Barbs thoughts for the future ......

[Barb]

Well a good day yesterday, lots of running about and shopping etc.. Mum and Dad are both very much better and I suspect their improvement has contributed big time to my happier/positive mood!
Had a good chat with DH last night about my new life - he totally approves, said he was proud of me and that he doesn't know why I worry so much. I think he is relieved to have me off the merry go round that has been my dieting life these last 30 years! Crikey, when i put it like that, 30 years, how scarey is that. Well I have woken up and smelt the coffee and it smells bloomin' good! I love this relaxed feeling I have, I have no desire to over eat at all. Its a first I reckon.

One small confession, hopped on those dratted scales this morning. Have lost 1.25lbs since Monday!!!!!
I know it was naughty and I am going to stay off them now till the 1st of September but I couldn't help feeling pleased. On Juddd I lost 8lbs and I have kept 5.25 off so am pleased with that too.

I hope come Sept 1st I will have lost another lb or 2 but I am not going to stress over it, I've been down that road and it is the wrong direction for me.

Hope everyone has a good day - dieting or not!

 

[Russiandoll]

Those scales are just too seductive aren't they Barb!

Well done on losing weight painlessly ... maybe you should call it 'Barb's chill-out diet' I'm so glad to hear your parents are a lot better - that will undoubtedly have relieved some of the tremendous stress you've been under.

Have a wonderful day. I'll report back later on my thread when I know the results of my dad's tests.

Hugs xx

 

[KD]

Hiya Barb!

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with hopping on and off the scales. But, I know that in my case anyway, this has little to do with my journey to good health. It really depends on your mindset.

I think most people have to have a focus. I remember doing the "I'm not going to diet any more" thing, but I didn't turn my attention to the most important thing. Keeping healthy. That's how I ended up putting the weight back on again after a previous almost successful diet

We are programmed to look after ourselves, but unfortunately years of dieting mode twists our thinking and weight becomes the focus. We all know that you can be slim but still unhealthy if you make the priority weight.

The desire to be slim is a recent invention. It's not what we were programmed to do. That doesn't mean we were programmed to be fat...just that we were programmed to look after ourselves, to eat correctly. On doing so, we would end up the correct weight for our bodies.

Unfortunately, it's hard to look after yourself in the long term if your weight is your motivation for everything that passes you lips. Even if you are not dieting.

Concentrate on your health. Enjoying the good foods that nourish your body and keep the bugs away. Listen to your signals. Do question yourself about what you want and what you need.

I applaud you for casting off the diet, but do try to think in 'normal' mode, rather than non-dieting mode IYKWIM.

Not sure I've explained myself very well there

 

[Barb]

It's ok KD, i know exactly what you mean and that is precisely what i intend to do. I had got to the ridiculous stage where i would not have a 'high cal' banana so that i could still have some crisps! Now that is twisted. I want to give myself permission to enjoy my life without the guilt, the agonising and the worry. I naturally do not have a huge appetite so thats a bonus, however, as you well know, I am a nibbler, that is the habit I need to get under control. i know I am not going to be an angel every day and I accept that that is ok, normal even. However this non diet is not going to turn into an excuse to eat rubbish and generally be slack. I want to be healthier, stronger and more positive in my outlook, if being slimmer is part of that process then great, i'm just not going to make it the be all and end all.
I am just surprised at how I feel now the pressure is off; I realise what an all or nothing person I am and how unhealthy that is. I am always on a 'strict' diet or eating whatever i like regardless of the known consequences. That is just silly and I can see that and acknowlege it. I need to learn to listen to myself and make decisions based on what I really want not what would be the best thing to have in view of the next impending diet. i have actually chosen to have something and chips when i have fancied a salad, just because I know I won't be able to have chips the following week.
I know I have a lot to learn but i am up for it; i really believe I can make substantial changes to my life and that I can be stronger, healthier and happier.
I know you wish me luck, it's always good to have a friend at your side.

 

[Barb]

A good weekend, nothing wild, just nice. Feel very tired and lacklustre this morning, don't know why but have a sneaky feeling my thyroxine may need upping again. I have had it doubled once last year but not had it checked for a while and have that exhausted walking through treacle feeling. Everything feels a real effort. Apart from that all is good, a weekend of neither stuffing or starving, which is what it's all about for me now. Interestingly I have cooked more in the last week than I had for ages, I really wanted home-made healthy meals with lots of vegetables. So that what we had. We went out for a chinese on Friday so that was good and we have had a good walk with Ozzie everyday. I still feel calm and in control. Have weighed a couple of times which I am cross with myself about but I suppose it will take a while to break that particular habit.

 

[Barb]

Feeling very negative at the moment - not sure why. Have noticed myself being a bad friend to myself a lot. You know, passing the mirror and abusing myself 'fat. useless, can't buy normal sizes, no wonder you look a state in everything'
I know it isn't helping me so why do I do it? I don't know if I am reacting to life calming a little with both of my parents on the mend or what. I haven't been over or under eating so I guess that is good, but I feel tired, grumpy, ugly, fat, useless, tearful, sad, worried, anxious..... I am also having alot of 'worry' dreams and am waking up stressed, like I need stress when I am asleep as well as awake! Kids are being a bit tricky at the moment, DD1, who left home in March is now talking about returning as she is so skint. She has not been very well and I do think she would be better at home but we shall see. DS2 is being a bit odd too - not the most orgainsed kid on the planet he is fed up with work and gambling in his spare time! Grrr.

Anyhoo, nice weekend planned so need to cheer up.

Hope everyone else is doing well and has a great weekend.

 

[clairejen]

It sounds to me like you are having a reaction to the stressful times you have just been through. At first you feel relief when things are improving, then all the minor irritations of life which you sweep aside when the big stuff is going on suddenly start to surface again. Perhaps the worried dreams are part of it too, a feeling that things can't stay right for ever so something must be about to go wrong.

Deciding to give up on dieting has lifted a big stress from you, but it may also have left a hole in the ambitions part of your life. I have always found that when I have plans and projects ahead to work towards then I am happier, not just because I am occupied but because they involve areas of life improving. Left to themselves things tend to either stay the same or deteriorate, which is depressing, so I find I have to have constant improvement plans on the go to counteract this. Whether the ideas are practical, social, educational, it doesn't matter, it all helps. I don't know if you feel the same, but it is a thought.

 

[KD]

It's ok KD, i know exactly what you mean and that is precisely what i intend to do. I had got to the ridiculous stage where i would not have a 'high cal' banana so that i could still have some crisps! Now that is twisted. I want to give myself permission to enjoy my life without the guilt, the agonising and the worry.

Yeee Barb, you're right. Twisted thinking.

However this non diet is not going to turn into an excuse to eat rubbish and generally be slack. I want to be healthier, stronger and more positive in my outlook, if being slimmer is part of that process then great, i'm just not going to make it the be all and end all.

Exactly!! And this is where so many non-dieters (as apposed to those who have never had a weight issue), go wrong. I really believe that if you take the non-dieting way, you have to change the motivation. It needs to be on your health, not your weight. Hopefully, the weight will go down, but that's just a side effect

This is why I was going on about dieting to lose weight and look good, was really trying to raise your self esteem in a twisted, false way.

Raising self esteem is vital to doing the non-dieting way, but it doesn't come from external forces. It comes from within.

Our culture teaches us to value ourselves according to what the mirror says, but it's soooo wrong!! Come on, when you think about it, who do you want as a friend. Mrs Skinny who is late arriving because it takes her hours to put her makeup on, or Mrs Overweight who is there in a flash for you? To be honest, I don't care if a friend is overweight or the perfect size (except for their health), as long as they are a friend.

So why is it that everyone seems to put so much importance on their looks? I would hazard a guess that you want to look slim so that you get others approval? You may think that you want to do it because you want to look 'nice', but it's illogical without others imput.

Would it be so important if you were alone on a desert island for instance.

Now!!! Your health is important. Looking after yourself and making yourself feel good, less prone to illness, energetic, blah blah. That will raise your self esteem.

i have actually chosen to have something and chips when i have fancied a salad, just because I know I won't be able to have chips the following week.

Real dieting talk, and it had it's place in whatever diet, but as you've realised, it's nonsence now. I'm not saying that you need to eat everything unhealthy because you now can, but if you put your focus onto your health, you'll be able to make good decisions. You'll know that you can have you chips whenever you want so there is no deprivation, no time scale. Just remember that you want to feel healthy and make your choice from there.

Deciding to give up on dieting has lifted a big stress from you, but it may also have left a hole in the ambitions part of your life. I have always found that when I have plans and projects ahead to work towards then I am happier

that is so true. I'm like that. Not happy if I haven't got a project on the go.

 

[KD]

And, just in case you think I haven't written enough I'm going to write some more

When you are non-dieting, you are always at goal. Every second of the day, you are there.

There is no weight goal to strive for if you make health your priority. Your aim is to look after yourself today. If you did that yesterday, then you reached your goal. If you did that this morning, then you have reached your goal.

Even if you have done it in the last 5 minutes, then you have reached your goal.

So how does that feel? Now you need to accept yourself and live like a goalie

 

[Barb]

As usual, perfect sense from my friend Karion. It's not as easy as it sounds though, is it? After many years of only feeling pleased with myself if i have dieted well, it is hard to be content with any other behaviour. However, that is what I have to do. I must learn that success is about my health not my weight. I actually do love loads of healthy foods, I just forget all about them when I am not dieting as I must eat unhealthy stuff in preparation for the next diet. Perhaps if I ate the healthy stuff I like I wouldn't need the next diet! Anybody see that light bulb go on?

 

[KD]

It's not as easy as it sounds though, is it?

You're right there. It's bloomin' hard!

 

[Russiandoll]

I love the healthy stuff too ... problem is I also love the 'unhealthy' stuff. Now, I know that should be OK if I exercised moderation - but quite often I don't. Maybe it's because I think of it as 'unhealthy' and 'forbidden' that I end up stashing away as much as possible because I know I'm then going to HAVE to get 'back on' my diet. <sigh> I swear I'm running in such tight circles I can see my own bum!!

 

[Isis]

Well as the Juddd diet slips quietly over the horizon the realisation that another weight loss plan goes with it has hit me square on. Probably about time, if anyone needs a reality check it's me.:cry:
So this morning I woke up thinking about my weight, as usual and I decided to make some firm decisions, instead of mulling everything over endlessly and never really getting on with anything.
1. I am not going to 'diet' any more. EVER.
2. I am not going to use the above as an excuse to stuff my face with rubbish.
3. The excellent advice I give others I will apply to myself.
4. I will eat as healthily as I can and not beat myself up when I don't.
5. I will weigh myself once a month on the 1st and no more than that; I am sick of the scales ruling my life.
6. I will be grateful and proud of what I do have in life. Instead of whining about not being slim.
7. I will look in the mirror and see what others see, I will not be horrible to myself anymore. I'm not a bad looking person, so why do I call myself names? No more of it!
8. I will 'move' more. Look for excuses to walk a bit further and run upstairs at every opportunity.
9. I will visit minimins regularly and share with myself and others how my journey is going.
10. I will add to this list as I think of things!

So here begins a new chapter, a non food/weight obsessed one. I feel happier already and I hope to see a change in myself in things other than weight.

Hi Barb

I've just seen your brilliant and positive list!! I've finally got my Broadband sorted so I can actually catch up properly with everyone

It's so positive and speaks such sense. Ruddy excellent.

Lacey xx

 

[Barb]

Wow, thanks Lacey, much appreciated. Now if I could just get in the habit of reading and following my positive ideas I might be onto a winner!
RD, I know exactly what you mean but I still think it is our minds that want sorting not our bodies, oh alright and our bodies! I am stunned by the speed at which I slip backwards into negativity. It is too easy to have a go at myself, ridicule my efforts and generally forget all the good thigs I said and meant.
So I am adding to that list of positive behaviours by promising myself that I will read my list every day and re-affirm what I am setting out to do. The further I get from the original thoughts the easier they are to forget and I don't want to do that. So thats what I am going to do, read, acknowledge and persevere.

 

[Isis]

Wow, thanks Lacey, much appreciated. Now if I could just get in the habit of reading and following my positive ideas I might be onto a winner!
RD, I know exactly what you mean but I still think it is our minds that want sorting not our bodies, oh alright and our bodies! I am stunned by the speed at which I slip backwards into negativity. It is too easy to have a go at myself, ridicule my efforts and generally forget all the good thigs I said and meant.
So I am adding to that list of positive behaviours by promising myself that I will read my list every day and re-affirm what I am setting out to do. The further I get from the original thoughts the easier they are to forget and I don't want to do that. So thats what I am going to do, read, acknowledge and persevere.

Read, acknowledge and persevere....sounds like a recipe for success to me Barb!!! Have you printed your list off and stuck it up somewhere? If not....why not?...lol

 

[Barb]

Thats a top idea Lacey, I'll get right on it!

Love

 

[Isis]

Thats a top idea Lacey, I'll get right on it!

Love

Hope you do Barb..!!

I know I need things staring at me all the time so that I can easily read them and reaffirm what I have said to myself

 

[Barb]

Well, have I had a wild weekend or what! Listen to this, Friday night Champagne Cruise and Thai meal at the harbour. Saturday night DD1's birthday party and meal out with DS2. Sunday, family lunch for 8 at our house then out for cocktails and Italian meal for DD1's birthday! BHMonday, spent recovering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh well, not a very slimming weekend but very good fun!

Haven't really given the whole healthy eating thing much attention either. Still, must get on to it this week. Did lots of dancing at the weekend so that must have been a good calorie burner!

 

[bakerfa]

Glad you had a good weekend Barb! It sounds knackering but fun!

Love xxx

 

[Barb]

Quite right Anja, have been really tired all week. Not used to a 3 day bender at my age(48!).

Anyway, been restrained since so thats good, no big plans for this weekend, feeling more relaxed about food though. Have been reading up on Karion's threads and realise that I have an awful lot to learn. I still eat in case I can't later, I still worry that I won't cope if there isn't something nice to look forward to foodwise. I am not good at listening to what I really want, but I am working on that. Yesterday i was comforting DD1 who's boyfriend had dumped her with no warning after 18months, she is devastated and won't eat/sleep etc.. so lots of cuddling and comforting to be done, no hardship but sorry it's needed. Eventually she agreed to have some toast and marmite if i had some with her, so I did. That was at 11.30, at 1pm DH came home for lunch, I was just going to automatically make a sandwich when I thought 'no, I am not really hungry, I'd just like some strawberries with a dollop of yogurt' so thats what i had. Genius, isn't it?

I am really going to focus on this, I definately eat when it's there against the time when it's not. Thing is that time never comes - I have to retrain my brain!

I'm going to really pay attention to my wants and needs this weekend and will let you know how it goes. Weight wise, I seem to be staying the same so thats good.