Gen's CD Diary... Day 185... gonna give SS another bash!!
- Thread starter Gen
- Start date
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Gen, honey - are you ticking the "remember me" button when you log in? That usually sorts out the problem.
Re FakeTanMan - he's giving you a pretty clear message, hun. You're right to stand back - your life is too important to be tainted by the failings of others!
Love
Re FakeTanMan - he's giving you a pretty clear message, hun. You're right to stand back - your life is too important to be tainted by the failings of others!
Love
Day 115!
ok so i've got over my strop about the post earlier hee hee and i've ticked the remember me button so fingers crossed!!
few things i just really want to get off my chest here so off i go and i'd love any input from anyone!!
on food - i got to 10:45 last night without cheating and then i went out and bought a bottle of wine, crisps and a chinese!! i knew i had the choice and i chose to do that. i'm not in any way giving out to myself today BUT i really do need to do more work on that side of things. i'm straight back ss'ing this morning and there has never been an issue the next day about ss'ing, i never want food or anything naughty during the day, its late evening that would be my breaking point. i have got through it loads of times before but the last couple of nights i have given in.
on fake tan man - he told me last night that he does respect me hugely and is so thankfull to me for all i have done for him... he is and has been drinking since friday..... he admitted it last night. i called up to his house this morning to make sure he went to work, he told me he wasn't drinking last night but i knew he was. he also said last night that he would go to AA, something he said he would never do before so that was good. he was still a bit drunk this morning but went to work anyway. i basically told him last night and today that if he carries on the way he is going he will end up with nothing and no-one BUT as it stands now he has the potential to have everything and to have people around him who care about him so it was his choice. he is drinking tonight 'for the last time', tried my hardest to get him to an AA meeting tonight but he wasn't having any of it. i do feel for him cos he does believe he is having i suppose 'his last supper' and i've been there so many times.
on a positive note for me... i told him this afternoon that this is the last time i'm doing this, i told him i can't keep doing this to me and its not something i would walk away from lightly but its the last time. so the plan for this weekend is, he is gonna go through his own dt's, i am gonna stay with him on friday night and he will stay with me on saturday night. if this doesn't happen i won't lose any sleep over it BUT i mean it that this is the last time i'm sitting here watching him do this and this is the last weekend i'm giving up because of him. i have never ever said that to him before and i think it struck home but for how long.
anyway i'm in grand form, i'm happy, i'm wearing my jeans and a white top in work today and have got so many compliements its great!!! i'm off shopping tonight with my friend and looking forward to that. i'm off tomorrow and i'm gonna go to the gym and clean my house. have my friend with her two kids coming up on sunday to stay for a couple of nights so have to have the place looking a bit respectable!!!
i know i can do this ss'ing lark but i think what was going through my head last night was that i have come so far and done so well and i have all my lovely clothes for holidays so just one chinese won't ruin that .... but isn't that the rock a lot of people perish on????? so its once again dig deep and get to it!!
any comments please jot them down cos i really need a bit of feedback today guys!!
thanks a mill
Gen xx
ok so i've got over my strop about the post earlier hee hee and i've ticked the remember me button so fingers crossed!!
few things i just really want to get off my chest here so off i go and i'd love any input from anyone!!
on food - i got to 10:45 last night without cheating and then i went out and bought a bottle of wine, crisps and a chinese!! i knew i had the choice and i chose to do that. i'm not in any way giving out to myself today BUT i really do need to do more work on that side of things. i'm straight back ss'ing this morning and there has never been an issue the next day about ss'ing, i never want food or anything naughty during the day, its late evening that would be my breaking point. i have got through it loads of times before but the last couple of nights i have given in.
on fake tan man - he told me last night that he does respect me hugely and is so thankfull to me for all i have done for him... he is and has been drinking since friday..... he admitted it last night. i called up to his house this morning to make sure he went to work, he told me he wasn't drinking last night but i knew he was. he also said last night that he would go to AA, something he said he would never do before so that was good. he was still a bit drunk this morning but went to work anyway. i basically told him last night and today that if he carries on the way he is going he will end up with nothing and no-one BUT as it stands now he has the potential to have everything and to have people around him who care about him so it was his choice. he is drinking tonight 'for the last time', tried my hardest to get him to an AA meeting tonight but he wasn't having any of it. i do feel for him cos he does believe he is having i suppose 'his last supper' and i've been there so many times.
on a positive note for me... i told him this afternoon that this is the last time i'm doing this, i told him i can't keep doing this to me and its not something i would walk away from lightly but its the last time. so the plan for this weekend is, he is gonna go through his own dt's, i am gonna stay with him on friday night and he will stay with me on saturday night. if this doesn't happen i won't lose any sleep over it BUT i mean it that this is the last time i'm sitting here watching him do this and this is the last weekend i'm giving up because of him. i have never ever said that to him before and i think it struck home but for how long.
anyway i'm in grand form, i'm happy, i'm wearing my jeans and a white top in work today and have got so many compliements its great!!! i'm off shopping tonight with my friend and looking forward to that. i'm off tomorrow and i'm gonna go to the gym and clean my house. have my friend with her two kids coming up on sunday to stay for a couple of nights so have to have the place looking a bit respectable!!!
i know i can do this ss'ing lark but i think what was going through my head last night was that i have come so far and done so well and i have all my lovely clothes for holidays so just one chinese won't ruin that .... but isn't that the rock a lot of people perish on????? so its once again dig deep and get to it!!
any comments please jot them down cos i really need a bit of feedback today guys!!
thanks a mill
Gen xx
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Ah yes - I've fallen off that rock so many times since losing weight. It goes through my head that I've done so well, one little treat won't hurt etc etc but I can't just stop at one treat without a HUGE effort, which sometimes defeats me!
And you know what I'm going to say about a link between the chinese and FTM, so I won't bore you with it lol.
love
And you know what I'm going to say about a link between the chinese and FTM, so I won't bore you with it lol.
love
Isobel1965
Gold Member
PS How lovely to get so many compliments today - that's fantastic!
Enjoy your shopping trip!!!!!
love
Enjoy your shopping trip!!!!!
love
thank you so much for your reply honey. ur brill and i appreciate your reply even tho yes i do know the right thing to do about FTM but i'm just at leaving point on that one and am glad i told him that cos now he knows. i can actually detach myself from him now where before i couldn't so thats a step in the right direction
anyway not thinking of him tonight i'm off shopping to find the loveliest pair of brown pretty shoes... they better be still there!!
love
Gen xx
anyway not thinking of him tonight i'm off shopping to find the loveliest pair of brown pretty shoes... they better be still there!!
love
Gen xx
Isobel1965
Gold Member
lol - there is NOTHING more important than a new pair of shoes!!!!!
sarahjj
Full Member
Hey Gen!
You are in a bit of a mess aren't you!!?? You seem torn by what you heart says and what your head says! To be honest I would listen to a bit of both, but just make sure that you don't act too much with your heart. You're the sort of person that naturally wants to help people, as we've said before, so of course you don't want to see him 'suffer', but at the same time don't let yourself suffer because of him. I don't know there's much more I can say, other than you know what's right to do, and I'm sure you'll find the right balance between the feelings in your head and your heart
Hope the ssing is going well! I'm doing alright, have maintained for about 5 days now so I'm a happy bunny!
Might give you a text this evening to see how you are - think you're off today so won't be on the internet. Might speak later, if not then tomorrow! Have a good one hun!
Love Sarah x
You are in a bit of a mess aren't you!!?? You seem torn by what you heart says and what your head says! To be honest I would listen to a bit of both, but just make sure that you don't act too much with your heart. You're the sort of person that naturally wants to help people, as we've said before, so of course you don't want to see him 'suffer', but at the same time don't let yourself suffer because of him. I don't know there's much more I can say, other than you know what's right to do, and I'm sure you'll find the right balance between the feelings in your head and your heart
Hope the ssing is going well! I'm doing alright, have maintained for about 5 days now so I'm a happy bunny!
Might give you a text this evening to see how you are - think you're off today so won't be on the internet. Might speak later, if not then tomorrow! Have a good one hun!
Love Sarah x
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Hope you're ok this weekend, Gen - love ya lots, girl!!!
Gen Hope Your Okay!
Hi Gen,
This is not like you not to post
Hope everything is alright, I know you are having a real hard time of it...it is enough to tear the heart out of you.
Just want you to know we are all thinking about you and we are here for you.
Remember, you have to look after yourself in these situations and not get dragged down by something that is totally out of your control.
You can only do your best Gen...after that your boyfriend has to help himself and with help from professionals their is hope he will come through this...
Thinking of you.
Love Mini xxx
Hi Gen,
This is not like you not to post
Hope everything is alright, I know you are having a real hard time of it...it is enough to tear the heart out of you.
Just want you to know we are all thinking about you and we are here for you.
Remember, you have to look after yourself in these situations and not get dragged down by something that is totally out of your control.
You can only do your best Gen...after that your boyfriend has to help himself and with help from professionals their is hope he will come through this...
Thinking of you.
Love Mini xxx
Hi Guys, I'm really touched by all your replies, thank you so much and it is so nice to have people who care!!
anyway long story short, tonight is the last time i'm going through dt's with him. he has drank every night since last friday. i got really tough with him on wednesday. he drank last night 'for the last time'. we made a deal that i'm gonna stay with him tonight, he is gonna stay with me saturday night and then he is going to his mams on sunday (i was pretty shocked at that one tbh). anyway i have told him this is where i finish, i have my own life to lead and i can't keep doing this every time he has a 'slip'. he understands that and thanked me so much for being there for him. he is also talking about going to AA which is something he had never said he would do before. i think he has realised he needs more help and can't do this alone.
so guys... as isobel would say I'm strong like a bull on this one and i'm actually surprised at how strong i am. i have my overnight bag in the car and to be totally honest don't care either way if i end up staying with him. now before i would have been devasted and taken it as a personal insult if he didn't answer his phone or answer the door, not anymore. if he doesn't answer his phone i'm going straight home and doing what i want to do for the weekend.
he just rang me there while i was typing that last bit and asked me would i bring him up just one last bottle of wine and i said no i couldn't get out of work!!! yay me, so proud of that. so hopefully he will just go to sleep now and i'll see him later or not??? who knows!!
anyway thats enough about that **** cos i'm bored of it now!!
Mini i was off yesterday and just came in at one today so thats why no posting!!!
he has a computer in his house so i'll probably come on here tonight and see whats happening!!
thanks guys for all your support you don't know how much it means!
oh and by the way got the shoes and they are fab!!!
love
Gen xx
anyway long story short, tonight is the last time i'm going through dt's with him. he has drank every night since last friday. i got really tough with him on wednesday. he drank last night 'for the last time'. we made a deal that i'm gonna stay with him tonight, he is gonna stay with me saturday night and then he is going to his mams on sunday (i was pretty shocked at that one tbh). anyway i have told him this is where i finish, i have my own life to lead and i can't keep doing this every time he has a 'slip'. he understands that and thanked me so much for being there for him. he is also talking about going to AA which is something he had never said he would do before. i think he has realised he needs more help and can't do this alone.
so guys... as isobel would say I'm strong like a bull on this one and i'm actually surprised at how strong i am. i have my overnight bag in the car and to be totally honest don't care either way if i end up staying with him. now before i would have been devasted and taken it as a personal insult if he didn't answer his phone or answer the door, not anymore. if he doesn't answer his phone i'm going straight home and doing what i want to do for the weekend.
he just rang me there while i was typing that last bit and asked me would i bring him up just one last bottle of wine and i said no i couldn't get out of work!!! yay me, so proud of that. so hopefully he will just go to sleep now and i'll see him later or not??? who knows!!
anyway thats enough about that **** cos i'm bored of it now!!
Mini i was off yesterday and just came in at one today so thats why no posting!!!
he has a computer in his house so i'll probably come on here tonight and see whats happening!!
thanks guys for all your support you don't know how much it means!
oh and by the way got the shoes and they are fab!!!
love
Gen xx
Hi Gen,
Thanks for posting as we were very concerned about how you were...
We know you are much stronger these days and we are so proud of you...you have come along way and the future for you is bright.
When I was doing my 'Occupational First Aid' course, our instructor kept reiterating over and over again about 'Universal Precautions', that we should make sure that we are safe and take responsibility for our own safety...
He made us all very aware of how important our own lives are...something that did not come natural to any of us who were in his group as we were brought up to put the needs of others first.
You can only do your best for your boyfriend and after that he has to help himself. AA has helped thousands of people down the years who have worked the programme.
You left a wonderful saying the other day on one of your threads about..."When we are in control of our own lives, we no longer feel the need to control others"...something to that effect...please correct...but the jest has stuck in my mind since you said it...
Thinking of you and sending love and hugs.
Love Mini xxx
Thanks for posting as we were very concerned about how you were...
We know you are much stronger these days and we are so proud of you...you have come along way and the future for you is bright.
When I was doing my 'Occupational First Aid' course, our instructor kept reiterating over and over again about 'Universal Precautions', that we should make sure that we are safe and take responsibility for our own safety...
He made us all very aware of how important our own lives are...something that did not come natural to any of us who were in his group as we were brought up to put the needs of others first.
You can only do your best for your boyfriend and after that he has to help himself. AA has helped thousands of people down the years who have worked the programme.
You left a wonderful saying the other day on one of your threads about..."When we are in control of our own lives, we no longer feel the need to control others"...something to that effect...please correct...but the jest has stuck in my mind since you said it...
Thinking of you and sending love and hugs.
Love Mini xxx
how cute is the little dancing elephant hee hee
thank you mini, i have never felt this strong in my life. there is no way i'm going to get him drink later or sit with him while he drinks. this is not something i will be springing on him is has been told a few times! if that doesn't suit him well then i'm outta there and gonna have a lovely weekend doing things i actually LIKE doing!!
the old me would have brought him up drink and then probably drank with him later on cos it was fun..... all the time him killing himself... (i obviously didn't know this at the time)
anyway missus thanks for your reply... how are you getting on??
i have hardly posted on anyone elses thread over the past week so next week i'll be back 100%!!!
hope you have a lovely weekend, ur a star
love
Gen xx
thank you mini, i have never felt this strong in my life. there is no way i'm going to get him drink later or sit with him while he drinks. this is not something i will be springing on him is has been told a few times! if that doesn't suit him well then i'm outta there and gonna have a lovely weekend doing things i actually LIKE doing!!
the old me would have brought him up drink and then probably drank with him later on cos it was fun..... all the time him killing himself... (i obviously didn't know this at the time)
anyway missus thanks for your reply... how are you getting on??
i have hardly posted on anyone elses thread over the past week so next week i'll be back 100%!!!
hope you have a lovely weekend, ur a star
love
Gen xx
sarahjj
Full Member
Hey Gen!
You sound back with it good and proper now! I think your head is very firmly screwed on, and if you carry on like this you'll be able to do anything! Hurrah!!!!! Feeling strong (emotionally) is so fab!
I hope you enjoy your weekend, and I hope things go well for you tonight and tomorrow night.
Did you have a nice day off? Lucky thing! Mind you I've got a week off soon, so I can't complain!
Hopefully we are getting the internet today, so I'll be able to come on here this weekend - yey!
Have a good one,
Love Sarah x
You sound back with it good and proper now! I think your head is very firmly screwed on, and if you carry on like this you'll be able to do anything! Hurrah!!!!! Feeling strong (emotionally) is so fab!
I hope you enjoy your weekend, and I hope things go well for you tonight and tomorrow night.
Did you have a nice day off? Lucky thing! Mind you I've got a week off soon, so I can't complain!
Hopefully we are getting the internet today, so I'll be able to come on here this weekend - yey!
Have a good one,
Love Sarah x
Hi Gen!
Hope you had a good Bank Holiday! It's alright for some! I guess we've got one in a few weeks, so can't complain too much!
When are you going to get the pics on here!!!???
Have a good day, maybe catch up later!
Love Sarah x
Hiya Sarah
Had a lovely bank holiday thanks!! i have the pics on my pc so its only a matter of posting them now!!!
hows things with you??
Gen xx
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Hi Gen - how's it going, girl?? You ok???
Hi Isobel, i'm great thanks!! hows you??
i'm just gonna post my weekend now so no point in duplicating!!!
hope you had a lovely weekend
love
Gen xx
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