RD's life diary: I'm back (sort of)

[Russiandoll]

I haven't posted for a few days: I've just been so stressed and generally fed up.

I did really well last week considering all the hassles I've had of late but it all went to rats at the weekend. Hubby works away all week every week ... we both hate it and when he comes home, we feel pressure to make the most of every minute; this sometimes causes even more stress as we can't just 'be ourselves'.

To make matters worse, this weekend, he'd committed himself to helping someone out with some major plumbing work (he said he'd do it months ago, before he had this job working away) and on Saturday, when we were watching daughter number two in a band festival, he kept getting phone calls asking when he'd be round to start the work. I was so annoyed that we were being hassled during the very little time we have together.

He did go round after the concert but even though he worked until quite late on Saturday night, he couldn't get all the work finished; consequently, he had to go around again on Sunday and ended up spending all day to finish the job as he's working away all week again ... so he hardly had a break from work and I hardly got to see him.

On Sunday, I took the kids and our dog and my friend's dog (who I'm looking after for a couple of weeks) and went for a walk along the seafront where I caved in and had an ice-cream under an umbrella in the rain with the kids. I know I shouldn't have but I was just so fed up, my resolve just faded away.

I also ended up having *several* cereal bars over the course of the weekend - not good on CD!

I know I sound such a moaner but life just isn't any fun right now.

 

[Barb]

Oh Debs I can empathise, I am having a tricky time righ5t now and to diet on top is just toooooooooooooooooooo much. I know i should, i probably could but dammit why should i when there is so much other stuff going on. My Dad is not doing great and is still in hosp, my Mum is struggling with the whole thing and then DD1 phones up and wants sympathy because she has had a 'tough' day at work and has overspent on clothes!!!!!!!!!!! I was nice but that was it. I have my limits and I suspect you do too. DS2 rang from his first ever holiday abroad with friends. He is burnt to a crsip with enormous blisters all over his shoulders and yesterday he nearly drowned cause he got caught in the undertow in the sea! CHRIST (sorry), do I need anymore to worry about? NO!!
Sorry Debs, I've crashed your thread and done nothing but moan but I guess I just wanted you to know that when things are tough we are ALL capable(even likely) to slip form the straight and narrow. End of.

Much love

 

[Russiandoll]

Don't worry about crashing my thread Barb ... it actually comforts me to know I'm not the only person who responds to major stress by turning to the Nutri-grain bars!

DD1 is back home after her gall bladder surgery and is recovering well ... but is apparantly pretty miffed at me because I didn't visit her in hospital. I feel pretty bad about that but I was looking after her two girls at the time as well as keeping things going at home (by myself as DH was away), working P/T at the Fort, visiting my very sick dad and dealing with my nutty sister who has recently moved house and has taken to visiting me EVERY day since (there IS no God!!!!). Also, DD1's OH told us that she was very ill with an infection and vertigo the day after her op: I honestly didn't think she'd feel much like chatting with visitors so decided to wait until she felt a bit better.

So now I feel like I'm being given the cold shoulder (I asked if she wanted me to pop round to see her at home but was told she was 'busy'): I didn't even get a thanks for having the kids whilst she was in hospital. Oh well, I suppose it'll blow over but I feel just a bit hurt as I didn't intend for my daughter to feel neglected: I thought she just wanted peace of mind and the time to recover.

My diet went to pot again today. I asked my CDC if we could change my weigh-in days to Fridays as my slip up days definitely seem to be the weekends and so I'll have time to try and rectifiy them through the week.

If I don't get my act together, I'll be lucky to have 50p to give to ARC by James' birthday!

 

[kazbro]

morning RD
sorry your dd is a bit off with you
she may still feel rough from her op and emotions are fraid
give her a couple of days and i`m sure you`ll both be o.k

you keep battling this cd journey, you will get there just try your best and dont give in
you have lots of support on here so you know where to come when it gets tough

kaz

 

[boofaloo]

I think you ought to tell your daughter exaclty why you didnt visit her - she is being a little selfich so dont take it to heart.

This dieting lark isnt easy - we'd all be skinny if it were!! You sound like you are making positive steps changing your weigh in day and have identified a problem area that needs working on. You will succeed - if you never quit, you'll never fail!!!

 

[Russiandoll]

I've been quite a busy bee today: started off with the usual ... laundry, dishwasher yadda yadda then took my dog and my friend's dog (who we're looking after for a fortnight) to Fort Gilkicker ... a wild, windswept part of the bay where dogs can run around like loonies.

Windswept was the right word ... holy moly it was blowing a gale!! Wouldn't have been so bad if I was able to do my jacket up but with the weight I've regained, the buttons won't meet and so I had to walk along looking like the Mary Celeste in full sail! There were moments when I was at serious risk of being launched across the Solent like a giant kite!!

Anyway, it was 'bracing' and certainly blew the cobwebs away. Hopefully it burned a few cals too.

Later on in the afternoon, I made some greetings cards to raise funds for ARC. I've created little characters using my thumb print and called them 'Thumbodies' ... the cards are quite cute if I say so myself!
Not sure whether to get an indoor table at the local car bootie or approach the council to see if I could have a little charity stall in town on market day. I have to make quite a few more before I do that though.

Im taking my first school party at the Fort where I work tomorrow ... I'm feeling pretty nervous: I don't want to bore the little darlings with my session on old containers (hardly 'Spiderman'!) Fingers crossed they don't fall asleep or, worse still, throw rotten veg at me!

Diet-wise, things went 'OK' today. I didn't SS but had some tuna. I'm happy with that.

 

[Russiandoll]

I've felt very different today and I think I know why ... yesterday I felt so pent up that I thought I was going to explode and then ~~~~~ my period came. No big deal you might think but this is the first period I've had since Feb 8th when I made the HUGE mistake of agreeing to a Depo Provera injection: what a nightmare the last 6 months has been - mood swings, incessant hunger and a 3st weight gain!

Hopefully I'll start to see some progress in the weight loss dept now that my hormones are returning to normal

I did my first teaching sessions at the Fort today. We had a 'tester' school in and I had to do four sessions on 'containers through the ages'. I was pretty nervous but actually quite enjoyed it. The kids seemed to enjoy it too (well, none of them fell asleep and nobody spat chewed up tissue at me through a straw so that's a good indicator!)

Later on I took the dogs for a good long walk along the bay: I'm feeling so much better today - it's like a great weight has been lifted and a pressure valve released: isn't it amazing what messed up hormones can do to you! I hope I've turned a corner and that things can now move in a positive direction.

 

[Isobel1965]

Oh poor you, hun! Bluddy hormones!!!!!! Nightmare!!!

Hope you're feeling loads better now, babes - thinking of you!

xxxxxx

 

[jane]

glad to here the hormones are getting back to normal.

can yiu expect a full return of the cycle now or are you likely to have another wait before the next one?
Now that the pressure has been lifted you might be able to explain to DD why you wrre unable to make it to the hosp while she was in .

hoope you continue to improve.
As the hormones settle you'll have a much better chance of succeeding on SS.

 

[Russiandoll]

I'm feeling a bit melancholy this morning. It's my youngest daughter's very last day at junior school and I'm surprised at just how gutted I feel. After today, I'll no longer be the parent of 'little children' but moving onto another phase of my life.

It's not as if I'm not used to having older children (my other three are 27, 23 and 19) but I think it's because she's the youngest and now there will be no more sports days, nativity plays or big paint-soaked cardboard models being brought home

Hubby and I have been extremely broody of late - maybe it's because we are mourning this move away from a much treasured part of our lives.

I haven't been in touch with DD1 for a couple of days: I've asked her twice if she wants me to visit and both times she's made an excuse why I shouldn't come, so I've left it for a couple of days ... I'm not resorting to begging! I explained to her on the phone why I didn't come to the hospital and was met with 'hmmm, hmmm' in an irritated, 'Yeah, yeah' tone.
I might just turn up at her house and breezily ask if I should put the kettle on (it's a bit more difficult to give someone the brush-off when they're standing in front of you!)

I was up til silly-o-clock making 'goodbye' Thumbody cards for DD4's teachers, teaching assistants and headmistress using her thumb print (personal touch I thought!).

Time to go and see her off ...

 

[Barb]

Ahh, I know how that feels RD, watching them move up to 'big' school and leave childhood more or less behind. It is sad but in another way it opens up the new world that you will live in one day where you and Steve will have quality time together and get back to being the couple you were. Ours ar 26, 23, 19 and 19. Just have the twins left at home now but they are out so much it is almost like they've gone('cept for the washing!). I love the time we have together now, I am glad the demands have lessened and I am ready to be a right selfish moo and have 'me' time. With a young family that is just not possible. Now we are starting to plan breaks away together and when the kids come round we are still like a party, just a more 'even' party. I know that longing for just one more little one; trouble is it would probably always be there and you can't keep keeping on, can you?

Chin up, she always be your treasured youngest.

Lots of love

 

[Russiandoll]

Very true Barb. And of course, I have the grandchildren to keep me in touch with 'little kid' world

 

[Mich]

My 'big baby boy' left junior school yesterday but I've still got 2 there.... but still for me it felt strange that he's growing up already..... doesn't seem five mins since he started primary school and now he's all grown up... in fact he's off ice skating in town today with some friends... first time I've let him go..... it's so scary....!!

Loving the sound of the 'thumbbodies'.... can you put some pics up so we can see them? Sound a fab idea and you might be able to sell a few on here - sounds really original...

Hope your DD enjoys her last day and that DD1 comes round..... kids eh!!

 

[movingmountains]

Glad things are looking brighter for you RD. Also had DS leave school today...weird though I don't feel sad and nor did he. I think he was just ready to move on a year ago but missed the cut of by 2 days! I knew I should have pushed harder!
Hope to catch up soon.
MM! xx

 

[jane]

Agree with Mich.would love o se pics of the Thimbody card art...please.

 

[Russiandoll]

What a strange day, weather-wise. We had what was nothing short of a monsoon for most of the day then, by 6pm the sky was blue with just a few fluffy clouds skudding by.

I thought the dogs (my own and our 'house guest') would be house-bound today but we ended up being able to take a fab long walk to our favourite haunt right on the bay.

Earlier, I had picked DD4 up from school - her very last day as a junior and my last day to have any contact with the school I've been taking my kids to since 1984. I felt very choked but held it together: I didn't want to break down in front of everyone in the playground!
DD and her classmates all emerged, red-eyed and with their white school shirts covered in graffiti (this has become something of a tradition - whatever happened to autograph books?)

I had my weigh-in at 6.30 and have lost another 2lb this week. I'm not too disappointed with that as it's in the right direction and I've definitely not been SSing (been eating tuna every day). Also, I've been mega pre-menstrual as I haven't had a TOTM since Feb when I had a depo provera jab. Thankfully, six months of hormone hell ended on Tuesday morning - hallelujah! Maybe now things can begin to settle down.

So, for anyone who is sponsoring me 10p per pound, that's 40p that should be in your boxes now
PS
I'll post a pic of my 'Thumbody' cards very soon.

 

[kazbro]

well done RD
put me down for £10.00 total for your sponsored slim
so what ever you lose i will stay pay 10.00 at the end of the sponsorship

i think you have done so well
you can do the rest just as well
good luck hun
kaz xxx

 

[Russiandoll]

OMG Kaz ... thank you SO much: you're an angel :thankyou:

 

[Russiandoll]

It's been a stressful day today. I had a call this morning to say my dad was being admitted to hospital and as my mum wasn't allowed to go in the ambulance, my youngest sister and myself said we'd take her there.

We went to Asda first to get him some new pyjamas and some toiletries then went to my parent's flat where we sat for ages waiting to hear from the admissions people when there would be a bed available.

My dad is very ill with cancer but he's been admitted to hospital with fluid on his lungs which needs draining. He's been getting increasingly short of breath and can barely walk a few feet without gasping: an X-ray at our local hospital confirmed the problem and they said he needed to get straight to hospital.
Out of the two big hospitals in Portsmouth though, a bed couldn't be found for him until 9pm!

We took my mum round to the hospital and stayed until she was ready to come home then spent some time in her flat with her.

My dad was rigged up to a drip and was wearing an oxygen mask when we left: he looked terrified ... the last time he was in hospital was 1959 and he hates them. Hopefully, draining the fluid will make him more comfortable and he'll be home in a few days. It's going to be tough on my mum though - she and my dad knew each other for just nine days when they got married back in 1960; they're the closest thing to soul mates I've ever seen.

I'll be taking her back tomorrow - hopefully there will be more news about how he's doing by then.

 

[Russiandoll]

Some of you asked about the 'Thumbody' cards I've been making to sell in aid of my fund-raising efforts and I said I'd post some pics. Here's a few examples