Barbs thoughts for the future ......

[Barb]

Well the first day of a new month, so hopped on the scales. Am 3lbs less than when I started JUDDD and therefore have regained 5. Not too tragic or surprising really.

All the issues in my head remain the same. I don't want to be fat and I don't want to diet. Hmmm, not at all unreasonable then.

Have decided I am going to give myself the next 4 weeks on healthy eating and see what happens. I can have what I like but it must be healthy stuff and only because I really want it. No more eating what every one else is because it's easy, or because it's mealtime or because I am too lazy to make myself what I really want. I am going to weigh once a week, (Saturday morning) and see if I can 'diet' without 'dieting, IYSWIM. I am also going to get out of the eating 'habit', I am a terror for having a biscuit/cake/crisps just because I am a bit bored or fed up.
Whatever I do it must not become obsessive, thats where I fail, I need to be relaxed, forget about food instead of worrying about it. It's amazing how the busier I am the less I eat. Yesterday I had no biscuits, hardly nibbled had a reasonable lunch and steered clear of the ice cream. Just because I was so busy. So that shows it can be done.

Positive thinking and actions - thats the way forward.

 

[KD]

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All the issues in my head remain the same. I don't want to be fat and I don't want to diet. Hmmm, not at all unreasonable then.

No I think people go into this non-dieting thingy with rose coloured specs. Not saying you are...just people in general. It's just not that easy really.

No more eating what every one else is because it's easy, or because it's mealtime or because I am too lazy to make myself what I really want.

Cool. Not eating at every mealtime (just because it is mealtime) is a great start. Be careful that your head doesn't tell you that you must immediately make up for it though. Treat each meal as a fresh start. So if you end up missing lunch and aren't hungry until dinner, don't assume you will need double portions.

I am a terror for having a biscuit/cake/crisps just because I am a bit bored or fed up.

Really recognising that is another great step, but make sure you have an alternative plan. Not saying that you should have something else to do to take your mind off it. As you probably know...I don't think thats the long term solution, but recognising that you want 'x' just because your bored.

One of my problems was that I wanted to snack when I was relaxing, like late evening after a hard day.

People advised me to take up a hobby, or go and do something else, but I didn't want to. I had earned a rest and we all need that. I found it much better to learn how to relax without the food alongside.

Whatever I do it must not become obsessive, thats where I fail, I need to be relaxed, forget about food instead of worrying about it.

Oh my! That is sooooo hard. Not so much to stop worrying about it, but to forget about it I found almost impossible. It gets easier though.

It's amazing how the busier I am the less I eat.

So true, and someone else mentioned this today (Clairejen I think). I have a theory for this I would have wouldn't I Not just that you have your mind on other things, but that you haven't taught yourself an association with being busy = food. That's what I believe anyway.

I saw this happen with the ciggies. Though I was quite a heavy smoker and addicted, there was no doubt that I could do long spells without the fags if I was in certain situations, like school for instance, or sleeping.

Then as soon as I woke, or finished school, I would be craving a fag like crazy. Just goes to show that biological addiction to food/ciggies/whatever is only a small part of the problem.

Okay...pretty sure you're think "yep, but I don't have an addiction or an eating disorder". You may well be right, but I have another theory

If you are doing anything detrimental to your health and you can't seem to stop doing it, then there's a problem.

There's something else I want to say, have wanted to say it for a while but been nervous. It's bugging me though.

Been too wordy already. Will be back

 

[Barb]

Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!!!! You are never too wordy KD, it is always a pleasure to read what you have written, not always entirely painless(you do get very near the knuckle of truth, which is a darn good thing) but I always learn something from you and I find it so helpful to have you kick my thoughts about with me.

Everything you say above strikes a chord, I agree I must treat each meal as a fresh start, rather than my usual thinking of ' gosh not much for lunch today, well I can have whatever I like for dinner then and as much as I want too'.

What fascinates me is my DD1 behaviour with food, she is a slinky size 8 and 'appears' to have no problem maintaining that. She really enjoys her food and eats healthily some days and appallingly on others. However some times I will note that she is being very abstemious and she willl simply say, 'been a bit of a piggy the last couple of days so cutting back to make up for it'. She is not obsessive but she is aware. Thats what I want. I want to be aware, so much of my eating goes unnoticed even by me.
This morning I had my usual cup of tea and 4 tea finger biscuits (about 100cals I guess), I was then busy all morning, not least washing and haircutting Ozzie (he looks fab by the way!). Suddenly it was 12.30 and i had not nibbled all morning, I felt so pleased with myself. I hadn't eaten for the sake of it, I actually thought about 11 that I fancied something and I just told myself I would have something later. It worked.

Lunch came and I made DH a sandwich and I thought about what i fancied; I wanted veggies and hummous and pitta bread, so thats what I had; it would have been quicker, easier and less trouble to have a sandwich but I thought, no, I am worth the effort!

So, although I know by not following a strict plan I risk failure via the slipping off the rails route, I also think I risk success. I am learning as I go, I am planning a life that should get me slim(or slimmer) and a life that should keep me healthier and happier. I know the normal restrictions of a 'proper' diet don't work well for me, they do for others and I applaud them for that, but not for me.

So come on Karion, don't hold out on me - help me.

Love

 

[KD]

Similar with my family. They just seem so abnormally normal around food No idea how I managed to produce 2 boys who don't have food issues!

I'm a little tiny bit concerned for DS2 who is getting skinnier by the day. He's hardly eating anything at the moment. For once, I mentioned it to him and DH looked shocked. He quickly added "he's fine...leave him". Now, that in turn shocked me as DH never 'corrects' me.

The thing is, he's right. DS2 is fine. He will probably catch up on the food during the winter as that is what both boys seem to do.

Right...now to the harder bit.

You said once that you don't eat too much. Well....I remember saying the same thing, but was corrected by my doctor. That correction led me to do the Cambridge diet.

I'll tell you the story. I saw a doctor about difficulty breathing, sleeping problems, swollen ankles, etc. He told me I was fat. Made me cry.

I went home and put on another couple of stone to show him what fat really was

Some time later I saw another doctor. Again about the swollen ankles and very hot feet. She tried to get to the bottom of it, without mentioning my weight.

I asked her if it could be caused by my weight and she said that it could. Then I went on to say that I hardly ate anything. At that time I hadn't binged and felt that I had been eating sensibly for a long time, yet still had been putting on weight.

She said something that nobody had ever said before. She said that I was overeating for me. She went on to say that they really didn't know enough at this stage about obesity and the ins and outs, but the fact was, if I was overweight for whatever reason, I was eating too much.

Nobody had seemed to acknowledge what I was saying before this. I felt people were putting me in the same catagory as those with eating disorders, which I was pretty sure wasn't my problem. After all, I had an underactive thyroid. Surely that was the problem?

Anyway, she went on to say that regardless of the reason why I felt I was putting on weight quicker than others, my body obviously didn't want that much.

Note...my body. Not my friends body, not my DH's body, but my body.

She simplified it. If I was a diabetic, then I would have to watch what I ate. Would be no good saying "but others can have this and that". I wouldn't be others. My body didn't react the same.

I came away feeling empowered. All my excuses were out of the window. Whether I was eating 1,000 cals or whatever, it was too much for me.

this was great as I no longer fretted that I was unique and there wasn't a cure for my weight. She gave me the answer. Eat less.

Okay...sounds pretty obvious, but it really opened my eyes.

Right, now I'm not saying that this would apply to you, but it was just something you said once upon a time. I wanted to relate my story, but didn't want you to think I wasn't believing you about how much you ate. Just wanted to say that it's obviously too much for you.

Unfair world, but I could have been afflicted with much worse things

 

[Barb]

Hi Karion, thank you for all that, absolutely brilliant. I had just written an epic reply and my internet dropped out as I hit post reply. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.:cry:

Going out now so will catch up tomorrow, you have certainly provoked lots of interesting thoughts!

Lots of love from your friend

 

[Isis]

"One of my problems was that I wanted to snack when I was relaxing, like late evening after a hard day.

People advised me to take up a hobby, or go and do something else, but I didn't want to. I had earned a rest and we all need that. I found it much better to learn how to relax without the food alongside." ...KD



This is ME....100%. Thank you for saying this and letting me know it's not just me who feels like this....

 

[KD]

Going out now so will catch up tomorrow, you have certainly provoked lots of interesting thoughts!

Lots of love from your friend

Oh my dear Barb. You are such a sweet person. This weight business overtakes our lives doesn't it. It's so complex though, but I'm really pleased you are dumping the diet (in your case anyway) and so confident that you'll get your head around looking after you! I may waffle, and much might not apply to you, but it's good if we can take bits away from each others messages and see if they apply to us...then scrap the rest

This is ME....100%. Thank you for saying this and letting me know it's not just me who feels like this....

:clap: I remember saying to DH "But I don't want to go for a walk/have a bath/empty the dishwasher!! I just want to relax!!"

 

[Barb]

Thank you Karion, you are very sweet yourself, if I may say so!

It is gleaning bits of info from each other that makes Minimins so invaluable. We learn, we recognise ourselves in others and we see strategeies we would not have thought of.
We had a bit of a wild night out last night, so I am not at my best, but will return later as my hangover departs!

 

[Barb]

Ok, I am officially in recovery - I have to say this has been a hangover of gargantuan proportions the like of which must not be repeated. I have done nothing all day. What a flipping waste, never mind, on the mend now.

Don't feel sparkling enough to write anything of any real use so will sign off, early night for me and a good healthy day tomorrow.

 

[KD]

Ok, I am officially in recovery - I have to say this has been a hangover of gargantuan proportions the like of which must not be repeated. I have done nothing all day.

Same here I can't even blame a hangover

Don't feel sparkling enough to write anything of any real use so will sign off, early night for me and a good healthy day tomorrow.

Bye for now friend. Get a good night's sleep and feed yourself the good stuff tomorrow. You deserve it

 

[Barb]

Thanks Karion, that is exactly what I am going to do. Nourish my body and lay off the booze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Catch up tomorrow.

Love

 

[Russiandoll]

New week ahead full of new opportunities. Hope you feel better tomorrow - glug some water down to rehydrate your system and I'm sure all will be well soon.

Sending hugs your way xx

 

[Barb]

Much better today - meet to glug lots of water as kidneys feel a bit stressed but other than that I am fine again. Cripes I hate self induced illness, there's no sympathy(quite right too) and you've no one to blame but yourself. Bummer.

Woke up feeling very positive. Had a great (alright too great) weekend and feel in the mood to really get on with my life in a healthy way. I am going food shopping this morning and am going to treat myself to lots of new fruit and veg that I have never tried before. I don't want sickly sugary stuff, I want vibrant colours and refreshing tastes.
DD1 is still in the doldrums so I will find something nice to tempt her for dinner, she is losing weight fast, which would be fine if she had it to lose but she doesn't. Blinking men, I know she is well out of it but I am so sorry for her.
So my mantra for today is ' every meal time is a fresh start and a chance to nourish my body well'

Sound good?

 

[Russiandoll]

Sounds EXCELLENT Barb!
I'm making an effort to follow your lead after a hectic two weeks where I've seen yet more weigh gain. Your mantra is just what I need.

 

[Barb]

Had a good morning, snacked on a few red grapes as felt hungry but no naughty stuff! Small ham sandwich and an apple for lunch. Big glass of tropical fruit juice and sparkling water, lovely. Still feel a bit seedy, my recovery rate is not what it was!

Going to make chicken kebabs tonight with rice and salad, a real family favourite. I will have lots of veggies on mine, I don't rush after chicken so why eat it? See, I'm thinking it through at last!

Feel confident that I am on the right track; I realised today that I have the power to make all the choices. I don't have to have chocolate/biscuits/wine, it is a choice and I can make a sensible one.

Karion really made me think this weekend; I AM far to ready to blame circumstances etc.. for my problems; by making it complicated I complicate the solution too. I eat and drink too much, end of. If I eat less I will lose weight, If don't I won't. Thats it.
MMMM, is this a bit of clarity, finally? Have I spent my life thinking that being able to be slim is some magnificent secret only available to the chosen few only to discover that the answer is so simple. I am not saying that the process will be simple, I'm bloomin' sure it won't be but at least i am beginning to untangle some of the nonsense that has been going round in my head for years.

More later!

 

[KD]

Just quickly grabbing a moment to come on here between students

thinking that being able to be slim is some magnificent secret only available to the chosen few only to discover that the answer is so simple.

Oh goodness yes! But don't we all. I remember saying a million times "they say eat less, exercise more....but they don't understand...it's not as easy as that"

It's true that it isn't as easy as that, but I sort of used it as an excuse. Chucked that baby with the bath water IYKWIM.

The pathway isn't easy, but if you think that everytime you make a good choice over a bad one, you are lighting a candle down a new road. Making a new connection in your head.

After a while, that road becomes brighter, and it's easier to find again.

Losing weight this way tends to be a long drawn out affair (compared with dieting), but you get the head stuff in such a good place, that you'll be able to do it forever...and feel well.

You've got to be a place where your weight isn't your first concern though, otherwise you'll tire of the slow results. If you can remember that you're doing the other stuff. Learning to take care of yourself, dealing with food issues. The weight will come off, but just try not to make it priority No. 1. That's when we get impatient, then start falling off the non-dieting wagon.

 

[Barb]

Yes, I see that KD. I have to make being healthy the priority not the being slim. I have to embrace all the choices I have and make the most of them. I am always too easily influenced and will make an effort for other people and then not for myself, often eating/making somethiing that suits them but not me.

I like the idea of the candles and the road, I can do that, with practice.
I have just come in from a very stressful meeting with a parent at the nursery and my first thought normally would be food/drink or both! Today I thought 'will something fatty make me feel better or would some more juicy grapes be better?' Guess what? I chose the grapes!!!!

So there's another candle lit.

I know now I don't have to do it all at once, I am the only one applying pressure, so I'll stop it. I feel very free, I can have whatever I want, but I don't HAVE to. This is weird. Good but weird.

Keep teaching me Karion, it's really helping a lot.

 

[Barb]

A really good day yesterday. Feel very pleased. Had a rough cal count up (old habits die hard) and was around 1350, so very reasonable. Just the kind of level I would like to hit most days. I wasn't hungry and I wasn't obsessing about how much or little I was eating.
Today I have just got back from work and felt really empty, so had a large glass of fruit juice and sparkling water and a lovely apple. I never eat apples. Why? Because I don't regard them as a treat, I see them as diet food. How silly, I really enjoyed it and I felt I was doing my body some good. If I had eaten a biscuit it would have turned into 3 and my body would have had a large dose of fat/sugar/salt.
I am really thinking before i eat, this is so new for me. It has always been about the weight, not the health.

I feel confidence flooding back, I can turn myself and my future around, it is all in my power to do, all I have to do is want it badly enough. I want to feel stronger, fitter, healthier - I am sure I can.

Hope everyone else is feeling psoitive too!

 

[Russiandoll]

This is so good to read Barb - I'm loving your positive attitude and I'm sure this is the way forward for you.

 

[Barb]

Thanks Debbie, hope your day has been good too.

Now today should have been a 'dieting disaster' day - well if I was dieting that is! But I'm not so although I have been out for lunch and dinner I have not gone mad. No twisted thinking of ' oh well I am going to over eat, might as well have anything and everything', no I have been organised. Had a ham ploughmans and a mineral water for lunch.
Some ham, salad, .5 of the bread roll, no butter, and a little pickle. No nibbling when I got home. Nothing else to eat until dinner time. Unheard of for me! Took my 2 DDs out for a thai meal, one beer (no wine!) a starter and some grilled prawns, steamed rice with a little sweet and sour veg. Lovely. Just got in and had 2 squares of plain chocolate as I felt very garlicky. Now I know that wasn't a low cal day, but it wasn't to bad. I made sensible choices, I enjoyed what I had and I didn't nibble at all.

This is good, I feel in control and happier. Looking forward to learning more about eating sensibly to nourish myself rather than starving/stuffing myself to affect my weight!