Barbs thoughts for the future ......

[Barb]

Nice to wake up this morning not feeling guilty for slipping off the rails! I have realised that I am now doing what I really want to do. Eat what I want, when I want but only quality food. No rubbish. Last night was interesting, I had 2 squares of really nice dark chocolate - then no more! I was satisfied, I would/could easily have eaten 4 more but thought 'whats the point, I have had the nice flavour, I am not hungry so why overdo it?'. I feel like I am breaking down lots of habits at quite a rate, I feel so much more in control, it's like i have uncovered a whole new way of looking at stuff. To demonstrate;

Old Barb; Not on a diet, therefore eat and drink everything and anything, no rules as a new diet could be coming along at any time. Avoid healthy food like fruit and veg as they HAVE to be eaten on a diet and diet food couldn't possibly be nice because a diet is a punishment for being a pig and getting fat. Eat what veryone else has as not worthy to be cooked for seperately. Have wine with DH whether wanted or not as could be on a diet soon and it will be too calorific to enjoy. Feel bad about self all the time, every mirror passed is an opportunity to be disgusted with self. Constant depression about clothes, forthcoming events, what other people must think of me etc...

Old Barb - on a diet. Full of enthusiasm for whichever plan it is that is going to do it this time (but obviously won't). Eating healthier food but not appreciating it as full of resentment at being on a diet in the first place. Wanting all the foods I can't have, even if I wouldn'e normally have them that much anyway. Bad tempered at life. Still miserable at every mirror passed. Constantly calculating what weight I could be if I lost 1/2/3lbs a week between now and Christmas! Gradually slipping away from the diet and embracing full on the familiar feeling of failure.

New Barb - No diet = no failure. Each healthy food choice celebrated as a success at nourishing my body. Each eating opportunity regarded calmly and food choices made based on quality and need. Effort being made to have what I really want and therefore enjoying it more. Realisation that I hold the key, just have to use it. Thinking before each food decision, not grabbing food on the run. Making the health not the weight the priority. accepting that I actually LIKE fruit and veg, they are a pleasure not a punishment.

I could ramble on and on, but really should go to work soon. Just want to capture how my different way of life is developing.

Hope everyone has a good day.

 

[Barb]

Another triumph, small but important. Just had lunch, toast with pate, no butter and reduced fat pate. DH and I always have lunch together and he always finsihes with a kit-kat or similar and so do I; today he said 'choccy biccie?' and I said 'no thanks'. That was it. I thought ' am I still hungry? No. Do I need a choclate biscuit? No'
That was a habit I simply didn't need and ok it's only 100cals or so but over the year that is 36500, which is 10lbs worth of weight in anybodys money. Makes you think!

 

[Russiandoll]

This all makes so much sense Barb and I'm really enjoying your thread. It's written from the perspective of someone with a smile on her face instead of her frustrated head in her hands - bravo!!

 

[KD]

I'm not getting on your thread half as much as I would like They keep making me work. Damn them Can't they tell that I was born to be a lady of leisure

I don't want sickly sugary stuff, I want vibrant colours and refreshing tastes.

That's the ticket Sometimes you will want the sugary stuff though, and that's okay too. Just remember to notice it.

I know that I'm more likely to take notice of a meal, but when it comes to the unhealthy snacks, I seem to gobble them down without a thought. If I take a moment to really taste them, they just don't taste as good as I remembered.

I do have a theory for this Most of my unhealthy snacking is just my AD (IMO). It doesn't really have a lot to do with the food. Just setting off the ritual. Want food....eat food...think 'nice'....repeat. Thing is I rarely tasted it properly. Just ate it, but there was a connection in my brain that said eat this will equal nice.

Not saying I didn't like it, but once I really stopped that fast forward and took a moment to be actually aware of what I was doing, the connection changed a bit. I didn't get that automatic 'thats nice' feeling.

Don't you think it's a bit like when you set up dominoes to fall down. Click, click, click, they go...possibly ending with a sense of relief at stopping. But then you put them further apart and they stop midway, you feel good, not so sluggish with all that falling over

Unfortunately, I was so busy click, click, clicking, that generally I hardly noticed what anything was really tasting like. It stopped being "wasn't that delicious" and just turned into "must have more" or "mustn't have more"

Yes, I see that KD. I have to make being healthy the priority not the being slim.

It's a really hard thing to get your head around. We are so conditioned to think of our image. Thing is, when we start feeling good about ourselves, we hold our head higher, we stand up taller. We look slimmer and even if we don't, we give that appearance in our manner.

I know now I don't have to do it all at once, I am the only one applying pressure,

That's the way. Same with introducing the forbidden stuff. Some IE books say to let it all in at once. I couldn't have possibly done that. But it seems that other IE books say that's fine. One thing at a time.

Avoid healthy food like fruit and veg as they HAVE to be eaten on a diet and diet food

Oh yes. I was just like that too.

Oh my!!! Gotta go!! Speak later. Well done Barb!!

 

[Barb]

Thanks RD and Karion, I do seem to be getting the hang of this better than expected. I think the best advice (amongst an awful lot of good stuff) is to regard each meal as a fresh start. Thats what I am doing. So if I do slip up and have too much/low quality then it'sonly one meal, not the end of the world. Tonight we had a chinese, had a frantic day and it seemed sensible. I chose carefully, sensible stuff, no batter or fried bits. I was seriously hungry for it having not nibbled at all! I ate really well and enjoyed it more than any meal I can remember having for ages. I stopped when I felt full, there were prawns etc.. left but I had enough; I didn't want that horrible feeling of being overfull, so I stopped! We had some white wine with it, which I enjoyed but gain I stopped when I was ready, not because the bottle was empty.

I don't know how my weight is reacting to this new regime (I would say I don't care but then I would be lying)but this lack of nibbling must have an effect soonner or later.

Looking forward to tomorrow, as suddenly there is nothing food related to stress over!

 

[Barb]

Pleased with yesterday, things seem to be falling into place. I think the biggest brain makeover relates to choice. I am making choices in a more controlled thought through way. Like last night with the chinese, I would have normally just slid off the diet and eaten whatever/or not been on a diet and eaten whatever. Then later (or even during) I would have felt guilty/fat/guilty. I would also have had an icecream or some chocolate later on. I didn't, I thought about it and I thought' Nah, I'm not really bothered, I'll have some later if I am really bothered' but I didn't 'cos I wasn't!

So each day is turning into a 'learning new habits' day. I don't think I am eating a remakable amount less but I am certainly not nibbling between meals, which is a MAJOR habit to break and I am eating a lot less sugary stuff, which feels like a real triumph. I will weigh on Saturday morning and hope that a tiny difference shows on the scales but if it doesn't I will still be pleased with the healthier way I am treating myself!

 

[Russiandoll]

Sounds good Barb. I'm still not in 'that place' yet but at least I'm not beating myself at the moment up over what I perceive as my 'failure'.

I suppose I could best describe myself as 'treading water' right now until things settle back into a routine with me at Uni and the girls at school / college.

There's no reason for you to slip-up now as you're not hating or resenting your eating plan (I refrain from calling it a 'diet'). I'll continue to watch your thread with interest

 

[Barb]

Funny old day yesterday, DH and I decided we would have a doing things together day, which at one point involved bacon sandwiches and later involved a barbeque! Ate reasonably well but some wine and chocolate crept in. Not a vast amount but I know I was eating/drinking just because I fancied not because of their nourishment factor. Hmmmmm
I know I have lots to learn and that all the triggers are still there, I am not going to learn a new way of life overnight but I am pleased that I did not over indulge completely and I haven't woken up with that ghastley 'What a complete fat failure I am' attitude.
Today we have a funeral to go to, so I am feeling sad and uninterested in myself. I will just make sensible choices today, they are mine to make and catch up later.

 

[Barb]

Ok, one week on and I have managed to GAIN .75lb!!!!!!!! Not going to panic though, it may be connected with the incredible excesses of last weekend so must remain calm. Today I am off to London to see Grease with some girlfriends. This will inevitably be a day of drinking, eating the wrong foods and generally laughing myself silly! Not gonna apologise for it, just going to enjoy it.

I am still in a calm place headwise and I think that is important. Days like today are going to come along and I've got 2 choices, enjoy like everyone else or be a miserable wotsit and feel guilty whilst trying (and failing)to abstain!

More later !!

 

[DQ]

Keep that calm head in place, and you're gonna be fine mate

 

[KD]

Ok, one week on and I have managed to GAIN .75lb!!!!!!!!

3/4lbs??? OMG, that's nothing. That could even just be water weight. Even if it is fat, just think how much work you are doing on the head stuff and it's the head stuff that will give you lasting results.

This will inevitably be a day of drinking, eating the wrong foods and generally laughing myself silly! Not gonna apologise for it, just going to enjoy it.

No need to apologise. It's your choice after all Hopefully you will get to a place where you think "I'm going to see Grease!...bet my friends will want to overeat....bless them"

Just remember, weight isn't the issue. Your relationship with food and your health is. When you are tucking into the unhealthy stuff, remember to think your way through it. Don't just eat unconsciously.

Another thing that I haven't mentioned is pausing. Work on the AD (if you've seen those posts..can't remember whether you have or not), but if you then decide that you will go ahead and have something, just wait 15 minutes. It really helps. They say, if you can't pause, you can't stop. Pausing is so much easier than stopping don't you think?

It'll also helps stop the compulsiveness of overeating. You have to sit with those feelings for a while instead of feeding them.

Bet Grease was fab!

 

[KD]

BTW, just thinking about some of the stuff I write here. Can we assume that most sentences begin with "In my opinion" and "this worked for me" Rather than "this is what you need to do". Guess it's the teacher in me that makes me across that way

 

[DQ]

BTW, just thinking about some of the stuff I write here. Can we assume that most sentences begin with "In my opinion" and "this worked for me" Rather than "this is what you need to do". Guess it's the teacher in me that makes me across that way

Yes Ms :giggle:

 

[KD]

Yes Ms :giggle:

You being cheeky again DQ??????

The problem with me is that I have so many opinions, if I put IMO before each one, it would be a dreadful strain on bandwidth.

 

[DQ]

We just assume IMO is there all the time honey!!

 

[Barb]

You say what you like, how you like KD, I'm just glad of your opinions as they really do help. Especially the bit about 'OMG only .75lb'! I said I wasn't panicking but I was abit. My sensible head is very new to the region and was willing to bugger off on it's own and let the mad head take over. So thanks KD and DQ, I needed your comments.
Had GREAT time at Grease, really good show, walked miles round London and ate fairly well but drank too much. Although I was the only one who left some of her dinner and I was the first to stop drinking the vino! So thats progress I reckon.

Busy day yesterday, didn't focus on eating or not eating so looking back on it I think I did ok. Today I feel exhausted, very lively weekend catching up I think and also awaiting blood results as my GP reckons my thyroid may have packed up altogether! So will take it easy today and try to chill a bit.

Still feel positive that the non dieting way of life is what I want but consious that I need to spend more time evaluating my habits and trigger factors.

 

[Barb]

HMMMMmmmmm, where have I been these last 4 days? Busy I guess, don't know where this week has gone really. Feeling fat and fat really. Not sure where to turn or what to do. I look at my comment exactly one month ago today and think where have i gone with this new positive life? Back to eating and drinking what I like basically. Is that a crime? YES!!

I suppose if I am learning anything is it that I NEED boundaries; I am like a child in a sweet shop without an adult around to keep me in check. I am not saying I have binged or gone totally mad but having no real 'plan' to work to just isn't working for me. I was going to stay off the scales and I can't even do that properly (grabs large stick and hits self over head).

I think it is time to face the fact that unless I can be happy fat, which I know I can't, then all the saying 'no more dieting' is just rubbish.
Thing is I am not even obsessed with being super slim, if I just lost 2 stone I would be back in the realms of not hating myself. Yes, I would still be chunky but not miserably so.

So what i have to do is devise myself some kind of plan that allows me to still enjoy social nights out, wine most evenings and the occasional take away. Easy then!

I am thinking of going midweek to midweek; I've never done that before and I think that starting Mondays following the excesses of the weekend kind of lines me for disappointment. I also think I could incoporate some elements of Juddd. I need approx 16800 cals a week to maintain my weight, so maybe something like;

Wednesday = 1000, Thursday = 1200, Friday = 1500, Saturday = 2000, Sunday = 1300, Monday = 1000, Tuesday = 1200. Total = 9200 this would give me a balance of 7600 which should mean a steady loss of approx 2.2lbs a week.

If I did that from the 19th of September to 19th of December = 13 weeks X 2.2lbs = 28.6lbs!!!

I think that is do-able and I need to do it to make me happy. I can still have a more relaxed weekend with higher cal days and can make up for it on other days.

I have to stop kidding myself that staying this weight is ok. It's not. I wish I was like Dawn French etc.. who genuinely appears not to care. But I do. I hate the shape I see in the mirror.

I think going into it with a time limit and a definate focus expectation wise is reasonable. I am not going to feel like the 'diet' is forever, having said that I may, along the way, discover a long term plan I can live and lose with.

Wish me luck please, I know I keep messing about but don't get fed up with me. I need support and my Minimins friends have never let me down yet.

Love

 

[Russiandoll]

How could anyone ever get fed up with you? Any of us who have a constant battle with weight (ummm ... all of us?) will know exactly what you're going through.

I would love to be able to be truly happy in my skin and 'not diet' but I know I'm not happy fat and so I've had to take serious steps after months of messing around. It's no crime to try out different strategies: you've now come to the conclusion that, after trying it out, a free-rein is not for you. Maybe when we're at a more acceptable weight (to us) we could explore the realms of a relaxed, healthy view but I know that I personally need definite structure in order to lose weight properly and not just bob up and down around the same 5lb.

Your plan sounds great - I like the idea of structuring your calorie allowance so that it gives you more scope on your socialising days rather than one rigid number throughout the week.

Good luck Barb (when do you plan to start?)

 

[Barb]

Thanks RD, I knew you would understand and I am sure you are right, lots of others on here will too. I am going to start next Wednesday. I have to see my GP as my blood test result proves my thyroid is being a bigger problem that thought so I must get that sorted or I really will be setting myself up for failure/disappointment.
I also want to give myself a few days to get properly organised for the next 13 weeks. I want to prepare a few menus for each day as I often find the working out what to have difficult and thats when I say 'Oh sod it and have a biscuit/chinese/bottle of wine.... you get the picture.

So I have the plan, the time to organise it, the GP check up planned and a timescale I can live with.

What can possibly go wrong? Answers on a postcard to Eccentric of Eastbourne, Trimdown Towers, Calorie Cottage, Slimville!

 

[Russiandoll]

I want to prepare a few menus for each day as I often find the working out what to have difficult and thats when I say 'Oh sod it and have a biscuit/chinese/bottle of wine.... you get the picture.

I think planning is the key. There's a saying, "Failing to plan is planning to fail". Can't remember who said it but it has a ring of truth about it. I know I do much better on a conventional diet if I KNOW what I'm having in advance.