I feel awful saying that - OF COURSE I dont mind in the slightest - the poor pet - this is what family is all about!! - im just a bit tired (God, how self - obsessed do I sound ). My little one is still a little under the weather - she is definately improving but still not fully over it. I have a rotten cold too.... felt awful in work yesterday, and thought - God, if I feel this bad, imagine how my poor little girl is feeling!! - she is so pleasent though! - even when shes sick she smiles right through it!, bless her little heart

So, since I wasnt feeling great, I spent all last night (and tonight actually) flaked on the couch.. feeling very sorry for myself - lol!! - would you believe it im even finding it difficult to eat all my points because I cant taste anything!! (but Ill manage it!! )

So delighted to have a long weekend to get us both over this cold..

OH is going to Brussels with work Monday night - so, dreading this as we usually have a system between us to get ready, LO ready, out to work etc.. but this means Im on my own all next week - will have to get up extra early to get little one ready to go, myself ready, drop to CM, go to hospital in morn to see my mam, go to work for 8 hours, go to hospital, collect LO from CM, home (cold house), light fires, cook dinner, clean, play and cuddle (most important!!) get her to bed, get all ready for next day etc............................and of course (typical) I have an early meeting on Wednesday Morn (id usually get OH to sort out LO and drop to cm on days like that) but I dont know how im going to manage it (will have to arrange with my aunt to have Shannon an hour early) ill have to be up at the crack of dawn (God, im being REALLY self obsessed today!!!!!).....(how the feck do single mothers do it????)

I think im finished moaning now, you'll be glad to hear!

just ignore me today!!

On the plus side, myself and LO ventured out for an hour today and did a little retail therapy - bought too much - but feck it! I know its only very early days but I found that my regular size fits soo much more comfortably, if not a (small) bit roomier! - so that was lovely!!

Also, ive just realised that I only need to loose one more pound to have my first stone off AND be down into my next "stone" - woo, hoo!! (fingers crossed!!)

I hope you are all having a fabulous week x