He Won't Kiss Me

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by lingsteeple, 17 January 2011 Social URL.

  1. lingsteeple

    lingsteeple New Member

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    I have been seeing a guy, for a while now. He is not my boy friend but we spend a lot of time together. Problem is he refuses to kiss me. Don't get me wrong we have done everything else but kiss. I'm 22 and he is 24, and he says he doesn't kiss because he did it so much in high school that he got tired of it. How do people get tired of kissing. I'm desperate, we have had many arguments over the issue and I don't want to just go ahead and kiss him cause he obviously doesn't want to and I don't want to feel like I'm disrespecting him. I feel we are in the movie pretty women except he's the prostitute and I'm just the girl, since he won't kiss. What can I do????? I mean is he just afraid of getting emotionally attached if he kisses me? or could he be BI. I mean a guy at his age should be more mature about things. Well please help this is really bothering me. Thanks.
     
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  3. sarah83

    sarah83 I will be a yummy mummy!

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    Hi lingsteeple, I'm not sure how much advice I can give but didn't want to read and run...
    It does seem a little strange - do you think there may be something in his past which he associates with kissing which puts him off?
    You said you've done 'everything else' so he must be attracted to you, and with all the time you spend together.
    I don't want to pry but you say he's not your boyfriend. Is there anything else behind this? I'm just thinking if he's with someone else, maybe he can detach himself away from cheating by not kissing? I'm not suggesting this is happening, but it's just an idea.

    Big hugs though - sounds as though you're going through a tough time xx
     
  4. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    I feel totally ill equipped to help on this one but here goes.

    He is not your boyfriend but you have sex with him. O.K.
    He has sex with you but doesn't kiss you. Right.
    Obviously this arrangement has suited you apart from the kissing bit.
    Sounds to me as he would be just as satisfied masturbating as it would appear that there is no relationship.
    If you are genuinely concerned I would tell him to go satisfy himself.

    Sorry to be so blunt but as I said I am not the right person to advice you as I am old fashioned and ancient enough to value myself and my body enough not to just allow it to be used.
    I realise that I am probably out of step with a lot of the world . I can not imagine sex without some feelings of love or at the very least affection.
     
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  5. Mel2

    Mel2 Silver Member

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    Seems really strange. Personally that would put me right off! I'd also be very suspicous that he's hiding something. I think you need to talk to him about it. If he doesn't give you an acceptable reason then I would move on.
     
  6. mod-karen79

    mod-karen79 rainbows holiday buddy :)

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    lots of people associate kissing with intimacey and if your not officially lovers perhaps he doesn't want to fall in love or develop strong feelings for you - in which case i'd walk away.

    i like kissing but i don't LOVE it - that's more to do with having problems breathing through my nose! lol i can take or leave it, but not completely! can't imagine getting fruity with someone without there being kissing involved - just seems a bit strange!
     
  7. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    Hes not your boyfriend, you 'do everything' and he wont kiss you

    Sounds to me he sees you as a 'friend with benefits' to be perfectly blunt. Perhaps (as in the Pretty Woman theory) he sees kissing as something you do in a relationship and by not doing it, then in his mind, hes detaching what you have from being a relationship.
     
  8. lazorinie

    lazorinie wants a body to love!

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    I agree!

    Personally i dont think i could of gone any further with a man without kissing. If you are not in a relationship he may think kissing is not important, as he is getting what he wants. It sounds to me as you may want to be in a relationship?

    I think you need have a think about what you want from this man, sit him down and tell him. If you are not on the same level, i would get rid. However of course this is my opinion.

    Good luck! Hope you get things sorted!
    xx
     
  9. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Sue, I don't think you are old-fashioned at all. Kissing is not a fashion item, it's an intimate way of sharing affection.

    I can't even begin to summarise the possible reason why he doesn't want to kiss- but ultimately the bottom line is that he doesn't, you do, you have no commitment to one another, he probably isn't being entirely honest with you and to be frank, doesn't value you enough to be honest about what it is about kissing he doesn't like. I don't buy that line about high school one iota.

    This happened to me once, and it crucified me. I found it incredibly hurtful. But you have to live and learn, and I learned from that not to degrade myself by being with someone so emotionally detatched that they could not do something so fundamentally essential to what should be a loving and emotionally connective experience. But then women find it much easier to connect sex with emotion, men find it easier to remain emotionally detached. That's not to say men don't connect sex with emotion or that women can't remain emotionally detached, by the way.

    Put bluntly, I would drop this chap like a hot brick. Whatever his issue with kissing is, he's emotionally detached from you and does not want to make that connection with you. Move on and find someone who values you as you deserve to be valued.

    Hugs x
     
  10. The Punisher

    The Punisher Full Member

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    I'm probably not the best person to be advising you as my track record reads like the who's who of human cr*p.
    I hate kissing, I've never liked it. I put it down to the first few guys I kissed being terrible-my first kiss was with a guy who made me feel like I was putting my face in the washing machine during spin cycle! But, I endure, try to like it but I at least do it. I have also had a few friends withe benefits and kissing has always featured heavily (unfortunately for me)
    It seems very strange-he either has some intimacy issues or he's hiding something from you. Either way, if it were me my gut instinct would be telling me to wave goodbye.
    Sorry I've not been much help!
     
  11. downsizingmycurves

    downsizingmycurves Silver Member

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    Is he a smoker and you are not (or maybe other way round)? Maybe he thnks his breath is bad or someone has told him that previously and so he is parnoid about it and the High School thing is just a cover story?
     
  12. Alcoholiday

    Alcoholiday Full Member

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    Umm, do you have bad breath and he doesn't want to say?

    From a guys point of view, kissing is more intimate, sex is just sex. I could have sex with someone if I didn't fancy them but wouldn't like kissing them.

    It does sound like you are a friend with benefits but it sounds like we don't know the full story.
     
  13. Tinytootz

    Tinytootz Mini crazy cat lady

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    I have to agree with the rest. Him not wanting to kiss you is, to me, a sure fire sign that he doesn't want to connect with you on that level. Kissing is very intimate for me, and if my OH didn't reciprocate, I would be rather concerned, and want to know what is wrong. If you are fine with the situation you are both in, then continue with it. But the high school thing sounds like a load of bull to me. If it means a lot to you, sit him down, and try and squeeze out of him what the issue is. If he sticks with his high school reason, and isn't prepared to change, then I would consider ditching him. You deserve better :)
     
  14. Jennyonaplate

    Jennyonaplate Gold Member

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    It's not about you disrespecting him, he's completely disrespecting you.

    Take sex off the table completely and you'll soon find out if he's there for your friendship and companionship, or just for the benefits.

    I've been in situations before when I felt I was 'seeing someone', but then got dropped and hurt, and in hindsight, because I wanted something to happen I was reading more into his nice gestures, and ignoring the bad ones.
     
  15. Browsie

    Browsie Silver Member

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    Hm! I really don't understand how you'd get to the everything else without the kissing bit first, even if your just friends with benefits. It really sounds strange to me.
    I would agree with everyone else. If your happy with things as they are, which does sound like being friends with benefits as you say your not going out, then good for you.

    But it sounds to me like this no kissing thing is getting to you, either sit him down and tell him you've respected his wishes by going all the way without the kissing it's about time he did the same for you every once and a while or draw a line under it and find someone normal!!!
     
  16. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    Sorry, I'm old fashioned too! If he's not your boyfriend, then why on earth are you having sex with him?
     
  17. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Well I must say I learn a lot on here and to think I thought it was just to help me lose weight !!!

    I have never, ever heard of a friend with benefits and my first thought if I had heard it somewhere and not seen it here would be it was a friend on housing benefits or unemployment benefits etc. How wrong I would have been.

    I am so glad I am an old fart with values.
     
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  18. sarah83

    sarah83 I will be a yummy mummy!

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    Lol Sue :8855:
     
  19. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    We could start an "Old Farts" Group!:p
     
  20. hastalavegan

    hastalavegan Silver Member

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    Cause it's hella fun would be my answer :D

    OP, I'm in a 'friends with benefits' situation at the moment and I cannot imagine having sex without kissing at all, it's all part of the foreplay! I wouldn't be very happy with the excuse this guy has given you.

    I've not kissed a huge amount of people but everyone I have kissed has been different, he may have had an unpleasant experience but I don't understand how you can get 'tired' of kissing to the point where you just don't do it at all. I would want a bit more of an explanation from him if I was in your shoes. I would be very hurt if someone refused to kiss me, he should at least be willing to talk about it more and try it with you.

    Maybe my situation is a wee bit different to others, but even though we're friends, sex between us is intimate. We're obviously both attracted to each other, there's chemistry and we care about each other. Both of us have said that although it's a casual thing we don't want emotionless sex...so I don't really buy the excuse that he's not kissing you because he doesn't want intimacy. For me, sex is always intimate, even if we're just going at it like rabbits :D

    Either way, if you're unhappy you need to talk to him about it, explain how you're feeling and work out what you both want. Do not stick around in a situation that doesn't make you feel good, you're worth more than that.
     
  21. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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