Gen's CD Diary... Day 185... gonna give SS another bash!!

[Gen]

Hey Gen!

It's day 80 for me which must mean it's day 110 for you! Mad! Sorry I was a bit quiet yesterday but I went home from work ill ! Feeling a bit better now though!

How was your day? Sounds like you had a good time at the cinema the other day! And shopping afterwards! I was so tired after Superman I went home and had a bath! For some reason cinemas always send me to sleep!?

How's the 100% ssing going? I've had a few slip ups. but nothing bad, just cottage cheese etc! Hope you're feeling better now

Will give you a text over the weekend to see how things are going! Think I might need a hand , if you don't mind!!

Chat soon!

Love Sarah x

Hiya Sarah

I didn't realise i was exactly 20 days ahead of you... yes its day 110 for me OMG!!!

i'm doing fine ss'ing 100% so far... i'm kinda thinking i might drink tomorrow but have decided to make my decision on that tomorrow and not to will i won't i until then cos its just not worth the hassle!!!

text away over the weekend honey no bother at all i'll be dying to know how you are getting on!!!

hope you have a good one

love

Gen xx

 

[sarahjj]

Hey ya!

I think you're right about the whole will I won't I thingy! It's best to just wait and see how the mood takes you!

Have a good one - see you on DH on Moday - hasn't this week without it gone quick?!

Love Sarah x

 

[Gen]

Hi Sarah

hope you have a good one too and don't forget to text me to let me know how you are getting on!!!

see ya either here or on DH on monday or both lol

have a lovely weekend! i'm off at 4 today, going to the gym and then minding my friends 5 yr old tonight... wonder does he like Big Brother lol

Love

Gen xx

 

[Gen]

Day 110

Hi all

not a whole lot to report today.... went shopping again last night... i'm addicted and broke ah well loving it!!

plans for the weekend, going to the gym after work, minding friends 5 year old tonight, love him like my own so its a pleasure and then down to my friends 3 yr olds party tomorrow!!! SS'ing 100% at the moment altho i might break it tomorrow i'll see tomorrow!!!

anyways hope you all have a lovely weekend!!

love

Gen xx

 

[Mini]

Hiya Mini

I'm on the mend thank god... cough and cold nearly gone. it was severe enough but wasn't too bad. glad i got it this week cos if i had got it on hols i would have gone mad!!! i'm off on the 13th of August!!! can't wait... can't stop shopping either spending a fortune but loving it!!!

You are doing brill on your healthy eating it really seems to be working for ya i'm delighted!! it really is all about control eh???

Love

Gen xx

Hi Gen,

It is and I have a wedding next week to go too and I hope I can fit into something nice for it...

You will look smashing on your holidays with your new figure and clothes.

Have a nice weekend and see you on Monday...

Love Mini xxx

 

[Gen]

ok i think i might just crack up.... i have spent about 30 mins typing a post and then pressed the send button and the thing to log in came up and i lost my post................................. i was logged in, whats that all about and that is the 2nd time that has happened, i'm not impressed AT ALL!!!!!! is there a time out thingy on this site??????

so a very quick run down of my weekend cos i can't be arsed to type it all again... i'm really annoyed now!!!

Day 113.....

i'm really tired today, its TOTM and had a bit of a **** nights sleep, always get this on TOTM for one night anyway so hopefully that was last night cos i need my sleep!!

anyway food wise i'm not doing too bad.. did eat and drink over the weekend but it was controlled to some degree and am back 100% ss'ing now and until next weigh in day which is next tuesday..

2 weeks to hols and have got loads of fab stuff to wear i just can't wait, never before have i had so many lovely clothes its just brill!!!

took photos on saturday so will post them later, as soon as i stopped being sooooo annoyed!!!! i wasn't overly impressed but i just have to keep reminding myself that i have lost 4 stone but still have another 3 to go to the real me!!! overall tho i'm very happy but just had a bit of a fat weekend but got through it, my size 14 jeans are getting looser on me and my friends awear combats a size 12 now fit me, far too tight but fit all the same!!! we both got a pair the same day her a 12 and me a 16... my 16's are hanging off me and her 12's are on her but they now fit me!!!! another couple of weeks and i'll be in them!!!

on mr weekend wanker... our 'friendship' is coming to its natural conclusion me thinks.... i've very much taken a step back from him and text him twice over the weekend and no reply, now i didn't ask him anything, but how rude is he.... i'm very proud of how i'm handling it tho cos before i would have been ringing him and texting him going 'how dare you treat me like this' blah blah but i'm not and its TOTM... where is all this calmness coming from or have i just had enough of him???? we really don't have anything in common and he is so full of **** and snobby and rude and not my type of person AT ALL... i realised that a long time ago but my rose tinted glasses were very much glued on and i could never see past them but now i've lowered them its amazing how clear the wood is!!!!! anyway its not over yet but its close...

anyway i'm sure i'll have more to report later when my mind starts working again lol lol

ta ta for now

Gen xx

 

[Isobel1965]

Hi Gen - dunno wot's occuring about the posting issue - I bet Pierce can sort it out tho - I see you've already asked for help on the technical forum.
Is Mr WW, FakeTanMan?? If so - then I'm really pleased that you're feeling strong, like bull about him. The world is full of lovely men who want to treat you like a princess - you've just got to be able to really SEE them. I've ignored blurkes like my Eric for YEARS - how mad was I?
Good on ya, girlfriend!!!!
love

 

[sarahjj]

Chill!

Hey Gen!

Bloody computers! Glad you had a good weekend, apart from Mr WW! You must be so pleased that you are able just to distance yourself from him - like you say you wouldn't have done that before. It's amazing what losing weight does for you! People just think that you lose weight, but there is so much more than that. I think I've changed as a person, for the better. That's only a good thing. Good for you hun!

Bet you can't wait for your hols now! You're going to look fab sunning yourself on the beach in a skimpy bikini! There are so many lovely clothes around at the moment! I've got some leggings that I wear with long tops! It's great being slim, I'm never going back!! Fingers crossed!

Hope you get a better nights sleep tonight - it's crap when you cant sleep, don't know about you but I get sooooooooo ratty! Not a nice person to know!

Hope everything is good apart from that! Speak soon!

Love Sarah x

 

[Gen]

i think mr weekend wanker is drinking again

just drove past his workplace to go to the bank and no car... rang him and he sounded like he normally sounds when he is in that frame of mind. he was at home and said he was 'tired'. i asked him had he been drinking and he said no but i don't believe him, he said he would ring me later and i said 'i won't hold my breath but grand', he got all annoyed with me and said i'll ring you later. i just said grand and goodbye. i then text him and said that you can fight this on your own its impossible and haven't heard from him.

do i care enough to help him????? i just don't fucking know anymore............... i'm tired.... but i don't think i can leave him like that........... where the **** is everyone else??? are they all just sick of him????? i really don't know my own mind at the moment, a huge part of me is saying **** him and there is another part saying ya can't leave him like that but i'm not sure i care enough. i'm not even emotional about it.... i feel sick at everything we went through and now he is back to square one kinda

 

[Gen]

ps... don't even feel one bit romantically involved anymore, thank god, would never ever go there again... in fact he bores me and we have nothing in common!!!

 

[Gen]

Hey Gen!

Bloody computers! Glad you had a good weekend, apart from Mr WW! You must be so pleased that you are able just to distance yourself from him - like you say you wouldn't have done that before. It's amazing what losing weight does for you! People just think that you lose weight, but there is so much more than that. I think I've changed as a person, for the better. That's only a good thing. Good for you hun!

Bet you can't wait for your hols now! You're going to look fab sunning yourself on the beach in a skimpy bikini! There are so many lovely clothes around at the moment! I've got some leggings that I wear with long tops! It's great being slim, I'm never going back!! Fingers crossed!

Hope you get a better nights sleep tonight - it's crap when you cant sleep, don't know about you but I get sooooooooo ratty! Not a nice person to know!

Hope everything is good apart from that! Speak soon!

Love Sarah x

Hiya Sarah

not sure about the 'skimpy' bikini... but it will be a bikini imagine hee hee so chuffed with that!!!

i'm sooooo bloody tired today could fall asleep right here right now!!!

hopefully will have pics up shortly!!

Gen xx

 

[Gen]

Hi Gen - dunno wot's occuring about the posting issue - I bet Pierce can sort it out tho - I see you've already asked for help on the technical forum.
Is Mr WW, FakeTanMan?? If so - then I'm really pleased that you're feeling strong, like bull about him. The world is full of lovely men who want to treat you like a princess - you've just got to be able to really SEE them. I've ignored blurkes like my Eric for YEARS - how mad was I?
Good on ya, girlfriend!!!!
love

Hiya Honey

yes its mr fake tan man.... fucking gobshite.... i'm using the f word tooo much today!!! i just don't know what to do, the old part of me is saying ah god you can't leave him, help him and the new common sense me is saying **** him if he won't help himself then what the hell can i do......... i just feel so sorry for him but he is a rude, snobby, using man, i'm sure has some nice traits but can't remember them lol lol

sorry for moaning i'm just tired

love

Gen xx

 

[sarahjj]

Hi ya Hun!

All I can go on is how I would feel if I were in your position, and that's what I'm going to do. You aren't his girlfriend, his mum, his sister, auntie etc etc. He is not your responsibility. As far as I can tell you've done your bit and helped him as much as you can. If he isn't going to help himself then it isn't your problem. This might not be what you want to hear, but as I said, I'm just telling you what I would do. Let him get on with what he's doing (if you can) and feel happy that you tried your hardest to help him. I know it's going to be tough but I think it's going to be something that you just have to distance yourself from. Of course you have to do what you feel is right, and people can only advise you - hope you don't think I'm being too forward or prying!

Try to keep your mind focused on yourself - you're the most important one!

Have a good afternoon,
Love Sarah x

 

[Gen]

Hi ya Hun!

All I can go on is how I would feel if I were in your position, and that's what I'm going to do. You aren't his girlfriend, his mum, his sister, auntie etc etc. He is not your responsibility. As far as I can tell you've done your bit and helped him as much as you can. If he isn't going to help himself then it isn't your problem. This might not be what you want to hear, but as I said, I'm just telling you what I would do. Let him get on with what he's doing (if you can) and feel happy that you tried your hardest to help him. I know it's going to be tough but I think it's going to be something that you just have to distance yourself from. Of course you have to do what you feel is right, and people can only advise you - hope you don't think I'm being too forward or prying!

Try to keep your mind focused on yourself - you're the most important one!

Have a good afternoon,
Love Sarah x

Hiya Honey

i don't think you are being too forward or prying at all, i thank you for your honesty and taking the time to reply.

ya know what before if i had have read your reply i would have been in tears at the thought of leaving him to it but now i'm nodding along with what you are saying and i know you are right and finding the strength to stay away is all i need now. i know i have it just need to dig it out.

i think at this stage i will be happy just to leave him to it but i'm too god damn bloody impulsive i'd have his number dialled before i could stop myself.... have to work on that one.

i'm sooooo bloody angry with the shithead at the moment, **** sake why can't he just at least TRY to help himself???? don't even bother trying to answer that one... i'm only getting out my anger!!

anyway i'm number one and apart from the few days where i slipped when he was in hospital i'm being pretty damn good at not letting myself slip back so happy with that!!

thanks for your reply girl ur a star

love

Gen xx

 

[Isobel1965]

Darlin - I reckon, he doesn't help himself because there's always someone else there to pick up the pieces.

If everyone around treats him like an adult and lets him clear up his own mess, then he'll have to, won't he?

But that's not your problem. If a leopard doesn't change his own spots, he's not going to let you change them for him.....or something lol but you know what I mean.

Took me a VERY long time and masses of heartbreak before I 'got' it through my thick head!

You'll be fine - you're angry and that's half the battle to getting over him!
love

 

[Gen]

thanks isobel, i really don't 'want' to change him anymore i just want him to get his **** together so i can 'happily' take a little step back. looks like i'm gonna have to take the step back without him sorting himself out cos i'm bored of this **** now (that sounds so heartless but you know its not)

i had every intention of stepping back and letting this run its course and then this.... so maybe i'll just continue with my plan of stepping back-ness!!

i'm actually boring myself now with this ****.... i really am

ta for the reply

love

Gen xx

 

[Isobel1965]

He'll be fine, hun - he probably needs everyone to step back so that he has to step forward.
I'm more concerned about YOU! Hope you're ok, darlin!

 

[Gen]

Hi Isobel.. that definitely seems to be the overall opinion, everyone stepping back to let him step forward. after my post yesterday i rang him and just asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone and let him contact me. he said he couldn't deal with this and he hung up.... so i text him and said that when he decides to treat me with the respect i deserve he should contact me, i also said that i know he has problems but so do loads of other people and they don't treat people the way he does and then i said that i now have respect for myself and NO ONE is going to treat me without respect. so i haven't heard from him since, i'm not one bit surprised and guess what I DON'T CARE, that is definitely the first time i have EVER been able to say that. i can't say that is how i'm going to feel in an hour or at the end of the week but its how i feel now and have done since i text him yesterday which is soooo unusual for me cos normally i would have either rang or text him again saying that i was sorry for saying that and i am here for him blah blah blah. but i will never get any respect from anyone if i carry on like that and i really don't carry on like that with anyone else. there was definitely a part of the old me still attached to him and fingers crossed i have finally detached the old me from him and maybe we will end up being friends but it will be on my terms and he WILL respect my friendship or else he can go and jump.

i was talking to my friend last night and telling her about what happened and she also had a female friend who was an alcoholic, so she has a good idea what its like. she was saying that he needs to hit rock bottom before he can start to come up. i said that he did hit rock bottom in hospital and she made a very good point that no he didn't cos he still had us around him to cushion the blow and make it nice for him. she said when her friend hit rock bottom is when all her family just turned their backs on her, very hard to do, but it seemed to work and she seems to be getting her act together!!!! so that kinda put it all into perspective for me.

he is still on my mind but not in a sad way... its different... the way i feel about it now is that if he has any respect for me he will come back and if he hasn't or can't swallow his pride enough he won't and i DO NOT want anyone like that in my life...

all this and i'm hormonal, normally i'm a drivelling softie when i'm hormonal!!!

hope you are having a lovely day and sorry for the rant girl

lots of love

Gen xx

ps... i love this forum, soooooooooooo therapeutic!!

 

[Gen]

Day 114...

Well good morning all my lovely people!!!

i had a fab sleep last night so feel a lot better today. few things i just wanna document today so here goes....

on weekend wanker guy - i have just posted a reply to isobel which outlines all that, so yawn yawn yawn not doing that again so sick of wasting time on him till he cops on

on diet..... well here goes

- cheated last night SO from today this is how it is going to be till i go on holidays on the 13th of august.

From today Tuesday 1st August - Wednesday 9th August I am SS'ing 100%, i'm going to the gym every 2nd day from today and every other day doing some weights and sit ups at home.

From Thursday 10th - Sunday 13th I'm going to start to have AAM cos that i'm gonna be eating on holiday so need to adjust the body accordingly.

my plan while on holiday is to have 2 CD meals a day and then one dinner when i go out. i will be drinking but i'm gonna keep an eye on it rather than throwing caution to the wind. the dinner i am going to be watching also, as much as possible i'm gonna have the healthy option.

when i cheated last night, it wasn't emotional, it was cos i was tired and i just wanted something nice and it was very much i knew i was going to be ss'ing again today till holiday so it was very much 'a last supper'.... that is something i'm very conscious of having to work on cos there really doesn't have to be 'a last supper' and if there is going to be one it doesn't have to be a chinese. it was nice but not that nice, anyway i'm rambling now. i know i have 95% control over this which i'm so proud of i couldn't even put into words BUT there is still the fat person in there saying its ok!!!

anyhow... i'm in good form today, i'm very busy cos have left loads of work on the long finger and i have to have it done for tomorrow eeeek!!! ah well it'll be grand or else i'll just bluff my way out of it hee hee

hope you are all having a lovely day!

love

Gen xx

ps... was going through all my holiday clothes last night and was sooooo excited. I have sooooo many lovely stuff to wear its brill, NEVER had that before!!!!!

 

[sarahjj]

Hi Gen!

Hey hun!

You sound like you've cracked it! Everything you've said makes sense - yey! Just let him know that when he is ready to show you some respect, you'll be there as a friend for him, but until then, he's on his own. Nice one!

Was the Chinese nice last night? Hope so! I know what you mean about a 'last supper', I was just like that, but ate so much for my main course I could only just manage a couple of mouthfuls of my fave desert - New York baked cheesecake from ASDA!!! I was gutted! Probably ended up putting on a few pounds after my 1st WI! Oops!

Hope you manage to get all your work done! If not just blag it! I always do!

Must rush, coz if I don't go for lunch now then I won't have time! Have a good afternoon/evening, and good luck with the ssing!

Love Sarah x