Sojafay Diary

sojafay said:
So now outta my post party funk and resolving to carry on these are my promises to myself
To take my multivitamins, B Vitamins and fish oils
To drink more water
To walk at least 30 minutes each day
To do my little set of exercises to tone up
To accept invitations involving food and deal with them positively
To love me........
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I just want to say congratulations on staying strong.... it is a massive achievement!!!

I was like you.... When i started this (About 10 months ago!)

I thought i'd start this diet(Well lipotrim but you know what i mean) like many otheres before it!!! These diets give amazing results and once you settle into them they are easier t stick to as you start seeing results....

I just want to say it is SO worth it........ Please keep at it.... there's been time when i have literally cried as i've felt it will never end....cried as to how heavy i let myself get.....cried at how much i hated pics of myself...... Tried to convince myself that i was happy when i was bigger I WAS NOT.........

I just wanted to say use this time..... I scared myself into it at first.... Read about how obesity/bingeing/excessive drinking affects your health..... investigate how you want to eat when your at goal.....these things along with my family hostories made me realise what I was doing to my body!!! I dont want to die early because I cant control my eating!!!!

Sorry is this a grim post its not meant to be..... I just wanted you to know your not on your own..... It feels forever away and it did to me too.... I've fell off the wagon endless times and had endless 'days/weekends off' but i will not give in.... and as long as you dont give in you'll get there......

Be Positive..... your already about 1 sixth of your way there..... always look at what you have achieved.... not look at what you still have to do....

I went for some CBT when I started and the single most helpful thing she asked me to do....was grab a pad and write every single postive thing you do.... (I still do this now!!) SO include everything..... weight related and not related..... Lost first stone, had to buy smaller trousers, didnt really want to go out for a walk....ut made myself go, had to put new hole in belt, fell off the wagon but got straight back on the day after, went out and just had a coffee, refused a slice of cake etc......

Soon you will have a massive list..... list everything no matter how small...... And when your feeling crap about yourself or you want to binge.... Get out the list and realise just how NOT CRAP you are and how far you already have come..... I suffer with self esteem issues too and this really helped me..... As you get smaller i guarentee you will feel better about yourself as you become fitter and healthier....... I promise you that!!!! You may still have issues (I do....) but they're nothing like they were!!!!!

Good luck to you!!!!! You CAN do this.....

XXXX
 
Awww Dee thankyou so so much, got me sniffling here:cry:I know you've been here so am listening carefully to all you're saying.

I don't know why i got in such a state, i managed to turn an achievement into a nightmare for myself,the feelings just ambushed me
I think it was just so stressful resisting and i let myself think only about feeling deprived and didn't look for positives as you said.
I also thought oh my gawd this is going to take forever, i cant do this, just give up, pure bloody mindedness made me resist.
I just kept thinking in 2 weeks you'll probably be back at starting weight and all this hard work will have been for nothing.

I went looking for a self help book to try and help with these feelings I bought a book the beck diet solution, I think it has some parts like you say about looking at the positive so fingers crossed it will help me to learn to cope a bit better in trying to stay on the diet or at least not to feel a complete failure if i fall off.

Gawd we should all be qualified diet/nutrionist/therapists by the time we finish......

I promise i will try my very hardest not to give up, i may fall off and stumble but i will keep trying and thank you again for your kind and wise words

Bloody advert on tv song - there once was an ugly duckling:cry:

 
I think when you have self esteem issues its easy and normal to follow a nagative spiral.... And its hard work to look at a positive and take the credit for an achievement!!

You can do it!!! XXX
 
First shake, first water, vits etc done and dusted
30 minute walk done and dusted
second shake and water in progress
then exercise routine, little housework, little gardening at a chilled pace, take me up to dinner
long bath, supper and reading pretty stress free day.........
Feel much better frame of mind today, infact feel a bit of a pratt lol. Two days to weigh in hoping for good result:)
Have my mantra courtesy of Deezer "As long as you don't give up you'll get there" which i have added to my signature.
Thanks again Dee for being there during my wobble:)

Hope everyone is doing good

Song for today "What a difference a day makes" Dinah Washington
 
Awww no worries hun!!!

Glad things are a little better!!!

You can do it!!! : ) XXX
 
Okay deep breaths...........
I was telling my friend one of my goals is to go swimming and from that.........
Tonight i'm going to the local high school with her and her old too large for her now swimming costume (lucky beggar) which she's dropping off for me to try on this morning.
She says its the perfect place to start, quiet and you don't feel on show and she'll be there with me.
Its been at least eight years since i've been in the water (swimming not bathing lol), infact eight years since last holiday as well.
i'm so excited but so nervous......... I know i'll be fine once i'm in the water its the walking past people to get in and walking past to get out that worries me:(
If this works out I will be so pleased:)

 
Yay!!!!! Good for you! You will have a great time..... What u have to remember is that most of the other people in there are feeling exactly the same!!!!! But who cares what they think......

Go...... Break that negative cycle with a positive action!!!!!!

You'll feel brill after! I guarentee it!!!!! And if u need a bit of encouragement! Look up how many cals u will burn for a half hour (or so) swim!!!!!!

XXX
 
Well swimming was greatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
It was actually only the lifeguard woman and us going in, we swam for an hour, which was heaven you dont feel your weight in the water, bliss.
Going out there was by then about half a dozen people, i kept my head down and bolted for the changing room, my friend said she didn't realise i could move that fast lol Anyway it was nowhere near as traumatic as the public swimming pool or a gym pool. So its a hit! Plus slept like a baby....
Mfp says an hours leisurely swim uses 330 cals but i put it in as 160 cos we were blethering so much, i can always step it up as i feel i am swimming more. I plan to go twice a week for the moment.

Weigh in 4lb gone chink chink chink chink:)
So all in all a good week faced some demons, went swimming and lost me pounds
Treat for this week - my own swimming cossie the next size down to aim for:)

Song for today "The whole of the moon" The waterboys:)
Be Happy

 
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Deezer said:
YAAAAY!!!

So proud of you!!!!

Fight the self doubt!!!! Fight it!!!! Lol....

x
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Thankyou Dee, I'm proud of me too......
Five weeks ago you'da needed a horse tranquiliser to get me to go swimming lol now can't wait for next week..
I'm more proud of the swimming than the weight loss although i know the weight loss so far made it possible.
I love this diet xxx
 
God what a terrible night i put in with pain.....
really low abdominal pain, started off like a crampy period (been through menopause) then hit fever pitch so bad i couldn't straighten up.
it wasn't constipation but i noticed it was really sore when my bladder was full and relieved a bit when i passed urine although it wasn't sore to pass urine.
i doped up with paracetamol and kept a hot water bottle over the area even gave in to some andrews in case it was trapped wind..
This morning it was still there but i felt able to go to work, thought it was better but now i'm home i realise its still there...
just worried in case its kidney stones or gall bladder. On night shift tomorrow if its still the same gonna take myself along to out of hours GP see what he says.
Havent been able to eat or drink much as the pain is making me sick and too frightened it will flare right up.
:cry:Any way off for a bath and bed with more paracetamol and hot water bottle.
 
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Ooooh that doesnt sound good hun!!! Take it easy and make sure you get checked out!!!

XXX
 
Deezer said:
Ooooh that doesnt sound good hun!!! Take it easy and make sure you get checked out!!!

XXX
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Thanks I will Hun .
Well still in a load of pain, paracetamol is taking the edge off but not taking away. So sticking to original plan and gonna see doctors at work tonight. Apart from walking dog not got much heart for anything else, gonna stay in bed. Trying to keep fluids up but its so sore when bladder full. Let's see what another day brings. Hmmm Its official i'm ill, son just made me a cuppa and offered to walk dog!!
 
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Well back in the land of the living.......
Had a rough few days there, seen the doctor on my night shift took bloods and urine, told me there was blood and protein in urine. gave me antibiotics for 3 days and to check with gp if hadn't settled.
Pain was excrutiating never thought i would say there is something sorer than childbirth but there is....
Blood pressure and temp were through the roof, diarrhoea and vomitting, fever and chills then Monday night everything just settled down to mild twinges. Tues Gp phoned bloods and urine results suggest i might have passed a kidney stone so referring me up for scan of kidneys. We've agreed to disagree on whether diet continues until result of scan.
Diet i'm afraid was out the window, I can remember having poached egg and toast put under my nose, cup of tomato soup which decorated the duvet 5 minutes later and little milk maid ice lollies which were a blessing.
I have 2 shifts thurs frid then off for a forthnight can't wait......
 
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Deezer said:
Oh my god!!! That sounds awfull..... Are you ok now??? Feeling better??? X
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Getting there Hun, thanks for asking. Unfortunately not total S&S just feel to weak but am still watching things carefully. Hopefully plan to go back on plan totally in next few days when i have no work to worry about as am off for almost a fortnight.
Hope everything is good with you
 
Loopeylou said:
Ouch!! Hope you feel better real soon Xx

Sent from my iPad using MiniMins
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Getting there Claire thanks for asking, hoping to get back in the ring real soon lol. Well done you and your partner in crime, hope florida is amazing for you guys you deserve it xxx
 
Well after that fiasco today's weight is 16 stone 11. I have to take a glass bead back out CHINK :cry:Suppose this is actually okay as haven't been 100% and have been eating what was gonna stay down and then once feeling a bit better felt too weak to live off shakes so have had carbs.
I have one more shift then am off for a fortnight so plan to go on plan then and see how things go from there plus what happens at scan and doctors.

Anyway not giving up and gonna get there...........;)

 
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