Hey all
So sorry for being AWOL... can't be bothered to post diary... will start again on Wed!! Hope you are all well... will catch up with all your diaries tomorrow when I have a bit more time...
Well it has been a crazy busy week and honestly I am trying to sleep more.. I usually spend an hour each night catching up with you guys but this often means I only get 6 hours sleep and unfortunately something has to give - I am getting drowsy when driving which is scary and not good! So I will try to come online every day but realistically may not be on that often... hope you will all still stick around!
Here is a bit of a summary of this week:
1. Work - after last week's "you are taking over the department" chat I had a proper chat early on in the week - felt a little better after it but still confused... and then towards the end of the week things got really cacky - basically my boss takes my cases off me and prevents me opening files/ earning bonus and earning out of hours payments as much as he can - felt like walking out... I had been confused about whether I was wrong for thinking about teaching - but after talking to a good friend today I realised my doubts weren't related to the actual job... I was worried about the risk of not having a job at the end of teaching... and worried about still living at home aged 30... but I as I said before TEACHING IS ME - so I will do it!!
2. Love life - got really upset early on in the week - me and my ex are trying to stay friends - and I am not sure who is following the drama lol... but long story short - I broke it off.. he eventually got someone new .. I got jealous and was seriously annoyed that he didn't man up and tell me!... and I told him I still don't want him back... he sulked.. he went back to Afghanistan as my friend - early this week I found out he is yet again seeing someone without telling me.... I don't want him back - but I do expect my friends not to keep things from me... anyways there were tears.. but I am calm again now.... I will be seeing him tomorrow (been planned for weeks) - and the sad thing is I am kinda past caring - would like to be friends but know it wont be good friends...
Also there is a lad I have been kinda flirting with since last weekend... but I don't find him physically attractive - the attention has been nice but think I need to forget about fellas at the moment... have been feeling lonely and would love someone to cuddle... especially this time of year - fireworks night today - always wanted someone to stand behind me, arms round my waist etc.... and then Christmas... the Valentines.....BUT I don't love me and until I do I don't think anyone else will....
3. Friends - I have decided to stop being a walkover - friends have to earn my continued friendship - I will be strong and not be treated like crap - I deserve better - a few people lately have said I am too nice and too keen to see the good in people... well enough is enough...
4. Bridesmaid dresses - the plan is too start trying on in March/April - which still leaves 4 months before the wedding - I just hope that if I lose 2 or 3 dress sizes in between that they can be resized? This is the kick up the butt I need - no more messing around!
Enough waffle! Not been great this week but have been better than last week and have been to gym once and am going in the morning... hoping for a pound or two off
Hugs to all xxxx
