JanD's Maintenance Diary. Week 15 onwards

[JanD]

arty0051::17729:

Well this might give you a bit of a clue as to what's been going on for me today ..... and how do I feel about it? ......

:sigh::break_diet::sign0007::beam::whoopass::nono::hmm::rant2::ashamed0005::gen144:

Take your pick .....

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why ???!!!

Quick list of what I can remember ... I SOOO want to NOT list it but have to come clean! I don't blame anyone for not reading this - I don't want to lead you into temptation!

OMG I'm cringing!!! :cry:

scotch pancake with vitalite & jam
more nuts
small cookie
LARGE cookie
Piece of bread with clover.
Left over half large tin BBQ beans
cheese string
Piece of bread with lf olive spread & egg & bacon sanwich filler
slice corned beef
Turkey broth (was supposed to be stew but was too thin!)
small cookie
pkt cheese & onion crisps
piece bread with clover & cheese& onion sandwich filler
2 nestle animal bars
4 squares of galaxy
2 handfuls of jelly beans
1 ferrero rocher (sp?)
plum
more nuts
piece bread with peanut butter

All this (as far as I can remember) from before I left work this morning till now when I'm back here. Some here at work, some at home and some on the 2 visits I've made to my mother's this morning and tonight.

:sigh:

I've just been through the weeks on here and I've written out what I had the week I lost 2.8lbs at the beginning of October. Apparently then I was trying out having more carbs to try to curb the picking and it did seem to work to a large extent - so why didn't I carry on with it??????

Actually probably because I went away for a weekend amongst other things.

I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand how come sometimes I don't care what's around and other times I just can't leave it alone. I don't understand how come I sometimes have to go searching and find things to have. I don't understand how I can dish out understanding & advice then go away and do the complete opposite ESPECIALLY when I know I'm going to have to come and tell all!!!! (Well okay I don't HAVE to but I've made a commitment to myself to - so I do HAVE to)

I don't know what's going to happen between now and morning - I have a maintenance bar, an apple and a pear with me. I'm in that stupid mindset of 'why waste the maintenance bar? May as well have something "nice" ' But trying to talk myself out of it.

I did say I was only going to get weighed once a fortnight now but I think I'd better face this particular music on monday.

If I could only discover a magic potion to alter the 'headstuff'! ....siholog:

If anyone finds me mojo would you please send it back? xxx

Edited 4 hrs later to add ... more bread, more chocolate can't wait to get home and go to bed! ****big sigh****

 

[summergurl]

Awww Jan :hug99:
Can't find your mojo - but if i see it ill send it straight back to you!! :giggle:
Ya know, you were honest with yourself and thats important. Ok so you had a bad day but you know you can rein yourself in today And please dont stop dishing out the advice, i'd be lost! Its all too easy to give the advice and then not follow it ourselves but you will get there. Not everybody is perfect all of the time - and heck, even the skinnyminnies have bad days

Im not sure how helpfull this post was so sorry if its garbage lol :hug99: xxx

 

[JanD]

Awww thanks Tan ... certainly not garbage - it's nice to know people care whatever they say. There isn't really anything anyone can say is there? - when push comes to shove I can only get a grip myself.

I'll be in bed today so will probably be okay as it'll only be a few hours this evening but then again it's no good saying I won't have my saturday night wine - because I will.

We really are our own worst enemies

Thanks again xx

 

[JanD]

Hi Guys! :wave_cry:

Loooooong sleep today - curtesy of my new tablets I think.

Not eaten anything yet ... really don't feel like it but I will have something as I've had a couple of glasses of wine so must.

Sorry to be a misery guts :cry:

On the good side - I know that 'binge' is over, I don't know why but I can tell. I'm seriously wondering whether I should actually have had the milky way I picked up in the newsagent's the other day and was so proud I'd put back .... is that what thin people do? Have a little of what they fancy and that satisfies? Was not having that the eventual binge trigger or would having that have triggered the binge earlier?

:sigh:

S'ard this inni'

But I WILL get there!!! xxx

Edited to add - had a 'Look what we found' (from Diet Chef days) meatballs in tomato sauce with a piece of sunflower & pumpkin seed bread.

 

[anne-mariep]

Oh hun you had a really hard day and yes it was bad food wise but everyone goes mad sometimes even 'thin' people. Yes your so right about wen you feel like something have it coz it can lead to total meltdown if you dont basically as far as ive read first time you think you want something say no then if you think about it again have it it will stop you goin mad. Thats the theory anyway.

Its great to see you know that the binge is over thats great news. You must eat something if only to stop you binging again and you obviously need some nutrients to go with the wine. haha!

A huge well done and thank you for posting wat you ate it inspires me to also say everything which i think will help me in the long run.

never stop giving advice its brilliant advice and its always harder to follow your own advice and oh my god WE ARE ALL OUR OWN WORST ENEMIES. XXXXX

hope today goes better for you! xxxx

 

[JanD]

Aww thank you!! You're very kind and supportive. I do appreciate it.

I started today (Sunday 22nd) with a maintenance orange creme drink, fully intending to have an EXCELLENT day food wise. It went a little off plan at lunch time because we were out longer than we intended to be so my tuna salad became a bacon sandwich - no spread & light mayo. It was white bread though so I left all round the outside only eating what was attached to the bacon AND I removed all the fat. It was the best I could do with what was available.

We're having lightly dusted sole fillets & salad for tea. We're off out tonight with some friends so some v&cs will be imbibed - no good thinking or pretending they won't be.

I tell you what - my digestive system didn't like the binge ...... the pongs!!!!! PHEW!!!!! Hoping I can control myself while I'm out or I may lose a good friend

I haven't totally decided whether to get weighed in the morning. I know I've said I will but I don't know if I can stand the depression I know will follow ... I'll decide in the morning. xx

 

[anne-mariep]

Aww thank you!! You're very kind and supportive. I do appreciate it.

I started today (Sunday 22nd) with a maintenance orange creme drink, fully intending to have an EXCELLENT day food wise. It went a little off plan at lunch time because we were out longer than we intended to be so my tuna salad became a bacon sandwich - no spread & light mayo. It was white bread though so I left all round the outside only eating what was attached to the bacon AND I removed all the fat. It was the best I could do with what was available.

We're having lightly dusted sole fillets & salad for tea. We're off out tonight with some friends so some v&cs will be imbibed - no good thinking or pretending they won't be.

I tell you what - my digestive system didn't like the binge ...... the pongs!!!!! PHEW!!!!! Hoping I can control myself while I'm out or I may lose a good friend

I haven't totally decided whether to get weighed in the morning. I know I've said I will but I don't know if I can stand the depression I know will follow ... I'll decide in the morning. xx

White bread isnt that bad since you aren't really having much carbs for dinner so it will all balance out. Enjoy your nite out and if you think the weigh in will depress you dont do it. Do your clothes still fit today???? im sure they do we rely so much on the scales having a break for a few weeks isnt a bad thing you are already beating yourself up about the binge YOU KNOW IT WAS WRONG so why weigh yourself??? you dont need to be kicked for your bad food coz you already done it yourself go out and enjoy yourself and dont be thinking bout them scales maybe a break will make you want to weigh yourself and you will be glad to go to them to see how little you weigh.

They shouldnt be feared, i know sometimes its good to have them as a motivator but not at the loss of realising all you have done.

Hope this cheered you up coz you always make me feel better.

 

[JanD]

Awwww fank ewe . You're right of course ...

My clothes are still fitting but probably because they expand and contract with me. I took to wearing more tailored things in the summer and they helped keep me on track but since it's gone colder I'm back in my expanding kecks and fleeces and things which are far too forgiving! I must invest in some 'proper' trousers etc.
Having said that - the pair I'm planning on wearing tonight are fitted so that'll give me a clue - mind you I'm so full of 'gas' .....

Thanks again - you DO help xx

 

[summergurl]

I tell you what - my digestive system didn't like the binge ...... the pongs!!!!! PHEW!!!!! Hoping I can control myself while I'm out or I may lose a good friend

I haven't totally decided whether to get weighed in the morning. I know I've said I will but I don't know if I can stand the depression I know will follow ... I'll decide in the morning. xx

you make me chuckle Jan! LOL

Im not sure whether to weigh myself in the morning either :sigh: decisions decisions!

 

[anne-mariep]

Awwww fank ewe . You're right of course ...

My clothes are still fitting but probably because they expand and contract with me. I took to wearing more tailored things in the summer and they helped keep me on track but since it's gone colder I'm back in my expanding kecks and fleeces and things which are far too forgiving! I must invest in some 'proper' trousers etc.
Having said that - the pair I'm planning on wearing tonight are fitted so that'll give me a clue - mind you I'm so full of 'gas' .....

Thanks again - you DO help xx

Haha! Your so funny. I know wat you mean bout the fleeces and stuff its so cold you just want comfy stuff. Fitted clothing is so much better it makes everyones figure look a million times better. Im sure your trousers will fit rub your tummy for a while it mite help with the gas or keep touching your toes (haha will help release some).

 

[Scotsmist]

Awwwww Jan - BIG HUGS!!!
I feel awful that I am only coming on now and you have been struggling so much and being so honest with where you are at.

It was like reading a leaf from my own book when you listed the food...you know, it was all sort of things, bread, cheese, chocolate......the usual sort of food we crave..

Yes, when you fancy the milky way, have it...I do think it is a mindset thing. We see the bar of choc as something naughty cause we are trying to be good!!!! But then we blow it completely.

I reckon there is a pattern....like with me at the weekends...there has to be something that triggers these wee binges. Whether it is tiredness, or annoyance, hurt, depression or even being happy about something and want to just eat! The list is endless.

I am no expert in helping with these problems, but It is so much easier seeing the solution for others!

You will get there,,,it is something I reckon you will have to go through, but one day, you will waken up and think "sh*t, what am I doing" and your head will be in the right place.

Relax, relax, relax and stop trying to be perfect.....You are doing so well and at the minute just struggling to get the balance, but it will come back again....I still think the wet, dark days and nights dont help!

Again, I am so sorry to have taken so long to reply and just wish I had been there for you..please email me if you need to chat!! please!!!!

Take care and thinking of you.

x

 

[JanD]

Iris please don't worry - I know you've been battling your own demons! But thank you for what you've said - all of you really DO help. I'm absolutely convinced that 'bearing all' helps curb these 'binges'. In the past they would have gone on for days and days and I'd have hidden what I was doing and even tried to fool myself that 'it wasn't all that much really'
Owning it all and taking responsibility seems to be allowing me to curb it and get back on track.

I decided to face the music this morning and - you'll never believe - I'd LOST 0.6lbs ...... now I COULD have been dehydrated after going out last night - but I don't care .... it gave me exactly the boost I needed to start choosing to eat sensibly and lose the 4lbs or so I want to get off that way.
I know 4lbs won't sound like much to many of you - but it's all relative isn't it? It's remembering that it is a 'choice' that escapes me from time to time.

So today (Mon 23rd) I've had
Breakie - 2 weetabix, blueberries, splenda & skimmed milk
Lunch - Wholemeal wrap with ham salad & low fat salad cream
Snack - small box of raisins & sultanas
Tea - Talapia fillet with cauli, brocolli and about 3 small baby new potatoes & some low fat salad cream.

I'm having a couple of v&cs but I'm having an early night as I was out & therefore up late last night, had to get up early to go babysitting for the day and have to do the same in the morning - up at 6.15 (I know - that's late for you Tan!) I'm really tired so I'm going to watch I'm a Celebrity in bed and then get to sleep.

Thanks again for all your support, I really, really, REALLY appreciate it ****hugs**** xxx

 

[summergurl]

:giggle: Jan .... 6:15 is a lay in for me! That gives me 15mins to up, change, wash, clean teeth and get out the door by 6:30!! LOL Thats pushing it! Usually up around 5:45

Anyways, well done on your loss Glad you got the boost you needed to get back into the swing of it. Iv only 1lb to lose than you so im sure together we can keep each other in check xx

 

[JanD]

Consider yourself checked!!! xxx

 

[JanD]

 

[anne-mariep]

Well done on your Loss, you needed a boost and im delighted you got it. Its good your refocused and ready to shift them 4lbs. Its so great what you say about being able to stop a binge whereas before it wud go on for days, dats a really vital thing as before i know alot of us wud have just said oh ive already messed up mite as well just start fresh on monday etc.

 

[summergurl]

:giggle:!!!

 

[Scotsmist]

Brill news Jan...just exactly what you needed.....it may have been a differnt story if it had been a gain, so it was all to be!!! YIPPEE......That boost helps! So, I am pleased for ya, really pleased ;-)

Hope you had a good sleep, as I am sure you wont be reading this till tomorrow, as it is 11pm now!

Take care and catch up soon.

 

[JanD]

Thanks Iris .... I slept well - but could have done with a bit longer! It's 5.30am now - I've been awake since 3.45!!!

Still - they say and hour before midnight is worth 2 after and I feel okay - so here's hoping I don't wilt whilst minding the grandsons today!

Hope you're okay hon! xx

 

[kered]

Hi Jan, glad to see you are feeling a little better after your weigh in. Good on you for honestly listing everything you ate, even though I know you always do anyway, and you have gotten away with it this time, even if you were a little dehydrated, its given you the boost you needed.

My battery has gone in my scales, and I am contemplating not buying another one, but just judging by my clothes. I must be honest and admit my work blouse is feeling tighter today, and thats a definite sign for me to buck my ideas up.

We will get these demons sorted girl - have a great day Jan.